The unthinkable happened... Wife wants divorce AMA

08-22-2018, 11:54 AM

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#361

ChrissJ
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Just think "good" OP.

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08-22-2018, 11:57 AM

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#362

Bracket199
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Originally Posted By Zackad⏩

Lol nice try. I'm not taking that bet because I never once disagreed that he wouldn't have to pay. You're still clearly missing the point.

You're trying to help the dude by talking down on him and telling him how to manage his life while he's going through some serious life-altering chit? If that's your idea of help, please keep it far away from me and anyone I care about.

Everyone in here is talking about hoping OP has a good support system, or to PM him if he wants to vent, and here you are telling him he's a fukin idiot for not wallowing in his despair.

It has nothing to do with what he will or won't owe, and everything to do with you being so incapable of empathy that you choose what's arguably one of the worst times in his life to attack him.

Ban bet...in 6 months, you're still just as much of a kunt as you are today

for the record...here's your "help"

yeah real helpful lmao. and those are just your replies to OP.

I get where you're coming from, but HZC is coming from the idea that OP is coming out acting all hard about how his (ex) wife is getting nothing. HZC, and others, have already stated if he's as wealthy as he makes himself out to be, he's writing a cheque - there's no way around it. Unless other countries are doing it differently, marriage is always a Division of Property (Assets and Debts).

I think someone (maybe HZC) mentioned that the court may look at financials that are used to support infedilety (hotel costs, traveling, etc.) but doing simple meets will do nothing.

OP will always get support from the misc - we have good people. But when he comes here talking about how he has this in the bag, how his dad is fronting his lawyer costs, he's coming out pretty aggressive.

HZC's first comment wasn't the most supportive, but he just wanted to explain how this won't easily just "work out in the favour of OP" because his lawyer said that. OP is coming out very high and mighty right now, when he should just wait until this is all dealt with in court. They may even be amicable and speed things up. That's for how OP wants to handle it (but I don't think he will).

I know in Canada you have to be legally separated for 1 year before you can officially divorce. But I believe things like proof of infidelity can over-ride this and you can begin divorce proceedings almost immediately.

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08-22-2018, 12:05 PM

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#363

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Originally Posted By stevebec⏩

Apparently, it doesn't:

"In North Carolina, there is a strong presumption that the assets acquired during the marriage should be divided equally (50-50) among the spouses. ...However, marital misconduct is not a factor which is to be considered in determining equitable distribution."

http://www.kirkmanlaw.com/greensboro...erty-division/

North Carolina is one of the most unforgiving states in the country when it comes to adultery. At the time of publication, it is one of only 32 states that still recognize fault-based divorce grounds of any kind. It not only considers adultery a ground for divorce, but it has passed special legislation to address adultery’s effect on alimony issues.

https://info.legalzoom.com/alimony-l...irs-20876.html

I am not worried about the assets bro, what I want is protected, that's all I can tell you.

Also, learn to read. Assets =/= child support, which is what was mentioned in y post you quoted

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08-22-2018, 12:07 PM

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#364

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Originally Posted By Bracket199⏩

I get where you're coming from, but HZC is coming from the idea that OP is coming out acting all hard about how his (ex) wife is getting nothing. HZC, and others, have already stated if he's as wealthy as he makes himself out to be, he's writing a cheque - there's no way around it. Unless other countries are doing it differently, marriage is always a Division of Property (Assets and Debts).

I think someone (maybe HZC) mentioned that the court may look at financials that are used to support infedilety (hotel costs, traveling, etc.) but doing simple meets will do nothing.

OP will always get support from the misc - we have good people. But when he comes here talking about how he has this in the bag, how his dad is fronting his lawyer costs, he's coming out pretty aggressive.

HZC's first comment wasn't the most supportive, but he just wanted to explain how this won't easily just "work out in the favour of OP" because his lawyer said that. OP is coming out very high and mighty right now, when he should just wait until this is all dealt with in court. They may even be amicable and speed things up. That's for how OP wants to handle it (but I don't think he will).

I know in Canada you have to be legally separated for 1 year before you can officially divorce. But I believe things like proof of infidelity can over-ride this and you can begin divorce proceedings almost immediately.

