How did you goof this up? You didn’t want to marry/have kids, and she did. It was only a matter of time before she got fed up and left.. which is exactly what she did.

I was in this exact same position.. was with a girl for 3.5 years that I didnt want to marry but she did. All you can do is

1. Give in and marry her (I don’t know about you, but I was dead set against this so for me this wasn’t an option) or
2. Ride the relationship as long as you can till she gets fed up and leaves (ultimately this is what I did) or
3. Leave and find someone who’s long term goals are more in line with yours.. which is difficult these days but getting easier to find.

If you chose to stay the longer you remain the harder it will be for you to get over it.

Don’t be forced into marriage/kids unless that’s what you want.. otherwise you will end up having a very unhappy marriage. And personally, I would never seriously take back a woman after she left me for another man no matter what the reason - other than to smash her some more before dipping.

4. Why not just be honest with her & let her know you didn't want to marry her instead of wasting her time?

I did.. told her I didn’t want to get married but my opinion might change. It never did.

I see.. so I'm assuming you didn't like something about her personality and you were riding it out to see if it might change & it didn't?

So I had an amazing relationship with a girl, and for three years it was perfect. The honeymoon phase went on for years. She was completely dedicated to me. The only problem was that she wanted to get married and have kids, and I didn't. I mentioned my feelings a few times, but we usually didn't talk about it and just enjoyed each other's company. We never fought and almost never argued.

Things started to sour in the fourth year, and she became more and more distant. Yet she rarely talked about her feelings. I couldn't seem to fix things. Then, after she graduated from college, she decided to study abroad for a year and get her Masters. I was very surprised by her decision. Due to the circumstances, we decided to go on a break, create a little space, casually date other people, and then get back together when she returned. You can see where this is going. Well, instead she met some Russian cuck that worshiped the ground she walked on. He was ready to marry her on day one. In fact, he was already divorced and had 2 kids back in Russia. She casually dated him for a year, delaying her return to the US because she had a teaching job there and she was busy applying to grad schools for her PhD. She always insisted that her relationship with this guy wasn't serious, and she was still affectionate to me.

To make a long story short, she finally came home for Christmas after 1.5 years of being my lovey-dovey best friend. But then, out of the blue, she refused to talk to me or see me. Finally allowed me one phone call and said it was over, she was marrying the Russian guy, and we were done. She insisted the decision was final, and she couldn't talk to me anymore. Completely blindsided me. Afterwards, I told her I needed to talk about things more, but she ignored all my calls and messages.

So I ended up losing the love of my life. Once the initial shock settled and the crippling realization set in, I freaked out and tried to propose. I told her she meant everything to me, that we could get married and work out all our problems. And I meant it. But that only seemed to make her angrier and she has blocked me on all social media since.

In the end, I am absolutely devastated, and losing her made me realize how much I truly did love her. It is the biggest kick in the balls one can imagine. I am completely filled with regret. I feel like I let "The One" get away. Yet I didn't actually want to marry and have kids. I was willing to make the sacrifice in the end, but I still felt unsure about signing my life away to fatherhood. On the other hand, given the choice of losing her forever or compromising, I was more than willing to compromise. But sadly, it was too little, too late.

So Misc, did I dun goof, or did I dodge a bullet in the end?

CLIFFS

-Dated girlfriend for 4 years
-She wanted to marry and have kids, I didn't
-She went to study abroad for one year
-We went on break but planned to get back together
-She met somebody else, casually dated, said it wouldn't last
-She came home for Xmas, I expected to see her
-Without warning, she tore my heart out and set it on fire

Can't post pics, please don't neg a bro when he's down. Thanks bruhs

Exactly.

Contrary to my hopes, the longer we dated the more I didn’t want to marry her.

It was a tough breakup, but necessary for me to move on. She’s now turning 30 and has no bf/no marriage prospects anyway.

Bullet dodged for me. For her.. the chances of marriage and having kids are rapidly declining. Very few women in this 20s millennial generation are fit for marriage - they just have no idea what it takes.

Ex is a pretty girl probably thought she was better off taking her chances (GIGS). Reality is a cruel teacher.

