[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

07-24-2020, 02:58 PM

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#7891

eod8989
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Originally Posted By BestLifter⏩

Idk brahs

I just feel like there's no hope for a better future. I've been depressed before but I always was able to put in hard work and push myself to become someone better or try new things, which ended the depression. It was hard, but I always had something to look forward to at the end of the tunnel, something in the future that was great that kept me going.

But now I don't have anything. I want to push myself and try new thing but I can't keep going. I don't see a purpose, there's no better future that I look forward to. What's the point anymore?

Why am I like this now? Before I always pushed myself out of tough situations because I worked hard and persevered because there was hope, but there's no hope for a better future, I can't seem to see what's so good about my future. srs brahs

Same feeling i have. Now that i'm 31 i feel stuck like nothing is ever going to change. I'm just stuck with this life i think. Everyone has moved on and i'm not where i want to be. I've lost my personality now that i'm older and jaded too so people won't think i'm fun to hang around.

Just nothing is happening. Every day is the same unless i do something myself like chase storms or something. .

07-25-2020, 10:35 AM

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#7892

hidingwithmusic
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Originally Posted By MrDevereaux⏩

I think it's important to recognise that that outlook is an incredibly common (almost ubiquitous) symptom of depression rather than being a reasonable appraisal of your situation and future. My depression was very chemical and I would think exactly the same thing, that there's absolutely no hope and no point to trying anymore. Then I found a med that worked (finally) and it just flipped a switch. Suddenly I was hopeful for the future and felt positive about it.

My view of life and existence hasn't changed. I still don't believe in any afterlife and think that when we die that's it. It just doesn't bother me because the med helped with depression.

Does death scare you more believing there's no afterlife? It did for me.

07-26-2020, 04:54 AM

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#7893

2MUCHCHICKEN
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2MUCHCHICKEN
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I’m not sure how my life has gotten to this point. All of a sudden at 29 years old everything has started to go downhill when it felt like I had the world in control up until this point. I’ve had about 5 jobs in the last 12 months, and end up quitting each and everyone of them. I’m starting a new job in two weeks so I hope I can hold this one down. I still live with my parents and my relationship with my fiancée of 4 years has been on a downwards spiral. Life just sucks right now, and the only thing that keeps me going is lifting, I’ve lost passion for everything else in my life it really sucks. Everyone around me is starting to see me as an outlier and don’t understand or agree with my coping mechanisms, I have friends but they are somewhat distant and our mutual interests are worlds apart. I quit drinking and recreational behaviour and have been sober for 6 months, this has perceived me to be even more ‘alienated’. I’m so lost right now , what is life.

07-26-2020, 05:02 AM

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#7894

BestLifter
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Originally Posted By 2MUCHCHICKEN⏩

I’m not sure how my life has gotten to this point. All of a sudden at 29 years old everything has started to go downhill when it felt like I had the world in control up until this point. I’ve had about 5 jobs in the last 12 months, and end up quitting each and everyone of them. I’m starting a new job in two weeks so I hope I can hold this one down. I still live with my parents and my relationship with my fiancée of 4 years has been on a downwards spiral. Life just sucks right now, and the only thing that keeps me going is lifting, I’ve lost passion for everything else in my life it really sucks. Everyone around me is starting to see me as an outlier and don’t understand or agree with my coping mechanisms, I have friends but they are somewhat distant and our mutual interests are worlds apart. I quit drinking and recreational behaviour and have been sober for 6 months, this has perceived me to be even more ‘alienated’. I’m so lost right now , what is life.

Hey man I think I'm in the same boat at you and I also recently have cut out alcohol after a lot of problems it's caused. I also feel alienated by those around me cuz I start going to university the last year and I just can't seem to like the same things.
It feels like I'm doing good cuz I've given up on bad things like alcohol, smoking and drugs, but it doesn't feel like I'm succeeding at all.

