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your most retarded date
12-08-2020, 04:16 PM
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#1
- zero100
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- zero100
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your most retarded date
so when covid just broke out, i invited this 19yo girl to my apartment, to a first date. i didn't expect her to come but she did.
we watched netflix and i made my move. now, we made out and everything, but then she told me that she doesn't want to go further rn, as her mom told her not to, given that covid just broke out yadda yadda. (first red flag, she is 19..)
anyway. she went home.
we texted the upcoming days and she sent mer pics of her everyday outfits, didn't really care, as i'd rather set up plans for a second date to smash.
suddenly, out of nowhere she texts me, 'you are gay, aren't you?' (for the record, i am not gay, nor do i act gay nor am i particularly feminine or anything.)
so, naturally i thought she was just joking around, until she persisted and told me how she already fell for a gay guy once.
so to recap:
I invited her to my home to netflix and chill. I make out with her and i am about to **** her. after getting cockblocked by her mom, i am arranging plans for a second date, to fulfil the deed. suddenly, out of nowhere this sloot strongly believes i am gay. why, you ask? because i didn't fuaking ask for nudes. thaaaaaaaaa fuaaack
https://imgur.com/a/eyDQxpu
we watched netflix and i made my move. now, we made out and everything, but then she told me that she doesn't want to go further rn, as her mom told her not to, given that covid just broke out yadda yadda. (first red flag, she is 19..)
anyway. she went home.
we texted the upcoming days and she sent mer pics of her everyday outfits, didn't really care, as i'd rather set up plans for a second date to smash.
suddenly, out of nowhere she texts me, 'you are gay, aren't you?' (for the record, i am not gay, nor do i act gay nor am i particularly feminine or anything.)
so, naturally i thought she was just joking around, until she persisted and told me how she already fell for a gay guy once.
so to recap:
I invited her to my home to netflix and chill. I make out with her and i am about to **** her. after getting cockblocked by her mom, i am arranging plans for a second date, to fulfil the deed. suddenly, out of nowhere this sloot strongly believes i am gay. why, you ask? because i didn't fuaking ask for nudes. thaaaaaaaaa fuaaack
https://imgur.com/a/eyDQxpu
12-08-2020, 04:17 PM
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#2
12-08-2020, 04:18 PM
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#3
12-08-2020, 04:19 PM
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#4
12-08-2020, 04:32 PM
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#5
- Acal83
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- Acal83
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It's because she's 19.
I have a doozy. Back in the day, matched with a girl on tinder. A little "fake" looking but cool and cute. First date went alright, set up another. Didn't really plan on her showing cause that's how tinder tends to work but texted her that day just in case to confirm. Didn't hear back for a couple hours and was out drinking with friends when she replies "see you then." Freak out a little bit and switch to water, sober up and make my way over to where we are meeting. She ends up showing up about an hour late, she was at work and had to stay late so whatever.
We are at a sushi place and she has two small glasses of sake and is somehow wasted. Starts calling the waitress "bitch," walks over to a random lady with a shaved head and starts touching it. Dinner's finally winding down, I have to walk her to the bathroom. She sticks her tongue in my mouth and tries to unbutton my shirt. I politely push her away and tell her to go to the bathroom. At this point I don't feel like I can send her in an uber by herself because she's half passed out so I get one and ask her where she lives. She sort of gives an address and we're on our way. Get there, go up to her place and put her in bed and leave. I can't get out of the building without a key fob so I wandered around for about 20 minutes until I found a security guard who let me out.
The next day she texts me and asks why we didn't meet her friends out because they are mad she ditched them. She also asks why I didn't stay over. Most insane experience I ever had on there and was an awesome ice breaker for future tinder dates lol.
Cliffs:
Girl gets insanely drunk from two or three drinks(i think she most likely was on pills or something.)
Starts offending waitstaff and random patrons
I have to uber her home and get stuck in her building.
I have a doozy. Back in the day, matched with a girl on tinder. A little "fake" looking but cool and cute. First date went alright, set up another. Didn't really plan on her showing cause that's how tinder tends to work but texted her that day just in case to confirm. Didn't hear back for a couple hours and was out drinking with friends when she replies "see you then." Freak out a little bit and switch to water, sober up and make my way over to where we are meeting. She ends up showing up about an hour late, she was at work and had to stay late so whatever.
