I still have tickets to a play she bought us for Christmas, I asked if she wanted to go.

Then I called and got a little angry leaving a message.

She just texted me back and said she felt like I was being possessive and overreacted, and didnt respect her. And she's right. She said she doesnt think we should talk anymore. So thats that. I officially self-sabotaged the living **** out of this.

It isn't surprising at all. "You ended up talking for an hour." You are available to her whenever she wants you. You're probably acting like this never happens to you, because it doesn't.

From the female perspective, I get it. Pretty much the first thing all the women comment on is how obviously different I am from all the other men that msg them. Most guys have no idea what they are doing either online or IRL. Whether online or IRL, a man's primary goal should be to make the woman feel comfortable and build trust, so it makes sense that IRL that this happens organically over time, but those organic relationships are pretty rare, where you randomly come into contact with a person and you think to yourself, "Wow, he/she is really interesting and I want to get to know them better." Online, it's always the right place and the right time. That's why people sign up.Live and learn. No offence, but one common thing I am seeing on the misc between guys that can get dates, but can't seem to keep a woman is that they overreact A LOT. It comes from lack of experience and emotional maturity. If you don't give up, you will get there eventually.

Have you been in a position though where you've gone on a date with girl, thought she was cool and generally liked her and your time spent, but then you meet someone else and also want to see what she is about. I'd only be up-front like that if I KNOW this is a girl I'm seriously interested in. Tough to judge that so quickly.

she was the one who called me, and I was the one who ended it first.

That doesn't matter when you talk like one of her girl friends for an hour.

yea, I saw it the whole way. Knew I was doing it as I did it. Nothing I can do now, I think deep down this is what I wanted because of the pressure of being with her, stress etc

Very disappointed in you James! You know what though, even trying to salvage THIS situation won't help. You need to help your mind first brah. Go get help, the way you think is not healthy. You had what you wanted and you were still not content when that is all you claim you needed.

What happen between you guys anyways, deets please.

Holy chit, in on this legit thread. Started at page 9, will check out the rest later, but so far I love depth of experience everyone is providing

There's a thousand things different things that set apart finding women IRL and online. You have some dysfunctions if you think online talking/hunting is the same thing as IRL finding/talking. First off in person the first thing your body senses is the other persons pheromones almost aura that draws you to them this "smell" has a wide diameter, no selfy, emoji or lingo speech will give you the same experience. Also IRL guess what you see everything and you can watch their mannerisms, online not so much. IRL you get body language/voice changes, online not so much. IRL you're in a common setting that both parties usually enjoy doing where as online is just some bs people throw in their bio to make themselves sound interesting if you where interesting you'd be doing the chit in your bio not glued to your phone/computer waiting/sending messages....where you get this online talking and IRL talking is the same is very very wrong.

Be there, done that. We all do it, just most of us are a bit younger when it happens.

UPDATE:

Match.com is blowing up with likes and winks right now. Why does this always seem happen when I start talking to someone past the first date? I don't know what to do, lol. Some are pretty good looking and I don't want to miss an opportunity, but at the same time, I'm into girl 5 enough to want to see it through before moving in on my other options.

This is why I'm not worried about the next two weeks with girl 5.

This morning-
Her: Hows your schedule today?? I just got to the office but the roads are closed due to high tides. I have the morning off.
Me: Working from home with <my son, he's sick>.
Her: <cry emoji>
Me: Why, what were you thinking?
Her: Meeting up?
Me: :/

At this point I was thinking it was a done deal and she wasn't going to have time this week based on previous conversations, but recognized how bad she wants this, so a few minutes ago I offered lunch tomorrow, she counter offered Thursday, which I can't. Now she's going to try to get off work early Friday, so we can get some lunch before she has to leave for the airport.

See guys, when you know how to create attraction early on, she'll put in a lot of effort to make it work. Some women require more groundwork than others. It's all about being dynamic and not shooting yourself in the foot until you KNOW you have her hooked. When you do, it will be completely obvious. Girl 5 is hooked. Which is good, because I think she is pretty cool, too, but I still can't let my guard down and turn into a supplicating chump.

