Maybe your mind is conditioned to believe it's ethically fine? There's a reason many civilizations and cultures restricted sex towards monogamy.

Also, sounds like you're invoking "it's natural" to make a moral claim. Naturalistic fallacy.Also not necessarily true, there are varying mating strategies amongst animals - humans likely being hybrid. Read up on r/K selection theory, and read The Red Queen.

Also, you're once again committing the naturalistic fallacy.If you have the talk, no need to feel guilt. If you don't, I'm claiming that it's ethically dubious as dating progresses."Objectively speaking" according to who? Modern dating standards?

So according to you it's morally fine, even if I know this girl has expressed strong interest, and is concerned about STDs (we both are), and will be hurt pretty badly if I she discovered I did **** another woman,as long asshe didn't explicitly request that I don't?

This is a gray area for sure. Objectively fine is... dubious.

PS And please don't be condescending by saying I should "look inside myself" and "uncondition my mind" as if there's something wrong with me trying to do the right thing.

Vagueness allows people to avoid commitment.
People are generally scared to commit to anything (Not just relationships) these days.
It allows them to slip out of situations without getting hurt in some sort of manner. Furthermore, they can feel less guilty about the results or consequences it has on others.

Indeed, this is my point. It enables one to do something ethically dubious and then claim it's objectively morally fine.

Ya'll just reminded me how much of a headache dating can be. I'm extremely simple minded when it comes to dating, I forgot that people like to play games.

Lol. Nobody comes off condescending ITT other than you, female and legz. Endless echo chamber from you 3 page after page on how you are all different/ better from modern people and they don’t match up to your values.

I never said that there weren’t other mating strategies, I was just trying to point out that you 3 seem to think that your strategies are the only morally/ societally correct ones, and everyone else is wrong

The cherry picked example, answer is obvious but that is also most likely a result of you giving the woman an impression that she is the only one you are talking to.

It is possible to talk with multiple women, and try to better their/ your own lives at the same time.

I don’t care if you change your mind or not, the only reason I said to look inside yourself was to see if your way of thinking was formulated from your own experiences, or how you were raised and whether it is still an aid or a hinderance. If you don’t want to do that, it’s your life either way.

Welcome to the games

Yeah this is a good answer.

If I bring up monogamy I feel like I'm implying a lot more than I want to (I move slow), hence I just wait until they do.

Bish pls. You'll hop up on those apps and will be like every other girl there. Nitpicky, stringing bunch of guys along, telling i had a great evening just to ghost after etc. But ofcours you aren't like the other girls.

Girls vs games is like rastafarians vs ganja.

The main reason men even have to date multiple women at once cos you are never sure when she finds better guy and lose interest.

My original questions were simply asking out of curiosity, and not implying you should feel guilt. The scenario I painted may seem contrived but it seems like every time I date that’s how it goes. So I was naively asking if that’s how it goes for every guy.

My point is that technically I can have sex with other women right now, and you’re saying I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. But I would, and I’m unpacking why, and it seems I do have a valid reason to feel that guilt, because it would have negative consequences on this girl.

I agree though if both parties have expectations that they will both be sleeping around, there’s no problem here.

But don’t you find it interesting that people tend to avoid those conversations?

I used to have that same view when i first got back into dating a few years ago.

I would see one at a time so i could give all my attention to one person to see how it goes.

After seeing how many people can just toss you to the side and ghost after a month, I stopped putting all my eggs in one basket.

I did feel guilty at first when seeing\talking to 3 women at a time but it passed over time.

Unless someone brings up being exclusive, I assume they are dating others as well.

Do you really think ppl on these apps are only dating you?

It's like the hunger games except your prize, if you win, is a couple free meals and some mediocre dink. Have fun out there lol

Again, I'm with you.Yes, truth.Agree. As usual. lolOh get ready girlo! It's games, games, games.lol Wat?! I'm not saying Im better than anyone else. This is just my own personal preference on how I want to date. I have every right to my personal opinions on what I think is right and wrong and if they don't match up with someone elses then so be it. I'll move on. god forbid you're not a huge sloot! Now that's something to be looked down on? lol I'm just like lol.Yes, this is the problem. I think it's taken completely wrong when you bring it up, when all you really want is to make sure your health is safe while you figure out what it's going to be. In the end though, it's a good weeding out process. At least that way we're not wasting our time with people who have no interest in anything besides f'ing around. If someone isn't adult enough to understand where I'm coming from, then it's no loss to me if they want to bail because I brought it up.

Yeah bringing it up will weed out like-minded people.

I have no issue if/when they bring it up and just explain I'm cool with monogamy but am not yet at the point where I'm ready for a full blown relationship.

If neither of us bring it up in time I'm sure I would initiate some type of conversation but that would be after many months.

So you'd wait months and not care that she could be getting smashed by different guys in close proximity to when she's with you? Do you not care if you get STDs?

So I guess my Hinge experience is starting tonight. It's been 8 weeks since I ended it with FWB. I have 3-4 non selfies and a couple selfies that I can use. The non selfies aren't very recent but I look the same in them as I do in my recent selfies so oh well. With COVID these past 6 months I don't have much of a choice but to use older group pics. I blanked out my sons/friends faces with flowers or emojis. Is that pretty typical? I'm not going to put their faces on a dating app.