We are at a sushi place and she has two small glasses of sake and is somehow wasted. Starts calling the waitress "bitch," walks over to a random lady with a shaved head and starts touching it. Dinner's finally winding down, I have to walk her to the bathroom. She sticks her tongue in my mouth and tries to unbutton my shirt. I politely push her away and tell her to go to the bathroom. At this point I don't feel like I can send her in an uber by herself because she's half passed out so I get one and ask her where she lives. She sort of gives an address and we're on our way. Get there, go up to her place and put her in bed and leave. I can't get out of the building without a key fob so I wandered around for about 20 minutes until I found a security guard who let me out.
The next day she texts me and asks why we didn't meet her friends out because they are mad she ditched them. She also asks why I didn't stay over. Most insane experience I ever had on there and was an awesome ice breaker for future tinder dates lol.
Cliffs:
Girl gets insanely drunk from two or three drinks(i think she most likely was on pills or something.)
Starts offending waitstaff and random patrons
I have to uber her home and get stuck in her building.
12-08-2020, 04:38 PM
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#6
- InfoSuperHwy
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- InfoSuperHwy
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why are you gay?
12-08-2020, 04:39 PM
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#7
12-08-2020, 04:39 PM
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#8
- RealLifeAlpha
- i swear im an alpha
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- RealLifeAlpha
- i swear im an alpha
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went on date, walked 6/10 Hispanic chick to her car after drinks
made out with her, asked her if she wanted to come back to my place, she says no
texts me a few days later that she doesn’t wanna see me again because she’s focusing on studying for her nursing exam (lolok)
get the following messages:
made out with her, asked her if she wanted to come back to my place, she says no
texts me a few days later that she doesn’t wanna see me again because she’s focusing on studying for her nursing exam (lolok)
get the following messages:
~focus on what you can control crew~
~flaccid cummer crew~
~you are who you surround yourself with crew~
~mum was an escort crew~
~nothing is permanent so just enjoy the ride crew~
~2.5 inch dink crew~
~Forgive yourself crew~
~Accused of incest by extended family crew~
~It's up to you to fix your life crew~
~deep, sustained sexual eye contact with your own nephew crew~
12-08-2020, 04:41 PM
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#9
- RealLifeAlpha
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- RealLifeAlpha
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smash, find out she was married to a 55 yr old for 2 years (ded fkn Srs)
Peace
Peace
~focus on what you can control crew~
~flaccid cummer crew~
~you are who you surround yourself with crew~
~mum was an escort crew~
~nothing is permanent so just enjoy the ride crew~
~2.5 inch dink crew~
~Forgive yourself crew~
~Accused of incest by extended family crew~
~It's up to you to fix your life crew~
~deep, sustained sexual eye contact with your own nephew crew~
12-08-2020, 04:41 PM
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#10
- MustardTiger17
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Cut myself shaving before and we started off by going to CVS together to get liquid bandage. Then when I explained that I was a business major and what industry I was in she started badmouthing it.
Not in the AM
12-08-2020, 04:47 PM
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#11
Met a girl off tinder
meet up for DRINKS
the plan was to grab a drink at each place (kind of a bar crawl, her idea)
We get to the second place, I start to order for us, and then she acts appalled, and says "wtf, are you TRYING to get me drunk???" But not in a cute playing way...
I say "uh, I'm really not sure what else we would do at these pubs... sooooo" and she orders a soda
Not feeling it, I say I gotta head out. She lived like half a mile away and she says "I guess I'll just brave the walk home."
I say "Oh come, I'm not gonna leave you like that. I will drop you off at your place."
Sloot then says "Ummmm I'm really not sure I feel comfortable with you knowing where I live. We just met, and you were clearly trying to get me drunk..."
"oh ffs, you want me to drop you off like a block away or something? Or you CAN just walk home..."
"I guess that would be alright."
Take her in the direction of her home, and stop. Even though it's been a complete chit show the entire time I try to read her for any sign of hope since sloots play games, and often suck dikk at them. We sit there awkwardly in silence, and I finally say "welp, this is either your house, or not, so I guess you should probably get out." And she does. Barely a wave goodbye.
