I’m going to have a son in a couple of weeks and I’ve gone from being excited about it to chitting myself.

Every place I find online about being a dad is either obvious stuff dressed up in the most cucked terms ever or just trying to sell me something.

It would be great to hear tips from misc dad brahs about how to handle the first few weeks or whatever. What to expect that nobody else will mention.

I have no reps to give but maybe one day...

Get a DNA paternity test. That goes 2x since you're a guy who choose e-handles related to video game fanboyism.

Also post pics of wife.

Pics of wife?

I'd rather be dead than "dad"

Try to get some sleep.

Watch your wife for PND.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if things aren’t perfect - some kids just don’t sleep.

Op when my son was born (he's 2 now) I didn't even want to pick him up incase I hurt him. Didnt know how to change a nappy or anything but you pick it up real quick and you realise they aren't as fragile as they look. I now have a 6 month old as well and its great watching them grow. Just enjoy the process

Rip

Paternity test

Nanny/nuclear family

Tit pump

Never, never, never ever forget to clip your finger nails

Thank god your not having a daughter

Don't worry about being super dad right away. You'll be a new dad with a new baby. Your knowledge and skills as a dad will grow along as he does. It is absolutely fascinating to watch them develop their own personalities.

Enjoy the ride. It goes by so fast. My son is 11 now and my daughter is 6. It seems like yesterday that my son was born.

Get used to explosive liquid chit.... Everywhere!!! Like beyond any wipes! Straight to the tub or just plunge him in the toilet kind of Chit!! you get used to that and the buckets and buckets of puke is a walk in the park. The little buggers are pretty cool other wise, and you can look forward too sleep in a 2 years or so lol.

start w praying every night that you didn't have a daughter

Be a strong role model yourself and have a fullfilling life... kid will want to grow up to be like you (consciously and subconsciously)

Even tho u always negging me I 100% agree wit this lmao

You will not be sleeping much at all. Expect to take naps throughout the day with getting max 3-4 hours of sleep. Babies need to eat every 2-3 hours so if your chick isn't super mom, she'll ask you to take over. Always burp after meals, don't put it down unless you hear at least one burp our that phucker will get hiccups and will puke everywhere. Swaddling is the best thing you can do to make a baby sleep.

RIP Social life, RIP Gym, RIP energy, RIP even video games hobbies etc. This is your life now, you're a prisoner for the next I say 2 years.

Also Nursing lactating tiities are the best. Your chicks poosy will be busted for the next 6 weeks until the doctor says it's okay to have intercourse. Nursing tiities man, +2 sizes, riding your cawk while milk is lactating out of her nipples. Mhmmm, let me get a taste, suck the milk out of your utters, taste like almond milk.

Mostly always be there and partial to your family. The rest solves itself typically. You can read about some basic ideas.

I would try to involve my children in their insurance as early as possible. It inspires conscientiousness more than almost anything.

It's great OP, you'll never feel love like it.

However, prepare for stress and sacrifice. I've three kids and I've barely seen the gym in the 6 years since my eldest was born, social life is nowhere near what it was, tired all the time, they have me tiptoeing on the knife edge of sanity a lot of the time. But it's all worth it. It's hard to explain.

Just about to step out to buy nappies (lol) so will read and reply to this thread in more detail later but this jumped out just now... phuck, man. I was hoping to use my paternity leave for cyberpunk 2077. Odds on being able to enjoy it in peace?

Don't worry about chitting yourself, he will be doing more than enough!
Just try to be the relaxed stable one, clean/boil feeding bottles.
You'll have to discuss with the wife if you are going to split responsibilities or time or both do it together. For example, if she expresses milk into a bottle, you can do a feed while she catches up on sleep, or the other way around.

Use a motion sensor to test for breathing, if anything It will stop you checking if he's breathing every 2 minutes. Also some parents like to get the kid into another room in the bassinet as quick as possible, while others can have them in the room next to you. Having them in the room obviously allows you to get to them straight away and you don't have to get up too often.

If they cry, it's 99% of the time because they are hungry so always try that first.lmao if you did have a kid they would prob be a hapas serial killer.

