anyone else just feel like they're trapped where they're at?

i have joint custody with my ex wife who i was with in total for like 8 years.... we both live here in the same small town, our kids go to school here.... it's my hometown... never lived anywhere else really. We split up 2 years ago, divorce will have been finalized for a year once this summer rolls around.....

i'm still living in the same house that we shared and raised up a family in the entire time we were together basically (was my house before i had ever met her)


i mean, i hate saying this cuz i mean there are advantages to being here and plus my parents have a house beside me and they've always been there to help with my kids when i've needed it so i'm grateful to have that.... however, it almost feels like i'm imprisoned here in a way

kinda sometimes wish i had full custody of my kids to where i could just uproot and leave tho, but i feel stuck cuz even tho i technically could leave i guess, i mean.... i'd be leaving my kids and it would fk up the whole joint custody thing we have going on and i would never up and leave my kids like that


and i'm sure some of y'all that are from small towns understand that while there are advantages to it, there's also a lot of disadvantages too.... especially when it's ur hometown and you've been here ur whole life


and plus my ex wife is already remarried too.... i mean there's history there with the guy for me and her cuz we both knew him even back when we were married and everything, but he wasn't the reason for us not working out.... but literally right when our divorce was finalized last year, that's when they got hitched


ever since we split tho, i've basically been in and out of different jobs.... in and out of messing around with different girls.... sometimes it'd be a thing for maybe a couple weeks, sometimes maybe up to 2-3 months and then on to the next one.... kinda sucks tbh, but i mean that's just how it's been




i guess there's not a huge point to this thread other than i just felt the need to get that out.... wondering if anyone can relate

honestly kinda jealous of ppl that could literally just uproot and leave rn and move off to wherever they wanted.... just the thought of it seems so refreshing

I was a kid in your situation.

I turned out alright. Mom is proud of me, I haven't fckd up my life.

She's coming to terms with life though, as we all have to. To urge to go out and find something for ourselves never goes away.

Are your kids not the most important thing in your life?

To any Ops out there

well of course my kids are important..... not sure what you're really getting at tho? so ur mom left to pursue something or what?just read the fkin thing or don't.... i'm not cliffing it srs

Yep, I've been there. My Ex and I are both remarried now, but I can completely relate to the feels of being trapped and unable to relocate. I would leave PA in a heartbeat if I could, but my daughter splits time evenly between us, and I'd never sacrifice that.

I'd be in FL right now if I could move. My job is remote so I can basically go anywhere.

Nah, she stayed put, grandparents next door. I had a good life. I'm just trying to get you to highlight what is important. We can all feel trapped at times, and it might feel tough living in the same small town - but despite the difficulties, it sounds like you've got some blessings too.

If you really up and left, where would you go? What would you do? Do you think it'd really bring you what you're looking for? Or would the distance from your kids and your parents just make it feel like you threw your whole life away?

I remember when we used to chat and shoot the chit back in 06.

Crazy how much you went through since then and how divergent my life has been from yours. I stayed single, still having fun with women, no kids, hit it big with business. Couldn't have done any of that if I had gotten married and had kids.

Bad timing because I can still feel your pain, but your post was a really good reminder for myself of how good I have it. I'll appreciate it more. Stay safe op, your current situation won't stay that way forever. A small win can get the ball rolling and lead you to bigger wins.

Yes, would be in Texas or Georgia but stuck in New York cause of a kid. Could always be worse though.

How old are your kids? Childhood flies by fast and soon you they'll be on their own.



Otherwise, you could always buy/rent an apartment somewhere else (or hotel/airbnb) and spend time any other place when you don't have them.

yessss bro finally someone that can relate and gets what I'm saying.... and same with my situation... me and my ex split our daughters about as evenly as we can.... sometimes i get to take them to school in the mornings and even pick them up from there in the afternoons (not always), but little things like that are nice to be able to do

and I do get that taking a job out of town is an option, but like I said in the OP.... my ex would find out at some point and then I'd be having to rely on my parents prob even more for "my" time of the joint custody and as soon as she caught wind, I almost know for a fact it'd be some drama and she'd prob try to get the joint custody arrangement changed

and here's another thing.... my house is paid off, so i mean I could technically sell i guess and move but it's like.... why would i do that just to move like a town over or something, ya know? I mean I could only go so far away and still make it work and if you can't rly go that far off in the first place (legit maybe like an hour away MAX to still be able to make joint custody work).... then is it rly worth it?