07-26-2020, 05:16 AM

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#7895

2MUCHCHICKEN
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Originally Posted By BestLifter⏩

Hey man I think I'm in the same boat at you and I also recently have cut out alcohol after a lot of problems it's caused. I also feel alienated by those around me cuz I start going to university the last year and I just can't seem to like the same things.
It feels like I'm doing good cuz I've given up on bad things like alcohol, smoking and drugs, but it doesn't feel like I'm succeeding at all.

Keep pushing forward dude, as someone who is also University educated, finishing your degree and receiving your parchment will be one of the proudest moments of your life. I know how you feel, it almost feels as if you’re going backwards by cutting out the alcohol, smoking and all that crap. DM if you need to chat anytime.

07-26-2020, 12:21 PM

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#7896

Zenyatta2539
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I definitely think alcohol took it's toll on me. Drank for 6 years 1-2 times a week. I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't put that chit in my body.

07-26-2020, 10:09 PM

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#7897

Jaydawg08
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This social isolation is going to get to me.. going through a "breakup", not even sure if it is one since she moved home but half her stuff is still here and we still text like everyday.

Didn't realize how much I depended on her for social interaction. So many negative avenues I don't wanna spiral down towards and with COVID it amplifies everything. My coping skills of bottling up my feelings worries me, and I don't want to spiral

07-27-2020, 12:36 PM

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#7898

eod8989
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At what point do you just give up?

07-27-2020, 05:04 PM

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#7899

AverageKenneth
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Might need a totally new start lads. Thinking of selling everything, changing my name and moving to some irrelevant village somewhere in Eastern Europe. Srs.

07-27-2020, 07:40 PM

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#7900

eod8989
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Tour is over after 30. There is no way to make friends. You lose your personality. Just nothing ever happens bros.

07-28-2020, 01:13 AM

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#7901

jecer
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Almost every day I have so little energy to do anything.I just wanna lay down and do nothing.Nothing excites me anymore

07-28-2020, 07:06 AM

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#7902

MrDevereaux
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Originally Posted By hidingwithmusic⏩

Does death scare you more believing there's no afterlife? It did for me.

Hey, sorry.

When I'm feeling good death and eternal oblivion scares me. When I'm seriously depressed, it's the best thing I could imagine.

07-28-2020, 07:42 AM

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#7903

eod8989
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Thing is there is no way to integrate into society if you're a quiet guy because nobody gives a chit about you. I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. If I only get to talk when I have to bring something to someone at work or only get to talk with older people what is the point?

07-28-2020, 12:39 PM

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#7904

mrjolly2323
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Originally Posted By eod8989⏩

Thing is there is no way to integrate into society if you're a quiet guy because nobody gives a chit about you. I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. If I only get to talk when I have to bring something to someone at work or only get to talk with older people what is the point?

Same, only guy I talk to at work is 52. Besides that only talk to anyone when its about work. Even one younger coworker could makes things more bearable.

07-28-2020, 01:44 PM

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#7905

BestLifter
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Originally Posted By eod8989⏩

Thing is there is no way to integrate into society if you're a quiet guy because nobody gives a chit about you. I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. If I only get to talk when I have to bring something to someone at work or only get to talk with older people what is the point?

maybe realize theres a lot of other guys like you and that maybe you can be the one that makes a change?
Be the one to reach out cuz other dudes are like you and quiet and shy and think the same.

07-28-2020, 01:55 PM

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#7906

eod8989
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Originally Posted By mrjolly2323⏩

Same, only guy I talk to at work is 52. Besides that only talk to anyone when its about work. Even one younger coworker could makes things more bearable.

The whole thing has just snowballed for years now and now im a socially awkward fuk. I honestly have no idea what to do at this point. I feel like the last time i felt alive was 2014 when I didn't have a serious job and had tons of people my age to talk to. I'm just ruined man. Idk how people cope with this. Ive been socially rejected for being masculine the whole time as well. I just feel so confused in this current world man. This can't be all there is to life is talking to old people.

