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Forum » Matches have pretty much died
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Thread: Matches have pretty much died

post 1557629421 07-31-2018, 11:50 AM
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Fuk off with that chit.

If I want to talk to a girl I will. Awkward guys and guys that are cringe need to change their game.

You can’t be scared to talk to girls. If you make a girl feel comfortable, she will open up and let you talk to her.

And you should not be flirting with girls at the office. It’s a place to work and make money, not a pickup joint.
post 1557637941 07-31-2018, 01:26 PM
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#422
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I have a theory, fellow brahs and brahlettes:

I'm a married dude, but I've watched my friends over the past 8-10 years go through the dating struggle. What I've seen more and more is that people, both male/female, rely entirely on chit like Tinder/Bumble/Whatever to figure out whether someone is into them or not. It's become weirdly passive...guys need to have a match to show further interest, and vice versa. Before all these dating apps people had no option but to go and flirt. Flirt/talk to a girl and she responds positively? You needed half a brain and some knowledge of verbal and non-verbal cues to figure out yeah, this person likes interacting with me.

Now, now thanks to ****ty #metoo stuff and hyper-focus on electronics and apps, we don't do that. People don't go to bars just to meet, you have to match them on an app and go through a 7-stage vetting process before a woman is even willing to go have a drink. As if having a drink is some existential threat to her life, and you can't just call it a bad date and laugh it off later.

I'm not in the game, but it sucks watching my buddies go through it. It's taken all the fun out of dating, and the excitement of learning new things about a person you just met. Instead its this tedious process of swiping, chatting, vetting, stalking chitbook and finally meeting.
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post 1557639671 07-31-2018, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted By khergan⏩
I have a theory, fellow brahs and brahlettes:

I'm a married dude, but I've watched my friends over the past 8-10 years go through the dating struggle. What I've seen more and more is that people, both male/female, rely entirely on chit like Tinder/Bumble/Whatever to figure out whether someone is into them or not. It's become weirdly passive...guys need to have a match to show further interest, and vice versa. Before all these dating apps people had no option but to go and flirt. Flirt/talk to a girl and she responds positively? You needed half a brain and some knowledge of verbal and non-verbal cues to figure out yeah, this person likes interacting with me.

Now, now thanks to ****ty #metoo stuff and hyper-focus on electronics and apps, we don't do that. People don't go to bars just to meet, you have to match them on an app and go through a 7-stage vetting process before a woman is even willing to go have a drink. As if having a drink is some existential threat to her life, and you can't just call it a bad date and laugh it off later.

I'm not in the game, but it sucks watching my buddies go through it. It's taken all the fun out of dating, and the excitement of learning new things about a person you just met. Instead its this tedious process of swiping, chatting, vetting, stalking chitbook and finally meeting.
this was well said, and I'm glad you typed it out because I was thinking the same thing but couldn't properly phrase it. I agree with most of the 100% by the way, but a lot of guys are falling into this trap and forgetting one crucial thing: you should use dating apps as asupplement.

If you are out with your buddies, go up and talk to that group of girls. Even though online dating is becoming very mainstream and normal, I firmly believe women still like a guy to approach in person. Guys just have let this skill subside because they can just swipe, match (maybe), say stupid **** and then just unmatch. It's easier to deal with rejection online than it is in person, so people have been moving that way.

The only way to truly develop your skills with women though is in person, anyone can be charming/witty over text. I've been on quite a few tinder dates where she commented on how the date felt normal, saying they've met people who talk a big game over text but are awkward in person. If you want to get good at dating, go on dates.
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post 1557644381 07-31-2018, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
She acted like she hated the fact guys approached her. lol
so many hot chicks at my gym i want to approach. but ever since i saw natalia melo at the gym and tried to talk to her then she posted on the gram about creeps at the gym im too afraid
post 1557646251 07-31-2018, 03:08 PM
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Originally Posted By fishnbrah⏩
so many hot chicks at my gym i want to approach. but ever since i saw natalia melo at the gym and tried to talk to her then she posted on the gram about creeps at the gym im too afraid
She is married...
post 1557647181 07-31-2018, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted By BigTimePlayer⏩
As others said some men are too scared to approach nowadays due to worrying about what will happen. Some guys have social anxiety which makes it difficult, some are legit worried about the metoo situation, some don’t have a big enough social circle to meet anyone easily, some don’t have a good enough job for a woman to want to be with them for a serious relationship, among other reasons. Even SuperMan himself said he’s worried about what will happen if he hits on a woman. The social media thing goes both ways too though if you want to be fair. Social media has caused a lot of women to expect a lot out of a guy. That average girl getting matches with good looking guys that are likely just looking for a quick lay thinks that’s her level & than refuses to date guys on her own level. Than the whole “instagram model” stuff where these women post slooty photos & pretend they’re actually models. It’s caused a lot of women to develop massive egos due to all the attention they get. It’s very difficult these days in dating to find someone you actually want to be with due to the much different circumstances today compared to back in the day.
This. If you want a decent looking girl these days you will be looking for a while unless you have a social circle. There's really just no easy way to get their attention anymore unless they are on to you unless you cold approach which is creepy as hell. Anytime you approach a girl during the day time she already knows what you are trying to do so it makes it awkward. Plus most have 27 orbiters, 100 other options, are on their phones, have ear buds in, play hard to get, or are in tribes.
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post 1557647251 07-31-2018, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Let me tell you a recent story relevant to this thread. I matched with a decent looking girl, and she had a thing in her profile telling guys not to approach her in the gym. I asked her about it and she said she had to leave 2 gym locations apparently because guys would hit on her. I don't know the full details, but all I know is that some of them just said Hi and it was awkward.

