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Forum » I'm socially inept. How to improve social skills?
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Thread: I'm socially inept. How to improve social skills?

post 1542174001 01-29-2018, 08:55 AM
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I'm socially inept. How to improve social skills?

I feel like the only time conversation flows freely for ke is when the relationship between me and the person I'm talking to is made clear eg. Professor and student, doctor and patient, seller and client.

In social situations where my relation to the other person is more ambiguous, I find it hard to talk smoothly like I see other people do all the time. When I try to socialize I usually get one phrase responses or one word answers, then I realize I'm making the other person uncomfortable and leave them alone.

The only people I feel comfortable talking to are childhood friends or guys who have autism, because either they tolerate my social awkwardness or are more honest with me in their interactions.

I was homeschooled for a time growing up and moved to three different countries, each having different social customs, cultures, etc. I'm embarrassed to admit it but most of my socializing growing up was done through Internet forums.


I often feel like I have nothing of worth to offer in a conversation so it makes me inhibited.

I have read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie and while it has helped plenty I still feel like I'm missing something.

I'm at a loss of how to fix this problem. What do I do?
post 1542174131 01-29-2018, 08:57 AM
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g4p
post 1542174461 01-29-2018, 09:01 AM
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You are what you choose to be
( ̿▀ ͜ʖ▀)╭∩╮
post 1542174571 01-29-2018, 09:04 AM
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Originally Posted By RaphaelDeLaGhetto⏩
You are what you choose to be
Really knocking the ball outta the park with your insight there Morpheus
PUREBLOOD CREW
post 1542174681 01-29-2018, 09:04 AM
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Practice practice practice. The more Dinks you suck the better you’ll be at it.
Once upon a time:

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Currently Washed up.
post 1542174721 01-29-2018, 09:05 AM
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Go talk to people. Only way to get rid of it.


Conversing is a skill and ability, you need to keep working at it.
post 1542174771 01-29-2018, 09:05 AM
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I've read the same book like you. I did the personality test by Dr. Jordan Peterson recently. Maybe understanding yourself and your personality is a good start to then follow up with how you want your social life to look like and what tools you want to use.
Everything I post is trash.
post 1542174971 01-29-2018, 09:07 AM
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1) Get a job with a lot of people interaction
2) Get a better view of yourself. If you feel you have nothing to offer, then you don't. You do have something to offer man, we all do. To me, it sounds like you have a low value of yourself so it translates to your life and conversing.
3) Do meetups, coed sports or other activities easy to get involved then tag along and try to talk to people. You'll get a lot of duds but you'll get better at conversing.
"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." -William James

My positivity thread: http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=172531971&p=1464356701#post1464356701
My experiments with no soap and cold showers: http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=173382601
balding journey: https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=174082771&p=1505298321#post1505298321
post 1542174991 01-29-2018, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted By JPF82⏩
Go talk to people. Only way to get rid of it.


Conversing is a skill and ability, you need to keep working at it.
I'm doing it much more than I ever used to. It's just a bit underwhelming at times and frustrating.

Like I can see how freely other people talk and I want to be just like that.
post 1542175081 01-29-2018, 09:09 AM
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Spark up conversations with people randomly.

Recognize when people are open to this - and then talk to them.

Example: I was at a store yesterday getting some home improvement products my husband needed and picking up a quote for window coverings. Anyways - I sort of got lost and these two dudes were also lost - so we ran into each other a couple times and one of them goes "she's as lost as we are, now I don't feel so bad," grinning at me. So I laughed and asked them which part of the maze they were looking for which sparked a conversation on what they were doing and what their home improvement project was.
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
post 1542175231 01-29-2018, 09:11 AM
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Stop overthinking the conversation. You overthinking the conversation causes the conversation to be more awkward
Every man at some point in his life is gonna lose a battle. Hes gonna fight and hes gonna lose. But what makes him a man, is that in the midst of that battle he does not lose himself.
post 1542175411 01-29-2018, 09:13 AM
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1) Get a job where you're interacting with a TON of people, even better if you work as a salesman who has to approach people.
2) Make it a goal to talk to 3-4 random people a day.
3) Hit on a couple of girls a day, ask for their number, and go on dates with them. The repeated one-on-one interactions with them will help you give a better first impression.
4) Avoid weird negative topics and blogs like Return Of Kings and chit like that. Not saying that you read that stuff, but a lot of guys do, so I would just way to avoid negative political issues in general, because it ruins a person's mood.
Weight: 159lbs
Deadlift: 350x5, Bench: 200x3, Bent Row: 205x4, OHP: 125x6, Squat: 250x5