I get a text from her the next day "It was really weird how you kept trying to get me drunk and insisted on taking me home. I think I like you, but that whole situation scared me. But I think we should try again, maybe closer to your home."
Should've gone NC, but I really wanted to fill her guts with nuts.
We meet up, and experience damn near the exact same thing as last time... This time I tell her good luck, her car is somewhere over there. She insists on coming over to meet my dogs (in profile pic). I end up getting THE worst bj ever, and then a lecture about how strong and independent she is, and she only did that because SHE wanted to...
Went NC after that.
meet up for DRINKS
the plan was to grab a drink at each place (kind of a bar crawl, her idea)
We get to the second place, I start to order for us, and then she acts appalled, and says "wtf, are you TRYING to get me drunk???" But not in a cute playing way...
I say "uh, I'm really not sure what else we would do at these pubs... sooooo" and she orders a soda
Not feeling it, I say I gotta head out. She lived like half a mile away and she says "I guess I'll just brave the walk home."
I say "Oh come, I'm not gonna leave you like that. I will drop you off at your place."
Sloot then says "Ummmm I'm really not sure I feel comfortable with you knowing where I live. We just met, and you were clearly trying to get me drunk..."
"oh ffs, you want me to drop you off like a block away or something? Or you CAN just walk home..."
"I guess that would be alright."
Take her in the direction of her home, and stop. Even though it's been a complete chit show the entire time I try to read her for any sign of hope since sloots play games, and often suck dikk at them. We sit there awkwardly in silence, and I finally say "welp, this is either your house, or not, so I guess you should probably get out." And she does. Barely a wave goodbye.
I get a text from her the next day "It was really weird how you kept trying to get me drunk and insisted on taking me home. I think I like you, but that whole situation scared me. But I think we should try again, maybe closer to your home."
Should've gone NC, but I really wanted to fill her guts with nuts.
We meet up, and experience damn near the exact same thing as last time... This time I tell her good luck, her car is somewhere over there. She insists on coming over to meet my dogs (in profile pic). I end up getting THE worst bj ever, and then a lecture about how strong and independent she is, and she only did that because SHE wanted to...
Went NC after that.
"It won't get better, just different."
12-08-2020, 04:51 PM
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#12
- Jestbrah
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- Jestbrah
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girl looked good in pics
met at the movies, her head was disproportionately too big, made out with her out of sympathy then politely parted ways after the date without any conversation and never texted her back.
met at the movies, her head was disproportionately too big, made out with her out of sympathy then politely parted ways after the date without any conversation and never texted her back.
**worthless college major crew**
*Always picks 4 Crew*
**HTC**
12-08-2020, 04:51 PM
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#13
- Ratfish
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Originally Posted By Acal83⏩
i had one once where i picked the gal up and she was already drunk and only got drunkerCliffs:
Girl gets insanely drunk from two or three drinks(i think she most likely was on pills or something.)
Starts offending waitstaff and random patrons
I have to uber her home and get stuck in her building.
Girl gets insanely drunk from two or three drinks(i think she most likely was on pills or something.)
Starts offending waitstaff and random patrons
I have to uber her home and get stuck in her building.
i hardly drank at all back then and my palate did not tolerate hoppy beers at all so i took a sip of one and was like fuark this and she said she would drink it. she may have done that a couple times
she was absolutely rinsed by the time i dropped her off
the most retarded thing that i've ever done was not know for sure what the gal looked like (early days of okcupid and a good number of gals would conceal their face out of embarrassment srs). i walked up to a gal with a similar hair color who was with a friend (thought she was so paranoid that she brought one) and said, "are you looking for me?" the friend assumed it was the world's chittiest pickup line and stepped between us and said, "no, she's not"
fkn LOL
turned around and saw what had to be the correct gal at the bar and then started talking to her. my hope is that those first 2 gals thought that i simply use that line on every sloot and it happened to work the next time.
Make Europe Germany Again
12-08-2020, 04:56 PM
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#14
- yoCasmu
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- yoCasmu
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Back in 2018, was a long time ago for me mind you. I went to a happy hour date at an awesome spot. This girl showed upWITH HER BABYto the bar. If you have kids fine, getting older means a higher chance of me becoming a step-zaddy. But let me know first cuz.