Organic is the perfect word to describe the experience, and that's why I will always seek out real-life meetings as opposed to online, because online interactions, by their very structure, are completely manufactured. Not only that, but the chemistry I value so much can never be accounted for online. It's the main force that draws two people together.

---On that note, here's anupdate on my sitch: After being sick all week, I felt better come the weekend so we arranged to get together on Saturday. I've noticed how each consecutive time we see one another, we get more & more comfortable...like now we always kiss when we greet each other, whereas previously we hugged...so the progression has been good.
Anyway, we got to chatting over drinks, and I ended up learning more about his communication style. He explained that he doesn't really know how to put into words how he feels, and he's never been great at verbal communication, but he makes a point to show it through his actions. I told him I had noticed that about him. We are both attentive people, and it's nice to share that trait, because he quietly observes and picks up on details about me that most people would miss. Then he'll bring up these observations casually in convo and I'll be taken aback, but in the best way possible. He can definitely catch me off guard, which I like.

I also appreciate that he listens! For example, the last time I was over, I was teasing him because the night stand I use had all this random sh!t on it that I could barely find space to put my phone and water. This time, the first thing I noticed was the nightstand was completely clear...I'm like, 'wow! this is impressive'. and he goes,'ya, I did that just for you'. I'm like, 'aww!!'...but then I'm like, 'you prob just threw all the sh!t in the drawer, didn't you?' he's like,'ha yep but I still made a point to clear it for you'. I'm like, 'I'll take it'

We also laugh a lot together, which keeps the mood lighthearted & fresh. We have a similar, subtle sense of humor, so it works out well because we pick up on nuances and 'get' each other. Anywho, he's an all around awesome person, and I'm having a lot of fun getting to know him. Suffice to say, it's been a helluva time so far

^ how its supposed to go!

we broke up over text, tonight I'm going to see her to do it in person like a man. Probably gonna cry my eyes out misc hold me

Good luck dude. Stay strong you got this.

Need some advice..

So I went on a first date with a Bumble girl last Thursday that I also have a good mutual friend with. Went well I thought and we discussed at the end how we both had fun and should meet up again. Haven't talked to her since because of advice from this thread about being scarce except for exchanging a few texts Saturday night about seeing a dog that looked like hers in a music video. She seemed to think it was funny. So I text her last night asking how her weekend was thinking I'll segue into asking her out again and she just doesn't respond.

I asked our mutual friend if he had talked to her and I guess she told him she thought the date went ok but she wasn't sure if I was into her.

What should I do? Drop it and assume she's not interested? Text her tonight something like "That exciting huh?" Or maybe wait a few days and totally ignore that she didn't respond and just ask her out? It's not the end of the world if she's not into me but I'm just thrown off because I thought she was and I feel like I may as well give it one more shot.

James that sucks, but you learned one thing. You were actually able to get a girl,that you found attractive, that was willing to date you. Its possible. It may not come easy, but its possible.

That's gotta be a huge confidence booster. It seems to be that he felt imposter syndrome though and couldn't shake the feeling of being lower value - imo he felt stressed because he wasn't being himself and felt like he was exhibiting a facade of 'higher value'. I made this mistake with the first pretty girl I dated, and ironically I lost her partially due to those reasons (acting like I was spinning plates, acting disinterested to invoke attraction etc.).

After that, I just decided that playing games is a pile of stressful nonsense and I'm just gonna be straight up. But you need to value yourself before you can do that - which is why I suggested that James sets some personal goals and meets them to improve his esteem before jumping back in and feeling like an imposter again.

Feels brah.

That's one of the things I've wondered about as an FA. My experience is that I have all the sexual appeal of a dirt clod to women, and it's not tough to see why. I didn't get here by accident. I'm sure you felt the same way. So that being said - if a girl ever showed any interest in me, I'd never believe it was legit. It just wouldn't add up. And like you did - I'd pry end up pushing on it till it all blew up.

Call that low confidence, low self esteem, whatever, but when something that out of the normal happens, I think your natural response is go back to equilibrium/your comfort zone.

This.

psycho - you're description of online dating vs. IRL (which is undoubtedly better) also indicates you put in way to much effort. You can get a number within a few messages, send one text, and call her that night, set up a date. Then shut up. Less is more.

