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Forum » A Srs question for all miscers. Trolls stay the phuck out
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Thread: A Srs question for all miscers. Trolls stay the phuck out

post 1625225163 12-11-2020, 02:20 PM
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#61
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you need to be pushed to the edge before you do that
post 1625225293 12-11-2020, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
Having a completely absent father would leave you with tons of "what if" questions and that stuff will drive you crazy. At least if he's there you can see what not to do.
I can see both sides but I can only go off my personal experience.

And maybe I'm bias bc I love the way my brother turned out without our dad being around. We've talked about it in length and my brother doesn't have any regrets or feels like he missed out on anything. We just accepted it for what it was growing up. My pops wasn't an alcoholic or verbally abusive. He's actually quite ambitious with a really great sense of humor and a hard working guy. He came into our lives much later in life. He was just a womanizer and was MIA bc he was too busy chasing tail.

Meanwhile I have some guy friends who had alcoholic fathers who were verbally abusive and they act the same way when they're upset bc that's all they know.
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post 1625226543 12-11-2020, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted By littlemissy⏩
Meanwhile I have some guy friends who had alcoholic fathers who were verbally abusive and they act the same way when they're upset bc that's all they know.
My dad was never abusive or anything he just wasn't involved. I hate this excuse though. Once I was in my 20s and started to talk to him more he never apologized or admitted he fuk'd up but would tell me about how he hated that his dad never payed attention to him growing up and was always running around his mom which is exactly what he did. It's a bullchit excuse and just because you see bad behavior doesn't mean you should copy it. If anything it should make you mindful of how you treat your own kids.
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post 1625226713 12-11-2020, 02:38 PM
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
I'll say the kids I knew with chitty dads usually turned out better than the kids with no dad at all. The only way no dad would be better is if they were abusive
had no dad growing up but I'm a kind and generous person IRL. if youve read my posts you would think im an a hole but im not.
post 1625227713 12-11-2020, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
My dad was never abusive or anything he just wasn't involved. I hate this excuse though. Once I was in my 20s and started to talk to him more he never apologized or admitted he fuk'd up but would tell me about how he hated that his dad never payed attention to him growing up and was always running around his mom which is exactly what he did. It's a bullchit excuse and just because you see bad behavior doesn't mean you should copy it. If anything it should make you mindful of how you treat your own kids.
Thank goodness you didn't take after him. Kudos to you. It's an amazing feeling when we realize that our parents are just regular other people that fuk up and do stupid chit like anyone else and it allows us to be more sympathetic / understanding towards them.
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post 1625255573 12-11-2020, 07:21 PM
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post 1625255803 12-11-2020, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Still no response from op??
Check all the ditches and bars near you
I'm back, bitches!
post 1625255933 12-11-2020, 07:25 PM
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post 1625261173 12-11-2020, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted By TXBuddy⏩
I get it and totally understand.

Mine are 13 and 11 and I am looking at other places for me to live near by (like a mile away). It's been bad for a few years. We are very close and it tears at me. If the wife would agree, I have a plan I can execute immediately. Lawyers, finances and everything.

The good and bad days are yoyoing so much I can't deal...
It sucks...divorce w/kids that is. Do try a counselor, or two. One just for yourself might be a good place to start.
Originally Posted By Stray800⏩
This was my ask of her - keep our sh!t our sh!t and we'll figure it out together.

She decided to involve the kids (and all of social media) and it got to a point where it was irreparable.
Does sound like it was beyond salvage. It's really crummy to set up kids to choose sides.
Originally Posted By littlemissy⏩
Honestly... absent father or having a high/drunk/ and or miserable, wishing he were somewhere else - around isn't much better....

I think I rather take the former.
Hope OP puts the child's interests first. Not clear if they are all living as a family.

OP at least get a good life insurance plan before you get much older and make the child your beneficiary. Make sure some other responsible adult knows about it.

Just maybe not his mom if you two aren't together.
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post 1625261423 12-11-2020, 08:13 PM
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Are you thinking about abandoning your son?
post 1625294243 12-12-2020, 08:27 AM
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OP you alive ?
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post 1625296673 12-12-2020, 09:06 AM
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I'm back, bitches!
post 1625313133 12-12-2020, 12:17 PM
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post 1625529273 12-14-2020, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
My dad is an alcoholic and was absent the majority of the time I was growing up which is why I have zero patience for OP. I could tell you guys stories that would set everyone here a feels bullet train.

