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Quick advice/discussion.

A "friend" just recently reconnected with me. We were both into each other and had feelings, so I sorta just cut ties. She messages me a few weeks ago, saying she just wanted to let me know that she is in the process of getting a divorce and hopes we can put some things past it and move forward.

Anyways, I haven't flat out "asked her out" yet, I just said that I would love to take her out, when she is in a good place, but I am not in a rush. She was warm to that, but since then, we haven't spoken too much?

I sent her a message on friday after a couple of days, just checking in, making sure she was okay, and reassuring her that I know it is hard, but she can get through this and she will be okay. I haven't heard from her in about a week. Should I operate with patience on this one? Never been in this scenario before, I know how to court single women, this is all new to me.

FWIW, there is a mutual attraction and we "almost" cheated together, but we both decided not to and that is when I pulled away so she could try and work on her marriage a few months ago.

Be pleasant, respectful and fun. The end. Srs.

2 in 1 day, way to get your feet wet! You feeling a confidence boost from the abundance of interest or what??

You hesitated (rightfully so) and weren't too keen on taking her out right away so she found someone else who was and now you are on the back burner until/if that dries up.

I feel like 1 of those hot girls with options! I will say as someone that didn't get any looks, but just laughs when I was in HS and college it really does feel nice. I know the misc says it's easy for girls, but it's not when you're ugly. However, I do have money (receiving a phat bonus in a few months), some wit, educated, my own place, etc. So I have that going for me.
Were both pretty witty, so I hope he likes an oddball girl like me.

Advice: Keep expectations low until you meet him. Then if you want to keep him interested, just show interest in him.

This is really whats killing me right now. I don't know what the difference between now and the beginning of the year, but the women I have been dating recently are extremely lazy when it comes to communication, it's putting me off. I wish I experienced this "thirst" that otaku seems to have, maybe I would try harder. I just have not dated any woman since the Brazilian chick back in march that has made me want to put any real effort in.

For some reason I think winter/spring is a better time for me to date.Dude. Stay away from women getting out of LTR's unless all you want is to get your dink wet.

Also, women always go for men they know first, so that's why she contacted you.100% this. Women that are getting out of a relationship only want their basic emotional desires fulfilled. ANYONE can do it. Just make them feel pretty and sexually desirable and they are yours. I dated a woman for 2 weeks that was just getting out of a marriage and I was in a completely different place than her. We slept together, but I was looking for something serious and she was not, so that that put her off and she ended up finding a dude in the exact same scenario as her and decided to go **** him instead.

Same thing with a woman I went out with last week. 2 months our of a LTR. She made it 100% clear she wanted to ****. I put her off because I'm not looking for that kind of drama. I even told my friend I thought she was crazy(emotionally unstable) and don't let me **** her. lol. She found someone else, he ended up ghosting her and she called me for advice because I told her we could be friends. I was like...what did you expect? Most guys will take advantage and basically told her it was her fault for not having standards. I told her the reason I didn't sleep with her was because I knew it would not have been a long term thing for me and I didn't want to take advantage. She tried to play it off like she was never going to sleep with me, to which I legit LOL'd. I think I spoke too much truth because she hasn't called or texted me since.

Here's a protip: Women love to feel like they have the emotional power in the relationship, even if they don't. If you want to keep them interested, don't make them aware that you are clearly more emotionally mature than them.

I personally can't do it, because I feel like I am being a manipulator if I use that information to my advantage.

EDIT: W T F!! Brazillian chick just IM'd me. It's been over two months. It's like she knows when I think about her.

Good to hear, I knew online would deliver lol. Now you've become "one of them".

You prob already know this but don't be telling these brahs about your maddd money status. They need to be interested for the right reasons. Mirin dat chit btw, kiy holla atchu?

I'm greedy and I love money. I know for a fact that men love money too. They may feel intimidated by a female that makes a lot, but they can get over that in the bedroom.
I don't tell them that I make money, but in my profile I say my job industry. My field is known for the money makers

As in, they can emotionally manipulate you at any time?

Yes. Exactly. They are so used to having the upper hand at this, that guys that don't fall for their tricks dry them up like the Sahara. I mean, you can stand your ground, just don't make them aware that you know exactly what thy are doing. I think it's actually a shock to many women because they have been so conditioned, that they don't even know they are doing it. So calling them out on it is a huge no-no... if you want to get laid.

The spring is certainly my time bruh. The 3 relationships I've been in, all were met in April. You know what haunts my thoughts the most though? For gf#1 and my current gf, the anniversary date is the same. I haven't even told her and don't think I will as I can see it ruining things for her (like it already has in my mind, ayyyyy) lol.Never understood this nonsense of men being intimidated by female high earners. That kind of thing scores brownie points with me. My ex and current girl make more money than me

After seeing their dating etiquette, place and car(s), its easy to get an idea of how much money one makes.

