Just sucks that so many women act like children.

I would beat her to the punch. Say you dont see this working out as you dont feel like being someones baby sitter. Watch her back track real quick.

This was the hardest thing for me to do after divorce.
I was always chasing.
then I started doing some big projects on my house and had zero time for women.
The one's I was spending time with but not getting anywhere with I told "look I gotta get my deck done before winter and I just don't have the time" I stopped texting, talking on the phone, hanging with them.

then I learned 2 things:
1. those women were just dangling that sex carrot for my time and attention and not dealing with them was a relief.
2. they missed my time and attention and once I took it away and basically cut them off (not because I was butt-hurt but because I had better things to do.....) within a month or two they were wanting to come over and wanting to bang in order to get my attention back.

but once I did bang them I went full potato and tried to date them. LOL!

so then I learned something else.
Let them come to you after you bang.
let them know it was fun after but keep treating them like you are a busy guy and let them worry about how they are going to earn your free time because a woman who isn't chasing me at least a little is a woman who just isn't interested.
not 100% mind you but for the most part.

i'm very straight forward and don't beat around the bush and women have mentioned that to me also.
I ask them out or tell them and they comply or I move on.
I don't have any desire to small talk or text a woman unless it before a set date with her.

i'm trying to understand "not taking care of her" when out in a bar?
what's that mean?

In her mind, we act like we’re just friends as opposed to bf/gf. Too buddy buddy and not affectionate enough.

Probably some insecurity, like she doesn’t think you’re proud to show her off in public as your gf or some chit

We talked today, and that's exactly what it was. She's also been cheated on in the past, and she correlates her boyfriends starting to withdraw from her physically in public to when they began cheating on her. First time she's ever disclosed this to me. It was good information to move forward with, but the lack of communication, then holding it in and leading things blow up is unacceptable.

Similar thing happened to me. Blow up and later turned out an ex had exhibited similar behavior and was cheating.

Women have little control of their emotions, and literally apply this learned behavior to you. Another reason to avoid women with numerous partners.

I'll throw my situation in here

Cliffs:
-Been hooking up with female at my uni since October
-Its prolly fwb since we only hit each other up on the weekends and chit with the occasional weekday meetup
-Never went on an official 'date' but the morning after we usually get food, hang out for a bit and enjoy each other's company

I'd date this girl but honestly no idea how to go about it. Next time we hookup I guess I could be like "are we keeping it casual this semester" or something but than I'd be the first to bring up dating which is a no-no

What do you brahs think

Ask her out? Just be prepared to potentially losing the FWB situation, and if she doesn't want to date then be careful not to start catching feelings for her.

Starting to kind of see this girl that is a friend of mine, nothing committed/serious yet (Early stages). But is showing a great amount of interest (Even among her hot/cold, I'm gonna be mad at you for no reason games). She's back home for Christmas break.

I'm stuck in town by myself (Can't go home). Friend of mine said her cute friend is stuck in town by herself over Christmas too. Cute friend is coming out of a breakup from long-term boyfriend, doesn't wanna be alone on Christmas. Have met girl before. She's cool.

Not sure what to do, brahs. I want to hang out with cute girl, but I fear it may piss off current interest (They kinda know each other).

Sorry for being MIA guys. I'm now in the crypto game and I've been spending a lot of time figuring it out.

Let's see if I can catch up:

mhrreturns:
It sounds like you have not even met her yet...She's free to do whatever she wants. I cant believe you even mentioned exclusive... From my POV, I want whoever I am dating to be talking/dating and interested in other men. That means that if she ends up choosing me, she thinks I'm her best option.

Zackad:
I think you overdid it with the texting. If I throw out the first text, I'll leave it up to her to initiate next time. If she doesn't put in any effort, neither do I. Period. With that said, I don't think she's interested.