Anyway, I don't hate my dad too much because he's the reason I'm tall, athletic and good looking. If I was an ugly manlet because of him I wouldn't be nearly as forgiving. It's kinda fukd up but it is what it is
Have you ever been to Al-Anon? I know SS hasopinionson Al-Anon but I know it's helped a ton of children of alcoholics.
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post 1625530053 12-14-2020, 03:29 PM
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#75
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OP still passed out?
post 1625530733 12-14-2020, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted By redraider86⏩
Have you ever been to Al-Anon? I know SS hasopinionson Al-Anon but I know it's helped a ton of children of alcoholics.
Naw I've never really talked to anyone about it other than my wife and you guys. It's so damn embarrassing that I'd hate for people I know IRL to know that about me
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post 1625531463 12-14-2020, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
Naw I've never really talked to anyone about it other than my wife and you guys. It's so damn embarrassing that I'd hate for people I know IRL to know that about me
Nothing shameful or embarrassing about how other people's destructive behavior has impacted you. I thought of it because my half sister has started going and it seems to really be helping her handle some family stuff.
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post 1625532773 12-14-2020, 03:56 PM
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post 1625533453 12-14-2020, 04:02 PM
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#79
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OP is an alcoholic and has a newborn son. You remind me of my father because he is addicted to drugs and booze. He was never in my life and some of the times that he was he was a complete douchebag piece of chit. He's still a fuk up and a loser like you are OP.

obviously you were drunk when making this post since your spelling is chit and you can barely create sentences. You have no business being a father and having a kid since said kid will lead a fuked up life because your drunken loser ass can't even take care of yourself. FFS you let an animal die by not taking it to the animal hospital instead of posting on the misc about it while said animal was on its deathbed.

I really hope for the kids sake that CPS will take him and put him in a foster home where he will be raised right and have a good quality of life.

Oh yeah... negged on sight *******.
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post 1625533473 12-14-2020, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted By redraider86⏩
Nothing shameful or embarrassing about how other people's destructive behavior has impacted you. I thought of it because my half sister has started going and it seems to really be helping her handle some family stuff.
Logically I know that people wouldn't think less of me because of it but I have this pathological fear of people feeling sorry for me. I don't know why but just the thought of it sends me on the verge of a panic attack
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post 1625533993 12-14-2020, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted By manletstrength⏩
OP is an alcoholic and has a newborn son. You remind me of my father because he is addicted to drugs and booze. He was never in my life and some of the times that he was he was a complete douchebag piece of chit. He's still a fuk up and a loser like you are OP.

obviously you were drunk when making this post since your spelling is chit and you can barely create sentences. You have no business being a father and having a kid since said kid will lead a fuked up life because your drunken loser ass can't even take care of yourself. FFS you let an animal die by not taking it to the animal hospital instead of posting on the misc about it while said animal was on its deathbed.

I really hope for the kids sake that CPS will take him and put him in a foster home where he will be raised right and have a good quality of life.

Oh yeah... negged on sight *******.
this sums it up very well.
post 1625535193 12-14-2020, 04:22 PM
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post 1625535263 12-14-2020, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
Logically I know that people wouldn't think less of me because of it but I have this pathological fear of people feeling sorry for me. I don't know why but just the thought of it sends me on the verge of a panic attack
I can relate. When people find out I grew up poor AF and in the ghetto they're surprised. Obviously that wasn't my fault but it was a struggle/time that I don't like to remember or bring up. Almost like you just want to move forward from it and forget it about it.
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post 1625557463 12-14-2020, 08:26 PM
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post 1625595043 12-15-2020, 08:16 AM
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Oh yeah I didn’t mean Al Anon can’t help other people.

Just for me it was not right because I was already breaking up with my ex. I was already leaving that world behind. I did not want to linger in that world and be around other people with addiction issues. I just wanted to get out of that environment altogether.

So for me I just did a few Al Anon sessions to understand the dynamic a bit but after that I switched to individual counseling. I also read up on codependency in general. The book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie was great and I read a lot online as well.

Eventually I realized that I don’t really have any codependency issues in the rest of my life or in my personality in general. I’m generally independent and not overly empathic and don’t cling to other people. I have good boundaries with normal people.

t was only my ex that I ever acted codependent with. And that was because the only way to deal with his personality disorders and addictions was to fall into a codependent role. So I took on that role with him because I sensed subconsciously that any independence, health, strength, boundaries etc would have been punished by my ex. It was either codependency or end the relationship altogether. No other way with such a toxic person.