I've kinda rolled my eyes and called out manipulation attempts before and all they do is get angry (maybe that's what you mean). But most of the time I just say 'ok' and let them think they got me lol
I've been successfully gaslighted before though... as you know from some of my threads.

Hoping to find a woman where I don't have to be on-guard, worry or deal with manipulation attempts.

Do you guys have any advice for someone who has zero experience with girls/women?

I can talk to people just fine, people find me funny, I work in a restaurant so I pretty much have no anxiety approaching a stranger, etc.
I'm not fat or unhygienic. I guess I just have a phuked up looking face. I'm not trying to be negative but I have to objectively look at why I haven't even kissed a girl being my age when there are average guys who have had a girl throw herself at them at some point in their lives.

I've never had a girl attracted to me or flirt with me. I'm pretty good at telling the signs ( I see them happening all the time with other people) and am really good at reading body language. Girls are either friendly/polite or somewhat standoffish towards me. Any attempt to flirt by me (e.g. innuendos) is shot down quickly.

I don't want to just ask a girl out I see regularly without signs of attraction b/c rejection will make things awkward between us. If I did get some signs, I wouldn't hesitate to ask them out. (i.e. them flirting, complimenting, touching, suggesting we hang out).

Obviously being this old with no experience means there is something wrong with me and my "sexual value" so I'm just trying to fix that the best I can.

Do you guys recommend tinder or online dating?

Any advice would be appreciated.
thanks!!

Sounds like you have potential given you are social and funny, this is HUGE. Know that signs of interest MAY also be her engaging you back so keep this in mind as well.

Post a pic of how you present yourself/clean up. Lets see if we can looks max you first, which in itself will raise your confidence. It also sounds like this is where you lack so lets see what you working with.

Also tell us details about your past experiences/style incase we can see where you may have went wrong.

Well, as far as last week goes, she isn't actually divorced. She JUST spoke to an attorney about 1.5 weeks ago to get a "seperation". Shes in the process. I think she JUST served or told her husband last Sunday/Monday, so its still all fresh. I am confident she will hit me up, im not worried about that. I am just not used to having to be patient/deal with this stuff. I am always "Go go go go" but right now she is definitely dealing with the beginnings of the divorce etc, so I have to tell myself that she has a lot going on and I need to relax a tad.

She wanted to **** me back in may and was really falling for me("i know you can give me everything I need etc"), but then I basically told her I am not doing anything while she is married and went NC. Then she contacted me 2.5 months later, telling me about her starting the divorce process.

Apologizing for how she treated me and stuff too. I like where I am in the situation, I just have and have always struggled with having patience, especially when it comes to women, because I am generally pretty smooth when I am out at bars etc, I am not used to all of this.

Basically is sounds like she would have cheated on her hubby with you, but you didn't allow it. Good for you, most would have lol. However, the problem lies in the fact that she was willing to cheat. This should concern you more than anything if you ever contemplate entering a relationship with this woman. Don't think that you are any different.

Secondly, she just broke it to her husband and immediately goes announcing her single status and calling all the boys to her yard. This would repulse me and would just scream gutter. Know that a normal woman would take some time to herself.

Some food for thought before you dive into a nightmare brah. Smash only on this one so moral compass off and getter tiger

As a married brah, how should I keep the attraction going? We both work out 2-3 times a week, and we could both stand to lose 10 pounds. That being said, we're in better shape than 95% of our age group/crowd. I've never been a very romantic/physical person, but what could I do to surprise her? Flowers or some chit?


Edit: We're very stable, we don't go out, and we're anti-social at the best of times. She doesn't drink, and I only drink when I play video games with misc squads, srs

Haha, I am cautious of the first issue. The cheating on me thing. The thing is, she had NO reason to tell me. We "fought" when I went NC and she said she never wanted to speak to me again. Okay.jpg

Im not so sure she is "announcing" her single status to everyone quite yet. She still has a LOT to deal with, which is why I havent pushed to grab drinks or something quite yet, hasnt even been 2 full weeks since initial attorney meetings. Which is why I am cool with her being a little distant etc. I want her to get her head right before I even really involve myself.

My gut and everything tells me, she messaged me and let me know about the divorce to make sure I am "available" for her and that she is no longer "off limits" so to speak. But she still has to go through this process. I flat out told her 4 months ago that she should leave her husband, that I am a better man and that I dont see him or anyone as competition(I got extremely confident with her lol).

The only reservations I have, is you are right, she was willing to cheat with me, she may ON me. That will never be lost on me.

Hierarchy of importance: make time to smash nearly everyday. You get off, she gets off too, preferably more times than you if she can. Feel free to start warm up while you's at work. I am assuming you are the domineer between you's? Good!