It all depends on your lady. My girl is super mom so I would get away with at least going to the gym and getting a decent amount of sleep. Put it this way, you'll be so exhausted when you finally have time to play, you probably won't want to. You're on his schedule now, you have to adjust accordingly.

Yeah when my cousin was a baby I used to throw her up in the air and swing around all sorts of stuff like that... didn't think anything of it. I think back now and my heart stops. Now I'm thinking about how to support his head because I'm terrified it's going to snap.We are full on nuclear.

Do you mean that I could risk hurting him if my nails get long?Yeah. I was just thinking that at 37 even though parts of my personality has changed and culture has changed I still have a sense of who I am from when I was like 14 that's like an anchor as time goes past around me. Watching and helping some other person grow from 0 knowledge to hopefully loads is going to make time suddenly rush by, right? They will never be who they were the day before.m8 is it really that bad? My flat is so clean and tidyTrust me I do. I don't see how there is any path to bringing up a non-degenerate daughter.Yeah this is what I'm becoming obsessed about. I copied everything my dad did. So now I've stopped swearing, stopped mindlessly scrolling on my phone (only use it for targeted data retrieval), started eating even more healthily.. and just generally try to be calmer, more thoughtful, and more understanding when my wife is being ridiculous.Thanks for the solid tips, brah.Can't wait to experience this next evolution in my mindset. Unconditional love for something that has objectively made every part of your 'selfish' life worse... feels like the kind of thing that inspires belief in god.I wanted it in another room asap but my wife has already put all the baby stuff in our room lol. I'm pleased but won't admit that to her. Didn't think about constantly checking to make sure its still alive. But now you say it I realise that of course I will.When we first started going out I made it very clear that I need a certain amount of time a day to myself, no matter what. I go insane otherwise. What people think is me wasting time is essential for me to be able to function in polite society. She's respected this for years so I'm hopeful I'll still get 'me' time. Maybe I won't want to do anything too involved though.

Thanks for all this brahs - you wouldn't believe how poor most stuff online is about this. Misc is the only place where people sound normal now.

Find out who the biological father is and begin the process of filing paperwork to set up child support payments.

Nah brah, I mean one day you'll wipe his ass, then watch TV at night when him & your mrs are asleep, catch a whiff of chit & realize there's probably liquid dried chit under your finger nails you couldn't wash & it'll groce you the fuk out for days

jfl.

Take lots of pics/ videos

Dont buy too much unnecessary crap

You'll learn everything as u go

Get through the first 2 years and it gets easier (not easy!)

You will stress and worry about every sneeze and cough.

No TV as much as possible

When he chits, do what I do. Carry him into the bathroom and just hose him down. Much easier

Help your wife as much as possible give her time to herself

Accept help from family. You need it.

If I ever needed more confirmation that I don't want kids.

U bang old crusty asian grandmothers

You're irrelevant in this thread

There's no manual brah, i was drunk through the first 9 years of my first borns life so i missed most of her childhood now a teenager i try to be more involved. The 3 year old is glued to me like flies on horse balls and there's no better feeling. I'm making sure i don't make that mistake i made with my first. You kinda just learn as you go, as someone mentioned take lots of pics , answer every question they ask and trust me there will be many .

I have an 8 month old daughter. The first few months are kinda crazy. Everything is so new, you have this huge responsibility unlike anything you've ever experienced, you are waking up multiple times a night, and probably the worst part of this time is the baby is really boring. You really can't do anything with the baby except just watch it lay there doing nothing.

But then it gets infinitely better. At about 4 months, my baby began sleeping through the night which automatically makes everything better when you're getting a full night sleep. At about the same time she began laughing and getting a personality. Literally nothing better in life than making a funny face or sound and making your baby laugh. Around this time you also start getting into a groove, you're an established parent and basically know the drill for all the things that happen. Now at 8 months she's moving all over the place and is a ton of fun to actually play with. It's great. Don't let any basement dwellers here convince you otherwise.

My tip for the thing I was most surprised about: get ready for a fukton of spit up. Like I knew babies spit up, but I was shocked by the amount she did. Invest in a bunch of spit diapers and always have one around.