If I try to be confident and aggressive I get criticized. If I act pitiful and hopeless I'd be criticized. There is no pleasing you fuks lol

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08-22-2018, 12:07 PM

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#365

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OP thinks he has it figured out until she drags him through the mud in court and takes half his **** and his kid AND makes him pay her monthly ****ing lmao.

This is why you don't marry a sloot.

08-22-2018, 12:13 PM

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#366

bluegold04
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I'm sorry you are going through this OP, I've been in similar situations.

FWIW I really hope that you are by some a miracle one of those unicorn men (no homo) who doesn't get absolutely railed by the Family Court System, similar to millions of other men and some within this thread.

Despite what your lawyer tells you, prepare to fight for what you want, because most likely a fight is coming your way. I appreciate your confidence and eagerly await hearing you got everything you wanted out of this. Please try to remember this is beyond a one-on-one battle now. I know from experience. She now has an ally with resources and power mortals only dream of, the State. Hold no illusions about this.

Your lawyer is invested in getting paid. So was mine. He is a good man, don't get me wrong, but unless those checks clear...just saying you are the most passionate advocate for your case and your ability to relate to your child.

Also, as someone above suggested, be a monk for a while bro. Avoid females until your case has been settled for 3 months or more. This is for two reasons: 1) they can add a layer of complication, physically and emotionally, that just isn't worth the price right now 2) the likelihood of you falling prey to a deceptive woman is heightened at this time. Right now your focus is on you and your child.

Again, I am really sorry you're dealing with this man. And I'm not trying to be some harbinger of doom here. I'm really rooting for you to be the exception that proves the rule. Good luck man.

08-22-2018, 12:14 PM

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#367

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Originally Posted By Bracket199⏩

I get where you're coming from, but HZC is coming from the idea that OP is coming out acting all hard about how his (ex) wife is getting nothing. HZC, and others, have already stated if he's as wealthy as he makes himself out to be, he's writing a cheque - there's no way around it. Unless other countries are doing it differently, marriage is always a Division of Property (Assets and Debts).

I think someone (maybe HZC) mentioned that the court may look at financials that are used to support infedilety (hotel costs, traveling, etc.) but doing simple meets will do nothing.

OP will always get support from the misc - we have good people. But when he comes here talking about how he has this in the bag, how his dad is fronting his lawyer costs, he's coming out pretty aggressive.

HZC's first comment wasn't the most supportive, but he just wanted to explain how this won't easily just "work out in the favour of OP" because his lawyer said that. OP is coming out very high and mighty right now, when he should just wait until this is all dealt with in court. They may even be amicable and speed things up. That's for how OP wants to handle it (but I don't think he will).

I know in Canada you have to be legally separated for 1 year before you can officially divorce. But I believe things like proof of infidelity can over-ride this and you can begin divorce proceedings almost immediately.

I get it, I'm not arguing about the financials aspect, and don't doubt for a second he'll be paying into the system towards her at some level, rich father or not, infidelity carrying weight or not.

Regardless of any miscommunication or mistype resulting in a misunderstanding of what's being said, it's the general negative attitude towards OP I think is at best, childish and arrogant, and at worst evidence of a deeper personality issue.

There's nothing to be gained by beating down OP into submission, and I get the mistaken perception of arrogance, but what exactly was anyone expecting and what exactly was OP supposed to do?

brb come on misc like a blubbering bitch and get negged to oblivion and beaten down by every miscer for being a beta
brb come on misc asking for advice instead of seeking out a legal professional, and get laughed out of his own thread like so many other miscers who make health related threads that should require a doctors visit

lets be real. there's no winning with the misc regardless how you approach it, because that's the nature of the misc. That being said, i'd like to believe that miscers are capable of suspending their online persona to empathize with someone going through what's likely a very challenging time in their life.

Is it not arrogant of HZC himself to talk down on OP like he does when he himself is married and susceptible to the same thing?

And even if OP is being arrogant, which I didn't personally get, while it may constitute a right to be chitty, it certainly does not justify it.

but maybe that's just my opinion.

"So t

08-22-2018, 12:17 PM

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#368

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Originally Posted By TMaC828⏩

OP thinks he has it figured out until she drags him through the mud in court and takes half his **** and his kid AND makes him pay her monthly ****ing lmao.