Nedo:
If she likes purses and needs a really nice one then it's a good idea, but we are heading into a new year and you have been dating a long time. At this stage with my ex-wife I got her Tiffany's pendant necklace. (~$500). She never took it off for like 6 years until it broke because one of the twins grabbed it.

http://www.ross-simons.com/products/...iABEgKGa_D_BwE

SeanGarrity:
Glad she finally was able to talk about it, but you need to be more insistent that she doesn't keep that kind of information from you. It's not even you that's the problem, it's her experience that is the problem, yet she is blaming you. Extremely immature. You are NOT responsible for her feelings, she is. (Unless you are purposefully trying to hurt her.)

JFlakes:
It's okay to bring it up first as long as you are okay with her not wanting anything serious and then shutting you down completely because of it. You have to weigh what you want vs how things are. There's always a tipping point. Just be ready to not hear what you want, and possibly even lose the FWB because of it.

Meralus:
Logically you are free to do what you want, but women are emotional. So if you think her finding out will ruin what you have, and that's not what you want. Then don't do it.

NitrogenWidget:
It's ingrained into my soul that I cannot put effort into someone that doesn't put effort into me. I was like that even before I was married, so it's been pretty easy for me to not chase and get attached easily.

Only putting in as much effort as she does, not only keeps women interested longer, it protects yourself from getting attached if she's not as interested in you as you are in her.

Update:

Date 3 on Sunday went even better than the first two with T. The plan was to meet up for lunch, then go up to a nearby summit to hike/watch the sunset. She asked Sat if I minded of we go xmas shopping instead because she was running out of time and still had a lot to do and it was stressing her out. I agreed because I still had to pick up gifts for my nieces and I figured she could help. We get lunch, then go to the mall. Finish all the shopping in about 90 minutes and I asked if she still wanted to go up to the summit to watch the sunset. She agreed, and I was super excited because I read that on a clear day you can see SF and the GG bridge from there, and it's like 40 miles away. Crazy. So off we driving up the mountain and she starts freaking out because she is scared of heights. She's playing it cool, so I'm not sure how serious she is because I'm thinking to myself that we are on the ground, how can she be afraid? Anyhow, we get about 2/3 of the way up she asked to stop because she's about to have a heart attack. Again, I thought she wasn't serious, so I keep going and she starts getting more serious, and this is when I realize that even if we get to the summit, she's not going to enjoy it at all and I've ****ed up.

So we finally get to the summit and she's not mad, but I can tell she's not very comfortable. I apologize profusely and she calms down and we stay and sit in the car and talk for a while, then watch the sunset and she even mentions that it was worth it, but she's never doing it again. LOL. Then work our way back down the mountain. We get to the bottom and I mention how much more calm she was going down and she said it was because it was too dark to see. I apologized again and told her I honestly didn't know how serious she was being about being terrified. She told me that she was really trying to be brave because she knew how much time I put in to planning the day and how much watching the sunset meant to me [because I wanted to be romantic] and my intentions were really pure. My jaw just dropped when she said that and thought, "This woman gets me." I haven't felt that understood in soooo ****ing long.

We decide to get dinner and we sit there another 3 hours talking before having to part ways.

We are going to hang out Tuesday again since we both have the day off, and then on NYE we are going to a winery NYE event and rented a room at the winery.

Fairly certain this is going to turn into a relationship. I've already shut down all my online profiles.

lol yeah p sure I did. Oh well. You live and learn.

glad to hear things are going well for you tho man. sounds promising even if it started off a little shaky lol.

No we haven't met yet, despite me making several attempts to meet her too. Last night I basically called it quits with her unless she decides to arrange something after Christmas, but I seriously couldn't care less at this point. Got way too much stuff on my plate to bother with all the dating BS right now. The exclusivity was her idea and because I was tied up with other things and we had been talking for quite a while I said phuck it. Another learning point to make note of though. Think I'm hitting the town tomorrow with some friends and I'm going to challenge myself to put some of my latest reading into action and get speaking to some new people, hope I can provide a decent update when I return.

Looks like it all played out well though, she must be very interested to put herself through that for you. Think you might have found a winner here Pondus, keep us updated!

Thanks, brah! I was just so on the fence about it because nothing is official, yet, as you said, women are emotional beings.

Good luck with your lady! Hope you have a great time with her/enjoy NYE!