I am here from the future, it's been 45 years. I tipped my professor and it developed towards groundbreaking research where we discovered the secret of time travel. I recovered my old account to recount the history of the golden age of memes and talk to you about progressing the human race.
12-08-2020, 04:56 PM
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#15
- Top10CatCaller
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- Top10CatCaller
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Literally have had drinks thrown in my face, broads walk out on the dinner, end dates after 10 minutes. When I see its trash I just sabotage it. Most recently, I asked the chick what she had to offer besides p u s s y. Didnt go well, at least she paid for her stuff. Broad ended up storming out the restaurant.
12-08-2020, 04:59 PM
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#16
- Getter_done
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I just fap
12-08-2020, 04:59 PM
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#17
- Jestbrah
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- Jestbrah
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the most stupid girls I banged
one was 20 and every other word out of her mouth was gucci, swag, vibes, or yolo. But she had a killer body and grew up to become a stripper straight out of college who is still searching for a sugar daddy and she gave up the gushy wet wet after a cheap burger date and within 2 minutes of walking into my place and putting on a movie.
Other one was an 18 year old who dropped out of high school and worked at the front desk of the gym. She had D's and a nice ass though and was begging for a hook up for a couple weeks, literally.
one was 20 and every other word out of her mouth was gucci, swag, vibes, or yolo. But she had a killer body and grew up to become a stripper straight out of college who is still searching for a sugar daddy and she gave up the gushy wet wet after a cheap burger date and within 2 minutes of walking into my place and putting on a movie.
Other one was an 18 year old who dropped out of high school and worked at the front desk of the gym. She had D's and a nice ass though and was begging for a hook up for a couple weeks, literally.
**worthless college major crew**
*Always picks 4 Crew*
**HTC**
12-08-2020, 04:59 PM
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#18
- Droopdx
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- Droopdx
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Meet girl at bar
Has two drinks
Starts acting loopy, like off her meds loopy
I go to bathroom while she waits in line for drink
I meet her in line
She’s talking to some girls she just met
The girls get separated from us (busy bar)
My date is still talking to them and they’re not even looking at her
She’s having a full on conversation with nobody
I was freaked out
She then tells me she knows Dennis Rodman and he’s dating her BFF and he beats her
Her step brother is in love with her and her roommate too
Srs
Lol never texted her back
Has two drinks
Starts acting loopy, like off her meds loopy
I go to bathroom while she waits in line for drink
I meet her in line
She’s talking to some girls she just met
The girls get separated from us (busy bar)
My date is still talking to them and they’re not even looking at her
She’s having a full on conversation with nobody
I was freaked out
She then tells me she knows Dennis Rodman and he’s dating her BFF and he beats her
Her step brother is in love with her and her roommate too
Srs
Lol never texted her back
"Stop sitting back saying yeah man, I wanna be this, I wanna be that, grab your phucking nuts and be it" -Greg Plitt
Can't edit avi, mod tried to help but he couldn't figure it out either
12-08-2020, 04:59 PM
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#19
- Dennis71
- Poster above me is a phag
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- Dennis71
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Matched with an 18yr old on tinder.
She asked me to come pick her up after i got off work. So i did
Asked me to buy her cigs. So i did.
10mins later she was begging for me to **** her in the ass.
So i did
She told me to warn her when I was gonna cum. When i did, she turned around and starting sucking me off.
She later tossed my salad and begged me to pee all over her after Cumming on her face.
Proceeded to take pictures and selfies of herself covered in piss/jizz
Weird but nice tinder date.
She asked me to come pick her up after i got off work. So i did
Asked me to buy her cigs. So i did.
10mins later she was begging for me to **** her in the ass.
So i did
She told me to warn her when I was gonna cum. When i did, she turned around and starting sucking me off.
She later tossed my salad and begged me to pee all over her after Cumming on her face.
Proceeded to take pictures and selfies of herself covered in piss/jizz
Weird but nice tinder date.