My Blog: www.ataraxik.com
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post 1542175511 01-29-2018, 09:14 AM
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  1. FriendOfFrank
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩
Spark up conversations with people randomly.

Recognize when people are open to this - and then talk to them.

Example: I was at a store yesterday getting some home improvement products my husband needed and picking up a quote for window coverings. Anyways - I sort of got lost and these two dudes were also lost - so we ran into each other a couple times and one of them goes "she's as lost as we are, now I don't feel so bad," grinning at me. So I laughed and asked them which part of the maze they were looking for which sparked a conversation on what they were doing and what their home improvement project was.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard would the beating have been if you told this story of conversing with two men, that weren't family members, to your husband when you got home?
post 1542175561 01-29-2018, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted By FriendOfFrank⏩
On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard would the beating have been if you told this story of conversing with two men in public, that weren't family members, to your husband when you got home?
He knows.

Have faith in us homie - we're not savages. Try turning the channel from FoxNews.

BTW - have you stopped being fat yet?
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
post 1542175691 01-29-2018, 09:16 AM
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its all about belief in yourself. not even trying to sound cliche. like "believe in yourself brah"

but confidence is from thinking you're the chit.

your important, your words are important, etc.

walk around with this attitude enough and it will come to fruition
post 1542175861 01-29-2018, 09:17 AM
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you do it over and over again.
post 1542175871 01-29-2018, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted By propreffered7⏩
its all about belief in yourself. not even trying to sound cliche. like "believe in yourself brah"

but confidence is from thinking you're the chit.

your important, your words are important, etc.

walk around with this attitude enough and it will come to fruition
No I believe you. A lack of self-esteem is probably why I find it harder to converse with others since it makes me more self-conscious.

I need to work on that.
post 1542175911 01-29-2018, 09:18 AM
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Some good advice in this thread. To add to it, "Fake it till you make it "
"Gotta do what you gotta do in order to be successful"

*Mod changed my sig to "Sig line can't be a novel" even though lots of people have longer sigs crew

*Mod is watching me while I sleep.....

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post 1542176151 01-29-2018, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩
He knows.

Have faith in us homie - we're not savages. Try turning the channel from FoxNews.

BTW - have you stopped being fat yet?
My bad. Didn't know he was a progressive, open hand kind of Muslim. You chose well.
post 1542176281 01-29-2018, 09:23 AM
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Lots of good advice already. As others said, practice is key. I highly recommend finding a local Toastmasters club and at least going to a meeting to see what it's all about.

Search your own area here:https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club
post 1542176321 01-29-2018, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted By hbhorat⏩
Some good advice in this thread. To add to it,"Fake it till you make it "
There's a podcast out about this. It's "fake it till you become it." I'll have to look it up for you.
Originally Posted By FriendOfFrank⏩
My bad. Didn't know he was a progressive, open hand kind of Muslim. You chose well.
He chose me. I was an innocent bystander. He refused to take all my excuses.

And shurrup and do your house chores you beta western man.
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
post 1542176681 01-29-2018, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted By MrNismo⏩
Lots of good advice already. As others said, practice is key. I highly recommend finding a local Toastmasters club and at least going to a meeting to see what it's all about.

Search your own area here:https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club
You know what's funny? I have no problems public speaking or presenting to a large crowd. I've done it many times and don't feel anxious while doing it. Many have said that I'm a great public speaker and very charismatic when I do it.

