Not directed at me, but feel I can answer the bolded bit there.

When you are very young (mostly under 5) you are still forming your personality. AFAIK that is how you come to have a personality disorder in most cases - childhood trauma, or complex trauma and/or some other maladaptive parenting. The type of trauma and the age at which it happens is thought to determine the type of personality disorder that occurs.

An adult may suffer PTSD but they already had (unless something DID happen in childhood) a fully formed personality.

She just told me her friend was hoping to meet me that night. Huh? I Told her I thought I was supposed to meet her and she throws out “most men can’t handle me” line. (Instant turn-off) but apparently she isn't the one I was supposed to meet.
No idea why she was contacting me and talking to me.

Some weird bait and switch chit there.
but on the plus side I just found out the friend is cuter than this one. still.
Not sure what is going on now.
This chick contacts me over ******** and tells me I was supposed to meet up with her and her friends the other night, then after I go through the trouble to see if I even want to meet her tells me it was her friend who I was actually supposed to meet?

is it me or does this seem juvenile to for people in their early 40's?


--

I’ve run into women from POF in real life and once I did I saw why they ghosted me.
Because they were frauding in their pics.

YES but I realize that age, career success, etc does NOT equate to emotional maturity lol.

= I'm a crazy bitch

I had today my appointment with my counselor, it's the last Friday before being abroad 6 months and another journey is ahead of me. Got her a huuuuge bouquet of flowers and she had tears in her eyes at the end of the meeting. Appointment was in the morning, but I listen to positive affirmations during night time, my phone run off of battery so I saw her lateeeee when she had free time, lol.

Discussed with her if my perfectionist behavior comes from trauma and daddy's issue, got with her to the conclusion that I'm not a traumatized or mentally unstable person. From her experience, traumatized people have are socially submissive/autopilot life (avoiding => social contact/taking actions/life is the solution for them because they are the problem and they accept abuse cus => 1. they deserve it 2.they are used to it 3.they confuse it with other feelings). Kinda sad that victims of abuse feel this way.

Another point, she said that daddy's issue is more related to sexually abused girls by their fathers/uncles, not because of the absenteeism of a father. No paternal figure has rather small implication regarding slooting, it's the lack of affection/attention from life in general, who make women do this, not the missing paternal figure. It was kind of interesting because in my social group I am the lowest body count except a Muslim friend who is a virgin and I'm also the only one who doesn't have a father.

She said I'm only over-analyzing things, kids have the tendency to copy the dominant parent's behavior, my work ethic comes from my internal truth, not my rational thoughts. I was told that you have a good life and happy life if you work hard and achieve goals and make money. I know this is not rationally true, but I work by my implemented/internal truth.

That being said, she also assured me that we are all fuked up in different ways and nobody is 100% mentally healthy. This day made me feel good and safe

Yep.
I finally saw a recent pic of her friend.
No way.
she's at least 40lbs heaver than the first pic I was sent.

Also phd who claims she just got out of a bad long term relationship and whose head isn't straight for dating keeps hitting me up. lol.
She is doing this alpha act and i'm just disregarding really.
Not sure if I want to smash or not.
Might try and make her a FWB cray cray women are the best in bed.
she was texting me all night sending me pics of herself while I was hanging out with friends and I never responded.
Then she texted me good morning.

The chick-friend I banged a few weeks ago showed up last night.
First time i'd seen her since father's day.
I'd already asked her to hang before then and she made excuses and ignored me when I texted her so I stopped trying.
It was cool and all, not awkward.
I didn't really spend a lot of time talking to her until the end when it was just the small group of women she was in were left.
Then she was showering me with attention wanting to talk, joking around, ect.

IDK i've never had a woman tell me i'm her "best buddy" as a rejection then when I stop giving her attention and give it to other women she will want to sleep with me want to go back to trying to be "just friends" each time.

I think this one is mental also.


Chick going through divorce had a meltdown I assume because she flaked then apologized a few times about having a really bad day dealing with soon to be ex's chit.
I told her to just let me know when things settle down and we can hang.
She isn't mental just going through chit and this is the reason I knew not to try and even just hook up with her.
She's a mess with this divorce.

that's it for now.

