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Thread: Your daily reminder Not to get married

post 1542079981 01-28-2018, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
Didn't mean to confuse you. What I was saying is they should get SOMETHING, not 1/2 the assets and a monthly payment too. Look women are adults just like men and have to live with their poor decisions just like men. If a woman decides to stay at home not doing chit without raising kids, then she should have to face the consequences of that decision.

Why should the man shoulder that responsibility? I get that it's hard to re-enter the workforce, so the solution is to work instead of sitting at home not doing jack chit. Women are not babies, they're adults responsible for their actions. They shouldn't put themselves in a situation where they could get screwed in a divorce.
I do agree with you, but I can understand too that when you get married and make a mutual decision that relates to the marriage there can definitely be gray areas. What if he insisted she stay home because he wanted to be taken care of completely? I dunno, there's just a lot of different situations that can happen in a long term marriage.
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post 1542080071 01-28-2018, 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
He may have cheated on her after 20 years, but does that make it just to punish him for the rest of his life by taking 1/3 of his pay?
Yes
post 1542080081 01-28-2018, 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
I knew you’d post after me and quote me without adding anything to the thread

There’s a load of happily married people who post on this site ...conversations are boring when everyone has the same opinion or perspective
The statistics overwhelmingly point to marriage being a bad choice for men. Obviously you like marriage, there is virtually no down side for you, which is the entire point the OP is making. You're not the one who gets financially crippled if things go south.
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post 1542080091 01-28-2018, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted By SerbianSickKant⏩
or write a prenup like any srs succesful man if you want to start a family
you would know, wouldn't you
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post 1542080161 01-28-2018, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
Didn't mean to confuse you. What I was saying is they should get SOMETHING, not 1/2 the assets and a monthly payment too. Look women are adults just like men and have to live with their poor decisions just like men. If a woman decides to stay at home not doing chit without raising kids, then she should have to face the consequences of that decision.

Why should the man shoulder that responsibility? I get that it's hard to re-enter the workforce, so the solution is to work instead of sitting at home not doing jack chit. Women are not babies, they're adults responsible for their actions. They shouldn't put themselves in a situation where they could get screwed in a divorce.
Eh, not sure if I'm on board with that. If you make a collective decision for one of you to work long hours while the other stays at home and takes care of kids/takes care of the home/keeps thing in order, then that's a decision you BOTH shoulder. Often times you can't have one without the other and both parties have contributed to making that income possible. I don't think that now a divorce should leave the one that was decided upon to take on the less luxurious responsibilities left with nothing.
post 1542080401 01-28-2018, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
Eh, not sure if I'm on board with that. If you make a collective decision for one of you to work long hours while the other stays at home and takes care of kids/takes care of the home/keeps thing in order, then that's a decision you BOTH shoulder. Often times you can't have one without the other and both parties have contributed to making that income possible. I don't think that now a divorce should leave the one that was decided upon to take on the less luxurious responsibilities left with nothing.
He was talking about the situation referenced where there are no kids. You are arguing a point no one has made.
post 1542080881 01-28-2018, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
I do agree with you, but I can understand too that when you get married and make a mutual decision that relates to the marriage there can definitely be gray areas. What if he insisted she stay home because he wanted to be taken care of completely? I dunno, there's just a lot of different situations that can happen in a long term marriage.
And what if he did? Oh the poor little ol' sweetheart woman couldn't think for her self that doing so would put her in a terrible situation should a divorce occur? Adults have to be responsible for consequences. That's how society functions. There will be some heart breaking outcomes, but I rather someone dumb pay for her mistake than to make another person who didn't make the mistake pay her for a bad decision.
Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
Eh, not sure if I'm on board with that. If you make a collective decision for one of you to work long hours while the other stays at home and takes care of kids/takes care of the home/keeps thing in order, then that's a decision you BOTH shoulder. Often times you can't have one without the other and both parties have contributed to making that income possible. I don't think that now a divorce should leave the one that was decided upon to take on the less luxurious responsibilities left with nothing.
Why not read what I wrote if you're going to comment? I specifically said WITHOUT kids.
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post 1542080941 01-28-2018, 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted By milesgiles1⏩
He was talking about the situation referenced where there are no kids. You are arguing a point no one has made.
Not sure if you've ever seen '/' before but they can often be used as a delimiter between different scenarios.
post 1542081091 01-28-2018, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
And what if he did? Oh the poor little ol' sweetheart woman couldn't think for her self that doing so would put her in a terrible situation should a divorce occur? Adults have to be responsible for consequences. That's how society functions. There will be some heart breaking outcomes, but I rather someone dumb pay for her mistake than to make another person who didn't make the mistake pay her for a bad decision.



