Thanks bro, I appreciate all your insight ITT. I think you are little overly jaded about women, but I hope you are right about this one. I think I ruined her, certainly in the short term, but maybe she would have changed (or revealed her true self) in the long term anyway. Maybe once the kids popped out I'd wake up next to a totally different chick. She gave me 3 great years, but that's still just a blip in the radar if you're going to marry her for 50. For now, I just need to be happy knowing I'm not with the person she's become. You need to trust me that she's not a sloot, but she did replace me, just like you said.

Will rep on recharge.

Thanks bro, excellent post. Spoken from somebody who's been around the block and felt similar pain.

It's been complicated as hell. On one hand, it should've been simple - we both loved each other. But everything else besides that fact was complicated. Family, religion, school, careers, life goals, etc. I made a **** ton of mistakes, and she made some too. Then the situation changed. And she has definitely turned into a new person overseas. She once told me she was trying to figure out who she was. She said it was like a dream world over there. Another time, she said she felt lost, and she looked at all her close friends and they all had careers, spouses, kids, etc. Meanwhile, she had none of that yet. Her biological clock is definitely ticking. And she lost hope for me along the way, and she did latch onto somebody else. But somewhere along the line, she decided he wasn't just a temporary latch, and instead he could be a permanent piece.

The problem is, she might be completely, 100% over me. Or she might still have nagging doubts deep inside. But I think she is past the point of no return. She has made a decision. And part of the decision was that she couldn't second-guess the decision. She has walled off her heart and she doesn't want to get hurt again. She talked to me in the coldest, deadest tone possible. She was just done. And she convinced herself of that. She has decided to "protect" herself at all costs. She can't take the risk of loving me again, whether she wants to or not. She has blocked me from everything, so I don't think there's anything I can figure out at this point. Maybe someday she'll come crawling back, but I doubt it. I think she's prepared to live with her decision, no matter what happens.

Damn, she left you after 5.5 years. Sorry bro, that is brutal. Was there a question of marriage there as well? Anyway, clearly you can't take her back, and we both know that. She betrayed you, and it was because she felt you weren't good enough for her. But I know it still has to be very, very tempting to rekindle the flame. True love is rare. Have you 100% moved on from her? Or has this stirred up some old feelings?

And wow, an ex-fiancee. You've gone through a lot of chit, bro. Much respect. Damn, that's gotta be rough to give her your trust back after what she did to you. It's similar to how I would feel if I ever took my girl back. That would take a real leap of faith man. And it will always be in the back of your mind - always. That will never go away completely. Of course, she was young and we all make foolish mistakes when we're young. You can forgive but not forget. I can see how you would take her back, I am a forgiving person too. I've made mistakes and I want people to forgive me for my chit. But are you convinced that she is 110% on board this time? Or are you still figuring that out? Although she screwed up the first time, she may be willing to work twice as hard to redeem herself this time around. It may all work out for the best now that you two are older, wiser, and have worked through some real problems. I hope this works out for you man. And hopefully you're not feeling nagging doubts about the other chick. It may be best to just completely cut her off if you haven't already.

Lol nah I appreciate you for calling me out bro. You are right, she strung me along. I should just forget it and stop being a *******. All of this is true. True love is hard to let go. It's brought out the best of me, and the worst of me.

By the way, O-H

OP if she really saw you as the one she would get mad at you for even suggesting that she needs to try some new dik

I've gotta be honest. The fact she moved on and settled down so quickly-and with someone that had baggage(i.e some other woman's kids) already-it's her that dun goof. Wanting to be married regardless of who that person is, or wanting to be a parent with whoever is available is a major red flag. Traditional catholic means no divorce but it doesn't mean it won't be a toxic marriage . You dodged a bullet imo

Yeah, I agree. But I will note that he's totally dedicated to her, drives her around, cooks for her, buys her meals, massages her feet, sucks up to her family, etc. Basically, he is the equivalent of what she used to be to me, so I'm sure she enjoys being on the other side of the coin. Also, they are in the same career path and have a lot of similar interests. And he converted to Catholicism for her immediately, no questions asked. So I can see how he makes sense in many ways, with her being eager to start a family.