Going to just keep lifting, biking, working on my yard and just get back into better shape.

So basically you’re fine and just go back to business as usual? But then what progress is made?

When I think of a woman with daddy issues I think of two things: 1.) she wants a man to treat her like a child, because she didn't have a man in her life telling her to grow the **** up and take control of her life. Now, if your mom did that, then you won't have that issue. 2.) She craves male attention, thusly, uses her sex to draw men in, instead of her mind.

I have gone out with women that have appear to have "daddy issues", but their mother's weren't good role models either. They don't get second dates.

Katya is 100% correct. PTSD as a kid has way more negative affects on development than as a adult. Honestly, I think adults that suffer from PTSD and it ruins their life, probably already had PTSD as a kid and never learned how to deal with it.

What I meant was the parent-child relationship. Not the parent-parent relationship. Humans are social creatures. I do not think it's normal to prefer isolation.

Your perfectionist personality could come from a few places. 1.) You saw how happy it made your parents to succeed and were conditioned to chase approval as your primary drive or 2.) Your childhood was completely chaotic and out of control and you overcompensate by trying to constantly be in control.You put up with way too much drama lol.

Update:

So I've been really sick the past few weeks. I've still kept in contact with W1 and we hung out on saturday for a few hours. Everything seems fine with her. She said the whole thing with me getting drunk and speaking my mind was funny and not a big deal.
We have plans to go for a hike tomorrow morning.

One thing that is putting me off is that I think she smokes. She's been hiding it from me pretty well, but I could definitely smell it on her breath this last time, and I saw lighters lying around her apartment. Bit of a turn off for me, which sucks because really like hanging out with her.

Also along the lines of chemistry, I'm not really feeling it. Not sure if its because we didn't see each other for 2 weeks, but i'm having a hard time feeling any kind of spark. Though, the last time I felt any kind for spark was with T back in the beginning of the year.

3) NPD parent constantly criticized any shortcoming, and you could never live up to their unrealistic/unachievable expectations.

My parents to a T. Always criticized me over small petty things.

So I got a date this Thursday with guy from down south. Has a very southern name. Was in the military and now is a code monkey. He seems like my ex, but a bit more out going less into the nerd culture. I'm honestly scared AF and having anxiety over this. Trying not to over think it.

Eh, I basically ignored her all weekend then she stopped acting like "i'm all that and a bag O' chips" and started asking me questions about myself.
Got her on the phone and she isn't crazy. (also confirmed by my friend)
Just has a touch of autism and bad luck with men so she wasn't interested in dating but I guess she changed her mind after talking to me.

My buddy was confused, she was supposed to be sussing me out for her other friend since my buddy told her "that's not going to happen" after he saw the overweight friend.
Guess she decided she wanted me for herself.
once she stopped being retarded she was actually fun to talk to.
I'm going to see where this one goes.

You need to go on more dates so you won't have this anxiety. If he's like your ex I'm assuming he's not that good looking?

If he don't blaze, next lol

Good luck and glad to see you are ready to date and not pondering over that nerd. Everyone has anxiety on their first date. Use humor to diffuse tension early and often. Gettem!

Sword what is Austin like? What is your take on the company FDM Group? pls respond.

He doesn't look like my ex. He's average in eyes. Yeah you are right I need to go out on more dates.

He mentioned he partakes in 420 in his profile
Should the 1st joke be "soo uhh you come here often?"

Sounds good to me. You know my steez, jokes at any opportunity coming from male or female. If a girl used my approach on me, I might turn beta like they usually do lmao.

