Thread:
Surprising Marriage Statistics
05-03-2018, 08:38 PM
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#91
Originally Posted By KyleAaron⏩
This is nice, but I look at my marriage as an escape, not work. I take my wife to work conferences and I finish my workshops and get back to the hotel room and ravish her like an expensive escort. She doesn't mind, she's not doing dishes or laundry, no kids to hear her moans.An important part of work, rather than a job, is mastery. The guy building the canoe with his son tries to get better at building canoes. If it takes him extra time or effort to make it properly and well, that's okay. He doesn't look at his watch to see when it's break time. The guy in the factory doesn't give a sht so long as it passes the quality control guy and he gets his pay this week, and if he can knock off early and still get paid the same, he will. Trying to achieve mastery of your work is part of what makes it fulfilling.
Ideally your job is also your work, but this isn't always possible. Sometimes it's just a job, just money - which you can spend on your real work.
Are you treating your marriage as a job, or as work? Are you trying to make something beautiful, to master being a husband or wife? Or are you just punching the clock and doing the minimum to avoid getting fired, and looking forward to break time?
Ideally your job is also your work, but this isn't always possible. Sometimes it's just a job, just money - which you can spend on your real work.
Are you treating your marriage as a job, or as work? Are you trying to make something beautiful, to master being a husband or wife? Or are you just punching the clock and doing the minimum to avoid getting fired, and looking forward to break time?
Don't put that on me Ricky Bobby, don't you ever put that on me.
05-03-2018, 08:46 PM
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#92
- Ashfrolicious
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Originally Posted By Aesthetical⏩
Lmfao @ any guy who thinks he's exempt from the realities of female nature (hypergamy etc), marriage etc... and who shame men (like chicks do) who choose not to enter marriageLMFAO @ low IQ peasant incel miscers
Brb, Brad Pitt
Brb, Johnny Depp
Brb, Orlando Bloom
Brb brb brb
Originally Posted By KyleAaron⏩
Fuark, propheticI stole it from Erich Fromm'sArt of Loving,which sounds like a sex book but isn't at all. He talks about how finding someone is treated like a commercial transaction, "the dating market", how movies present it as "meet the right person, fall in love, live happily ever after" and fail to mention that as with anythingeffortis required and all that - and he was writing in the 1950s, it's worse now obviously.
Buy this book.
https://www.bookdepository.com/Art-L.../9780061129735
Buy this book.
https://www.bookdepository.com/Art-L.../9780061129735
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05-03-2018, 08:53 PM
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#93
05-03-2018, 08:55 PM
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#94
- Jacobcapra
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Originally Posted By KyleAaron⏩
It's funny cause while I didn't share the statistic, that same article mentions that the majority of people who weren't married but wanted to be, listed their top reason as financial instability.I found the statistics interesting, though, that the decline in marrying has been among less-educated people. That's unsurprising once you think about it. Over the last generation we've outsourced all our low-skilled work to China and so on. If you're unemployed and broke, or working an insecure casual part-time job, obviously you'll be reluctant to settle down. And many of the jobs that have disappeared are traditionally masculine jobs, like miner, logger, auto-maker, and so on.
Not only do women not want to hook up with a broke unemployed guy, that guy himself will have low self-esteem, and for some there'll be depression and substance abuse, so he's less likely to settle down. But people still want some companionship and sex, even if they won't marry. Cue one-night stands and fatherless children. And fatherless children tend to have poorer education, be more likely to have unplanned pregnancies, be in abusive relationships, commit crimes, and so on. So obviously they're not great marriage prospects, either. And so it continues.
Meanwhile those with degrees are more likely to have a comfortable salaried job that won't be outsourced today, only in another generation - assuming global resources allow China and India to grow into wealthy countries, which I doubt but still.
Moral of the story for a young person, get some skills. The Misc likes to mock tradies, but people will always need someone to knock up a house frame, fix their car or whatever. Or if it's your inclination and you can afford it, go to university. It doesn't need to be a great job, or high-income, most of all people value -steady employment. For some of us, self-employment will be steadier than being employed by someone else. But that's another topic, really. Suffice to say: it's all connected. Free trade killed marriage. Or something.