This is why you don't marry a sloot.

She isn't going to be able to drag me through the mud. I have been able to find so much info/evidence that supports me. I will be ok. She NEEDS me to be able to watch him. She doesn't have a support system where we live and her job's hours don't allow her to have him as much as me.

No signs of being a slot for most of time together.

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08-22-2018, 12:55 PM

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#369

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Originally Posted By StrongFella⏩

If I try to be confident and aggressive I get criticized. If I act pitiful and hopeless I'd be criticized. There is no pleasing you fuks lol

you don't have to please anyone boyo.

also remember as a man you are your own source of happiness. breakups suck. i can't imagine how bad a marriage ending would feel (though I have friends who have gone through it). time heals all and as long as you keep on improving your mindset (and living life). more opportunities will present themselves in the future. you would hope your happiest days are still ahead!

the worst thing to do is to store hate/anger. acknowledge it, learn from the experience and move on when you are ready

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srs

08-22-2018, 01:15 PM

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#370

PlateauTooSoon
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Originally Posted By StrongFella⏩

lol you are persistent. we'll see after this agreement is written up whether she signs or not.

Bruuuh... if she doesn't sign that with her own lawyer present or having been advised beforehand then that agreement is about as bulletproof as a prenup written on a napkin with crayon and signed when drunk.

She could change her mind a year later and come back with her own lawyer and have that agreement shredded before your eyes in court. Search up on that.

08-22-2018, 01:41 PM

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#371

HayZues Christi
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Originally Posted By Zackad⏩

Lol nice try. I'm not taking that bet because I never once disagreed that he wouldn't have to pay. You're still clearly missing the point.

You're trying to help the dude by talking down on him and telling him how to manage his life while he's going through some serious life-altering chit? If that's your idea of help, please keep it far away from me and anyone I care about.

Everyone in here is talking about hoping OP has a good support system, or to PM him if he wants to vent, and here you are telling him he's a fukin idiot for not wallowing in his despair.

It has nothing to do with what he will or won't owe, and everything to do with you being so incapable of empathy that you choose what's arguably one of the worst times in his life to attack him.

Ban bet...in 6 months, you're still just as much of a kunt as you are today

for the record...here's your "help"

yeah real helpful lmao. and those are just your replies to OP.

lmao worst part is you're married and doing this. i could understand if you were FA or just single and bitter/jaded. But to be a part of this institution, and still be chitting on someone else suffering through something you may very well go through yourself? Laughable and embarassing tbh.

Make better choices.

I dated my wife for 10 yrs before we got married. Time alone wasn't enough either. She had to prove beyond any doubt she didn't need me financially. Call me shallow or cold or whatever, but I wasn't marrying a woman who made significantly less than me or with more debt than me. So once she finished med school, had steady 6 figures, and paid down her debt... we began talking about it.

On top of proving her ability to remain faithful and treat me right for a decade.

I am not against marriage. I'm against marrying the wrong person, which OP clearly did. She couldn't keep her vows, yet he has all the confidence in her word now that she wont fight him for custody or for pre divorce assets?? Just lmao. He married with his dick... he gets all that comes with such a childish foolhardy decision.

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08-22-2018, 01:46 PM

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#372

HayZues Christi
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Originally Posted By Zackad⏩

Is it not arrogant of HZC himself to talk down on OP like he does when he himself is married and susceptible to the same thing?

And even if OP is being arrogant, which I didn't personally get, while it may constitute a right to be chitty, it certainly does not justify it.

but maybe that's just my opinion.

I married a woman who lost her virginity to me a decade ago and never been with another man... and STILL would never claim it UNTHINKABLE if she left. In fact I fully expect it and probably deserve it.

Full disclosure I've been married for a month. No wedding either. I am not OP and did not marry his type of chick either. And again, mine too will leave one day.

Ol' 71st street. The devil that birthed me.

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08-22-2018, 01:46 PM

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#373

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marriage in 2018, lol

pay attention to smart peoples crews OP; youll be much better off

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08-22-2018, 01:51 PM

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#374

Zackad
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Originally Posted By HayZues

Make better choices.