It's only in making small talk and having more than superficial friendships where I struggle most.
post 1542176841 01-29-2018, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩
He chose me. I was an innocent bystander. He refused to take all my excuses.

And shurrup and do your house chores you beta western man.
deus vult
post 1542177221 01-29-2018, 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted By KingKringe⏩
deus vult
Alhumdulillah.

Getting back to OP -

Is it that you're shy to talk to ANYONE or is it just the female population?

Can you talk to dudes easily?
Originally Posted By Sanguivorant⏩
It's only in making small talk and having more than superficial friendships where I struggle most.
But that's average. We live in a superficial world. Finding "realness" is very very tough. Good luck thinking you'll find that in 2018.
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
post 1542177511 01-29-2018, 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩
Alhumdulillah.

Getting back to OP -

Is it that you're shy to talk to ANYONE or is it just the female population?

Can you talk to dudes easily?



But that's average. We live in a superficial world. Finding "realness" is very very tough. Good luck thinking you'll find that in 2018.
I'm more comfortable with guys obviously, thanks to where I grew up as a teenager (gender segregated schools in the middle east).

However I still feel like I'm nowhere near as fluid as other people are when talking. And I feel like most people want to cut the conversation short with me.
post 1542177721 01-29-2018, 09:36 AM
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watch movies and then imitate what they do. srs

works for me
post 1542177741 01-29-2018, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted By Sanguivorant⏩
I'm more comfortable with guys obviously, thanks to where I grew up as a teenager (gender segregated schools in the middle east).

However I still feel like I'm nowhere near as fluid as other people are when talking. And I feel like most people want to cut the conversation short with me.
Do you smile when you talk to people? Or is there a permanent frown? Are you uninteresting?

Learn to "shoot the breeze." Most people don't have anything of substance to say to even their friends/family. And all the topics that you can share opinions on - there's a social taboo against those topics - like religion, social issues, politics.
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
post 1542178121 01-29-2018, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩
Spark up conversations with people randomly.

Recognize when people are open to this - and then talk to them.

Example: I was at a store yesterday getting some home improvement products my husband needed and picking up a quote for window coverings. Anyways - I sort of got lost and these two dudes were also lost - so we ran into each other a couple times and one of them goes "she's as lost as we are, now I don't feel so bad," grinning at me. So I laughed and asked them which part of the maze they were looking for which sparked a conversation on what they were doing and what their home improvement project was.
they wanted to smash srs. Absolutely haram
"I'm not going to be jerked around by some chick who thinks her pussy is going to magically override my sense of self-respect. I'm not a phucking performing seal, I'm not going to do tricks to get a mouthful of fish."

-Azrairc, 2014

🍕Slice of Supreme for Tostee Crew🍕
post 1542178221 01-29-2018, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩
Do you smile when you talk to people? Or is there a permanent frown? Are you uninteresting?

Learn to "shoot the breeze." Most people don't have anything of substance to say to even their friends/family. And all the topics that you can share opinions on - there's a social taboo against those topics - like religion, social issues, politics.
I smile always, though I do have problems maintaining eye contact because it makes me uncomfortable.

Yeah, I feel like anything of substance is taboo to talk about, which is why small talk doesn't come easy.

What do you mean by interesting? I have had many interesting life experiences growing up in different countries, but I can't bring that up without it sounding like bragging. Like, who here wants to talk about how I lived up to a month one time without water or electricity supply?
post 1542178391 01-29-2018, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted By Sanguivorant⏩
I smile always, though I do have problems maintaining eye contact because it makes me uncomfortable.

Yeah, I feel like anything of substance is taboo to talk about, which is why small talk doesn't come easy.

What do you mean by interesting? I have had many interesting life experiences growing up in different countries, but I can't bring that up without it sounding like bragging. Like, who here wants to talk about how I lived up to a month one time without water or electricity supply?
dont be scared of confrontation or difficult subjects. Your opinion matters just as much as any other punters
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