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Forum » Supposed to see a movie with an ex.. she wants to come over instead
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Thread: Supposed to see a movie with an ex.. she wants to come over instead

post 1622088891 11-09-2020, 01:15 PM
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Supposed to see a movie with an ex.. she wants to come over instead

**** in peace like 3rd thread on this

So to make it short I’m on the bus to go lift (srs) ex texts me saying she isn’t feeling up to going out but would come over instead to see a movie.. now I’m trying to keep this platonic as I don’t want to lose her again but I could tell she still had feels.. I don’t want to hurt her so how do I proceed without somehow doing that.. reps for srs advice

Pic of other ex don’t have time to anti detective so don’t ruin it..
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post 1622089131 11-09-2020, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted By justgenetics⏩
**** in peace like 3rd thread on this

So to make it short I’m on the bus to go lift (srs) ex texts me saying she isn’t feeling up to going out but would come over instead to see a movie.. now I’m trying to keep this platonic as I don’t want to lose her again but I could tell she still had feels.. I don’t want to hurt her so how do I proceed without somehow doing that.. reps for srs advice



https://postimg.cc/4mpYQpjX/b885a584

Pic of other ex don’t have time to anti detective so don’t ruin it..
Platonic
Don't want to hurt her

Choose one, srs. I've been down this alley a few times and it's awkward bro. All of my exes are still in love with me in some sense, whereas I love them as friends, but not as a lover. To the point where my ex who I didn't talk to for like 2 years called me the day before her wedding and asked if we were "done done" (I had no clue she was getting married lol). I guess you could have her over to chill, but you need to be upfront with her. If she still has feelings and you don't then you need to say that. I remember I told my ex "I'll always love you, but I can never love you the way you need me to again". Then she started uncontrollably crying and it became a huge mess with her friends calling me an ass for not giving her a chance.

I'm maybe good friends with like 2 of my exes where we can go out and get lunch to catch up, talk about our lives and love interests without being weird about it. They still admit they have some feelings for me, and I say the same, but we know that it would never work out so the platonic friendship is a good avenue. If its a one sided affair then it will fail miserably.
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post 1622089661 11-09-2020, 01:22 PM
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Not sure how your suppose to keep a relationship with an ex platonic... you'll always end up having sex.
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post 1622089751 11-09-2020, 01:22 PM
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Let her come over and watch Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory, srs
post 1622090361 11-09-2020, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted By JStrez⏩
Platonic
Don't want to hurt her

Choose one, srs. I've been down this alley a few times and it's awkward bro. All of my exes are still in love with me in some sense, whereas I love them as friends, but not as a lover. To the point where my ex who I didn't talk to for like 2 years called me the day before her wedding and asked if we were "done done" (I had no clue she was getting married lol). I guess you could have her over to chill, but you need to be upfront with her. If she still has feelings and you don't then you need to say that. I remember I told my ex "I'll always love you, but I can never love you the way you need me to again". Then she started uncontrollably crying and it became a huge mess with her friends calling me an ass for not giving her a chance.

I'm maybe good friends with like 2 of my exes where we can go out and get lunch to catch up, talk about our lives and love interests without being weird about it. They still admit they have some feelings for me, and I say the same, but we know that it would never work out so the platonic friendship is a good avenue. If its a one sided affair then it will fail miserably.
Will read after this squat sesh but repping in advance for reply srs
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post 1622104461 11-09-2020, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted By JStrez⏩
Platonic
Don't want to hurt her

Choose one, srs. I've been down this alley a few times and it's awkward bro. All of my exes are still in love with me in some sense, whereas I love them as friends, but not as a lover. To the point where my ex who I didn't talk to for like 2 years called me the day before her wedding and asked if we were "done done" (I had no clue she was getting married lol). I guess you could have her over to chill, but you need to be upfront with her. If she still has feelings and you don't then you need to say that. I remember I told my ex "I'll always love you, but I can never love you the way you need me to again". Then she started uncontrollably crying and it became a huge mess with her friends calling me an ass for not giving her a chance.

I'm maybe good friends with like 2 of my exes where we can go out and get lunch to catch up, talk about our lives and love interests without being weird about it. They still admit they have some feelings for me, and I say the same, but we know that it would never work out so the platonic friendship is a good avenue. If its a one sided affair then it will fail miserably.
I’ve only met up with her once so far after not talking for a year.. I 100% got the vibes that she was not very happy about me talking about an ex (it came up in a 6hr convo..) but she’s been dating some guy for like 2 months (she settled very hard)

Told her multiple times I’m not looking to date rn but I guess she didn’t get the memo.. I already basically told her no almost indirectly as we’re definitely not at the point yet to hang out at one of our places without one person losing control (her in this case)