I dated my wife for 10 yrs before we got married. Time alone wasn't enough either. She had to prove beyond any doubt she didn't need me financially. Call me shallow or cold or whatever, but I wasn't marrying a woman who made significantly less than me or with more debt than me. So once she finished med school, had steady 6 figures, and paid down her debt... we began talking about it.

On top of proving her ability to remain faithful and treat me right for a decade.

I am not against marriage. I'm against marrying the wrong person, which OP clearly did. She couldn't keep her vows, yet he has all the confidence in her word now that she wont fight him for custody or for pre divorce assets?? Just lmao. He married with his dick... he gets all that comes with such a childish foolhardy decision.

So you think yourself impervious to this same situation due to your vetting process?

For your sake and for the sake of male hope across the world, I hope you're right.

However, all your proof beyond a doubt for her not needing you could just as easily be argued that it makes it that much easier for her to cheat on you, as marriage is an institution introduced during a time when women were entirely dependent on men.

I can tell you're not an idiot by your posts. But you do maintain a level of arrogance to be attributing the blame almost entirely to OP (at east so it seems), neglecting the fact that there are people out there who are exceptionally good at hiding their true nature, while simultaneously cutting him down for his mistake.

Hindsight is always 20/20. Would waiting 10 years have helped him to ensure he was marrying the right girl? Would it have brought out her true nature in time so that he wouldn't make the same mistake? Maybe yes, maybe no. But crucifying him for a decision he made half a decade ago isn't helpful in the least, so don't try to posture it as such.

This is one of those situations IMO where if you don't have anything nice to say it, why bother saying it at all? Feel free to check my post history, I'm all for the usual misc abrasiveness, but even on misc there is a time and place for it, and this isn't it. Especially repeated insults and condescension.

Originally Posted By HayZues

I married a woman who lost her virginity to me a decade ago and never been with another man... and STILL would never claim it UNTHINKABLE if she left. In fact I fully expect it and probably deserve it.

Full disclosure I've been married for a month. No wedding either. I am not OP and did not marry his type of chick either. And again, mine too will leave one day.

then I ask, why even bother marrying if that's what you expect and feel like you deserve? feel like that's disingenuous to the entire principle and institution of marriage. Does your wife know you feel that way? Just curious, not even trying to attack you

sounds like a recipe for insecurity and unhappiness.

as for me personally...i believe in successful marriages less and less everyday. that's not to say I think it's impossible...just that the chances for one to be successful dwindle a little bit more each day. But i'm not gonna knock someone else for their choice to get married.

"So t

08-22-2018, 01:57 PM

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#375

RightKindaGuy
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Originally Posted By float365⏩

the hardest thing to learn about women is the way they treat you after they start dating someone else/cheating. They go from loving you to hating you at the drop of a hat

its biology.

womens loyalty evolved during a time when men would frequently engage in fights to conquer one another; to ensure the survival of her children (and herself), she would need to switch loyalties to the "winners" etc etc

heck, this even happened fairly recently when the Nazis overtook the French and their women start sleeping with the new leaders. just lol.

womens nature is cruel

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08-22-2018, 02:02 PM

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#376

Komisch
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩

Good info and advice. I always ask this question - looking back, is there any way you could've known the marriage wasn't going to work out? Any flags etc. that you ignored?

I think it's all so personal, in my case:
- I was building my own business. All was good until there were off months, the moment I just needed to share frustration over that with her, it was like the world was ending for her.
- Kids was a huge red flag that unfortunately I don't know how it could have been known before. I'd be away and if the kids were having a bad day, her world was literally ending and she didn't know what to do about it. She'd tell me how bad things were at home, and I'd be like "did you go outside? take them for a walk", more often than not they were just sitting inside bc she couldn't get them to go anywhere. She babysat regularly before we had kids, so idk.
- Our motivation and goals grew in different directions. I was very driven to grow my business and could see the long term payoff. I was able to work from home, take the kids places, and still get chit done.
She was very security minded. Nothing against her, I just was too young to realize how much others would be willing to give up the potential for great things in exchange for knowing they'll receive a small paycheck every week; and the absolute fear that someone could have of not having that.

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08-22-2018, 05:23 PM

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#377

DCutch
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Originally Posted By HMFIC_BROWSIN⏩

Unthinkable? Its 2018.... Divorce is just part of being married. Get over it.