While she is cooking, cleaning, in the middle of picking an outfit, at the grocery store or legit wherever gr0pe/kiss/bite on neck and then suddenly leave the premise and say some smart remark like "to be continued little girl", "nuh uh uh, I'm married", "dinner and a movie first", "you need to play your cards right with me", etc. In public is my fave, especially when potential for other people seeing makes her awkward or if she is on the spot (ie wandering footsies as she orders her meal at a restaurant). YES, the whole point is to be an idiot lol.

Leave her hot notes (lovey dovey ones too) in her lunch, car or around the house in obvious places (ie mirror in bathroom).

Now tell me her friends husbands/bfs are doing the above?? Huhhh!

For you, always stay well groomed and in shape (that 10lbs needs to go) and always look to add new clothes to your wardrobe. I'd also go shopping with her so you can get her feedback on what you picked out or if she has any suggestions. You want her to like your clothes. Introducing new cologne to your arsenal every so often doesn't hurt either.

Based on what you describe, it doesn't sound like you guys do much together. You don't want boredom to start setting in. Especially if you can afford it, you guys should have a date night ATLEAST once a month where you take here out somewhere to do something, even if its dinner. For dinner dates, I like to always toast to something and let it be known that next dinner date is her toast (take turns). Makes the date more meaningful/sentimental and allows you guys to remind each other of how much you mean to each other (awwww). Just don't always make it dinner. Festivals, shows, scenic walk/lookout, casino, zoo, sporting event, etc whatever. I went to a donkey sanctuary on the weekend for fuks sake lol. Keep switching it up.

In addition to above, surprises and being spontaneous whenever you can. Always avoid being predictable.

Tinder is online dating. So, just go where you get hits. I'm on both match and tinder. I get 3x as many dates from tinder. Think it's because there is a higher level of mystery on tinder. Les information to judge by up front, but greater risk of striking out once they get to know more about you. Just depends on what you are looking for.

I'll give you a tip. Don't be afraid to go for exactly what you want. Push the boundaries. Women love guys that are aggressive. They are not offended by it at all. Just be prepared to respect their boundaries if they push back.

At the bar Sat night my friend and I were out on the back patio at the bar and two women were standing next to us by themselves. Now, they were not our type, but a guy came over to them alone and started talking to them. 100% cold approach. My friend and I could tell the girls weren't really feeling it, and he started to make fun of him. I stopped him right there. I was like, "Dude, we both approach women cold all the time, he has some balls. Why are you looking down on him?" And he was like, "You are right, I guess we both look silly when we do it it, too." I said, "You know we do, but it's a necessary evil and most people are too busy doing their own **** too even realize it. So, who should be making fun of who?" Anyhow, the guy realized he wasn't getting anywhere and excused himself.

It's that easy. Push the boundary, back off when they push back. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.Doing things together is key. And take advantage of your freedom before you have kids.

If she likes flowers do it. Women love to get flowers. Just do little things that shows her that you get her and understand her. Write I love you on a sticky not and hide it in one of her notebooks or something she will find that day randomly. Or do something for her that she normally does, like make coffee. Tell her randomly something that you appreciate about her.Dude, find someone without baggage. Serious. You are setting yourself up for some major pain.

Update

So I basically told Fabi (Brazilian chick I dated back in march/april/may) that we can't be friends. She said she understands and she will stop messaging me.

I did ask her why she broke up with me because I never asked. She said it was because I talked about my ex too much. Which I agree, I did, but she's the one that always brought her up, not me. I told her I didn't want to talk about her so much, but 1.) I didn't want to tell her I didn't want to talk about her because I thought THAT is what would make her think I wasn't over her, 2.) I trusted her enough to let her in on my thoughts.

She was like, I guess we should have communicated better. I was like, "We?"

So then she was like, "so has anything changed with her?"

<double facepalm>

Anyhow, I won't be hearing from her again.

brb writing this stuff down, this is gold.

Humblebraging, but our ratio is her 4 to my 1. I am always in control, she's very submissive. While we don't like to shop, (no really, we've gone shopping for clothes maybe 3 times in 3 years.) we do go to a movie/dinner 3-4 times a month. We don't go anywhere very fancy though. Will post back on the sticky notes idea, I'm going to Walgreens right now, srs. I should take her to the zoo. Also, would having friends over be good too? She really wants to have some couples our age over for a board game night, would that help keep boredom at bay? I definitely got lucky when I married her, I upgraded a couple of points.



dude you're like yoda, how do you not have like 100k reps?


will rep on rc

Will get you as well.