I hope I can get to that point too like you’ve described but idk. I’m a bit mental and I’m either 0% there emotionally or 100% and rn it’s 0 and I hope it stays that way
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post 1622104661 11-09-2020, 03:31 PM
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just bang her man, this isn't hard
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post 1622105191 11-09-2020, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted By THATSfunnyOP⏩
Not sure how your suppose to keep a relationship with an ex platonic... you'll always end up having sex.
Yeah never wanted to stay friends with an ex before but this is different
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post 1622105671 11-09-2020, 03:39 PM
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Originally Posted By xbluexhawkx⏩
just bang her man, this isn't hard
The point is I have no feelings anymore and value her as someone very close to me who I can trust etc, essentially trying to friend zone her without hurting her feels too much

Don’t wanna make it awkward or risk ruining it by banging, not worth it to me.. shocking ik
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post 1622106961 11-09-2020, 03:48 PM
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Bumping once

Pls advise on best course of action to make her lose feels for me without hurting her too much (srs)
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post 1622109701 11-09-2020, 04:10 PM
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Originally Posted By justgenetics⏩
Bumping once

Pls advise on best course of action to make her lose feels for me without hurting her too much (srs)
Just be straight up man, lol at thinking you can be platonic with an ex.
post 1622110131 11-09-2020, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted By BritishTwit⏩
Sup bruh, honoured you asked for my advice haha, thanks first of all.

Ehhhh... it is always really tricky being just friends with exes tbh. I'm usually a really nice guy who will friend everyone, but I'm not friends with any of my exes, even though I've always had amicable breakups.

Can you make up some bullchit about COVID or housemates or something gently/humorously?

Then at some point you may have to make it subtly/not so subtly obvious you just want to be friends.. you WILL be letting her down though, that's clear so tread gently.

Like I said though, always walking on eggshells with exes mate. And please don't smash and then realise you still don't have feelings for her srs.
I already replied to her and didn’t explicitly say no but said we can reschedule or do something else sometime. I tried to make it very clear I’m not looking for anything when we met up last but yeah I can see how I’ll have to just flat out tell her I don’t want to get back together and value her as a close friend instead.

It’s a very weird situation honestly I could go into an essay of background info but won’t. Can’t see how she reacted to me blowing her off through text ofc but hoping it helps her get the idea at least
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post 1622110601 11-09-2020, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted By TheBannedBrah⏩
Just be straight up man, lol at thinking you can be platonic with an ex.
I’ve been as straight up as I can be without explicitly saying I don’t want to get back together but that’s cus we only just got back in contact

This is very new to me, I’ve never wanted to stay in touch with an ex so yeah. We have a lot of history tho
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post 1622110771 11-09-2020, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted By BritishTwit⏩
Yeah, be warm but firm. Like everyone else has said though, unfortunately it's always playing with fire with exes.

Best of luck to you man, keep us updated.
Thanks brah I appreciate it

I never make threads about personal chit but this is new territory for me so will prolly update sometime
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post 1622111171 11-09-2020, 04:24 PM
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best advice I have is invite her over, have awkward sex with her, then tell her afterwards you just want to be friends and that the sex didnt feel quite right.

This is the best advice I have because its what you will end up doing and complaining to misc because you didnt take any of the good advice.
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post 1622111401 11-09-2020, 04:26 PM
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Originally Posted By JStrez⏩
called me the day before her wedding and asked if we were "done done"
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post 1622111631 11-09-2020, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
best advice I have is invite her over, have awkward sex with her, then tell her afterwards you just want to be friends and that the sex didnt feel quite right.

This is the best advice I have because its what you will end up doing and complaining to misc because you didnt take any of the good advice.
Already hit her with a perfect let’s reschedule, so not quite

But I am being genuine and a lot of advice made sense which I’ll take, especially britishtwit
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post 1622112151 11-09-2020, 04:34 PM
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This seems like a question better suited for some female version of the misc.

Why would you want to be friends? You not have enough of them, or was she just that awesome. And if you want to be friends, treat her that way and stop putting so much thought into this ****.
post 1622113251 11-09-2020, 04:45 PM
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Originally Posted By soaponarope1⏩
This seems like a question better suited for some female version of the misc.

Why would you want to be friends? You not have enough of them, or was she just that awesome. And if you want to be friends, treat her that way and stop putting so much thought into this ****.
Without going into much detail yes she was that awesome, she cared about me more than most of my family does which is prolly why I can just be detached emotionally rn. I am treating her as a friend thats not what I'm worried about, I'm worried about hurting her too much and also not hurting her to the point where she cuts me off and can't try being friends.

I should prolly ask some female friends for input considering there are none on the misc lol.
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post 1622113921 11-09-2020, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted By justgenetics⏩
Without going into much detail yes she was that awesome, she cared about me more than most of my family does which is prolly why I can just be detached emotionally rn. I am treating her as a friend thats not what I'm worried about, I'm worried about hurting her too much and also not hurting her to the point where she cuts me off and can't try being friends.

I should prolly ask some female friends for input considering there are none on the misc lol.
she treated you like that because you were her boyfriend, shes not going to treat you like that as a friend and expecting that is selfish as fuk.