And when it did end that also dissolved my codependency. I can relate perfectly fine and healthy with the loving kind healthy people in my life. I just turned codependent in the limited context of trying to bond with a disordered person. Never again.
Ah, that's a good point, I didn't put that together. If you were already leaving then it sounds like you did all the right things. Were there early warning signs with his personality disorder or addiction issues?
Originally Posted By manletstrength⏩
OP is an alcoholic and has a newborn son. You remind me of my father because he is addicted to drugs and booze. He was never in my life and some of the times that he was he was a complete douchebag piece of chit. He's still a fuk up and a loser like you are OP.

obviously you were drunk when making this post since your spelling is chit and you can barely create sentences. You have no business being a father and having a kid since said kid will lead a fuked up life because your drunken loser ass can't even take care of yourself. FFS you let an animal die by not taking it to the animal hospital instead of posting on the misc about it while said animal was on its deathbed.

I really hope for the kids sake that CPS will take him and put him in a foster home where he will be raised right and have a good quality of life.

Oh yeah... negged on sight *******.
That's what's so wild to me. He thinks a woman who happens to be liberal is a better parent than him. I mean, I can't imagine that she's all that bright, but at the very least I assume she was drug tested while giving birth. I wouldn't have put it past OP to make her give birth at home to avoid questions but he made a "girlfriend is in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, guess I'll chitpost and nod out on the misc" thread.
Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
Logically I know that people wouldn't think less of me because of it but I have this pathological fear of people feeling sorry for me. I don't know why but just the thought of it sends me on the verge of a panic attack
I don't know if it's the case for you, but for me that feeling stems from years of trying to manage other people's volatility and emotions. The idea of other people feeling sorry for you (which probably isn't the case, those people are most likely showing concern, care, compassion and love) is really the attention to your own feelings that you may not have been able to express before. Again, that's only my own experience, don't want to put that on you if it's not true.
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post 1625595973 12-15-2020, 08:24 AM
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#86
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Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
Logically I know that people wouldn't think less of me because of it but I have this pathological fear of people feeling sorry for me. I don't know why but just the thought of it sends me on the verge of a panic attack
I can tell by how you type and your face that it’s totally ok you are keeping this within. This is for you and you are fully aware of how your old man’s actions/ inactions have shaped you. This is helped forge the manliness in you. What I do hope for you brother is you have a woman in your life that truly loves you, so you can reach your heart’s full potential. I can feel the goodness in you. You are a fighter.

Cheers
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post 1625597563 12-15-2020, 08:45 AM
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post 1625598193 12-15-2020, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted By redraider86⏩
I don't know if it's the case for you, but for me that feeling stems from years of trying to manage other people's volatility and emotions. The idea of other people feeling sorry for you (which probably isn't the case, those people are most likely showing concern, care, compassion and love) is really the attention to your own feelings that you may not have been able to express before. Again, that's only my own experience, don't want to put that on you if it's not true.
My best guess would be it's a type of impostor syndrome. Sometimes I doubt that the way I see myself is based in reality and its really all just a figment of my imagination that my brain has concocted so I won't have to face the truth and if I let people see weakness or ****** in the armor then the whole facade will come crumbling down and they'll see it too.
Originally Posted By littlemissy⏩
I can relate. When people find out I grew up poor AF and in the ghetto they're surprised. Obviously that wasn't my fault but it was a struggle/time that I don't like to remember or bring up. Almost like you just want to move forward from it and forget it about it.
A lot of it is this too. I hate thinking about it cause my dad is probably more like me than anyone else in this world but he's a quitter and never takes responsibility for his fuk ups and it makes me furious cause I am neither of those
Originally Posted By aleeboy⏩
I can tell by how you type and your face that it’s totally ok you are keeping this within. This is for you and you are fully aware of how your old man’s actions/ inactions have shaped you. This is helped forge the manliness in you. What I do hope for you brother is you have a woman in your life that truly loves you, so you can reach your heart’s full potential. I can feel the goodness in you. You are a fighter.

Cheers
Thanks man
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post 1625599253 12-15-2020, 09:04 AM
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#89
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You do whatever is best for your boy. But if you married her, you also made a vow to her and to God, so... there is no easy answer. We don’t know all the details. You need to talk to her and work with her if you don’t approve of her conduct around your kid.
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post 1625600383 12-15-2020, 09:14 AM
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op is a *******
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