More ramblings I guess but an update:

Went out with some brahs yesterday to watch the game at one of our local bars and we ended up hitting the town afterwards. Beforehand I sent out a few messages to a few people I don't see too often to see if I could get any of them along with us and managed to get an old HS brah out who I don't tend to see too often as he's in the forces. He mentioned that he would be out with his younger cousin who's single, and that I should make a move on her. They meet up with my group and I notice she is pretty cute and kept eyeing me whilst I introduced them to the rest of my group. Instantly my brah starts bigging me up to her, so much so that I had to pull him to one side to tell him to tone it down a bit because I felt it was going to detract from my game.

So me and her end up talking and I surprisingly found we had quite a lot in common. She's a beer drinker, (pretty uncommon for girls her age), works in the same field as myself and had a very similar style of humour, and as the conversation went on I was really struggling to find any red flags. The rest of my group were starting to look towards calling it a night but she wanted to stay out longer so the three of us headed off to another bar whilst the rest headed back. After getting drinks she and myself went to sit outside in the smoking area whilst my mate stayed behind to try some of his own game on the girls sat at the bar.

We must have been sat huddling together in the cold for well over an hour whilst we talked and honestly it was one of the most interesting conversations I've had in a long time, and it really surprised me how mature she was considering most other girls I have spoken to that were her age. There was plenty of physical contact and I was able to escalate really easily without her stopping me. I said that we should go out together for food sometime and she tells me that she has been dating someone for the past three months, and she was quite optimistic with how it was heading. She also added to it that if she was not dating somebody else she would definitely be interested otherwise as she think we would be a good match. I told her that I was grateful to her for telling me that but that I don't settle for being anyone's second best.

I got her number anyways on the off chance that something could come of this and she entered her details along with the kissing emoji and rang the number so that I could do the same on her phone. After that we grabbed my brah then went for the taxi home.Maybe this is another example of a girl attempting to let someone down slowly but this seemed different to the other times this has happened to me.

Pretty sure there's nothing I can do now unless she contacts me? Either way this encounter has given me renewed hope that there someone out there that would be suitable for me after the usual sort of people I end up talking to.

TLDR

Went out with my brah and his younger cousin, who he encouraged me to try game
Had good conversation with plenty of physical contact.
I mention that we should grab some food sometimes and she tells me shes been dating someone for the past three months and believes that it will turn into a relationship.
Also says that if she was not so far with this guy that she would consider dating me, but I say that I don't want to be 2nd best for anyone.
I still got her number on the off chance something could happen, but pretty sure this won't be going any further.

At least you tried brah and how old is she?

Started talking to girl in August while she was an intern, she went back home( which is where I moved from) and we still communicated until mid October. Then we hooked up, then we saw each other again about every 2 weeks until last week. Pretty much did the whole bf/gf thing but ran into the “ can this really work”. She’s a great girl but I kinda led the decision to step back a bit and be friends because of the distance( I felt we kinda rushed things, 1st real relationship). That is 1.


Part 2 is I’ve known a girl for 2 years who I went to school with of whom I have had a crush but never tried, we’ve flirted here and then but nothing really escalated.


Recently I told our mutual friend that I would definitely date her and 2 days later crush girl sent me a selfie. Now I am not sure if I should try and ask her out, especially since A. Not sure she likes me and B. It is so close to me ending things with the first girl.

Thanks.

You're not committed to 1, why not try with 2? What's the worse she can say to you, "No"?

Clearly, the mutual friend reciprocated some kind of message and it made it to her. I've had this happen in past, I just chose to stupidly ignore it and now regret it.

how should I play it out without risking the friendship

Guess I kind of have to

It's all we can do and she is 20.

One thing you need to understand, you're going to risk the friendship. Even if you establish that you are both willing to try this there is some risk involved. But why not? No reason you should keep stuck to one option if you're not committed. Get it, bruh.

girl ive been talking with/hanging with for about the last 5 months hit me with the "i like you but i just wanna be single right now"


looks like its back to square one boyos

Hugs Brah

thanks brahette, timing couldnt be better though. right before winter semester of uni, things bout to get sloppy

That is super cringe brah. Don't ever double text. Especially in scenarios where you're just beginning any sort of chase.