I'd love to maybe move to like Tennessee or possibly even Floridayou're right bro.... I mean, there are def blessings and things to be grateful for despite the drawbacks and the downsides.... and like I said above, if I were to leave.... honestly prob Tennessee. Not rly sure what I'd do there tho tbh, but I would imagine there's prob a lot more opportunity for different things than what I've got going on here.... but then again, maybe there's something here that I just haven't stumbled across yet... who knows....

I mean, the distance would def get to me if I had to leave my kids and my parents.... more so my kids obviously, but I'm rly close to my parents too and them and my kids are rly the most important ppl in my life

i dunno if leaving would rly bring me closer to what i'm looking for, but it's hard shaking the feeling sometimes of wondering if ur missing what's meant for you when u just feel stuck

plus i'm sure still being in the same house that we were all in together as a family that became OUR home has some to do with it no doubt..... but at the same time, i don't think just getting a different house is gonna make everything better either.... but rly tho, i've only had this house for prob close to 11 years now.... but it was OUR home for a majority of the time i've been here in it as opposed to just minewhat's up bro?? def been a looooong time

i appreciate the words brother and i'm glad you've been doing good

honestly, i don't rly regret my path as far as marriage and kids went and all of that..... i love my kids and they're one of the greatest blessings i've received in my life.... the only thing i rly hate is how much time was invested, ya know? I mean, 8 years dude.... that was long enough for me to be so invested in it that I literally had everything in it.... thought it was my forever and all of that and that was what i wanted.... and it's pretty devastating to have all that come crashing down and just feeling like ur losing all control of ur life.... things happening and taking place that you just can't stop or control

legit hit my lowest point in my life ever during all of that.... suicidal thoughts, the whole nine man.... literally the hardest thing i've ever been thru in my life

and i still struggle with certain things here and there that are tied back to it from time to time, but i have faith that things will get better eventually and that i'll be happier than i ever was with her one day..... i'm just kinda in one of those moods about it today is all

i think it just kinda triggered a bit of it for me cuz i was trying to look at some jobs earlier looking for a better opportunity from where i'm at rn and just wasn't rly seeing much of anything.... sometimes it just seems like when i search for stuff around here, i just end up seeing a lot of the same stuff

def wouldn't wanna be stuck in New York, but ur right breh... could always be worse, my manthey're 9 and 5

i mean, smaller trips or getaways here and there just to change up the scenery and be somewhere else for like a couple days prob wouldn't be a bad idea.... but buying or renting something additional rn isn't exactly in the cards at the moment

Yeah I get you man. Sounds like a blessing and a curse. I do regret not having kids yet, from pretty much all of my married or separated brahs, they've all told me that their kids were their biggest joy and the reason they have the strength to deal with the BS of life.

I guess the reality is that in order to have those kids, you gotta place all your trust in a woman who has the power to annihilate your sense of positivity, well-being or even hope for the future. Every time I try to imagine the pain of being in the shoes of someone like you, I have to stop because it's depressing even thinking about it.

Keep your focus on your kids and I'm sure life will improve over time. It's really just the ex wife who's causing you this much grief and I feel things will dramatically improve for you when you move on and find someone better.

Are you just frustrated because you feel as though you can't move due to your kids and the dating prospects are slim in your town?
How old are your kids? Do you want more?

Once they get closer to the age of college you could start looking at dating outside of your town and go into the cities nearby on weekends you don't have them and if you strike something up there then you can move to said city once the kids go to college or w/e.
You could still do that now but it's likely any fling would be short term.

If ~every 2nd weekend is enough time with them you could move within a few hours drive and figure it out from there too.
You may feel some guilt from the prospect of that but if you feel it's in everyone's best interest and you trust your ex to take care of them it is an option.

edit: I'm divorced with a kid. I have him every 2nd weekend but also get some evenings with him during the week so no means close to a 50/50 split but my ex moved back in with her parents and gets a ton of support there so it works. I live in a city of 1M so can't relate to the part about small town life.

Cheer up OP, my single dad friend had his ex-wife claim that he was molesting their daughter, the cops opened a case and he was banned from his workplace while the legalities were sorted out. The criminal case was squashed relatively quickly because, spoiler alert, he's not a chomo, but she assumed sole custody of the daughter and it cost him nearly a year of his life plus a quarter of a million dollars in legal fees to go back to joint custody.

It's absurd she doesn't have to reimburse him for his legal fees when it was proven her claims had little to no merit.