Not only do women not want to hook up with a broke unemployed guy, that guy himself will have low self-esteem, and for some there'll be depression and substance abuse, so he's less likely to settle down. But people still want some companionship and sex, even if they won't marry. Cue one-night stands and fatherless children. And fatherless children tend to have poorer education, be more likely to have unplanned pregnancies, be in abusive relationships, commit crimes, and so on. So obviously they're not great marriage prospects, either. And so it continues.
Meanwhile those with degrees are more likely to have a comfortable salaried job that won't be outsourced today, only in another generation - assuming global resources allow China and India to grow into wealthy countries, which I doubt but still.
Moral of the story for a young person, get some skills. The Misc likes to mock tradies, but people will always need someone to knock up a house frame, fix their car or whatever. Or if it's your inclination and you can afford it, go to university. It doesn't need to be a great job, or high-income, most of all people value -steady employment. For some of us, self-employment will be steadier than being employed by someone else. But that's another topic, really. Suffice to say: it's all connected. Free trade killed marriage. Or something.
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05-03-2018, 09:06 PM
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#95
- KyleAaron
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Originally Posted By Jacobcapra⏩
Well, it makes sense. Plus, a lot of marriages that do have trouble, it's over money issues. Too much spending and debt, not enough income. And this applies to people on $250k as much as people on minimum wage. Money stresses can mess you up. Which is funny, because you actually both want the same thing, you're just not necessarily helping each-other get it. It's not enough to have the same goals, you have to talk to each-other about things and work out solutions to problems. Otherwise you're like these guys.It's funny cause while I didn't share the statistic, that same article mentions that the majority of people who weren't married but wanted to be, listed their top reason as financial instability.
05-03-2018, 09:19 PM
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#96
- SpeedCheeser
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Interesting take. I would have assumed it to be the other way around. Educated and thus likely more successful people putting marriage off for different financial reasons (like investing or saving or having a house first, etc.) and/or being more career focused and willing to put other things like marriage and children off while they get established. Vs. others who may think less about being flippant with their money or taking out ridiculous loans and just rushing into it because why not?
But then the above is also true - money issues can be just as possible for the $250k/yr as the $25k/yr. It's too easy for people to outspend their earnings, and the problem even plagues the well educated.
But then the above is also true - money issues can be just as possible for the $250k/yr as the $25k/yr. It's too easy for people to outspend their earnings, and the problem even plagues the well educated.
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05-04-2018, 06:24 AM
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#97
- Jacobcapra
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Originally Posted By KyleAaron⏩
So true, I am in a small group at church that has a married couple in it that are making this exact mistake. They are 23 & 24 years old, and make good money (like 120-130K combined). However they have NO clue how to budget and spend money on ridiculous things so they're in a ****load of debt. This puts a strain on their marriage but instead of learning how to properly manage their finances, they spend MORE money on things that they think will make them happier and improve their marriage, which it won't. I feel bad for them.Well, it makes sense. Plus, a lot of marriages that do have trouble, it's over money issues. Too much spending and debt, not enough income. And this applies to people on $250k as much as people on minimum wage. Money stresses can mess you up. Which is funny, because you actually both want the same thing, you're just not necessarily helping each-other get it. It's not enough to have the same goals, you have to talk to each-other about things and work out solutions to problems. Otherwise you're like these guys.
brb 25K+ in credit card debt
brb husband gets huge like 15-20K bonus
brb spend it on frivolous things including a Porsche driving experience and a trip to breckenridge with me
brb move out of their 1BR apartment to renting a 2BR home in a swanky part of town... rent goes up $600/mo
brb bought all new furniture from west elm aka like $300 for a lamp, $1K for a bed frame, $3K couch, etc etc. Overpriced designer furniture
Want to smack them both and show them a smarter way to go about it but it's not my place.
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05-04-2018, 06:27 AM
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#98
- DesiredUserphag
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People are dumb and jump into relationships/marriage way too quickly.