Misc'in since '07
2x cancer survivor
12-08-2020, 05:02 PM
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#20
- Jestbrah
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- Jestbrah
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Originally Posted By Droopdx⏩
that sounds like a typical dumb 18-20 year old drunk sloot really.Meet girl at bar
Has two drinks
Starts acting loopy, like off her meds loopy
I go to bathroom while she waits in line for drink
I meet her in line
She’s talking to some girls she just met
The girls get separated from us (busy bar)
My date is still talking to them and they’re not even looking at her
She’s having a full on conversation with nobody
I was freaked out
She then tells me she knows Dennis Rodman and he’s dating her BFF and he beats her
Her step brother is in love with her and her roommate too
Srs
Lol never texted her back
Has two drinks
Starts acting loopy, like off her meds loopy
I go to bathroom while she waits in line for drink
I meet her in line
She’s talking to some girls she just met
The girls get separated from us (busy bar)
My date is still talking to them and they’re not even looking at her
She’s having a full on conversation with nobody
I was freaked out
She then tells me she knows Dennis Rodman and he’s dating her BFF and he beats her
Her step brother is in love with her and her roommate too
Srs
Lol never texted her back
**worthless college major crew**
*Always picks 4 Crew*
**HTC**
12-08-2020, 05:03 PM
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#21
- backinthegymbro
- Never accept defeat!
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- backinthegymbro
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I was in spain and met this gorgeous girl when i was 19. She was tiny, petite, blue eyes.
But she had a sister who was a fukking man beast. Legit ogre at 6ft and obese.
I flirted with the cute girl and eventually told them both that we should all go to the club later that night.
To which they agreed. So i get ready and my plan was to make my move on the dance floor.
I go down to the lobby at 11 pm and i only see this beast of a female. I ask her, where's your sister?
She says, my sister isn't 18 year so she can't come.
Well fuk, now what do i do? I already promised this creature i'd go to the club.
So being a nice guy keeping my promise, i go to the club with her.
We go in, it's awkward as hell. This bitch doesn't even dance.
She stands in the middle of the dance floor like a sentry or a bouncer. Stink eyeing everyone.
Meanwhile i can't wait for time to pass so no one thinks i'm actually with this monstrosity.
And btw she's 6ft, i'm 5f6, imagine the scene.
Eventually i see some guy from the hotel who happened to be clubbing too that night.
I think ''great this is my chance''. I ask him if he wants to dance with the girl i'm with.
He looks at her, laughs and shakes his head before bolting out of there.
This pissed the giant off even more.
so now she doesn't say anything, she doesn't dance, she just stands there looking pissed as hell.
2 hours pass and i convince her to go back to the hotel.
I tap the top of her shoulder in the most awkward way, so i didn't have to give her a hug and i say goodnight.
Worst ''date'' ever.
But she had a sister who was a fukking man beast. Legit ogre at 6ft and obese.
I flirted with the cute girl and eventually told them both that we should all go to the club later that night.
To which they agreed. So i get ready and my plan was to make my move on the dance floor.
I go down to the lobby at 11 pm and i only see this beast of a female. I ask her, where's your sister?
She says, my sister isn't 18 year so she can't come.
Well fuk, now what do i do? I already promised this creature i'd go to the club.
So being a nice guy keeping my promise, i go to the club with her.
We go in, it's awkward as hell. This bitch doesn't even dance.
She stands in the middle of the dance floor like a sentry or a bouncer. Stink eyeing everyone.
Meanwhile i can't wait for time to pass so no one thinks i'm actually with this monstrosity.
And btw she's 6ft, i'm 5f6, imagine the scene.
Eventually i see some guy from the hotel who happened to be clubbing too that night.
I think ''great this is my chance''. I ask him if he wants to dance with the girl i'm with.
He looks at her, laughs and shakes his head before bolting out of there.
This pissed the giant off even more.
so now she doesn't say anything, she doesn't dance, she just stands there looking pissed as hell.
2 hours pass and i convince her to go back to the hotel.
I tap the top of her shoulder in the most awkward way, so i didn't have to give her a hug and i say goodnight.
Worst ''date'' ever.
Cobra Kai never dies!
12-08-2020, 05:18 PM
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#22
- Droopdx
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- Droopdx
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Originally Posted By backinthegymbro⏩
Lold at imagine the sceneI was in spain and met this gorgeous girl when i was 19. She was tiny, petite, blue eyes.
