This pre much.

Lol at thinking you're "alpha" by bottling up, and that WW2 comment just showed how little you know, it was the strong men that were able to open up, talk and cry.

I strongly disagree OP, keeping all that sadness pent up inside you will eventually turn into anger and thats even worse

I’m a very nice and giving person. I’m also the remover on excuses and when these sad sacks of sh!t spend their days complaining about the myriad of things they do, they need to be corrected so they are aware this is not how human beings act or think.

So yeah, fuk them.

I don't think its that men shouldn't cry or get emotional, I just think most normal well adjusted men don't.

As a man you are the most self sufficient creature on the planet. You take what you want, you build stuff, you maintain stuff. You really don't need any kind of support from other people. Emotional or otherwise. There is a reason men explored and conquered every square inch of this planet. Because we can.

They didn't all leave Europe after May 8th, 1945. They spent months there just faffing about and doing occupation or PW guarding stuff, and then they spent weeks on the boat home. This was a long period during which they could gradually wind down from all the drama and talk to their comrades. And some of them cried.

Whereas if you jump on a plane and within 24 hours go from being shot at to being in bed with your wife, that's a different thing, and maybe you'll need to talk to a counsellor. As Liv Tyler said to Adam Sandler inReign Over Me- his character had lost his wife and children in 9/11 - "you don't have to tell me, but you have to tellsomeone." He told his roommate from college.

You should read Junger's book Tribe. []https://www.bookdepository.com/Tribe...9780008168186]. Junger noted a couple of interesting things.

The first is that if PTSD came about, it doesn't happen X months after the traumatic event, it happens when the person leaves the service, whether that be one month or ten years later. This is in line with recent Australian research that while in the Army, guys have 1/2 the rate of suicide of men of their age in the general population - but when they get out, their rate doubles. In other words overall it's the same (1/2 x 2 = 1), but being in has a protective effect on a guy's psyche (remember guys who are in have other normal stresses too, like financial and relationship and dealing with the drama of their childhood).

The second is that guys in non-combat units actually have higher rates of PTSD than guys in combat units. Intuitively this makes no sense. If you know something about the military, it does - combat units are much tighter, and of course they have more of a sense of agency about what's happening. Immediate action drills, contact drills, all that.

The final observation Junger made is that mental health improves after some sort of disaster. In New York, suicide rates dropped after 9/11.

What Junger took from that is that people do better when they have a sense of community and common purpose. A tribe.

So it's not that real men don't talk to people. They do. They talk to their tribe. Unfortunately, many lack a tribe. That's our modern society, a billion unbonded atoms revolving about our screens. It need not be so. And that's why the more productive members of this board tell people to join a sports team or church or volunteer or whatever. People need people, Wincel. We need a tribe.

Jobby keeping it real and laying down the law.Peoplecanuse this board as a tribe. That's if all the MGTOW, red-pilled, woe-is-me fools disappeared. There are some very intelligent folk here with real-life experiences that can help another person.

Yeah, that is not a normal well adjusted man. If he was on a ship sailing to the new world in the Columbian era he would have been tossed to the sharks in the first day or two. It's a shame modern society allows creatures like that to exist.

It's ok to cry if your kid/wife/mom/dad/close family member dies or your dog dies.

It's always a risk crying in front of women. They have an instinctual reaction that crying means weakness in men. They will lie to you and say they won't, but most of them will lose respect for you.

Better to cry for your dog alone, or over a beer with a good buddy.

lol no, we sapiens are VERY social creatures. We've evolved to live in tribes and communities. Most of the problems men and women face today are caused the the extreme individualization brought on by industrialization and capitalism.

That's the important part, we "modern" men have lost all sense of community and tribalism. Our species has evolved for hundreds and thousands of years (millions if you go past sapiens) as social beings that rely on tribal relationships.