Get over it? You're an ass. Have a little sympathy, I'd imagine this guy's world has been shattered right now.

08-22-2018, 05:32 PM

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#378

DirtyDon123
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Originally Posted By Rajc⏩

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0gRcyIrIQEe

I am in AWE of this post

08-22-2018, 05:39 PM

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#379

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I've been in a relationship a lot longer than you op, and probably longer than you ever will be in one, but even though i love my wife and she loves me i still think like Robert De Nero in this clip.

08-23-2018, 12:48 PM

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#380

StrongFella
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Originally Posted By RightKindaGuy⏩

its biology.

womens loyalty evolved during a time when men would frequently engage in fights to conquer one another; to ensure the survival of her children (and herself), she would need to switch loyalties to the "winners" etc etc

heck, this even happened fairly recently when the Nazis overtook the French and their women start sleeping with the new leaders. just lol.

womens nature is cruel

I mean if I was being objective I would say I am more of a "winner" than the other guy as far as overall life success goes. He simply spent more time with her due to her working all the time.

Originally Posted By DCutch⏩

Get over it? You're an ass. Have a little sympathy, I'd imagine this guy's world has been shattered right now.

I have my moments, and towards the beginning of this process I as a wreck, but overall I am doing pretty well.

Also update to you fukkin idiot doubter trolls:

Agreement has been signed and notarized: 50/50, no child support, no alimony, only assets she gets are her car and the residence (which I do not want, I could have fought for it). NOTE: the residence is an apartment. We were going to move into a house soon before all this happened and now I am doing so on my own.

This separation agreement persists through the separation and after the divorce is finalized.

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08-23-2018, 12:50 PM

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#381

DirtyDon123
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Originally Posted By StrongFella⏩

I mean if I was being objective I would say I am more of a "winner" than the other guy as far as overall life success goes. He simply spent more time with her due to her working all the time.

I have my moments, and towards the beginning of this process I as a wreck, but overall I am doing pretty well.

Also update to you fukkin idiot doubter trolls:

Agreement has been signed and notarized: 50/50, no child support, no alimony, only assets she gets are her car and the residence (which I do not want, I could have fought for it).

so she gets the house? wow

08-23-2018, 12:50 PM

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#382

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Originally Posted By DirtyDon123⏩

so she gets the house? wow

aopartment. I was planning on moving us into a house which I am still going to do, for myself

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08-23-2018, 12:51 PM

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#383

DirtyDon123
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Originally Posted By StrongFella⏩

aopartment. I was planning on moving us into a house which I am still going to do, for myself

Das it mane, onwards and upwards

Hopefully she's chill so you can be there for your kid

08-23-2018, 12:52 PM

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#384

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Originally Posted By StrongFella⏩

We had a (kinda) big fight, which we normally get over pretty easy. This time the next day she said she wanted a divorce and did a complete 180 as far as how she treats me goes.

Fuk you, in the moment it seems unthinkable. I was blindsided and thought everything was going great.

As I have found out more over the past couple of weeks, it turns out you are more accurate than you think...

I did until I found out she was fukkin a coworker

-Not an excuse, but I was in the military and a lot of us end up marrying you (I guess we are afraid to be alone?) so early 20s
-2 years (married for 5 for a total of 7)
-She says she didn't love me anymore and realized its been like that for a while she was just "in denial" of it. Oh and turns out she caught feels for a coworker

Damn brah, feel for you.

We all gonna make it.

08-23-2018, 12:53 PM

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#385

StrongFella
Pointy Nips Of Peace

StrongFella
Pointy Nips Of Peace

Join Date: Mar 2016

Location: Charlotte, North Carolina, United States

Posts: 9,111

Rep Power: 75685

Originally Posted By DirtyDon123⏩

Das it mane, onwards and upwards

Hopefully she's chill so you can be there for your kid

She has no choice, its 50/50 custody.

NPC Bodybuilder, former U.S. Navy
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08-23-2018, 01:59 PM

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#386

katya422

katya422

Join Date: Dec 2011

Location: United States

Posts: 34,673

Rep Power: 372543

Glad it seems to be working out for you as well as possible OP. Hope you find a great house. Watch those school district boundaries.