All you are describing is the initial attraction where you haven't even gotten her number yet. So you see a target, interact, gauge her interest level, and go for the kill if you get positive feedback. You do the same thing online. Don't need pheromones and mannerisms to find common ground, yo.

Everything that comes after getting her number is EXACTLY the SAME.

So, I can be interesting and take the time to go out and meet women, but I can't be interesting and take the time to browse through a couple of profiles and send a coupe of emails late at night while my kids are sleeping, and vice-versa.

To think I thought I had it all figured out, you woke me up! I totally get it now, thanks!







I just want to make it clear. I DO GO OUT AND TALK TO WOMEN IRL AND GET NUMBERS. THE PROCESS IS IS NO DIFFERENT AFTER YOU GET THEIR NUMBER!





Psy has given details in this thread and in PM what went down with that girl. He pretty much did everything right to get her interested, which is proven by the fact that he got her into bed. It's what happened after the fact that made things go south, IMO.

He has proven that he can get dates and has complained that he can't really get 2nd or 3rd dates. I think this experience and the help from use to break it down has started to show him why. I think he's going to to start piecing it together real soon.

This is alot of things to read all in one day, I might not read everything but anyway I have a question for all the guys who cold approach, do you look for signs of interest before approaching or do you just approach some chick you're not too sure of that is like sitting by herself on a chair or at a table? Also do you make it obvious you're cold approaching like saying "Hey there, I just had to talk to you because I thought you were sexy/cute" or do you approach a woman like at a library or store for example to ask for help and then eventually start bantering and asking questions about the chick themselves before going for the number? I'm just wondering because I might start cold approaching again, I just don't wanna run out of things to say and make it awkward like it was one time for me. Most of the time I look for signs a woman is interested before approaching her.

Dude, I told you earlier in the thread to avoid that sort of situation. You are coming off extremely desperate. You saw her Thursday and felt the need to text her both Saturday and Sunday when you should really have some better things to do. And on top of that, your actual content in the text message is not even tight. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but this is the exact thing you need to avoid in the future.

Ignore what your friend says and start paying attention to people'sactions.A girl does not ignore the messages of a guy she is into. Combine that with how often you're contacting her after only one meeting and I can guarantee that her interest is low. She may have very well been into you but you need to give her a bit of a reason to wonder about you, man. She's new in town, just getting her feet under her, and just went on a date with a guy. I'm sure the last thing she wants to do is rush into anything and get into relationship mode, which is the exact precedent you set.Texting is 90% for logistics and 10% for chit chat.

My honest advice is to not contact her at all if she completely ignored your weekend text. If you really must, hit her up next Monday to make some plans for the upcoming week at some point.

Update on me: Not much to report after the weekend. K texted me again, insinuated seeing me, and I said that maybe our paths will cross again someday. She didn't like that too much. Then I ate a pound of leftover roast beef.

THE GREAT TINDER DEBATE 2017

I have supplied otakutrevan with a few pictures of me to try on his Tinder page. I expect him to report back to this thread. They are below:

http://imgur.com/a/PuJ5x

http://imgur.com/a/JxlSb

http://imgur.com/a/ZnfT5

http://imgur.com/a/SweOO

Yes, I am aware I am a douche bag.

I still don't understand the need to be so damn scarce to women that you and pondus have. Its extreme to me. So you have a great date with a girl, and you are supposed to wait 3-4 days to text her? not even one text? too be honest, that sounds completely absurd. If a girl thinks one text the next day is needy, she has serious issues. Further, if you meet a confident, intelligent women who doesn't have her head in instagram/snapchat/tinder 24/7 like most women, I think this would completely backfire and she would just move on.

Ever consider the fact that maybe she was just not attracted to you? Basically, what I gather, is that a girl could have great chemistry with you, you could hav a great date, where you are left wanting her more, and JUST BECAUSE you texted her one or two things that next day sometime, you just RUINED YOUR CHANCES and are vagina dried up instantly at your needy one text, preventing you marrying the one girl you have an instant connection with, having a family, and growing old together.

I'm being facetious, but you catch my draft

I need a good explanation because I just do not understand it. I get being unavailable, but unavailability to this extent seems nuts to me.

