X-wife has that. 4 years married was the worst time in my life. Nothing you can do, she will ruin you. I came to the conclusion she was just a bad person. Anything good she ruined, 20 years she still doing the same. Tons of pills and shrink sessions did nothing.

thank you for the thorough response, I'll look deeper into it

I had to see a therapist (EMDR) because of my childhood trauma and even recent trauma with my mom who has BPD. My therapist told me that sadly most people with BPD are helpless. Her patients with BPD are the most taxing and she can't get anywhere with them. Once someone has BPD the hopes for recovery are slim to none. Its a deep-seated psychological issue stemming from childhood trauma. One of the hardest things to cure in someone.

Cluster C cool though right?

Sounds like BPD. Childhood trauma really seems to be the trigger. And if her mom or parents have it the she likely has it. They likely did not show her love, comfort or safety as a child.

The main thing about someone with BPD is fear of abandonment so it sounds like she has that. They will cling onto one person and make that person's life a living hell. Manipulation, gaslighting, rapidly switching emotions. The irony is their behavior pushes someone away when their fear is that person leaving them. Someone with BPD only has white and black emotional thinking. One minute she will love you and worship and the next she will hate you, depending on what emotional manipulation they are trying to achieve. Someone or something can only be good or bad and it constantly changes. There's no in-between. Its why they are constantly in chaos emotionally.

Heed my advice. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HER. Your best bet is to move on and find someone else. You will never be happy and your life will be hell. And your kid's lives will be hell and they may develop BPD themselves. My mom made my dad drink himself to death, they separated, but he was still trapped by her grasp and manipulation.

My mom has BPD and I've witnessed it all. Her mom (my grandma) has extreme BPD, its so bad that we can't go anywhere with her having a tantrum. Every day is an emotional rollercoaster with my mom. They get worse as they get older. It also seems when they become mothers it gets REALLY bad and their BPD really comes out. (4 BPD mother types:https://outofthefog.website/personal...e-mother-types). 2 of them perfectly describe my mom. As they get older they morph into a "helpless waif" type. My mom literally can't do anything. Can't even get her own mail. Can't plug something into the wall. Can't do anything on her own without calling me and guilting me into doing it for her. When I do something for her I'm "the best son in the world" but if I don't suddenly I'm a horrible son who doesn't care for his mother. I can't stand to be around her anymore, the older I get and more I realize her condition.

I also was together with a girl who had BPD for almost 3 years. She drew me in before I realized it. The highs are high with them but the lows are lows. It was like a rollercoaster. It was hell and I was terrified to break up with her because of her emotional outbursts and how crazy she was. Ultimately I ended it and found my current girlfriend who is amazing.

Life is too short to deal with the literal hell of being with someone like that. They will tear you apart piece by piece and rip out your soul. Leave her and find someone else.

aw fuk bye

lmao I am familiar with this part wait till you are a couple of years into your relationship and you go into that final phase just wait.

Yep, that is the worst. The whole seeing everything in black and white. Thinking you are the greatest one moment and then hating your guts the next. My own mother is the most obvious with this.

It gets A LOT worse OP with age and time and its mentally tolling dealing with it.

Ditching someone with that trauma is MUCH BETTER than putting your own children through this emotional turmoil and rollercoaster.

She is never going to be truly happy or satisfied in life. She will get worse. And she will inflict it on your children. After dealing with what I've dealt with, I would never bring a child into this world and inflict such emotional pain, manipulation, and craziness on them with a BPD mother. That is just cruel.

How do you differentiate bpd from bipolar?

Bipolar is a mood disorder and BPD is a personality disorder

Someone with bipolar switches from a manic and depressive state. They have longer moments where they exhibit stability.

BPD, mood changes are more short-lived, they can last a few minutes to a few hours at a time. Someone with bipolar mood changes can last for weeks.

BPD mood changes are usually in reaction to a stressor such as an argument or pretty much anything else. Bipolar mood changes occur out of the blue.

Lastly, people with BPD rarely have a mood of elation or real happiness. At most they "feel ok" but never really have an elevated or true elation/happiness and if they do it may only last a few hours.

Yeah honestly a pretty tough sell for the BPD women. I'm sweet on that you can keep it, thanks.

Like at least mania can be uplifting and pleasurable when it isn't scary or life damaging.

I know a guy with bipolar disorder and its tolerable. He's cool to hang around with. His depressive states are not all that bad.

BPD on the other hand is truly nuts. Like I said, its a personality disorder. And any professional will tell you there's almost no hope of rehabilitation. At least with bipolar you can take medication, but not with BPD.

With my mom, one moment she will love my girlfriend and the next she will say how she's controlling my life, taking away time I could spend from her and has a vapid hatred for her. She even said she wanted to punch my girlfriend in the face once. Then the next day its like it never happened any my girlfriend is great. Total black and white thinking, completely unable to assign positive and negative traits to people at the same time so they switch from love to hatred rapidly. Its chaotic.

All of these people with "BPD" sound like they're just mean and bad people. Lol @ "personality disorders" with no biological base. A collection of chitty traits just makes one a bad person.