I'm gonna give this girl one more shot. I'm gonna ask her out on another date and see what happens. She's a nice girl, we get along, and we have similar values and upbringings. Our local conservatory has a flower show going on now that actually looks pretty interesting. I figured go there and then dinner after. If she doesn't offer to pay for anything then I'll drop her. 3 dates and not paying for a single thing would be the straw for me.

Well if she was then I would consider us not like-minded and incompatible for dating.

As for the safety aspect, valid point.

I guess I'm relying a lot on my gut in terms of judgement of character for both.

I feel like people don't think this through at all. It's bizarre to me. I asked my ex the same thing when I discovered she was in a similar situation in the past, no good answer.

IDK if people just block it out of their brain or something.

If a chick I'm dating has sex with another guy, and sees me before even possibly showering to get intimate again, that is so disgusting. That's an extreme example, but even a few days or a week is bad in terms of spreading disease.

How do you guys check if she's had sex with another guy hours before you, or do you just remain ignorant?

But if you're not talking about it you won't even know if she is.

Yeah, that's pretty extreme. I'm old fashioned (see age lol) so if a guy pays for my meal I just think that's nice. But after that I'll at least offer to pay my half or plan a date at my place where I'll cook for them. This is also why I won't do meals or anything more than a drink or coffee before I know I for sure like them and feel attracted to them.You'd never know if he pulled out or they used condoms. That's so disgusting to me that people don't care about that kind of stuff.

I wouldn't drop her that dude. She might just be a traditional type girl. Are you getting vibes that she's using you for free meals?

Not at all. Never on her phone. Always engaging and in the moment. Doesn't seem like she is using me.

To be clear I'm not making negative judgements, and don't want to come across that way because newbuck misinterpreted me.

I'm really trying to figure out what I'm missing here.

Profile made. 5 profiles I've looked at in and it's a guy who I swear had the same exact profile pic on different dating sites 5 years ago. lol If you don't see me around after tonight it's because I jumped off a bridge.

In all honesty, I never felt any guilt. Probably some degree of sociopathy on my part, since I didn't really feel any guilt even when it came to girls I was dating. Saying that you might "hurt" her could be an exaggeration though. She wouldn't like it, but you've only been on 2-3 dates.

It could be a cultural thing to some degree. Male monogamy was never really a thing in the East until it was sort of imposed by the West, and even despite the spread of Christianity and Western values in Korea, it's still common for Korean men to have mistresses/side chicks. Or maybe that's just my rationalization. Anyways, I haven't fooled around in a long time and don't plan to.

Guys give all sorts of reasons for seeing multiple women, with the most common being that she is probably doing it too. I did it because it was exciting and made my dick hard. Any other reason seems like bullchit to me.

It made it easier that I was "rewarded" for such behavior as well. The more I became like that, the easier it became to get more women and I also noticed that more women caught feelings for me. I always figured that it was because most women are "naturally" attracted to that kind of behavior despite themselves, but these days I also think it had a lot to do with compatibility. I became more myself in a sense by embracing my inner scumbag rather than denying it, and this therefore attracted women who were more compatible with me, while it would quickly repel women who aren't into guys like me.

Speaking of that...
This is a good idea, and I gave my own example of it above.

Personally, I don't see a real practical reason to bring up the exclusivity thing before you're in a relationship. If she's not a sloot and is into you, she's not going to be sleeping around anyways. And if she is a sloot, why would you want to be exclusive? That said, I do still think it's a good idea for you in the sense that it shows what kind of man you are, which attracts women who are more compatible with you like you said.Not something I thought about... or really even care about that much. When I sit on a park bench, how do I know someone hasn't pissed on it? I think it just comes down to different people have different levels of preoccupation with cleanliness/germs. Yours is probably stronger than most. Of course, if there were feelings involved, that's a completely different thing.

Looks like I'm going to have 2 dates this weekend boyos both 6-7/10

edit: oof nvm just 1 just 1

Lol You spoke too soon.

I've been going through profiles and it's pretty bleak. Plus I've got distance set to 25 miles and it's showing me people who are hours away. So annoying. Especially since it's hard to tell where they are since it doesn't have a city setting.

Hinge? Isnt that the one where it makes you pick the neighborhood your are in instead of city?

When i was on there, I had to constantly reset my distance due to it showing me ppl in another state

Yep, puts neighborhood, which makes it difficult to tell where people are. I changed mine to the closest city because that's technically my address but I'm outside of the city. I'm seeing tons that are hours away and a handful that are in my same area. It's super annoying.

I didn’t even mention the risk of pregnancy with sleeping around, which is real. My slut ex sometimes forgot her pill (you may recall the thread I had on this) and lots of her friends do too. But they sleep around.

The probability may be very low but the consequence is so incredibly high and life altering. It’s certainly something to keep in mind. Add that into the list of why it’s irresponsible.

With this last girl we had a the convo before having sex. She actually was the first to mention contraception and that she was on the pill, which was a plus. We both agreed I would also use protection.

My ex really did not like that I was so interested in whether she took the pill on time etc. I caught her 2/3 times though forgetting it. Felt like I was being responsible on her behalf; big negative on her.

Mediocregains, good honest post as usual, will respond properly.

I know, right? What if she gets pregnant and doesn't know who the father is?!!