So do you think that story is gonna encourage guys to approach women in the gym? Actually it doesn't change my mindset since it's just one girl (and the guys may well have been creepy), but still - it was right there on her profile.
Guaranteed these guys were bummy as hell and not her type and probably practiced PUA. If Chad or Tyrone approached her, she wouldn't be complaining.
post 1557647391 07-31-2018, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
She acted like she hated the fact guys approached her. lol
Correction. She hates the fact that guys she doesn't like are approaching her.
Originally Posted By AlexNYC7⏩
Fuk off with that chit.

If I want to talk to a girl I will. Awkward guys and guys that are cringe need to change their game.

You can’t be scared to talk to girls. If you make a girl feel comfortable, she will open up and let you talk to her.

And you should not be flirting with girls at the office. It’s a place to work and make money, not a pickup joint.
My man
post 1557649251 07-31-2018, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted By DanielleGreen⏩
She is married...
i read that online after. i had to at least make a run at it. maybe regular chicks at the gym are married too
post 1557649271 07-31-2018, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
Guaranteed these guys were bummy as hell and not her type and probably practiced PUA. If Chad or Tyrone approached her, she wouldn't be complaining.
Yeah like the old sweaty, bloated, and balding dudes.
post 1557649961 07-31-2018, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted By DanielleGreen⏩
Yeah like the old sweaty, bloated, and balding dudes.
Or the skinny twink awkward dudes.
post 1557650141 07-31-2018, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
Or the skinny twink awkward dudes.
Or the decent looking manlets with good physiques
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍

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post 1557653091 07-31-2018, 04:55 PM
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Such is life for 5'2
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post 1557653681 07-31-2018, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted By DanielleGreen⏩
You should be more assertive. Being shy doesn't get anyone any where. Step out of your comfort zone.
L M A O! Said by someone who has obviously never been shy. You can't just get over shyness because you want to. I was legit just explaining this to a friend earlier this evening.
Originally Posted By DanielleGreen⏩
See growing up my family has always said that women should never be aggressive around men and never ask a man out because it's slutty. I always sat back and waited on a guy until around 19 or 20.Since some men are wimpy these daysit's now a female's job to assertive interest in a guy. If I continued to wait on a guy I'd still be a virgin. That's just how it is these days.
You know what? Maybe some of us don't want a wimpy guy. Maybe it's being from a different generation but wimpiness is one of the last things I want in a man.
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Let me tell you a recent story relevant to this thread. I matched with a decent looking girl, and she had a thing in her profile telling guys not to approach her in the gym. I asked her about it and she said she had to leave 2 gym locations apparently because guys would hit on her. I don't know the full details,but all I know is that some of them just said Hi and it was awkward.

So do you think that story is gonna encourage guys to approach women in the gym? Actually it doesn't change my mindset since it's just one girl (and the guys may well have been creepy), but still - it was right there on her profile.
To the bolded. LMAO I am just like LMAO! God forbid someone say hi to you! I'm going to go with she's the type who thinks everyone is trying to pick her up, just because they smiled at her or said hi.
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post 1557654231 07-31-2018, 05:11 PM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
L M A O! Said by someone who has obviously never been shy. You can't just get over shyness because you want to. I was legit just explaining this to a friend earlier this evening.
This is true, it's super difficult to get past fear of rejection. I think once you're confident (and I'm not saying that lightly), the fear dissipates because you know you still have value regardless of whether this particular person is attracted to you or available.
You know what? Maybe some of us don't want a wimpy guy. Maybe it's being from a different generation but wimpiness is one of the last things I want in a man.
I think you'd be hard pressed to find a woman that wants a wimpy guy.
To the bolded. LMAO I am just like LMAO! God forbid someone say hi to you! I'm going to go with she's the type who thinks everyone is trying to pick her up, just because they smiled at her or said hi.
Definitely came across pretty entitled. That said, I know there are super creepy guys out there.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍

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post 1557655441 07-31-2018, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
This is true, it's super difficult to get past fear of rejection. I think once you're confident (and I'm not saying that lightly), the fear dissipates because you know you still have value regardless of whether this particular person is attracted to you or available.
Shyness is not about fear of rejection per se.
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I think you'd be hard pressed to find a woman that wants a wimpy guy.
You would think, right? However, as Danielle said, some women decide to be the aggressors and go for them.
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Definitely came across pretty entitled. That said, I know there are super creepy guys out there.
Of course there are some creepy guys out there, but I seriously don't see that many at the gym. I see pretty normal looking guys working out. Some are attractive, some are not. Just because I don't think someone is attractive doesn't make him a creep if he smiles at me or says hi.
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post 1557656571 07-31-2018, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Or the decent looking manlets with good physiques
y u do this mane
post 1557675581 07-31-2018, 11:01 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Let me tell you a recent story relevant to this thread. I matched with a decent looking girl, and she had a thing in her profile telling guys not to approach her in the gym. I asked her about it and she said she had to leave 2 gym locations apparently because guys would hit on her. I don't know the full details, but all I know is that some of them just said Hi and it was awkward.

So do you think that story is gonna encourage guys to approach women in the gym? Actually it doesn't change my mindset since it's just one girl (and the guys may well have been creepy), but still - it was right there on her profile.
Maybe she just wants to work out in peace?

I've had women talk to me in the gym and I honestly would rather just work out, especially if I'm doing cardio and trying to keep my heart rate in the red for 20 minutes straight. The only time I can remember actually craving gym time talking was when I hadn't been laid in like 5 months and was thirsty as fck.

Maybe the chick you're talking about just wants that time of solitude during the day. It's hard to know from what someone writes in an online profile.
post 1557678291 08-01-2018, 12:13 AM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Let me tell you a recent story relevant to this thread. I matched with a decent looking girl, and she had a thing in her profile telling guys not to approach her in the gym. I asked her about it and she said she had to leave 2 gym locations apparently because guys would hit on her. I don't know the full details, but all I know is that some of them just said Hi and it was awkward.

So do you think that story is gonna encourage guys to approach women in the gym? Actually it doesn't change my mindset since it's just one girl (and the guys may well have been creepy), but still - it was right there on her profile.
She sounds like a narcissist who is probably exaggerating about guys hitting on her at the gym. Very few guys hit on women at the gym, unless you're at some cheesy 24 Hour fitness which is basically like a bar. Some women exaggerate and blow things out of proportion. Disregard.
post 1557699611 08-01-2018, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted By bretmarathon⏩
She sounds like a narcissist who is probably exaggerating about guys hitting on her at the gym. Very few guys hit on women at the gym, unless you're at some cheesy 24 Hour fitness which is basically like a bar. Some women exaggerate and blow things out of proportion. Disregard.
We must not work out in the same gym.

I see thirsty ass motherfckers hitting on women all the time at the gym. That's why you see so many hot women at the gym with a hat on nice and low and big headphones on. It's the universal signal to be left alone. It doesn't stop the autistic ones from tapping them on the shoulder though and striking up a conversation.
post 1557705081 08-01-2018, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted By US_Ranger⏩
That's why you see so many hot women at the gym with a hat on nice and low and big headphones on.
lmao, this is 95% of the girls at my gym. Hot, ugly, fit, fat, happy or mad. They all do this. Hell I do it from time to time when I feel like being in my own world.
post 1557761311 08-01-2018, 10:35 PM
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Originally Posted By bretmarathon⏩
She sounds like a narcissist who is probably exaggerating about guys hitting on her at the gym. Very few guys hit on women at the gym, unless you're at some cheesy 24 Hour fitness which is basically like a bar. Some women exaggerate and blow things out of proportion. Disregard.
Same, I don't see alot of guys hitting on the women at the gym I go to. I think either they're scared or they know those women don't want to be bothered with most of the time.

Like Ranger said, if a woman has big ass headphones and a hat on = I don't even bother.
post 1557762541 08-01-2018, 10:58 PM
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Why would there need to be any signal anyway if he likes me?
Because #metoo... And #awefukbye
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post 1557828781 08-02-2018, 06:40 PM
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why do chicks wear sexy gym outfits yet do the hat down big headphone thing? if they dont want attention wear **** that isnt skin tight and midriff showing
post 1557829281 08-02-2018, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted By fishnbrah⏩
why do chicks wear sexy gym outfits yet do the hat down big headphone thing? if they dont want attention wear **** that isnt skin tight and midriff showing
Idk that's all i see in the gym. And at work i get tons of stares but when i get close they all look at their phone, head down or look somewhere else.
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I’m almost done with online dating. The ghosting thing is just straight up annoying, the whole thing is just fickle as fcuk.