You still dont realize how selfish you are being and it is very immature.
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post 1622114081 11-09-2020, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted By soaponarope1⏩
Why would you want to be friends? You not have enough of them, or was she just that awesome. And if you want to be friends, treat her that way and stop putting so much thought into this ****.
this. pretty gay thread OP
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post 1622114411 11-09-2020, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted By justgenetics⏩
I already replied to her and didn’t explicitly say no but said we can reschedule or do something else sometime.I tried to make it very clearI’m not looking for anything when we met up last but yeah I can see how I’ll have to just flat out tell her I don’t want to get back together and value her as a close friend instead.

It’s a very weird situation honestly I could go into an essay of background info but won’t. Can’t see how she reacted to me blowing her off through text ofc but hoping it helps her get the idea at least
Lol @ those two parts together.
post 1622114841 11-09-2020, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
she treated you like that because you were her boyfriend, shes not going to treat you like that as a friend and expecting that is selfish as fuk.

You still dont realize how selfish you are being and it is very immature.
I mean I don’t expect her to treat me exactly the same, any more than a close friend would. It’s not as selfish as it sounds as I genuinely care about her a lot

The options I see at this point are just nc right now and just completely get out of contact , get back together with her which I’ve realized isn’t what I want or try and make being friends work.

If I didn’t try making being friends work I already know I’d regret not at least trying years later which is where my rationale is coming from
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post 1622118791 11-09-2020, 05:38 PM
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post 1622119481 11-09-2020, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted By justgenetics⏩
I mean I don’t expect her to treat me exactly the same, any more than a close friend would. It’s not as selfish as it sounds as I genuinely care about her a lot

The options I see at this point are just nc right now and just completely get out of contact , get back together with her which I’ve realized isn’t what I want or try and make being friends work.

If I didn’t try making being friends work I already know I’d regret not at least trying years later which is where my rationale is coming from
yeah I mean being totally honest about your feelings and explaining yourself and saying you wish her the best, is totally NOT an option or what a mature adult would do.
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post 1622120201 11-09-2020, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted By JStrez⏩
Platonic
Don't want to hurt her

Choose one, srs. I've been down this alley a few times and it's awkward bro. All of my exes are still in love with me in some sense, whereas I love them as friends, but not as a lover. To the point where my ex who I didn't talk to for like 2 years called me the day before her wedding and asked if we were "done done" (I had no clue she was getting married lol). I guess you could have her over to chill, but you need to be upfront with her. If she still has feelings and you don't then you need to say that. I remember I told my ex "I'll always love you, but I can never love you the way you need me to again". Then she started uncontrollably crying and it became a huge mess with her friends calling me an ass for not giving her a chance.

I'm maybe good friends with like 2 of my exes where we can go out and get lunch to catch up, talk about our lives and love interests without being weird about it. They still admit they have some feelings for me, and I say the same, but we know that it would never work out so the platonic friendship is a good avenue. If its a one sided affair then it will fail miserably.
this.

if you smash, you'll probably just go back in and out, back in and out

painful ****
post 1622129341 11-09-2020, 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
yeah I mean being totally honest about your feelings and explaining yourself and saying you wish her the best, is totally NOT an option or what a mature adult would do.
Idk man maybe I just need to go through trying this chit and learn from it

Doing that doesn’t feel right, before this I’d say the same thing to not bother with an ex, I wouldn’t with my others. I’d have to write out a novel for the reasons why it’s different tho but mainly how it ended
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post 1622129711 11-09-2020, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted By justgenetics⏩
Idk man maybe I just need to go through trying this chit and learn from it

Doing that doesn’t feel right, before this I’d say the same thing to not bother with an ex, I wouldn’t with my others. I’d have to write out a novel for the reasons why it’s different tho but mainly how it ended
well make sure you explain that to your next GF.

I am sure shes going to be very cool and understanding of you keeping a friendship with your ex.

When you tell her its just different and only with this ex and not other ex's, that will go over very well.
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post 1622130781 11-09-2020, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
well make sure you explain that to your next GF.

I am sure shes going to be very cool and understanding of you keeping a friendship with your ex.

When you tell her its just different and only with this ex and not other ex's, that will go over very well.
Lawd I will say I def haven’t thought that far since wanting to be single is prolly part of why I have no feels

Don’t know what to say to that, ofc dating a girl close with an ex would put me off to say the least. Fuark.
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post 1622150451 11-09-2020, 10:55 PM
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Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
well make sure you explain that to your next GF.

I am sure shes going to be very cool and understanding of you keeping a friendship with your ex.

When you tell her its just different and only with this ex and not other ex's, that will go over very well.
Having massive mood swings about this now srs. Thinking of paying her very little attention to the point where she’s the one setting up any time we meet to do anything (which is already what’s been happening) so that she loses feels and interest then it’ll be easier to not feel so bad about barely keeping in touch or not at all.. Idk if this even makes sense I’m autism

The next girl I date will hopefully be the last and it’d be much harder at that point
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