07-28-2020, 03:46 PM

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#7907

manletstrength
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I've always felt different from others since I'm mentally ill. I feel like I will never be apart of society and I feel like I was born in the wrong time period. Everything I've tried to do has ended up to be nothing but failure after failure. I also live in a dysfunctional household where my brother thinks he is GOD and tries to dictate every move and breath I take. He has fuked up my mind which is the reason why I feel the way I do about myself and life. Being physically abused for a long period of time can ruin a person. My brain never development right and I as a person never developed right emotionally and mentally when I was growing up.

My life and youth was taken away from me. Trust me on this; when the day comes where I part ways from this pile of chit I will never see or talk to him again. I dont care if/when he dies because he never cared about me enough to me to consider him as my brother. I will not be attending his funeral either when he does leave this earth. I've never had such strong hatred towards a person in all my life like I have for him. To be honest, no one in my family including my relatives can stand him. They all know hes a piece of chit and a lowlife loser. So, I'm not alone in that aspect.

07-28-2020, 08:25 PM

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#7908

S_H_A_D_O_W
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Two years ago I slept with a girl, caught a disease and took a year off dating. Started dating again last summer caught the same disease, even used protection but it slipped off. thought nothing much of it other than "guess I gotta take this anti biotic pill again". a month after that all healed I slept around again (stupid I know) and caught this again (really three times in a ****ing row?). So I was perscribed a stronger antibiotic this time.

This is when all hell broke loose. I was at the gym doing pull downs and noticed pain in my throat was wondering what this feeling was. I would wake up in the middle of the night with ears ringing loud and the worst pain imaginable in my throat. I later found out it was severe acid reflux from the anti biotic. The doctor perscribed me another drug to deal with the acid reflux which stopped my stomache acid, allowing candida to grow and also I got allergic reactions to the medication.

I stumbled around through college just barely getting through my classes. I felt weak dizzy tired and then soon pain throughout my body. I researched for days and found out I had developed allergic reactions to the meds. I tapered off the meds and I replaced it with apple cider vinegar which healed my acid reflux but I still got the pain throughout my muscles and body. My stomache was going crazy I couldnt eat anything. My lips would go numb. I would frequently faint. My veins began to rupture there are still red spots on my skin to this day (varicocitis I believe). the pain was unbearable.

I drove myself to the emergency room at the hospital. Where I was taken in and given a drug to treat the candida overgrowth that I suspect had leached into my bloodstream and made me go septic.

I looked like a skeleton I lost 40 lbs of muscle, dark circles under my eyes. I thought I was going to die. I slowly have been trying to recover since. I have ulcerative collitus and have been on a strict diet. I've been researching and I fear I have developed an autoimmune disease.

In rare cases I feel ok, most days are hell. I wake up, my eyes are beat red and dry and my mouth is always dry and sticky. my thyroid throbbs in pain like someone is stabbing me in the neck with a knife all day long. My fingers and toes are deformed and clubbed, the skin hangs off my body and is wrinkly. My hair is falling out and im going bald. I'm sensitive to noise any loud noise makes me cringe in pain. I'm beyond irritable at all times. My lungs are weak its hard to breath, my kidneys barely function. I have brain fog its difficult to think or perform any simple task. If I eat the wrong thing I get pain shoot through my body like I injected poison into my veins. I've been on a strict diet for 8 months just eating plain salads and fish with no cure or relief in sight. I've seen specialists and they dont know anything. I requested to see an autoimmunologist but because of covid it may take months.

I've been severely depressed most days I dont get out of bed. I miss being normal, I miss being able to eat food. I miss not being in constant pain.

I think my life might be over, Ill never be able to work like this. Ill never find a partner. I'll never enjoy the simple pleasures of food and pain free life.

I dont know how much longer I can take this.