Everything biologically expressed has a biological base. Souls aren't real and neither are you.

You only get one life bro, don't spend it getting **** on because you want to be a nice guy.

I dated a girl with bpd for a year. Life is so much better not having to deal with that.

You've never truly knew anyone with BPD then. Its more than just being a "mean and bad person." These people are truly messed up and crazy. Someone who is just a mean person doesn't rapidly switch moods every hour and minute. They also don't lack the ability to assign both positive and negative traits to a person at the same time. Whereas someone with BPD will go from loving you to hating you multiple times per day depending on the slightest trigger. For example, you get off the phone with them and they adulate you, then they text you later that day and you don't respond within 15 minutes and suddenly they hate you and you're the worst person ever.

Nah, i dated a bish for many years who most would classify as BPD. However, she exhibited traits that were also inconsistent wtih it. There are too many variables to classify people into these narrow categories. Anyone can alter behaviour pattners or adopt behaviour patterns given the right experiences. I dont think it's as simple as : yup, diagnosed as BPD, nothing you can do about it. It's different than say being diagnosed with something that is actually tangible and has a cause / proof.

It's not biologicaly expressed thats the point. It's behaviorally expressed, of which we generally have some degree of conscious control. It's not autonomic which one would generally attribute to being more on the biological spectrum.

You can tell a "BPD" person to act like a normal person all day and they can do it. You can't tell a cancer person to act like a non cancer person all day because it's biologically based.

This is more agreeable than your last post. A lot of these disorders are mostly useful in the sense that they cluster symptoms and then find common treatment responses.

The biological underpinnings are likely similar in many ways, but also unique in manifold ways. There likely isn't one real life condition "BPD" that you catch like influenza. It's more likely just a description of an uncountable amount of similar-looking underlying issues that express in similar ways, some more treatable than others.Biology and behavior are inseparable. Mental processes and awareness are a result of the function of biological processes.

Ok i agree with this. Either way, psychology/psychiatry have a long way to go

That's true. It can be a cluster. But I've lived with someone who has all of the signs to a tee. I know BPD is real and when to label someone with it.

If you were in my shoes you would know. Its utter craziness to the point that when I told my therapist stuff she does even she was shocked.

An example, one Christmas we agreed to only spend $100 on each other for gifts. I spent $125 and when she found out she burst into tears, threw a tantrum, and stormed out of my place. Then 5 minutes later acted like it never happened. If I ever bring this stuff up to her she gaslights and denies it completely.

My advice would be to run. I got out of a 6 month relationship with a girl who I'm 90% sure had this condition a few months ago.

-Would have outbursts of anger and aggression randomly, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. She would then go talk to her therapist and come back and say she understands her behaviour better and was making progress. Rinse and repeat.

-Had a past full of broken relationships. Basically there was always someone terrorizing her in her life, whether it be a college professor, boss, ex-boyfriend etc...but in these cases she was ALWAYS the victim. She used this narrative to make me feel like I was finally the great person in life she was looking for...6 months later I'm just another person who demonized her.

-She would throw tantrums like a child over the smallest things...seriously I felt like I was dealing with child at times.

-Constantly paranoid, she would visit various medical professionals multiple times every month out of fear that she had some sort of condition i.e. she would talk to me about how she thought she had cancer...I was just like wtf for most of it.

-Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. There was ALWAYS a reason for her to be angry, always had a reason to accuse me of being complacent and always accused me of not putting any effort into the relationship. We broke up a few times but she kept luring me back. It finally ended after I finally yelled at her while she was throwing a childish tantrum and she demanded I apologize or it was over. Things ended lol. I never went back after that.

-Now she hates my guts and doesn't't even acknowledge or look at me (when we were together she joined some social groups that I attend frequently she still goes time to time and I see her there).

4-5 months into dating this girl was probably the most emotionally and physically exhausting experience of my life.

OP, you might as well be asking for tips on how to walk through a mine field for the first time. It's likely to end in disaster no matter how much advice you get...so don't.

Good luck walking on eggshells for the rest of your life.

Brb walking to the mail box alone = abandoning her.

therapist here.

get out while you can.

Get out. You can't save her. Not only is it not your job to play captain-save-a-hoe, but you also literally cannot save her. No matter what you do, it won't be enough to fix her. She's a broken toy. No amount of glue or tape you apply is going to make her "good as new" again. She was already broken right out of the package.

There is plenty online from psychologists/psychiatrists about how to successfully breakup with BPD's and survive BPD relationships.

110% BPD. You can always describe relationships with these people as “walking on egg shells”. There’s even a book about BPD called that.

The tantrums are a big sign. Any little small thing can set off a tantrum. Normal people don’t function like that.

Also the paranoia sounds exactly like me ex. Both jealous (we couldn’t even go out to eat because she would get mad at me because she thought the waitress was flirting with me). If I looked anywhere else other than at her she would accuse me of checking out other girls. Also she was constantly in some medical ailment...itching, fainting, feeling nauseous, etc.