Why not read what I wrote if you're going to comment? I specifically said WITHOUT kids.
I never said specifically with kids. Point stands. You both shoulder the responsibility of the decisions made while married.
post 1542081161 01-28-2018, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
Not sure if you've ever seen '/' before but they can often be used as a delimiter between different scenarios.
So you think taking care of the household for 20 years should result in 1/2 the assets and a monthly allowance?
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post 1542081371 01-28-2018, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
So you think taking care of the household for 20 years should result in 1/2 the assets and a monthly allowance?
1/2 the assets unless the one having to give the assets can prove the other undeserving.
post 1542081421 01-28-2018, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
And what if he did? Oh the poor little ol' sweetheart woman couldn't think for her self that doing so would put her in a terrible situation should a divorce occur? Adults have to be responsible for consequences. That's how society functions. There will be some heart breaking outcomes, but I rather someone dumb pay for her mistake than to make another person who didn't make the mistake pay her for a bad decision.
Well I don't think that most people go into marriage assuming they'll get divorced. Naive on their part? Probably, but I know I didn't plan on being divorced. I guess I'm just dumb because I believed in my marriage vows. :/
Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
1/2 the assets unless the one having to give the assets can prove the other undeserving.
I do agree with this if she was delivering on her end of the marriage arrangement. If she sat around doing nothing while he worked all day then no.
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post 1542081591 01-28-2018, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
I agree. If no kids, she should only get half of the marital assets. Even with cheating involved and how chitty that is, I would walk away with my head held high not being a vengeful bish. Then hope Karma gets him and he rots in hell. lol



Exactly this. Being lonely when alone is much better than being lonely with someone that makes you miserable.



You are still married but have a boyfriend?

Yes.. all that talk about female miscers being fa and I have both boyfriend and husband lol

That's slightly a joke though, I'll give some brief cliffs on how this is possible

-got married
-had baby
-husband turned into an abusive nightmare
-he nearly beat me to death, went to jail.. I moved back to Maine from Texas
- he did anger management, counseling - I stupidly took him back
- I quickly realized I made a mistake and he took off with our 6 month old and wouldnt tell me where they were
-i tracked him down andd a judge agreed with me that he was abusive towards me and to our baby by using him as a pawn to make me stay with him
-protection order has been in place for three years but I can't find hubby to serve him court papers.

I'm sure there's loop holes but I can't seem to find the time to navigate this and get a divorce.. I didn't actually get a boyfriend until 2 years into being separated..not even a FWB lol
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post 1542081611 01-28-2018, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted By TommyRO⏩
Let's be real here both could be working 60 hours a week and no kids and she'd get half.
My ex was allowed alimony, spousal support (child support is mandatory nor do I give a chit as that's for the kids) even when she cheated on me while I was overseas last year. Judge asked if she wanted it and luckily she opted not for it. Crazy that the female can cheat and is tickled with being offered spousal support and alimony by the fuking judge. He was WKing her and wanted to amend the divorce papers lol.....yeah she's a scumbag and but didn't go full scumbag.
Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
I'm still not following your angle. Of course love was involved... so what? Are you saying she should get paid for emotional damages?

Just to be clear, I'm not even trying to be a dik to you or anything, just genuinely curious as to why you're defending this terrible woman in any capacity. To be blunt, I think it may be just this instinct women have to defend other women no matter what. I hate to even say this cause I'm not sexist and I don't like thinking about things in this way, but it's just an honest observation.
Brah she is a woman. If they've ever been done wrong they carry that vendetta with them for life. If you're able to survive their scorn's wrath physically and emotionally they'll always remind you every month when you're signing that alimony/spousal support check. Not all are complete blood thirsty savages during divorce proceedings but it's nearly impossible to gauge how an ex-wife will react and apply for during a divorce.
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post 1542081721 01-28-2018, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted By MichelleLnne⏩
Yes.. all that talk about female miscers being fa and I have both boyfriend and husband lol

That's slightly a joke though, I'll give some brief cliffs on how this is possible

-got married
-had baby
-husband turned into an abusive nightmare
-he nearly beat me to death, went to jail.. I moved back to Maine from Texas
- he did anger management, counseling - I stupidly took him back
- I quickly realized I made a mistake and he took off with our 6 month old and wouldnt tell me where they were
-i tracked him down andd a judge agreed with me that he was abusive towards me and to our baby by using him as a pawn to make me stay with him
-protection order has been in place for three years but I can't find hubby to serve him court papers.