Do you always have to respond with a question? I’ve noticed that if I don’t, or say something that requires even the tiniest bit of thought, they usually just drop off. I’m probably just not attractive enough.

Women just want to put in zero effort (my ex actually put in effort originally). It just means nobody ends up putting in any effort, becuase I’m not gonna continue making an effort if she doesn’t.

This is what prevented me from dating for so many years, I feel like it eats up my dignity. Competing and battling with other men for the shot of a chance with a semi decent looking woman.

A friend of mine said it’s a competition for the woman and as a man you have to accept that.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍

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post 1557841021 08-02-2018, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I’m almost done with online dating. The ghosting thing is just straight up annoying, the whole thing is just fickle as fcuk.

Do you always have to respond with a question? I’ve noticed that if I don’t, or say something that requires even the tiniest bit of thought, they usually just drop off. I’m probably just not attractive enough.

Women just want to put in zero effort (my ex actually put in effort originally). It just means nobody ends up putting in any effort, becuase I’m not gonna continue making an effort if she doesn’t.

This is what prevented me from dating for so many years, I feel like it eats up my dignity. Competing and battling with other men for the shot of a chance with a semi decent looking woman.

A friend of mine said it’s a competition for the woman and as a man you have to accept that.
I have come to the same conclusions, the whole thing seems demeaning as hell, you have to play the entertainer, and ask questions just to keep them replying, and hope you dont make any mistakes because the tiniest thing will get you ghosted so you are constantly on the edge, just to eventually get to date average Jane who is self entitled and whose ego has been boosted to unimaginable heights by wks and soyboys, who are willing to do things you would never do, wk the girl, buy her stuff, and be her doormat in the hope of getting a pity fuk, that's not your thing so you dont even try and by not trying you lower your chances even more

If you are anything like me you will have standards, and wont settle for the first instawhale who is DTF so you will need to go through all these damaged and toxic sloots just to find one that youthinkmight be a cool girl, play a perfect game to reach a date, to discover that you will probably not even like her in real life

It is a competition for the woman, it has always been, but online, it is rigged in numbers, because you being a normal guy, with a good job, good relationships, just a good joe, will be suffocated by the sheer amount of options that women have online, you ll just disappear in the sea of the competition, and to rise above it you d need to be male model status, because even if you are a solid 8, it wont be enough to keep them interested
Real life courses, events and stuff are better because of instant feedback, online dating is just as you said, fickle

I still do tinder for fun, I just try to be honest about what I want and who I am and try to reach endgame with that 1 girl out of 10 that I like, sometimes you get a date but it's not a proficient system at all and it's better to have no expectations about it
I got this
post 1557841561 08-02-2018, 10:01 PM
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#448
  1. Luc1fer
  1. Luc1fer
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I agree with all of that - I think the online platform just magnifies the natural dynamic (men competing for women) to unnatural levels. I now realize I got kinda “lucky” initially with it.

It’s probably great for 9+ men tbh who land on the top of the stack every time for every woman. I’m sure some men on there have harems of women lined up and have a great experience. I have to assume those are the men they’re ghosting us for. Or else they’re just rolling through hundreds of men with short attention spans.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍

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post 1557841911 08-02-2018, 10:06 PM
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#449
  1. StainlesSon
  2. Breaking the meta
  1. StainlesSon
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I agree with all of that - I think the online platform just magnifies the natural dynamic (men competing for women) to unnatural levels. I now realize I got kinda “lucky” initially with it.

It’s probably great for 9+ men tbh who land on the top of the stack every time for every woman. I’m sure some men on there have harems of women lined up and have a great experience. I have to assume those are the men they’re ghosting us for. Or else they’re just rolling through hundreds of men with short attention spans.
Probably both
What a time to be alive!
I got this
post 1557842351 08-02-2018, 10:16 PM
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#450
  1. Luc1fer
  1. Luc1fer
  3. Join Date: Jun 2014
  4. Posts: 45,573
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Originally Posted By StainlesSon⏩
Probably both
What a time to be alive!
Think about it. My ex and I matched on looks, but she opens a profile and gets dozens of dates without even trying. We break up and she’s straight away dating multiple guys, and has her literal pick of guys willing to wine and dine her.

Meanwhile, I’m struggling online to get dates with decent looking women (at least some that match my looks), and being ghosted by women that are lower value.

It’s so unbalanced it’s crazy. Of course it’s true that most of those men just want sex (as evident from the men on this forum), but still. The whole dynamic is kinda mind blowing.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍

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