That being said, he also brings a lot of baggage, he smokes (don't know if he quit for her), he is extremely jealous if she talks to any other man, and they get into little fights regularly. Sometimes the fights are the result of cultural/language differences, and other times he lashes out at her based on "past experiences." Could definitely see this marriage getting toxic down the road. I agree that it shows some questionable judgment on her part. I think she's about to dun goof

lol. Some of you ****** let women literally do whatever they want to you, it's sad.

Why is this kunt still living rent free in your head? Stop man. STOP!

So you said you are in your 30s, so I'm guessing she's around your age AND she's "traditional and conservative" like you've said. A woman at this age probably needs assurance and is looking to settle down, but you weren't ready to provide that and still are not ready. Of the years she studied abroad, you want HER to come back to you, but you did not do anything that would make her want to do just that. What do you think is going to happen? Do you really expect her to keep waiting for you? At some point, she's going to mature enough to realize that the the wait is bullsht and move on, and that's what she did.

Dude... why tf are you still analyzing this chit, cut contact and stop the thinking.

I didn't suggest it, bro. Try to keep up.

It went both ways, bro. She let me do whatever I wanted to her, too. Things have a way of coming full circle in the end. I guess you could say it's karma.

You are right, bro.

"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more." - Proverbs 31:6-7

No, she's much younger. She just turned 25. And you're right on one hand, but the entire plan was for her to go for a year and then come back. She should've been back in September. I thought we would start up again and I would fix all my mistakes, I would right all my wrongs. But when she delayed her return and stayed there an extra semester, chit really fell apart.

BS lots of women end up alone. Ugly women, nuns, etc.

I think the only thing you can do right now is to just let her go and do what she needs to do. In the mean time, focus on yourself and improve yourself. Take what you learned and grow from it. Who knows what you will do. When you change, the new you won't feel attached to her. Maybe a couple years down the road she will come around, and hopefully be grown up and mature. It honestly sounds like both of you need some growing up, no offense brah. I'm 39 and still have some growing up to do myself.

Yes 5.5 years and that happens. Yes, the fact that I wouldn't marry her did play a role. I just didn't see the advantage of being married to her. I was honestly really thinking about it though, then the floor fell out on me, maybe I dodged a bullet.

Now getting back together with the ex, the only reason it's logical is because we both have changed so much. Things that have driven us apart, got us together. For instance, I'm conservative, right wing, have guns, owe nothing to society, while she was raised left wing liberal, hated guns, felt society should take care of her. Well I'm still conservative but not as far right wing, I see both sides of the coin now. She finally got a career going, working security basically busting shoplifters and other theft. Needless to say, that job changed her. She carries one of my guns now, supports herself, doesn't expect anything from anyone. Lots of other things. She is being cautious too, as she remembers how things went bad as well and doesn't want that to happen.

Anyways OP, don't focus on her, focus on yourself. Sounds like you are a better guy but a bit clingy and needy so you need to work on that. Be your own man. Put your anger and hurt on something like lifting. Nothing gets an ex back like a revenge body. When she hasn't seen you in a while and you are a sik shreaded knet the tone might change, but being a sick shreaded kent you will be too alpha to care. Good luck brah.

Yeah, she's left me no choice. I can only take care of myself and she will figure out the next move. I have been expelled from the decision-making process. Self-improvement, you're right brah, it's all I can do. You're absolutely correct that we both need to grow up. I've been a late bloomer because I'm still working on my PhD myself, and still never settled down with a house, full-time job, and the like. She is still figuring out who she is too. I thought I would be part of the picture but now she's painted a new picture and I'm no longer there.