So I went out to eat on Friday with two friends (one man, one woman) at this restaurant called California Pizza Kitchen and we get this server that's cute (like a 5-6) and I'm just chilling and minding my own business and then later on I ask her a question I like to ask people all the time "How old do you think we are?". She says she's bad at guessing ages but says we are in our 20s and then says I'm 24-25 (she guesses right) and my friends were in their 30s. My friend tells her our real age. Anyway, after she leaves, that's when my friend tells me to ask her out because of the question I told her and I honestly wasn't planning on asking out anyone but I was like sure whatever. I did tell my friends that she wasn't the hottest woman I asked out and I didn't really get much of a vibe from her but he wanted me to ask her out anyway because I was older than she is (she's 22) and women like older men. So after we pay, I ask out the server for drinks and she says "Sure!" and writes her number down. Before I leave I go tell her my name and she says "She was wondering what my name was and she hopes to see me soon". I text her Sunday afternoon and she never replies back LOL. My question is why give out your number to someone who asks you out if you're not interested. Just say you have a bf or you're not interested and leave it at that. It's not like I'm gonna be needy and desperate and force her to give me her number at her work. It just baffles me especially if a woman who's not the hottest woman I ever asked out does this. Apparently my friend said I had it in the bag and yet I didn't LOL.

Maybe she didn't text you back because you didn't use paragraphs and she hates reading walls of text?

Ok brah lol

But srsly, what's your thought on this?

Women give our their numbers just to avoid confrontation. You may not be a creeper, but plenty of other guys are.

What did you text her?

"Hey "girl's name", it's John, black guy with glasses that came to CPK".

In b4 that text was too boring.

It's not that it was boring, it's that it doesn't trigger her or entice a response. The thing with getting numbers cold, is that your first text is crucial and needs to draw her back, not to WHERE you got her number, but WHY you got her number.

Hey, X. This is John from CPK. I was pretty impressed you guessed my correct age the other night. You look smart and I like your name. +2 for you.

Now, you can go two ways from there. You can beat around the bush and text more or you can just go straight for setting up the date.

1.) Let's see if you can get to 5 points. Tell me more.

2.) If you can get to 5 points when when get drinks, first round is on me. How's Wed. night at xxx sound?

(if she responds to 2, you could even teas her about "bonus" rounds.)

Guys that say it shouldn't take a lot of thought and effort when keeping women's attention, are well above average in the looks department. If you want women to chase you, you have to give them a reason to up front. They won't just do it unless you are their only option or you are really, really, ridiculously good looking.

got dam son i got ravished after leaving notes around last night, hory chit

Sounds like you doing pretty good bro, just a little refinement required. Dat misc making you paranoid homie lmao. Based on feedback you provided, I would just switch up the movie dinner to do more abundant stuff. However, if you notice that she thoroughly enjoyed the dinner/movie thing then I don't see a need for change. But I know women, and I've known them to get sick of the same things.

Absolutely have your friends over, especially if they reciprocate. I have noticed over the years that alot of peeps are cheap AF, everyone perceives having company over as an expense so they don't do it but are willing to free load at your place whenever you have something going on. So if it ain't reciprocated then don't be giving handouts just because you can. You guys are still young/without kids, and same with your friends, so enjoy your time together while you can. Nothing wrong with couples dates either.

I was just thinking the other day how is it possible that I got these poverty reps given what I contribute. I can only correlate it to people not agreeing with me. I ain't mad though as this is fun for me. But I will have you disagreeing *******s know, all it usually takes is for her to be attracted and she is in the bag EVERY TIME. Yes I am decent looking (not Chad) and have alot going for me but I also attribute alot of my success to LEARNED GAME and being a silly sarcastic idiot so I'd suggest you's listen up when class is in session

Absolutely its boring lol. As pondus alluded to, you need to trigger her bruh. This is something I may have said: "Hey Sarah, its Ned from CPK. You picked me up on Sunday. (if possible, insert anything funny that may have occurred)"

The "you picked me up on Sunday" would instantly trigger her and get her giggling. If you hit it off well and were joking around at the restaurant, I would even open with "Creepy girl from CPK, is that you?Its Ned, you picked me up Sunday afternoon."

This opens the floor for further banter; she would start denying that she is not creepy, and you could start questioning if she follows you around given she knows your age, if she works in secret service, etc lol. Be an idiot!
I should have clarified this. You going full steam right off the hop breadrin and giving her all of Nedo's secrets at once. You need to do all the chit I told you gradually with time in between so it seems more natural (she may ask too but whatever you do, don't tell her you learned this online as it came from your thoughtful heart, REMEMBERlol). Doing the same thing over does not make it as effective. For example, one morning you leave a note on the mirror but then she doesn't get a note in her lunch or car for 2 or even 6 months later, nomsayin? Be warned, the lunch one is one of my faves, as it makes them M-E-L-T and hits hardest. Just thought of this, reserve this one for something more special like your wedding anniversary and make it a love note.

Also, think of anything random and silly. I went to the love shop one day and bought a big D shaped chocolate and left it on her stove. I've even drawn just a D on the note and left it on the mirror. I wasn't kidding when I said be an idiot lol.