cuddled with a prostitute for 4 hours and feel really pathetic. Feel bad for the girl that she had to deal with a beta like me. She was upset that I couldn't get hard and I'm upset that she's upset and feel like such a failure because I really wanted her to talk to me but instead of talking to her i just lied there and did nothing. IDK what is wrong with me. I see hookers in hopes to connect with someone thinking it will be easier since im paying but i still can't do it. She asked me my favorite tv show and I blanked and freaked out and then told her I just want to have sex so she would stop asking me personal questions. My social anxiety is so bad I can never open up to people. And then we had sex and I couldn't even get hard so my cop out from social interaction didn't work and I just had to embarassingly say "im tired" like a retard and we just lied there for 4 hours. LOL Dude. I'm such a retard. This post sounds like a troll post but it's legit what my life is. For some reason my life is literally a giant joke. I have the social confidence of an abused dog. LMFAO. What is wrong with my brain. I feel so hopeless like I will never get over this ****.

Now I really feel like I need to see her again so I can explain why i was such an autist but i don't even know why and it wouldn't make sense to anyone.

And im here typing this after smoking but it's all true.

Im really feel bad for giving her my negative energy. I actually liked her a lot but was just too shy.

Another feeling i had was when we were cuddling, i built cuddling with a hot girl up in my mind and I was just like "that was it?" Like that was all there is to life and I felt a sense of detachment from reality. Like nothing is real. Nothing has meaning or connection. What I want most is to never feel this way. I want attachment to other people like I had with my family when I was a kid because then I will never feel "unreal." I don't know if any of this makes any sense. I smoked a lot. WOW.

I know I sound like a giant troll and am super embrassed to post this. I don't know what I've been doing with my life. I can't think of anything that will make me happy. I just want connection to others so I don't have to feel like nothing is real and this is all a simulation.

And something that bugs me is i can't even speak clearly. Like I mumble everything making my already bad social skills worse. Kills my ****ing confidence man.

do you lift imbored21?

i try but my subhuman mind cannot get me to do it the right way. I will do curls or push ups but never go ham at it or diet right. My subhuman brain holds me back from everything I need to nuke it but I don't want to because that would be mean to it. I don't want to hurt anyone not even my subhuman brain.

and the only comfort i get in my life is knowing i can posts my failures on the misc so some people can laugh at it. It makes me feel accomplished when people think my pathetic life is funny.

That "nothing is real" feeling is accurate IMO. There is no escaping from that. The ego you build up, the importance you assign to it, the things you crave most, it's all empty through and through.

And it's crazy to think how I got so far from normal. I'm like some kind of super autist. IDK and I still keep feeling really bad for her. Like I need to do something for her to show her my appreciation because I really did like her and appreciate that she spent time with me even though I gave her $2500. Like I shouldn't even feel this way cuz she's worthlesss whore and practically stealing my money. I should hate her but I legit just want her to be happy and I hate to be the cause of pain. I NEVER want anyone to see me in sucha negative light. I want to be liked by everyone.

I always felt like if something went wrong I would be saved by my parents. Like I was never truly hopeless and everything would always end up alright because my parents could just save me. But that feeling of "nothing is real" was so powerful, I felt a deep sense of hopelessness like there is 0 getting past that. My parents can't help me with that. no one can. I NEVER want to feel the "nothing is real" feeling again. It is my greatest fear.

Avoiding it makes it worse. Srs.

It's kind of odd how you describe all of it, but it connects to my experience. There is a sense of loss, from that unquestioning belief in a genuinely good and boundless existence with permanence and personal importance. Anyone with a good childhood should be able to relate to that loss.

i need my ego more than anything. it's the only thing that makes me feel safe from the truth. I need to be around people who will validate my ego. that is why i crave relationships so bad. I need to know I'm real and this isn't all a lie.

yeah. you rephrased it really well. I'm just a ****ing autist and one of the things i hate about myself is i can never articulate anything correctly. Hate my damn autism brain

Yeah I talked to the ktherapy guy and he told me they mail it to you and you do video call cus covid. Made me hesitant because it will give me anxiety doing it alone in my room and video chat gives me anxiety too. Rather do in a doctor's office knowing im being monitored and in good hands. But it is my goal to go through with it this year.