While I was dating, a few times I walked into first date knuckles up in a fight stance with body and head moving side to side infront of her like a boxer lmao. It is very important that on the same day of date you flirt about telling her to watch it, I know Kung Fu, meet at the monkey bars etc so you don't like like an idiot. Instantly they burst out in laughter and tension is diffused and I continue with "I figured you'd chicken out, all talk, wimp", etc. This especially for you Sword given you would have this D-O-W-N. Infact, if I was in your MMA shoes, it would be spin kick from a distance and then approach in fight stance rofl. IDGF if its douchy or embarrassing, I would tell HER to stop embarrassing ME. Yes this silly boys and girls

ah **** boyos im in over my head here

things have been going great, so great that when i picked her up last night i ended up meeting her parents "coincidently" (pretty sure she planned it but w/e)

Damn!! I'm gonna bet that you get butterflies thinking about her huh? Keep it up.

Date is tonight, we're getting drinks then going to a hipster rock show. Part of me feels guilty for dating so quick, yet the other part is well I need to move on... I'll let y'all know tomorrow how it goes.

Date last night was mehh, I give it 6.5/10.

Yesterday he asked if I could get the tix to the show because his card got hacked, I didn't mind those things happen. He said he would get drinks before. In fairness it equaled out. The conversation was going well. We geeked out on military history, southern things, travelling, etc. But when it came time for the check his card decline. Now I don't mean to judge, but a grown man should have at least 1 credit card and 1 debit card on him. Earlier he was talking about investing in private equity and I gave him some advice on that since I work in that industry. I had the assumption since he is in the software development field he could pay for it. I grabbed the check and said you can get it next time. I found myself internally confused about it. Maybe he was playing chit game, IDK.

We got to show and the conversation was still going OK, but I kept comparing him to my ex. He is a smoker and I find that very unattractive. It's not a deal breaker, but I don't really like it. If can afford a pack of Marlboro reds, you can afford a $40 drink tab, IMO. He got up a few times to smoke and I was turned off, but I kept smiling though. We ended up leaving after a few songs cause it was getting late and he had to be at work early. We did hug 2x and he wanted to see Ant Man next week. He also mentioned that he was going to pay me for the tickets (which I highly doubt) through Venmo. I texted him when I got home, no response since then.
To me the guy is attractive, but he's pretty fat. He clearly used old photos. I honestly would go out with him again, cause we do have a lot of similarities. I just feel like there wasn't spark like my 1st date with my ex. Our 1st date we made out for a long time. This one I didn't really want to.

So this guy:

- Can't pay even his own half of the bill
- Is overweight
- Smokes
- Likely dishonest (saying his card got hacked but also having another one declined, using old photos)

and most importantly:

- Isn't attractive in your eyes (no real desire to make out on your part)

I don't even know you but I would bet money you could do much better than that!

Fml why did you text him. Wait for him to text you at least this once that you had doubts.

You dun goof I would say.

He said let me know when you get home... So I did, it was after 11.

Seems pointless, it's not leading anywhere and you don't wanna catch feels. The guy is broke btw.

I'm not that attractive so finding a guy that wants to date me is a plus. I just want my $50 back at this point.

What makes you think you're unattractive? Almost all of us have things we don't like about ourselves. The vast majority of those things can be improved upon. It's a bit of a cliche, but how can any of us expect to land an attractive partner when we don't believe we have the same to offer?

Ask him politely for your money back and move on. Don't give this bum a second date out of respect for yourself.

Dudes like this give other guys a bad wrap in regards to online dating.

Cmon girl, have some respect for yourself. Guy is a total broke overweight smoking loser.
Just take the financial loss and move on.

No reason to see him again.

Besides, you wanting to see him to get your money back is not only a chit reason to go on a date, but also you will end up being down 100 dollars after you get stiffed with the drinks bill on a second date.

Think about it. His card bounced and had no shame whatsoever. I would have crawled under the table if my cards bounced and couldn’t pay the bill.

Also, the whole card story by him is total bullchit. If his card was blocked, he should have had alternate ways to pay or cash on hand.

Stop associating with these losers. Who gives a chit if he asked you to text him? You shouldn’t have.

Well I never had guys chase/ask me out. Was always a 3rd or 4th option. It took me till I was 27 to have a guy agree with being in a relationship with. I'm just not very attractive, face wise. If I was hot I wouldn't need to be on a app looking for a date.

I had high hopes because we have a lot in common. You're right I should stop associating with losers.