Ahhhh Winter semester is always fun. House parties, Spring day parties, etc. Enjoy it.

Pondus, truly - thank you.

I've just read the original thread from 10 years ago(!) and this one from start-to-finish over the last week and it's bang on. Unfortunately for me, I came across the original about 4 months too late, and my last relationship broke down because I didn't follow the golden rules.

What I will add to this already excellent thread is that these rules only apply, in my experience, to the 8s/9s/10s women - those b!tches who have no trouble attracting men and 'choosing'. I've had two long-term relationships in the past with 7s and they never played these games, ever.

Here's my story:

March this year, met (what i thought) was the woman of my dreams - sophisticated, beautiful (solid 8-9), smart, active, funny, lots in common... I envisaged marrying her - unfortunately she turned out to be an immature girl, not a Woman. The first two months was ridiculously easy/natural and tbh I didn't need to follow any rules, we just clicked! Then by month 3, she gave me the first sh!t-test and I didn't even know what was going on. I didn't know how to react to it and eventually I put her in her place (accidently) after a couple of weeks of sh!t.

June, July and August was amazing together and we were loved-up, but I admittedly got complacent in August and took my foot off the gas a bit, thinking the relationship was locked in - big mistake. I wasn't being quite as proactive and Alpha/dominant as I was previously and I gradually felt her desire and attraction for me drop a little bit in August. This should've woke me up.

One night at the end of August, I spotted her out of the corner of my eye messaging her ex-bf (I 100% knew it was her ex's number). There wasn't much in the messages, but when I questioned/tested her on who she was messaging, she looked me right in the eyes and said "Oh this is my other new phone number, I'm testing it to see that it works". At that moment she lied so perfectly right to my face, with no hesitation! From that exact moment on the trust was gone and this was 6 weeks before we were officially due to get an apartment together.

Instead of leaving it a couple of days and then confronting her about it, hearing her side of the story and putting her firmly in her place, I turned into a beta-b!tch and let the relationship slowly go downhill from then on. I stopped caring so much, I stopped being mega-assertive and coming up with spontaneous ideas for date nights (she wanted/craved a 100% Alpha-Male to put her in her place) and I no longer trusted her. The messages between them weren't much, but it was the fact she lied to me so perfectly and with zero hesitation; yet she said to me if she found I was messaging my ex-gf then she would dump me there and then...

Anyway, by the end of September it continued to go downhill and after listening to a few of her gold-digging comments I pressed the self-destruct button on the relationship and called her out on her lying to my face about messaging her ex and a few other petty/unnecessary things out of spite. I really pushed the issue. She flipped out on the phone and told me to collect my stuff from hers the next day. That was that.

Bottom line here is that I regret my b!tch behaviour, as I truly loved her! I know for a fact that if I followed these rules from August onwards our relationship would've continued to be amazing like it was, for which I may forever regret. But from the moment she felt the need to lie to my face it was over for me, probably an over-reaction on my part...

However, she was a god damn Landmine; she admitted to me early in the relationship that she had cheated on an ex-bf in the past (once a cheater always a cheater?), she came from a privileged family and said she wanted at least a 2-carat $20k diamond engagement ring when I'd eventually propose, she wanted me to treat her even more when we went out (80% of the time we'd split everything 50/50 and the other 20% I'd pay it all anyway!), her best friend was cheating on her partner with his work boss and she never spoke down about her behaviour or condemned it, saying "Nobody is an angel, and I can kind of see that it is possible to love 2 people". A couple of times when she was trying to press buttons she'd come out with "If I cheated on you, you would never know" - clearly trying to press buttons, but how dumb do you have to be to come out with that?

Pondus, I don't know why I feel like a failure given that she was a total Landmine who wasn't in the real-world, but I do. This is the first relationship that has left me hurt and a failure... I guess it's because I really wanted it to work AND it partially fell apart because I didn't follow the golden rules and maintain that attraction/desire. Lots of lessons learned for me from this experience

Best regards

^^ bro wtf, you aren't a failure at all - sounds like you dodged a bullet.