But she had a sister who was a fukking man beast. Legit ogre at 6ft and obese.
I flirted with the cute girl and eventually told them both that we should all go to the club later that night.
To which they agreed. So i get ready and my plan was to make my move on the dance floor.
I go down to the lobby at 11 pm and i only see this beast of a female. I ask her, where's your sister?
She says, my sister isn't 18 year so she can't come.
Well fuk, now what do i do? I already promised this creature i'd go to the club.
So being a nice guy keeping my promise, i go to the club with her.
We go in, it's awkward as hell. This bitch doesn't even dance.
She stands in the middle of the dance floor like a sentry or a bouncer. Stink eyeing everyone.
Meanwhile i can't wait for time to pass so no one thinks i'm actually with this monstrosity.
And btw she's 6ft, i'm 5f6, imagine the scene.
Eventually i see some guy from the hotel who happened to be clubbing too that night.
I think ''great this is my chance''. I ask him if he wants to dance with the girl i'm with.
He looks at her, laughs and shakes his head before bolting out of there.
This pissed the giant off even more.
so now she doesn't say anything, she doesn't dance, she just stands there looking pissed as hell.
2 hours pass and i convince her to go back to the hotel.
I tap the top of her shoulder in the most awkward way, so i didn't have to give her a hug and i say goodnight.
Worst ''date'' ever.
But she had a sister who was a fukking man beast. Legit ogre at 6ft and obese.
I flirted with the cute girl and eventually told them both that we should all go to the club later that night.
To which they agreed. So i get ready and my plan was to make my move on the dance floor.
I go down to the lobby at 11 pm and i only see this beast of a female. I ask her, where's your sister?
She says, my sister isn't 18 year so she can't come.
Well fuk, now what do i do? I already promised this creature i'd go to the club.
So being a nice guy keeping my promise, i go to the club with her.
We go in, it's awkward as hell. This bitch doesn't even dance.
She stands in the middle of the dance floor like a sentry or a bouncer. Stink eyeing everyone.
Meanwhile i can't wait for time to pass so no one thinks i'm actually with this monstrosity.
And btw she's 6ft, i'm 5f6, imagine the scene.
Eventually i see some guy from the hotel who happened to be clubbing too that night.
I think ''great this is my chance''. I ask him if he wants to dance with the girl i'm with.
He looks at her, laughs and shakes his head before bolting out of there.
This pissed the giant off even more.
so now she doesn't say anything, she doesn't dance, she just stands there looking pissed as hell.
2 hours pass and i convince her to go back to the hotel.
I tap the top of her shoulder in the most awkward way, so i didn't have to give her a hug and i say goodnight.
Worst ''date'' ever.
"Stop sitting back saying yeah man, I wanna be this, I wanna be that, grab your phucking nuts and be it" -Greg Plitt
Can't edit avi, mod tried to help but he couldn't figure it out either
12-08-2020, 05:18 PM
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#23
- Droopdx
- Registered User
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- Droopdx
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Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
Too bad she was 27.that sounds like a typical dumb 18-20 year old drunk sloot really.
“He’s not that cool you know”
“Who isn’t”
“DENNIS RODMAN”
"Stop sitting back saying yeah man, I wanna be this, I wanna be that, grab your phucking nuts and be it" -Greg Plitt
Can't edit avi, mod tried to help but he couldn't figure it out either
12-08-2020, 05:30 PM
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#24
- Jestbrah
- Registered User
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- Jestbrah
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Originally Posted By Droopdx⏩
oh yeah then thats a problem or an alcoholicToo bad she was 27.
“He’s not that cool you know”
“Who isn’t”
“DENNIS RODMAN”
“He’s not that cool you know”
“Who isn’t”
“DENNIS RODMAN”
**worthless college major crew**
*Always picks 4 Crew*
**HTC**
12-08-2020, 05:36 PM
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#25
- Jaroctor
- Vibram Glove Guy
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- Jaroctor
- Vibram Glove Guy
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- Location: Canada
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A girl asked me if I wanted to go see her because she was dancing at a club and her friends were there. Once I got there with a buddy of mine, she was quite literally dancing there... as a dancer. It never occurred to her that I didn't want to go see her dance and that her text may have been confusing
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