07-28-2020, 08:48 PM

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#7909

manletstrength
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Originally Posted By S_H_A_D_O_W⏩

Two years ago I slept with a girl, caught a disease and took a year off dating. Started dating again last summer caught the same disease, even used protection but it slipped off. thought nothing much of it other than "guess I gotta take this anti biotic pill again". a month after that all healed I slept around again (stupid I know) and caught this again (really three times in a ****ing row?). So I was perscribed a stronger antibiotic this time.

This is when all hell broke loose. I was at the gym doing pull downs and noticed pain in my throat was wondering what this feeling was. I would wake up in the middle of the night with ears ringing loud and the worst pain imaginable in my throat. I later found out it was severe acid reflux from the anti biotic. The doctor perscribed me another drug to deal with the acid reflux which stopped my stomache acid, allowing candida to grow and also I got allergic reactions to the medication.

I stumbled around through college just barely getting through my classes. I felt weak dizzy tired and then soon pain throughout my body. I researched for days and found out I had developed allergic reactions to the meds. I tapered off the meds and I replaced it with apple cider vinegar which healed my acid reflux but I still got the pain throughout my muscles and body. My stomache was going crazy I couldnt eat anything. My lips would go numb. I would frequently faint. My veins began to rupture there are still red spots on my skin to this day (varicocitis I believe). the pain was unbearable.

I drove myself to the emergency room at the hospital. Where I was taken in and given a drug to treat the candida overgrowth that I suspect had leached into my bloodstream and made me go septic.

I looked like a skeleton I lost 40 lbs of muscle, dark circles under my eyes. I thought I was going to die. I slowly have been trying to recover since. I have ulcerative collitus and have been on a strict diet. I've been researching and I fear I have developed an autoimmune disease.

In rare cases I feel ok, most days are hell. I wake up, my eyes are beat red and dry and my mouth is always dry and sticky. my thyroid throbbs in pain like someone is stabbing me in the neck with a knife all day long. My fingers and toes are deformed and clubbed, the skin hangs off my body and is wrinkly. My hair is falling out and im going bald. I'm sensitive to noise any loud noise makes me cringe in pain. I'm beyond irritable at all times. My lungs are weak its hard to breath, my kidneys barely function. I have brain fog its difficult to think or perform any simple task. If I eat the wrong thing I get pain shoot through my body like I injected poison into my veins. I've been on a strict diet for 8 months just eating plain salads and fish with no cure or relief in sight. I've seen specialists and they dont know anything. I requested to see an autoimmunologist but because of covid it may take months.

I've been severely depressed most days I dont get out of bed. I miss being normal, I miss being able to eat food. I miss not being in constant pain.

I think my life might be over, Ill never be able to work like this. Ill never find a partner. I'll never enjoy the simple pleasures of food and pain free life.

I dont know how much longer I can take this.

I'm sorry to hear about this. Hopefully you will be able to see a specialist soon. Why didnt any of the other specialists you went to refer you to an auto immune doctor? They should've and the fact that they didn't is fuked up.

I hope you get through this and make a come back in the gym and overall in life. I'd hate to see a good person and a fellow miscer such as yourself one day not be around anymore. Just keep fighting man that's all you can do. This covid-19 is preventing you from getting the right help that you desperately need. Do what you can and figure out your options. Even if you have to take desperate measures then do it. Your life is on the line. I'd hate to see yet another miscer pass away. You are a good dude.

My uncle passed away 6 years ago from a STD that turned into cancer. He fought hard for 3 years and yet the illness took him away from everyone. So, I can kinda see what you're dealing with right now. You have my sympathy. You can PM me anytime on here if you need someone to talk to. I'll always be here.

07-29-2020, 12:06 PM

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#7910

eod8989
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Started talking sports at work and it got heated. As expected. Reminds me why I never talk anymore

07-29-2020, 12:25 PM

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#7911

BigTimePlayer
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I don’t know how much longer I can take this. This life is such a joke. I have too many issues to ever be able to live a normal life at this point. Everyone always says it’ll get better but when? I’ve been waiting for things to get better but they never do.