I have just invested like an hour into this thread....

I need to know, did your earlier update mean that the Russian asked for the lady’s hand in marriage and was denied?

Also how did you find this out? Mirin’ detective work.

She is not and never was your soulmate. You two did not agree on having children and you should of never continued to waste both your time once you knew that. It is good that you did not compromise and have a kid because that would of eventually ended even worse and then you would of been adding a child into the suffering.

It's over, move on.

For future relationships, only date girls that share your view on children, that is a huge part of life and no relationship will end well if your not on the same page with it. No compromise.

Haha nice, did you read the whole thread? Mirin your attention span

With Chadimir, I'm not sure exactly what happened yet. But they stopped communicating for a while, unfriended each other, and now she's back in the US.

Finally, to answer your last question, it's pretty simple. Years of reading Calvin & Hobbes in my youth prepared me for this line of work

I forgot what I recommended before but since you’re still not over her...

Love alone is not enough, modern romance is way more complicated. You two are clearly not compatible when it comes to marriage and kids. Let her go.

You’ll get over this. My ex was saying the same thing to me when we broke up about regrets and how what if I am the one blah blah all rubbish. Soon after he found a new girl and everything we had is nothing but history. Which also gave me the clarity that there’s no such thing as the one. We have hundreds if not thousands of soulmates.

You’re only desperate right now because you don’t have another option. Calm down.

If you’re willing to compromise and have ONE baby with her then I’d say date her again, make your intentions clear, assuming she’s done with this Russian guy. Go after what you want. Being passive is a female trait. Men are aggressive in career so why will you tremble in fear when it comes to women? Wait until she’s emotionally stable from this breakup and then go for it.

Females that don’t want children will eventually want one once they hit 30-40 they all start catching baby fever. The ones who truly don’t want kids are either coping hard/mentally unstable/career driven (too busy)...which idk if they’re your type anyways.

How did you goof this up? You didn’t want to marry/have kids, and she did. It was only a matter of time before she got fed up and left.. which is exactly what she did.

I was in this exact same position.. was with a girl for 3.5 years that I didnt want to marry but she did. All you can do is

1. Give in and marry her (I don’t know about you, but I was dead set against this so for me this wasn’t an option) or
2. Ride the relationship as long as you can till she gets fed up and leaves (ultimately this is what I did) or
3. Leave and find someone who’s long term goals are more in line with yours.. which is difficult these days but getting easier to find.

If you chose to stay the longer you remain the harder it will be for you to get over it.

Don’t be forced into marriage/kids unless that’s what you want.. otherwise you will end up having a very unhappy marriage. And personally, I would never seriously take back a woman after she left me for another man no matter what the reason - other than to smash her some more before dipping.

"Never give up on something you can't go for a day without thinking about"

Not sure how true that is, but I think it applies here.
Are you still in touch with her?

Dude....You are a total loser!!! What were you thinking?????!!!!

I don't know, man. Love will find a way? I just kept kicking the can down the road. I figured things would work out eventually. Well, they did in their own way. She left.

I eventually capitulated on all that, but it was too late.

And to be fair, we sure as hell were never having 3 kids. She offered multiple times to "compromise" on one kid. I would usually change the subject.

Now I wish I had reacted very differently. It was a fair compromise for both of us. We could have made things work. But I didn't take it seriously. I fukked up.

"Never give up on something you can't go for a day without thinking about"

Not sure how true that is, but I think it applies here.
Are you still in touch with her?

I did read the whole thing, it captured my interest. I am a sucker for drama.

I see, thanks for the clarification!

As a fellow internet stalker, I can appreciate the dedication you sometimes need to get all the details especially with those fangled privacy settings.

Can’t comment on your situation, but I hope you get whatever you need to find peace.

I used to take malicious joy at any misfortune that befell my ex but moving on and finding someone better brought a calm contentment, which I am much happier with.

Good luck OP!

You need time to grieve over her, and also practice radical acceptance that the relationship is over. She is no longer your soul mate. It sounds like you refuse to go through the grieving process and just continue to obsess about her, which isn't healthy for you. You also end up wasting your youth.

Also, why is this thread 19 pages?