Ouch, well obviously I feel your pain. Old you sounds just like old me. For the first 3 years, I was very happy with my ex but didn't see any advantage in getting married. In my mind, we were great just the way we were. In the fourth year, I was seriously considering it, and then all went to hell. Maybe we both dodged a bullet. But maybe we also helped bring out the worst in our partners, a side that wouldn't have emerged if we just gave them the level of security and commitment they needed. Yours took a real extreme step, though. Would be hard to forgive. I wonder if she gave you any warning first.

I see, that's interesting. Glad you two have changed for the better, and as you said, grown up. Now you both know what you want, and you're willing to work to get there. Gotta be a little awkward though with you both being guarded and cautious. Does she have any sort of timeline that she is looking for? Hopefully you can take it slow, and progressively prove yourselves to each other. Are you interested in getting married now? Kids?

You're right, brah. Actually the funny thing is that I was the opposite of clingy and needy during our entire relationship. She was the clingy one, and I was always the one playing it cool and keeping a little more distance than she would've liked. My, oh my, how the tables have turned. So yeah, I've turned into a worthless sack of chit. Didn't know I could be broken until she broke me. The last few months have been a disgrace. And I don't get shredded bro, I'm 6' and 160 pounds, maybe 165 on a good day lol. But I will work on it. Thanks for the advice man and best of luck to you too.

I know brah. It's over. The fat lady has been screeching her heart out

Do you read the Bible a lot? I have never really read it before.

Not often bro, but I should. I've read parts of it in the past. There's some good stuff in there.

But in this case, I noticed wincel had this verse in his sig: "Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings." - Proverbs 31:3

So I just looked up the rest of the chapter.

/thread.

You should go to Russia and just profess your love to her and tell her you want marriage. You have nothig to lose, just do it.

Your situation reminds me of Richard Burke and Monica Gellar from friends.

Strong post to sig ratio.

Anyway man, I would totally do that. But I've already done everything I can possibly do at the moment. At the time, I was feeling the pressure, and I was convinced that I couldn't let her go back overseas without knowing how I feel. I was ready to propose. But she wouldn't meet me or answer my calls, so I couldn't even do that properly. Perhaps I should've just showed up unannounced at her Grandma's, but that might've gotten ugly. So right before she left, I felt forced to propose over text. It didn't go well. She seemed angry and blocked me.

I've sent her a few e-mails since, uploaded some memories on ********, and wished her a Happy Birthday. This was spread over about 3 weeks. Most of the time, I said nothing. But after weeks of ignoring me, she wrote me a brief message saying she had wanted silence and accused me of harassing her. I was shocked. Her dad also chipped in and ordered me to stop contacting her. Things were officially ugly. So I apologized and told them I will respect their wishes, and would not contact her again.

So that's it man. I really did lose her... at least for now.

Are you going to try to forget about her and move on?

I'm not at the point where I can do that. Hence the creation of this thread. Oy vey.

"Defeat doesn't finish a man, quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits." - Richard Nixon

I told her I will never give up on us.

She gave up on it bro. You did your best. +1 to the L and move on like Butterfingers Brady boyo.

She did, but I thought she might be impressed by my persistence. Kinda like your persistence in this thread, bro. I am impressed you are persistently still in here trying to whip my ass into shape

And at least Brady can go home and bang his hot wife, so he'll be aight

Repped for persistence

Das it mane

Too late now bro she already boned some other dude who gives a ****. Move on and find some girl that loves you regardless.

Also lol @ mutually banging other people. What the **** is wrong with people these days. Lol @ you calling the russian a cuck even though you willingly let her bang him lol.

Edit: OP just to help you out since you're heartbroken, dont get too shook and just move on and find some other girl. Who gives a sheet. Also, to help you out, tbh I believe that she loved you more, and in a sense is letting this go to her head and shes doing it somewhat to spite you. Dont be phased bro, you have more to offer than that russian guy, shell realize it down the road after its to late.