Originally Posted By Weezy32⏩

Wow that is so disrespectful i cant even imagine how you are feeling. Not sure i could handle something like that someone would get murdered trying to do that to me or i would probably just move out to a hotel or something so i dont have to watch it.

GL w everything and this is the times where i urge you to use your vagina power to take him to the cleaners....TAKE EVERYTHING HE OWNS SRS

Originally Posted By HomerJThompson⏩

wtf , you let that chick in the house? you are taking this be civil thing to another level.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. He insisted on staying in the house though I'm not sure why since I did all the upkeep. I moved into a rental and he had his new woman staying overnights within a few weeks. Within less than two months he had her staying overnight while our daughter was there.

He didn't actually tell me any of this or ask me if I was okay with it for our 12 year old. I found out by driving up and seeing her vehicle in our driveway when dropping off/picking up our daughter.

She has been introduced to his parents, mutual friends we have and our daughter has been taken to see her family and her kids. He is taking our daughter for a Labor Day weekend get together with all her family at a cottage they have up north.

We just sat down with a lawyer for the first time on August 15. At this rate he could be getting remarried next spring.

Or hell, maybe Christmas.

Even though I know it probably started before he even told me he wanted a divorce it still seems really fast.

ETA: Funny but true on the house upkeep. Found out from my daughter that R--- power washed the fence. Looks like she cleaned up some of the flower bed and put some new plants in. Now if she will just take over all the housework and shoveling the snow like I did he will be set.

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08-24-2018, 07:20 AM

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#387

StrongFella
Pointy Nips Of Peace

StrongFella
Pointy Nips Of Peace

Join Date: Mar 2016

Location: Charlotte, North Carolina, United States

Posts: 9,111

Rep Power: 75685

Originally Posted By katya422⏩

Glad it seems to be working out for you as well as possible OP. Hope you find a great house. Watch those school district boundaries.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. He insisted on staying in the house though I'm not sure why since I did all the upkeep. I moved into a rental and he had his new woman staying overnights within a few weeks. Within less than two months he had her staying overnight while our daughter was there.

He didn't actually tell me any of this or ask me if I was okay with it for our 12 year old. I found out by driving up and seeing her vehicle in our driveway when dropping off/picking up our daughter.

She has been introduced to his parents, mutual friends we have and our daughter has been taken to see her family and her kids. He is taking our daughter for a Labor Day weekend get together with all her family at a cottage they have up north.

We just sat down with a lawyer for the first time on August 15. At this rate he could be getting remarried next spring.

Or hell, maybe Christmas.

Even though I know it probably started before he even told me he wanted a divorce it still seems really fast.

ETA: Funny but true on the house upkeep. Found out from my daughter that R--- power washed the fence. Looks like she cleaned up some of the flower bed and put some new plants in. Now if she will just take over all the housework and shoveling the snow like I did he will be set.

Wow, sorry to hear that, looks like we are going through this at the exit same time. The 16th was the day we went to counseling and that night she went to that guy's place. The next day was when she revealed the affair.

NPC Bodybuilder, former U.S. Navy
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08-24-2018, 07:34 AM

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#388

AltarOfPlagues
yerrrrrrrr meh?

AltarOfPlagues
yerrrrrrrr meh?

Join Date: Oct 2015

Posts: 14,613

Rep Power: 136737

cot damn bros, im not one for motivation, but i like that jocko "good" bit. sometimes you dunno what worse luck your bad luck saves you from and so on. op do you reckon you've gotten any support or catharsis here?

do not read my posts and weep, i am not there i do not sleep
i am the thousand greens that rep, i am the ban bet dutifully kept
of memes and trolls in toasted breads, i am not there, i am not dead.

08-24-2018, 07:40 AM

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#389

jackamo2887
BEATINGU

jackamo2887
BEATINGU

Join Date: Oct 2007

Posts: 29,617

Rep Power: 146835

That feel when my g/f has been pressuring to marry and I do this:

Survival. When the jungle tears itself down and builds itself into something new. Guys like you and me, we end up dead. Doesn’t really mean anything. Or, if we happen to live through it, well that doesn’t mean anything either.