Dear diary.


2020 has been one of the worst years for me. Didn´t accompish as much as I should, didn´t socialize much, and lost faith in humanity.
But at least I have made some progress on projects I´m working on, and I´ve definitely become smarter. So, I can at least look at that with content. I have also had some fun times, even tho less than earlier years. This year has been a year where I´ve really started to look at humanity and society with disgust, but I think it´s mostly a phase that will pass. Not entirely, but partly. It´s an important part of my life cycle that I had to go through at some point, and now was a good time. After I have spent enough frustration with humanity, society and stupid people, I think it won´t bother me so much in the future. I will mostly accept it and not resist it.

I haven´t socialized that much this year compared with other years. That is bad and good, so I guess it is neither. Bad that I didn´t get to experience as much and have as much fun with other people. But good in that I´ve grown from it as well. Being alone is something I´ve grown pretty comfortable with. I care less about what society and other people expects of me. It´s a clown show imaginary world , so why should I care.


I´ve gotten back into meditation and I´ve quit porn completely. I´ve also cut down on nicotine, but it always seems to drag me back in.
Funny how the nicotine can literally brainwash you and take over your mind. Porn can do that aswell to some extent. A life of crippeling addiction is not something I want. I still need to cut back on the internet usage, which seems to be my biggest addiction and the hardest boss to defeat. The constant stream of information needs to be disrupted at some point, so more useful knowledge can fill up my mind, or no knowledge at all. It´s both better than useless consoomer knowledge.


I´ve picked up guitar playing again, and I enjoy to play some of my favorite songs. I´ve become smarter and stronger mentally, but physically I´ve become weaker. Gyms have been closed on and off, and I´ve been too lazy. But also found out that I can stay in pretty good shape from doing excercises at home and jog outside.
All in all, this year hasn´t been the best for me, but I´m looking at the future with more clarity and less confusion. I have found out that I don´t want to have an ordinary 9-5 job, I have saved money and I will continue to do good. I´d rather have a job with some manual labor than a job where I have to sit and think all day. A combination of both manual and theory would be great. More thinking is not the answer to an overthinker. It doesn´t create balance for me.


I don´t have much faith in this world or humanity. That has been the overall theme of this year, for me. But thats ok. Resistance is usually the problem, not the situation it self. Wether the world goes up in flames, continue as it is or flourish. I will be fine with either outcome, and provide a content life for myself no matter what. I will become more grateful for being alive and for having the life I have.


Cheers.

This is my diary and my sum up for 2020. Don´t care if you didn´t read it. But it might help some people, who knows. Literally reading one sentence somewhere can be life changing. Maybe there are some golden nuggets in here, or maybe not.

Probably not

There have been so many unknowns in 2020... unprecedented times for sure. It's uncharted waters we're all in, trying to find our way as best we can given the circumstances. One thing is for certain though, and that is there is literally zero chance I am reading any of that chit.

LOL man you make me laugh. And you´re right, probably not. But who knows. I needed to make a short summary of 2020. Lets make 2021 a good one.