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Forum » Ask a guy who just pooped in a 5 gallon bucket anything (100% srs)
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Thread: Ask a guy who just pooped in a 5 gallon bucket anything (100% srs)

post 1630508073 02-04-2021, 05:45 AM
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Ask a guy who just pooped in a 5 gallon bucket anything (100% srs)

(Respect the SRS tag)

I have posted time and time again about the regularity of my bung. Every morning at 6:30 LIKE CLOCKWORK, I exorcise a gigantic kraken monkey tail turd from the depths of my turd cutter. Seriously, it can't even be called a dump at this point, it's more like a rectal abortion. Must be that high fiber diet.

Anyways, I live in the mountains. I'm on an artesien well with a pressure tank to send water throughout the house. If there's no power, there's no water. My tank is on its last legs, but was working fine. I wake up today - no water. PSI down close to 0. Fukmyass.jpeg. Tank must have finally bought the farm.

This is where the dilemma ensues. It's approaching 6:30. My butthole is beginning to sing its gentle brown song. It's like a war is brewing inside my gut. I know the time is near, and I have to make a decision. So I relent and grab an empty 5 gallon bucket. I put an empty grocery bag and give birth in it, no choice left. Defeated. This is what my life has become. A grown man sitting half naked in an empty room schitting in an empty plastic bucket. Day after heavy squats too. Quads on fire, legs shaking.

I carry the beast gently outside. An easy 1 pounder. I place it gingerly in the bottom of the garbage bag. I piss my name in the snow for good measure. I come in and phone a plumber. It goes to voicemail. I leave a message.

I check my water 15 minutes later and it's running. I utter a slight, "you gotta be FUKING kidding me" under my breath. I check my tank - 20 PSI and climbing. What in the actual fuk is this sorcery.

So I am convinced my water pressure tank must have sentience and its only goal this morning was to get me to degrade myself in order to fulfill some kind of "final destination" scenario wherein I kill myself out of abject shame and it gets the run of my house.

This is it, boyos. This is my rock bottom.

CLIFFS:

water tank stops working
I have to take my daily urgent dookie
I schit in a bucket like an animal
Water pressure tank comes back to life MINUTES later

*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630508553 02-04-2021, 05:56 AM
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#2
  1. proudmanlet
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don’t you guys use metric buckets?
post 1630508573 02-04-2021, 05:56 AM
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#3
  1. Kiop
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happy chit
post 1630508673 02-04-2021, 05:58 AM
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Why use a bucket at all? Go squat somewhere in the nature like god intended. Feels good
post 1630508703 02-04-2021, 05:59 AM
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Should have dug a hole in the woods and pooped there brah. Nothing like squatting in the bush to take a chit to jump start your day.
post 1630508793 02-04-2021, 06:00 AM
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  1. radrd
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I've had to chit while hiking a couple times with my ass strategically hanging between fallen trees. One time I even had to use leaves to wipe. A five gallon bucket doesn't sound so bad tbh.
post 1630508983 02-04-2021, 06:04 AM
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#7
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By ramimotemem⏩
Should have dug a hole in the woods and pooped there brah. Nothing like squatting in the bush to take a chit to jump start your day.
That was my initial thought but you know where we live, brah. It's frozen here and pretty cold out this morning. I did piss my name in the snow for the lulz, though. I'm lucky enough to not have neighbours around so there's that.

Now I have a slowly freezing 2 foot eel at the bottom of my garbage can. Good thing it's winter.

edit: I was just thinking how I shoulda pissed "MISC" in the snow. Oh well. Missed opportunity.
Originally Posted By radrd⏩
I've had to chit while hiking a couple times with my ass strategically hanging between fallen trees. One time I even had to use leaves to wipe. A five gallon bucket doesn't sound so bad tbh.
Know these feels, brah. Every year my boyos and I go off the beaten path for some semi-wilderness camping. We all schit in various spots in the woods and bury them so bears don't come a'sniffing. Like you said, I usually prop my cheeks up against broken logs or just squats up against a tree. feelsjohngoodman.jpeg to take a dump on the forest floor like nature intended.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630509263 02-04-2021, 06:08 AM
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#8
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*Tolerance is the lube that slides the dildo of dysfunction into the ass of civilized society*

*We didn't deserve snailsrus*

As always: not medical advice but medical opinion crew
post 1630509453 02-04-2021, 06:11 AM
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#9
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By blissful88⏩
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630509803 02-04-2021, 06:17 AM
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#10
  1. lockdev
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All that text and no mention of wiping your arse with a wet wipe?
Misc Entrepreneur Crew
post 1630510153 02-04-2021, 06:21 AM
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#11
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By lockdev⏩
All that text and no mention of wiping your arse with a wet wipe?
Here's the nail in that coffin - I was out of wet wipes. I had to reach over to the sink in a semi squat and wet some TP. It was like adding insult to injury - throwing gas on that already roaring fire of shame.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630510523 02-04-2021, 06:28 AM
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#12
  1. jtaylor2010
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Water tank- 1

Lightsarefallin- 0





Mind blown at your ability to take crap without pissing though. I didn’t even know that was possible.
post 1630510593 02-04-2021, 06:29 AM
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#13
  1. HYDRAE
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why did you think this would make a good thread? people chit in things that aren't toilets all the time.
“The Misc. is a stone-faced Uncle Sam with Popeye’s forearms and a cocked pistol in each hand. It’s a screeching bald eagle with a foreign Bad Thing in its talons. It’s everything that defines America’s bro culture, magnified and weaponized. But it’s deeper than that.“
post 1630510773 02-04-2021, 06:32 AM
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#14
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By jtaylor2010⏩
Water tank- 1

Lightsarefallin- 0





Mind blown at your ability to take crap without pissing though. I didn’t even know that was possible.
The water tank has unfortunately won a few more times than that, I'm afraid.