she was cute as hell and had some hot banter skills but she kept asking me personal questions and that makes me cower away in fear. I'm such a ****ing failure. I don't get how I can't do basic things liek tell someone my favorite movie?? LOL DUDE LOL AT ME. Makes 0 sense. wtf rofl

i crave the company of others but fear it at the same time. i hate that im such a mega autist. i spend so much tome fantasizing about myself killing it in social interactions but when they happen im autistic. my mind thinks im a chad and will
do everything it can to convince me i am and start making all these fantasies of me having perfect social situations but experience tells me that im just a beta autist. i can't believe im this way. im almost 27 and have nothing to show for it. im not a cute kid where you just laugh at my quirks anymore. im actually just a ****ing weirdo approaching creep territory. have 2 job interviews today and think im just going to ditch because im not feeling it today. and im only looking for a job to avoid my harsh reality. i don't want a job (outside of my full time one). i was just trying to get a second one to distract myself ftom my problems. i want to be socially free. i want relationships and love. i want to be free from loneliness but i kind of fear even then it will just be like "that's it." but i still want it more than anything. but at the same time i cant stop avoiding what i want most

i just want to feel free like i did when i was a kid spending time with my family.

i used to see this escort regularly and she would just talk to me (my oneitis who quit that i spam post about). she understood my social anxiety and how to interact with my autist brain. it was the only thing keeping me going making me feel like i had some connection and emotional security. now i just feel alone.

i have a crush on my coworker and she talks to me everyday and it makes me feel better. i like that she asks me for help with stuff because i feel like i have something to offer because i am actually good at my job. i try so hard at work to compensate for my social retardedness. i think it works in that my coworkers like me but at the end of the day it is only compensating and they still see me as an autistic freak. without my work crush i might just end it. i feel like she likes/cares about me and it makes me feel somewhat secure. but honestly she's the only egg left in my basket.

the misc is another egg actually but it's becoming less of one because most of the people i could relate to are gone.

im not close to my parents anymore after moving out 6 months ago. i dont feel a connection like i used to. like i cant be myself around thrm anymore when the were the only ones i ever could with.

indont want to feel completely alone but im walking on egg shells

I’ve been spending a lot less time on the misc lately; TheAdlerian was right when he suggested that this place is going to the dogs. I’ve found myself frequenting Reddit (of all places!) in order to find more stimulating conversation.

do not do this

if you go on reddit they will turn you into a cringey cuck

Pick your poison. The misc is just as bad in that it will indoctrinate you into the cult of ******* and turn you into a raging narcissist.

Reddit lends itself to having more diverse opinions by having sub reddits. On the misc, there’s a dominant personality type which is essentially: individualistic, narcissistic, solipsistic, misogynistic, overly rational and overly logical.

EOD is perhaps the best example of the definitive misc ‘product’.

EDIT: holy fuk, i’ve just discovered that the misc automatically censors l o o k i s m

I'd rather be a narcissitic, detached brah with aesthetics that looks down on the world than a bubblegum ******* that seeks validation on reddit.

Spoken like a true miscer; my ideology > your ideology.

The point I was making was moreso about being aware of and avoiding ideological indoctrination, regardless of whether it’s from the misc, reddit or elsewhere.

yeah this place made me more mentall ill. i need to spend more time with bluepilled normies so i can adopt their world view. i think the overlogical **** is bad for you. even if the misc idealogies are more true in a rational sense, being naive and happy>being right

Man up and stop overanalyzing everything. Nothing will get better if you just sit here and whine and do nothing. If you don´t take massive action right now, things will only get slightly worse and worse. But in the end you will probably be fine anyways, even if it gets chittier.

To quote Jordan Peterson in the video I posted previously “All it means is that your rational mind is capable of spinning off a sequence of logical tricks”.

And once again, it’s not really about abandoning one ideology for another, but rather avoiding ideological thinking all together.

TheRedPill, despite containing elements of truth, is a dogmatic ideology.

How are you supposed to tell the difference if your depression is chemical or situational?

If you’re living the kind of life that meets all of your basic needs and more, e.g. job you enjoy, good friends, good family, intimate partner, interesting hobbies, financial stability, etc, but you’re still having bouts of severe depression, then i’d say that’s a fairly good indicator that your depression is largely physiological.

If on the other hand your life is kinda garbage and you’re lacking in several important areas, well... it’s kinda obvious your depression is situational.

Having said that, I think that depression is more complicated than what i’ve suggested above. Environment and physiology interact and influence one another, thus you can’t lay the blame squarely on one, akin to the nature vs nurture debate.

you're a 35 year old no avi that worships jordan peterson

seriously stop giving advice itt

Are you actually autistic or just saying that?

remember Eod? kevlin? glassmoon in their prime?

this guy is worse than all 3 combined