07-29-2020, 12:33 PM

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#7912

dontstopbelief
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Stay the course boyos, I've had undiagnosed depression for 10 years, have some bad days, but I keep finding things to live for and set goals to get me back on track when things get bad.

07-29-2020, 04:14 PM

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#7913

frankfrank3630
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Originally Posted By eod8989⏩

If I only get to talk...with older people what is the point?

There is a point, eod. If you keep your mind open to the possibility that the other person might have something to say, which awakens interests or other parts of your mind which may currently be dormant, it just might happen.

Using an analogy, this is like the kindling (paper, twigs, etc.) that starts the "fire"-that-is-your-mind, going again. It's the small start which, especially if you keep your thoughts open to the possibility of it happening, can lead to confidence and the will to tackle more-difficult things such as re-learning interactions with people your age. And, hopefully, even leading to the ability and confidence to interact with WOMEN who are your age. This really can happen.

Going directly from "nothing" as of right now, to having a relevant conversation with a woman, is like (back to my analogy) trying to catch a log on fire with a match - it's just not gonna happen that directly. No harm in trying. You're a good guy, and you're sincere which counts for a LOT. You deserve this.

My same thoughts are not limited to eod, but to other readers as well.

07-29-2020, 06:37 PM

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#7914

hidingwithmusic
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Originally Posted By BigTimePlayer⏩

I don’t know how much longer I can take this. This life is such a joke. I have too many issues to ever be able to live a normal life at this point. Everyone always says it’ll get better but when? I’ve been waiting for things to get better but they never do.

the false hope is a crippling weight to bare, my friend.

07-30-2020, 08:44 AM

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#7915

eod8989
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The thing is everyone is on ****. There is nothing you can do unless you get that stoned feeling. If you're just a normal dude who doesn't take this crap you will be alone.

07-30-2020, 08:49 AM

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#7916

alltrapbrah
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Originally Posted By BigTimePlayer⏩

I don’t know how much longer I can take this. This life is such a joke. I have too many issues to ever be able to live a normal life at this point. Everyone always says it’ll get better but when? I’ve been waiting for things to get better but they never do.

Has it not occurred to you that ‘waiting’ is kinda passive and unlikely to achieve anything? Even something like winning the lottery requires action in that you have to purchase a ticket...

07-31-2020, 07:15 PM

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#7917

eod8989
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I'm starting to think my chit is chemical now. I really do feel tired and have lost interest in almost everything. Don't know how to fix this.

07-31-2020, 08:04 PM

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#7918

Barcode120x
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Originally Posted By eod8989⏩

I'm starting to think my chit is chemical now. I really do feel tired and have lost interest in almost everything. Don't know how to fix this.

As cliche as this sounds, you need to see your PCP. Or, find a PCP that specializes in mental health. Unfortunately, there's always going to be the negative stigma about seeing the doc for "mental health issues" but you need to get seen early. Everything is a collaboration. Just because you see your doc, doesn't mean you have to start meds. There are TONS of treatment plans and alternatives that don't involve medication, but depending on your severity, some docs may want to start meds right away. I'm precepting under an DNP/FNP who has done a mental health fellowship and a decent amount of patients come from mental health issues (primarily anxiety and depression).

When this COVID subsides, I suspect to see an increase in depression in the next 1-2 years. Mentally, COVID is hitting my fellow colleagues in the hospital hard, mentally and physically.

07-31-2020, 11:22 PM

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#7919

davik
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Originally Posted By eod8989⏩

I'm starting to think my chit is chemical now. I really do feel tired and have lost interest in almost everything. Don't know how to fix this.

could be, but things suck and it is only going to get worse

08-01-2020, 02:07 PM

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#7920

eod8989
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Originally Posted By davik⏩

could be, but things suck and it is only going to get worse

This is the zionist Jewish stuff isn't it?

The thing that sucks is there is nothing we can really do about it. Theres nowhere to hide anymore.

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Thread: [SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III