Capitalism and tribalism are at opposite ends of the spectrum, that's why modern man has everything but at the same time feels lost and meaningless. the whole concept of "lone wolf beta incel" didn't exist before, it's a modern phenomenon of capitalism.

in this culture of dog eat doge and everyone vs everyone in the hopes of capital gain is destroying us (and our planet with us)

I agree Kyle that people need a tribe. But even there, it's important as a tribe to focus on solutions, and not dwell on feelings. What happens if we dwell on feelings is just bitterness, sorrow, and rage. The tribe is when people get together and solve problems. Maybe you have a problem, and you talk to someone who has been through aomething similar, and he gives you advice on how to get through it. Providing emotional support by being there, listening, and providing advice is definitely something men can do for each other. But that doesn't mean we ought to go crying to each other and talk about our feelings. Instead, it means we should talk about whwre we go from here and how we fix the problems. It's like at AA, you can talk about your feelings and cry or you can talk about what you did and are continuing to do to stay sober. Crying about it and getting sad might just send you to the nearest bar, but being proactive and thinking about solutions can do the opposite. Just my pov.

I know survivor's guilt is a thing for a lot of men with PTSD. But again, what can you do to fix it? Nothing. Nothing was ever solved by crying about it.

NO

pixels talking to pixels will never replace a real community and face to face human interaction. To think otherwise is techno-dogma and negation. The whole internet is filled with lonely people trying to cope with the fact that we have willingly lost our trives

Keep bottling up your emotions bro, just pls don't go full supreme when you melt down

ITT wincel confuses healthy emotional response with rumination.Like hell they did. Your community has been attacked. The attackers killed the men, stole the livestock, and raped the women. Women are left of figure that sh*t out and keep their children alive.Sounds like you mean rumination here.Actually EMDR is all about curing the emotional pain associated with past trauma.

https://www.healthline.com/health/emdr-therapyNothing wrong with acceptance and moving on. But if you just repress stuff, ignore it and shove it down - well then it just festers and comes up later when something triggers you.The loss of a tribe/community is real problem.



https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/...st-connections

Tribes don't exist anymore. Only fake tribes exist. A person in 2019 can only have a few true friends, the rest are probably fake. I doubt the average American even has 2 real friends that would have their back. Society and people are being divided by social media and technology. The traditional tribes and traditional families were lost in 2012.

When I was a young chirren of ass, I would often reflect on the same memory many times, reanalyzing it in hopes that I would be able to reconcile myself with what happened by remembering things in a different perspective. It never worked, and I realize this is what wimmens do, which is why their piss is so often phucked up in emo of ass. The less reflection the better, moving onto brighter things of ass in the future of smack ass city boy son boy

You know I think that experiencing emotion is a very powerful thing. I think that there are times when you are absolutely floored by something, and there is nothing to do but experience the emotion. There is a time and place; just like there is a time and place for anything. There is a time when there is nothing you can do but allow an emotion to wash over you, like if somebody you love passes away. There is nothing you can do to replace that person, and so the anguish you feel is one that must be addressed. There is no solution to losing somebody you love--they are gone. There's an acceptable reason to cry.

Men should have emotions. Men should learn how to deal with their emotions. Men should know it is acceptable tofeelemotion. Men should know it is okay to talk to each other about how they feel. Men should be able to discuss things that make them hurt.

But most of all; we should always be engaging in productive and proactive solutions to our problems.

And that means that we should know when the time to act is. It means understanding that there is a time and place to let emotion swell, and another time entirely to solve the issue at hand. Differentiating between the two is really what we need to learn.

That being said, I have not had reason to cry in a very long time. I have felt frustrated, hurt, betrayed, weak, and vulnerable many times in my life. But often times when I address the root cause, my emotion begins to subside. And the truth is that we need to learn how to address the things that make us feel a certain way before they become tiny giants made of tinier giants... Monsters. We need to learn how to deal with these things before they bottle up to the point of explosion.

We can't do that by telling men they can't do X/Y/Z.

Like I said; there is a time and place.

But suppressing your emotion does nothing to alleviate the root cause in the first place, and I'd argue that allowing yourself to experience it--and subside--will be much more beneficial in the long run.

LOL no.

Tribalism has been declining since the neolithic period some 10k years ago. "Traditional families" is such and ambiguous term that is hard to talk about. Traditional to whom? Traditions are always social constructs and thus constantly shifting and changing

this is how you achieve blue balls of the soul my guy

The reason for the line "I don't wanna talk about it"

Men cry when something is honesty emotional like you parents die or something like that. Its sad.

Women cry when they are out of lies and have to face reality that they ****ed up.