Yeah that was the main concern. As soon as the beast emerged, I had to close the piss flood gates. I actually succeeded.
Originally Posted By HYDRAE⏩
why did you think this would make a good thread? people chit in things that aren't toilets all the time.
Please share (for science)

I also think the misc needs a few comical stories and I thought sharing my misery would make people laugh a bit.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630512513 02-04-2021, 07:03 AM
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#15
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By proudmanlet⏩
don’t you guys use metric buckets?
Missed this comment. u r 1 cheeky kunt m8 i swer

Shoulda made a joke about my footlong looking like your footlong (no homo)
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630512773 02-04-2021, 07:07 AM
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#16
  1. ziggurat
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i really dont get the obsession with fecal matter

although good job nonetheless
182cm
78kg
post 1630513163 02-04-2021, 07:12 AM
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#17
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By ziggurat⏩
i really dont get the obsession with fecal matter

although good job nonetheless
I wouldn't necessarily call it an obsession, per se. Maybe an interest would be the best word to describe it. I think it's an innate human phenomena to be interested in what comes out of us.

Owning and caring for multiple animals, I spend an inordinate amount of time inspecting feces in my life.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630513533 02-04-2021, 07:17 AM
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#18
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Originally Posted By QuickShotSteve⏩
I've had to **** in many buckets while offshore fishing. A pool noodle around the rim makes for an enjoyable dump while on the seas
This.

Also, I have a "pooping bucket" down at the hunting property. Cut the bottom out of a 5 gallon bucket and go take a **** in the woods.
post 1630513803 02-04-2021, 07:21 AM
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#19
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By MarkyMark215⏩
This.

Also, I have a "pooping bucket" down at the hunting property. Cut the bottom out of a 5 gallon bucket and go take a **** in the woods.
I've always wanted to build myself an emergency outhouse up here. It would have come in handy this morning. It seems like a relatively simple project to teach myself carpentry. Carve out the little half moon on the door and everything.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630513993 02-04-2021, 07:23 AM
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#20
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Pics?
post 1630514203 02-04-2021, 07:26 AM
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#21
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Used to be into boating and we'd always have a 5 gallon bucket under the console for the ladies.
post 1630514333 02-04-2021, 07:28 AM
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#22
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We had a salesman that had gastro issues and traveled around with a 5 gallon bucket with a built in seat in case he had an emergency. This guy has had to pull over and poop on the side of the road before lul.
*PUREBLOOD CREW*
*DAD CREW*
*SUPER STRAIGHT*
*NATURAL DICK CREW*
*CCW*
post 1630515003 02-04-2021, 07:37 AM
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#23
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I’ll share a secret, every time I got to a public bathroom that locks, like a gas station or some smaller restaurants, I always crap in the garbage can instead of the toilet. There are a lot of speedway gas stations on the east coast that I’ve violated. The best is when you’re at a small mom and pop Italian restaurant and some guy goes in after I’ve done my work and comes out and complains to the staff. The most difficult thing to do then is to keep a straight face.
post 1630515023 02-04-2021, 07:38 AM
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#24
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By Hector002⏩
Pics?
you don't want trust me

like a toddler's arm
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630515953 02-04-2021, 07:55 AM
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#25
  1. xxAchillesxx
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Honestly expected OP to be chiefili or whoever that gas station guy is.
"The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed."

See OptimusTrajan' sig
post 1630516353 02-04-2021, 08:01 AM
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#26
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By xxAchillesxx⏩
Honestly expected OP to be chiefili or whoever that gas station guy is.
unaware
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630516473 02-04-2021, 08:02 AM
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#27
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When I was in Iraq back in 2007, I pissed and **** into an empty 5lb tub of syntha-6.


Good times.
Wort ew in th wold.
post 1630517383 02-04-2021, 08:15 AM
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#28
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By ClivesTriceps⏩
When I was in Iraq back in 2007, I pissed and **** into an empty 5lb tub of syntha-6.


Good times.
I broke my leg years ago and pissed in an empty tub of whey at night so I didn't have to hobble over to the bathroom, so definitely know these feels.

Also went ice fishing with the boyos, got drunk in the little hut, and we all pissed in an empty water jug all afternoon.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1630518583 02-04-2021, 08:35 AM
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#29
  1. PenorBrahNoHomo
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Originally Posted By lightsarefallin⏩
Please share (for science)

I also think the misc needs a few comical stories and I thought sharing my misery would make people laugh a bit.
One time at university I went for a smoke at lunch in a remote area of campus. If you don't know, smoking can make you need to chit urgently, sometimes even just the smell can make me need a chit. Anyway, soon after as I was walking back to afternoon class the need hit. There were no toilets around so I ran behind a prefab building that was some kind of biology or ecology block, squatted down and laid a brick. Thankfully I had a pack of tissues in my pocket. I dragged a sheet of corrugated iron that was lying around over the turd to hide it and went on my way.
post 1630522143 02-04-2021, 09:25 AM
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#30
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By PenorBrahNoHomo⏩
One time at university I went for a smoke at lunch in a remote area of campus. If you don't know, smoking can make you need to chit urgently, sometimes even just the smell can make me need a chit. Anyway, soon after as I was walking back to afternoon class the need hit. There were no toilets around so I ran behind a prefab building that was some kind of biology or ecology block, squatted down and laid a brick. Thankfully I had a pack of tissues in my pocket. I dragged a sheet of corrugated iron that was lying around over the turd to hide it and went on my way.
when you gotta go, you gotta go

one of my friends always told me that there was no better feeling than having a smoke and a black coffee in the morning to exorcise your butt gremlin.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
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