I'm sure there's loop holes but I can't seem to find the time to navigate this and get a divorce.. I didn't actually get a boyfriend until 2 years into being separated..not even a FWB lol
Oh wow. Sorry to hear that! So glad you got out safely. That really sucks it's not easier to get the divorce in those situations.
Originally Posted By meenman83⏩
My ex was allowed alimony, spousal support (child support is mandatory nor do I give a chit as that's for the kids) even when she cheated on me while I was overseas last year. Judge asked if she wanted it and luckily she opted not for it. Crazy that the female can cheat and is tickled with being offered spousal support and alimony by the fuking judge. He was WKing her and wanted to amend the divorce papers lol.....yeah she's a scumbag and but didn't go full scumbag.



Brah she is a woman. If they've ever been done wrong they carry that vendetta with them for life. If you're able to survive their scorn's wrath physically and emotionally they'll always remind you every month when you're signing that alimony/spousal support check. Not all are complete blood thirsty savages during divorce proceedings but it's nearly impossible to gauge how an ex-wife will react and apply for during a divorce.
She cheated while you were away risking your life fighting for our country??? Wow. That's like the lowest of the low. Sorry boyo.
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post 1542082031 01-28-2018, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
Oh wow. Sorry to hear that! So glad you got out safely. That really sucks it's not easier to get the divorce in those situations.



She cheated while you were away risking your life fighting for our country??? Wow. That's like the lowest of the low. Sorry boyo.
You now just found out why guys don't marry, brb losing house lmao or I'm I wrong
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post 1542082111 01-28-2018, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
1/2 the assets unless the one having to give the assets can prove the other undeserving.
Well we'll just have to disagree on that point. I've already stated my reasoning elsewhere in this thread. Sitting at home and doing some cooking/cleaning is not enough imo to warrant entitlement to 1/2 the assets.
Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
Well I don't think that most people go into marriage assuming they'll get divorced. Naive on their part? Probably, but I know I didn't plan on being divorced. I guess I'm just dumb because I believed in my marriage vows. :/

I do agree with this if she was delivering on her end of the marriage arrangement. If she sat around doing nothing while he worked all day then no.
Maybe you were a little naive, but so what? Most of us are in many ways till the day we die. The point is the divorce shouldn't be financially unfair to either party. Divorce is painful enough as it is without skewed laws allowing one party to wield financial devastation as leverage.
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post 1542082411 01-28-2018, 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
Well I don't think that most people go into marriage assuming they'll get divorced. Naive on their part? Probably, but I know I didn't plan on being divorced. I guess I'm just dumb because I believed in my marriage vows. :/



I do agree with this if she was delivering on her end of the marriage arrangement. If she sat around doing nothing while he worked all day then no.
My view is that if you get married and don't have a legally binding agreement stating what assets will be yours before and throughout the length of the marriage, then by default you share your assets with your partner. You have basically been conjoined as a single entity with all your assets combined, and if a divorce happens those assets are split.

If you make a loving decision as husband and wife for one of you to stay home/work less hours/do volunteer work instead, then why should the person doing those things be left with potentially nothing? Kids or not, you made the decision to share your ****ing assets, you made the decision to earn all of the money while the other took care of other tasks, so when a divorce settlement happens, be prepared to have to give some of your assets away if you were the decided bread winner. Simple.
post 1542082521 01-28-2018, 10:07 AM
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Pissen- my point is that miscers shouldn't be extremely rustled by this.. it's not like they were together for 5 years and she is doing this ****.. they were together for 23 years, that's a long ass time.. and after further research he had a drug addiction for the last 5 years they were together and then cheated on her.. those things alone are going to make me go easier on her for the things she's asking for.