This is call keeping a solid frame. Abundance mindeset will stray you away from becoming a emotional bitter manlet. Think about it... Would you be upset that 1 girl out of 4.6 billion made an argument or would you just walk away and remind yourself you are the prize.

Correct. Those of you on ********, try this: find two "friends", one who has under 100 "friends", and one who has at least 1,000 "friends." Now try to have a conversation online with them. You'll notice one will engage with you, the other won't. Now think about what you know about those two people. You'll find that one is emotionally quite stable, and the other one's all over the place, having constant dramas. The ones most connected online are the least connected in person.

But again, it need not be so. For example, my little garage gym is a tribe. When a woman's son died, gym members went to the funeral. One went off to have a baby, and another has gone and done family photographs for them. Two of the women who came here, not content with seeing each-other three times a week, had Saturday morning brunch, too. And so on. It's a voluntary community, and as my wife observed a few months in, you can tell who's going to be around for years in the place by how much they engage with the others.

I have had gym members who suffered from anxiety and depression. They spend a lot of time at the gym on their mobile phones. They do not have brunch. They do not go to anyone's funeral. They don't take pictures of someone's baby, in fact they don't even know someone had a baby.

Some might say that they are unable to connect with others because of their anxiety and depression. But it may also be that they are anxious and depressed because theychoosenot to connect with others. On this forum and elsewhere, I see a lot of people who choose not to connect with others.

Gyms, sports teams, bridge clubs, Masons, churches, book clubs, soup kitchens to volunteer at - there are many places out there to join and contribute to a community and become part of it. Whether you engage with, contribute to and join that community is up to you. It's your choice. You don't sign up and then just hang around awkwardly along the edges and bored, get out your mobile phone. You step on up and contribute. That's manly.

Some have talked about solving problems. The truth is that some problems have no solution but time. If you get the flu, all we can do is make you as comfortable as possible while your body goes through the process. There's no solution to the flu problem, you just have to go through it. But we don't say, "Well I gave you some paracetemol, now I'll leave you to it." We sit with the sick. Likewise those grieving or whatever. If someone's mother just died, there is no solution to his problem. He is going to go through a rough process. You don't have to say or do anything. You just sit with him.

Offering a solution to the problem is what we do because we're uncomfortable with the person's feelings, and the feelings they produce in us. It's alright to be uncomfortable. This applies whether the discomfort is "manly", like camping in the cold or grinding up a heavy weight, or the discomfort is not "manly", like sitting with a guy whose mother just died. Deal with the discomfort, because sometimes problems have no solutions, you just have to ride them through.

You can join or build a tribe. It's up to you. Men take action, they don't sit around saying "society today..."

It's fine to cry or be sad, just don't go around being a mopey sack of crap all the time or crying for trivial reasons.This is absolute nonsense and indicative of your unhealthy mindset. A man who shows zero public emotions except anger isn't manly, they are a pitiful person who is dangerous to themselves and/or others.

Also, I cried in public when they told my father the treatment wasn't working and leukemia would see him dead in a few weeks. Then I dried my eyes and went about trying to help make his last days easier and more enjoyable. I guess I should have bottled it up and had an aneurysm instead though, in case some weirdos judged me insufficiently alpha.

OP actually makes a good point.

I don't think that the concept of 'repression' has much validity. It mainly stems from psychological folk theory that has been perpetuated by therapists, and it is based on the low resolution idea that repressing emotions = bad and expressing them = good.

There is a large literature that shows that people with greater self-control i.e. those who repress negative emotions rather than venting, lead healthier and more successful lives across a number of domains.

tl;dr - as OP stated, there is a reason why men have developed a strong capacity for self-control over the course of human history, and if harnessing this helps him, then good for him.

same

This is pretty much the heart of what I am getting at. The science on this is pretty murky, but I know of at least a few studies which showed that venting your anger actually just reinforces it. Wouldn't surprise me if the same held for other emotions.

Logically, it is plausible since everytime you recall a memory, you are also reencoding it along with some new data, strengthening its association. If you do this enough, that memory becomes connected to many other memories of your life and becomes centrally important to your consciousness. Then, when that happens, it can become very hard to downplay its emotional significance to you. The trauma will keep being reopened everytime the traumatic memory or anything related to it is recalled.