๐ฃ๐จ๐ฅ๐๐๐๐ข๐ข๐
ฯฯัโโ ััฮฑฮฝัโัั ศผััฯ โ โ/โโโ
๐ฌ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ธ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐ ยฎ
แชIแแแIแฐIแแฉTIOแ EแญแแชแแIOแ IแแชOแTแIแแฉTIOแ
05-04-2018, 06:32 AM
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#99
- Jacobcapra
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Originally Posted By DesiredUser****⏩
Huge over-generalization, but to each their own.People are dumb and jump into relationships/marriage way too quickly.
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05-08-2018, 05:36 PM
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#100
- KyleAaron
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This was good. it'sfrom a religious group, but it applies regardless. And religious groups tend to have fewer divorces, so maybe we can learn something from them. Attitude is key. If you have ever had a bad relationship, ask yourself whether you were more like the first or second scenario.
For example, suppose a woman is married to a man who fails to pay enough attention to her. She feels neglected and upset, and starts to ruminate about how she ended up with such a horrible husband. She complains to him about his negligence, which simply pushes him further away from her. The less he attends to her, the more unhappy she becomes, and the more intense her complaints become and the more he avoids her company. Eventually, the marriage is a miserable mess that overflows into a daily negative emotional state for both husband and wife.
Can we blame this state of affairs on the husband for his errant spousal behavior, or should we blame it on the wife for being a fault-finder? Actually, blame is simply another state of negativity. What we should do is imagine a different scenario.
Changing the Dance
Suppose it begins the same, with a woman who marries a man who doesnโt pay enough attention to her. She accepts his fault, and uses her time to fill her own days with purpose and joy. She recognizes that the man has other qualities that are very positive: he fulfills his financial responsibilities, he is a very good father, and so on. The wife makes sure to acknowledge and praise him for what he is doing right. When he does manage to give her a little attention, she is particularly nice to him, making him feel loved and appreciated. Over time, the husband does more and more things right, including spending more time with his wife. Although he never becomes quite as attentive as she would have liked, the wife is satisfied and happy. The truth is, even if he would not have improved at all, she and her husbandโand their marriage, family and the worldโwould have prospered from her investment in positivity.
Most people instinctively react to negativity with negativity. We canโt always get what we want. But we will get more of what we want when we choose positivity.
Can we blame this state of affairs on the husband for his errant spousal behavior, or should we blame it on the wife for being a fault-finder? Actually, blame is simply another state of negativity. What we should do is imagine a different scenario.
Changing the Dance
Suppose it begins the same, with a woman who marries a man who doesnโt pay enough attention to her. She accepts his fault, and uses her time to fill her own days with purpose and joy. She recognizes that the man has other qualities that are very positive: he fulfills his financial responsibilities, he is a very good father, and so on. The wife makes sure to acknowledge and praise him for what he is doing right. When he does manage to give her a little attention, she is particularly nice to him, making him feel loved and appreciated. Over time, the husband does more and more things right, including spending more time with his wife. Although he never becomes quite as attentive as she would have liked, the wife is satisfied and happy. The truth is, even if he would not have improved at all, she and her husbandโand their marriage, family and the worldโwould have prospered from her investment in positivity.
Most people instinctively react to negativity with negativity. We canโt always get what we want. But we will get more of what we want when we choose positivity.
05-08-2018, 05:43 PM
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#101
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Originally Posted By Aesthetical⏩
yes get married because you cant afford life on your own.But who was common law marriage, check you state laws.
Dat feel when splitting bills
Dat feel when not paying single tax rate
Dat feel when sexorz whenever you want
Dat feel when household income doubles
Dat feel when stay at home wife raises children instead of $10/hour wagecel nanny/daycare
Dat feel when woman always by your side in social settings
Dat feel hnnnnnnnnnnng
Dat feel when splitting bills
Dat feel when not paying single tax rate
Dat feel when sexorz whenever you want
Dat feel when household income doubles
Dat feel when stay at home wife raises children instead of $10/hour wagecel nanny/daycare
Dat feel when woman always by your side in social settings
Dat feel hnnnnnnnnnnng
05-08-2018, 06:00 PM
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#102
- FitSparky1
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intradesting
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