And if situation was reversed and she cheated on him, ended the marriage I would absolutely think she was scum but as far as I know, that is not the situation

Edit- this conversation is giving me those feels where I don't know if you're not making sense or I'm not making sense.. and i hate those types of convos lol they just go in circles of repeating yourself until you give up
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post 1542082551 01-28-2018, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted By meenman83⏩
Brah she is a woman. If they've ever been done wrong they carry that vendetta with them for life. If you're able to survive their scorn's wrath physically and emotionally they'll always remind you every month when you're signing that alimony/spousal support check. Not all are complete blood thirsty savages during divorce proceedings but it's nearly impossible to gauge how an ex-wife will react and apply for during a divorce.
Fuhk. Yea mane I've been no marriage crew all my life, but been recently tempted cause the current gf hits all the marks for me. Doesn't want kids just like me, we're on the same page on politics and religion, she makes good money and has her own assets, like to hit the gym, likes animals, etc. etc. I've even point blank asked her what she would do in a divorce if her husband was cheating and she claimed she wouldnt take his money... but then I read this thread and realize people say one thing and then do another when in an emotional state. I honestly couldn't live with myself if I had to write another adult a check every month just because we used to be married.
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post 1542082671 01-28-2018, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted By TommyRO⏩
You now just found out why guys don't marry, brb losing house lmao or I'm I wrong
I know you guys don't like to hear it, but women get screwed over in divorce as well. Maybe not as often as guys, but it happens.
Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
Maybe you were a little naive, but so what? Most of us are in many ways till the day we die. The point is the divorce shouldn't be financially unfair to either party. Divorce is painful enough as it is without skewed laws allowing one party to wield financial devastation as leverage.
Yes, I do agree.
Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
My view is that if you get married and don't have a legally binding agreement stating what assets will be yours before and throughout the length of the marriage, then by default you share your assets with your partner. You have basically been conjoined as a single entity with all your assets combined, and if a divorce happens those assets are split.

If you make a loving decision as husband and wife for one of you to stay home/work less hours/do volunteer work instead, then why should the person doing those things be left with potentially nothing? Kids or not, you made the decision to share your ****ing assets, you made the decision to earn all of the money while the other took care of other tasks, so when a divorce settlement happens, be prepared to have to give some of your assets away if you were the decided bread winner. Simple.
I agree with you as well.
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post 1542082681 01-28-2018, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted By MichelleLnne⏩
Pissen- my point is that miscers shouldn't be extremely rustled by this.. it's not like they were together for 5 years and she is doing this ****.. they were together for 23 years, that's a long ass time.. and after further research he had a drug addiction for the last 5 years they were together and then cheated on her.. those things alone are going to make me go easier on her for the things she's asking for.

And if situation was reversed and she cheated on him, ended the marriage I would absolutely think she was scum but as far as I know, that is not the situation
Has it even been confirmed that he cheated on her? Or is this just all speculation from the article? In either case, regardless for the reason for a divorce, no money should ever have to paid to the other party for the length of your earnings unless children are involved.
post 1542082901 01-28-2018, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
My view is that if you get married and don't have a legally binding agreement stating what assets will be yours before and throughout the length of the marriage, then by default you share your assets with your partner. You have basically been conjoined as a single entity with all your assets combined, and if a divorce happens those assets are split.

If you make a loving decision as husband and wife for one of you to stay home/work less hours/do volunteer work instead, then why should the person doing those things be left with potentially nothing? Kids or not, you made the decision to share your ****ing assets, you made the decision to earn all of the money while the other took care of other tasks, so when a divorce settlement happens, be prepared to have to give some of your assets away if you were the decided bread winner. Simple.
Okay I see what you're saying now. From a legal perspective you're right. If a man has made the retarded decision with the current laws in place to share all the ****ing assets as you put it, then he deserves to get shafted when his lazy wife who sat at home not doing chit gets half the assets.

What I'm saying is that it is not just, not that it's illegal.
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post 1542083131 01-28-2018, 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
Okay I see what you're saying now. From a legal perspective you're right. If a man has made the retarded decision with the current laws in place to share all the ****ing assets as you put it, then he deserves to get shafted when his lazy wife who sat at home not doing chit gets half the assets.

What I'm saying is that it is not just, not that it's illegal.
Do you really think someone who takes care of an entire household is not doing chit? Lets say he works super long hours and she does EVERYTHING regarding the household to keep his life comfy and happy? That's not doing chit?
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post 1542083421 01-28-2018, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted By bobbydigitaloa⏩
Most prenups don't mean chit and are thrown out by the judge...I know people think they work but in most cases they are meaningless.
Went to a lawyer and you aren't wrong...however if you take the prenup to a lawyer and have it outlined and explained to both married partners then it won't get thrown out in court because every detail of it should have been thoroughly explained before signing it
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post 1542083551 01-28-2018, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted By PisseninMisc⏩
Okay I see what you're saying now. From a legal perspective you're right. If a man has made the retarded decision with the current laws in place to share all the ****ing assets as you put it, then he deserves to get shafted when his lazy wife who sat at home not doing chit gets half the assets.