You don't understand it because you, as a male, think almost entirely through a portion of your brain powered by rationale. Females, on the other hand, are quite the contrary. They need time for certain feelings to develop, and they are powered by emotion.

Understanding this will naturally cause you attract more and higher quality woman, but it will also give you the clarity to totally focus your will on your own life/goals. IMHO, it will also make you have a higher standard of what you expect out of your significant other.

It's not unavailability to any extent. It's simply not needing someone to talk to all day and having more important things to think about, in combination with capitalizing on the woman's emotional and curious nature to wonder about you and what you're doing (provided you had a great first date.) You are available to spend your time and energy on the shiit that is actually important to you, which should not be this woman after 1, 2 or even 3 dates.

I literally think about it like this, in sales terms you have an appointment with the prospect. Your prospect likes your product and you schedule a follow-up call. Does it make any sort of sense to contact your prospect before your scheduled follow up call (which is in this case, the certain point, many days after your first contact with her, at which you're going to schedule the second date) as if that will advance your position at all? It is likely your prospect is busy with any of the other things that they have to worry about in a day, in addition to checking out other similar products to see if they have a better fit. All you can do is wait until the next time you guys are scheduled to talk to leave your mark and show them that you are the best fit for them.

More contact just stands to annoy your prospect and make them think you are desperate for their business. Nothing you say to them during this time is going to advance your position since they know that you want their business. All you can do is wait toshowthem why your product is the best one for them and no amount of words are going to convince them of something they need to see with their eyes. As a salesman, you should have more going on anyway than worrying about that one specific prospect if your business is healthy and thriving.

Hopefully you see my point because I can't possibly explain it to you in any other way after how pondus and I have explained it.

IN

Pic 3 & 4, yasss
I'm with you. LOL...a while back, a guy asked for my number, and legit waited 3 days to text me. It was so cringey when he texted like clockwork on day 3. NOT my style and it was a massive turnoff, because it seemed so sheep-like to blindly follow that antiquated dating 'rule'. You just need to find the type of girl who is on the same page as you, and the rest will follow. There are no set rules in dating as far as I'm concerned.

Thank you dear. I have a private album just for you in a time of great need. Keep that in mind.

And I actually agree with you here. If I get a girl's number and haven't gone out with her yet, I'm not waiting days to hit her up. That's just foolish. I am getting at her later that day or the next day at the latest so she has my number. THEN I'm waiting a few days to establish plans. But I never want to wait an arbitrary number of days without even making contact for the first time. That's not a good idea.

The way I see is that, if you HAVE a great date, say you should hang out again, and wait too long, it almost comes across as you are trying too hard to impress her by pretending to be too unavailable. Its like you have great momentum going, leave the date wanting more. maybe the next day as well. but then you KILL it by waiting 3 days.


what normal girl thinks that waiting 2-3 days to send one text is needy? I mean, for the love of god. what kind of world do we live in where that is a sign that a man is needy? What happened to picking up the phone the next day or two, telling her you want to see her again, and setting something up right away. and then getting back to your chit. that to me is a sign of being a man who is not afraid to ask for what he wants


God I hope there are more women like out there daisy. Now I can see why there are so many messed up women out there.

yes, yes PONDUS and Vick, I know you are going to say that all women are like that. really? all women want radio silence for 2-3 days after a great date?

At this point, I am willing to sift through women to find that girl that appreciates the fact that I do have my life together but at the same time can text the next day or two. In the meantime, I will just casually date the rest of them.


No dates planned this coming week. Have other stuff I want to do. Still have not heard back from the first girl, in case anyone was wondering. She is at training in my building this week, so this should be interesting if I run into her. I'll just say hi and smile and leave it at that if I do. Funny, one of my coworkers in the same training said "Training was boring today, except for this blonde eye candy sitting in the front row, thought she as in marketing or sales but turns out the engineering pool is gettingn more attractive".

When I get a girl's number, I'll just text/call her the next day, simple as that. The 3 day rule to text/call a chick the first time you meet her is for clowns and if a girl is gonna be turned off because I contacted her the next day, she is a retard imo.