What I'm saying is that it is not just, not that it's illegal.
Fair enough. Do you have a proposed solution? Is it simply just taking away all of the financial benefits (insurance, inheritance, taxes) that come with being married, and keeping everything as exactly as it was before marriage, but with a certificate saying they're married? I have no religious pressure to get legally married. Without that religious pressure, I see no reason for it currently. For me, it's simply finding a woman that would actually be on board with not getting legally married and having a ceremony.
post 1542083621 01-28-2018, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
Do you really think someone who takes care of an entire household is not doing chit? Lets say he works super long hours and she does EVERYTHING regarding the household to keep his life comfy and happy? That's not doing chit?
Without kids? Not sure if srs
post 1542083761 01-28-2018, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
Has it even been confirmed that he cheated on her? Or is this just all speculation from the article? In either case, regardless for the reason for a divorce, no money should ever have to paid to the other party for the length of your earnings unless children are involved.
I guess I still think marriage should be forever, except under extreme circumstances.. if you think marriage is forever than you are going to be codependent on the other person.. unless you go into the marriage thinking it's just a phase in your life. So if one person ends the marriage, the other person that thought it would last forever shouldn't have to suffer by having a whole lifestyle change.

Edit- my ideas about this are exactly why things like alimony and settlements exist.. I don't think the courts should be so sexist about these things though.. but we still live in a world where the majority of men are the breadwinners

Edit- and why should having kids matter? They don't make a marriage more real by existing.. your spouse is supposed to be your family just as much as children are.
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post 1542083861 01-28-2018, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
Do you really think someone who takes care of an entire household is not doing chit? Lets say he works super long hours and she does EVERYTHING regarding the household to keep his life comfy and happy? That's not doing chit?
Nah I was being a little over the top. Like I said before maybe 15-20%? But I think 1/2 is unfair.

Look at it this way: if a woman gets married at 25 and divorced after 20 years, they probably have bought a house or something that's gonno have value. If she get's 20% of all of their assets valued at idk 200,000K, that's still 40K. More than enough to rent a place and find a job to sustain herself. She may not have the same lifestyle, but that's just how life goes when you decide to not develop a career and just take care of the house with no kids.
Originally Posted By IfeHearted⏩
Fair enough. Do you have a proposed solution? Is it simply just taking away all of the financial benefits (insurance, inheritance, taxes) that come with being married, and keeping everything as exactly as it was before marriage, but with a certificate saying they're married? I have no religious pressure to get legally married. Without that religious pressure, I see no reason for it currently. For me, it's simply finding a woman that would actually be on board with not getting legally married and having a ceremony.
Without kids: just a simple formula like get 20% of assets if she never worked. I'll even be generous and say the husband pays her a few hundred a month for lets say 6 months so she can "get back on her feet". But that's it, not 1/2 and no alimony.

With kids: no solution, that chit is complicated.

Yea I'm in the same boat regarding marriage. As insane as this makes me sound I'm kind of considering it with the current gf, but far from convinced. I'm like 90% sure I would never get divorced and she wouldn't screw me, but you can never be 100% sure. Plus hindsight is 20/20 right? I bet most people thought they would never get divorced and come to dislike or despise ones that they used to love...

Edit: just to clarify I've been using "husband" and "wife" cause those are the traditional roles. Not sexist or homophobe, should be the same for either gender or in any kind of marriage. The person who did the work to earn the assets should get most of it.
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post 1542083871 01-28-2018, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted By milesgiles1⏩
Without kids? Not sure if srs
Yes I am serious. Say they have a somewhat large house and she does all the cleaning, errands, finances/bill paying, cooking, etc. She runs the entire household so that he can trot off to work with no worries. That's doing more than not doing chit.
Originally Posted By MichelleLnne⏩
I guess I still think marriage should be forever, except under extreme circumstances.. if you think marriage is forever than you are going to be codependent on the other person.. unless you go into the marriage thinking it's just a phase in your life. So if one person ends the marriage, the other person that thought it would last forever shouldn't have to suffer by having a whole lifestyle change.
Yes to this. Also why I'd most likely never get married again, because I'd never be as naive as I was the first time around to think marriage vows mean anything.
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