Have you ever had this happen?

Like for example i used to work a retail job where the guy was not paying our super annuation or the correct award for weekend rates, and then one girl started working there complained and threatened to sue him and then left the job - shortly after our shifts and weekly hours decreased.

Thing is i knew he was shady, and so did another guy who worked there, who i found out later on would just steal stuff and embezzle funds because the boss was a prick.

Is it always good to stand up for your self and your rights, or is just backstabbing somebody who thinks you're stupid the right thing to do?

This has sort of been my problem throughout my life, like somebody who has power over me will be dominant, so i'll just screw them in another way, because if i did stand up for my self and make them feel inferior, they'd stop dealing with me anyway.

Sounds like a time bomb

Srs

Yeah dude i am improving though for real.

I can’t speak to your particular situation.

But I do know (and HATE this about myself) that I’m the nice guy. I try to keep the peace no matter what. My looks don’t match my personality in that I’m pretty bulky/muscular, but come across as non-threatening.

There was a time I worked for a moving company with a bunch of ex-cons/felons. It felt like being a greenhorn on deadliest catch. I was juiced to the gills at the time and had won a prep school wrestling state title several years prior. Fighting was a card I wasn’t allowed to play though. But those guys fukking berated me and broke me down mentally if I put something in the wrong spot or whatever. They couldn’t take a step without stepping on me (metaphorically speaking). They did this to the point where I just snapped and got fired. One of the owner/operators of the big rig truck tried to not pay me on certain days and I would outwork everyone every fukking day. Sometimes the company payed by check and sometimes the owner/operator payed out of pocket.

I had the boss check the records and it turns out the truck owner owed me several hundred in cash. He had threatened to fight me once when I stacked a metal bed frame in the truck and he says “You put that there again and we’re gonna be in a big fight.” I was thinking to myself “Dude you’re 5’9 and 50 years old. I’m 5’11 230 of solid muscle and could destroy you.” So fast forward to the day he had to pay me, he curses me out as he hands me a few hundred dollar bills so I said “Alright mother fukker, you wanna have the fight, let’s fukking do it right now. Go ahead, take the first swing you skinny middle-aged bitch.” Completely out of character for me. He goes inside the building, pulls a Henry Hill and rats on me to the company owner and I get fired on the spot.

The point is, you are what you enable. You have to show you have a backbone right from the beginning or it’ll seem out of character for you once you do stand up for yourself, and they’ll resent you more for doing it later on, rather than right out the gate.

Sometimes its better to do whatever you have to do silently, OP, than it is to make a direct stand and end up being a lighting rod because of it. There's the saying "kill the messenger" that we all have to take into account.

I have a few contracts with managerial companies and go into their buildings and often spot problems (leaking pipes, drainage issues, etc) that NEED several thousand dollars worth of work done immediately to prevent the building from being completely destroyed in 20 years, resulting in damages exceeding $1M. In the past, I alerted these companies to things like this, but often got some kind of passive-agressive backlash or months later lost contracts for being the one who told them the bad news.

After being burnt for doing the right thing, I decided to just mind my own business and ignore things that fell outside my contract.

Pick your battles as they say. As I got older I learned you cant correct everyone, sometimes its best to just go along with the flow.

A good saying is "a tree that bends with the wind stands the longest"

Do you think that you would have lasted there long or even got the job if you were not a nice guy?

But yeah, i get it also, i too act way to nice then start getting CRAZY thoughts - like how dare you not notice that i am being nice.

I lasted one summer. I remember once when there was no room for me to sit up front, I had to lay down in the big rig trailer. They rigged up some bungee cords to keep the door open about 4 inches for ventilation because it was like a sauna in there mid-July. I find myself laying down all cramped between like a mattress and a desk, just watching cars pass by through that 4 inch opening, sweating my ass off and wondering how the fuk I ended up in this place? That was the moment I decided to go back to college and got my bachelors.

But yea idk if I would have lasted much longer even if I wasn’t the nice company man that I was. And I’m glad I didn’t last long because that job was absolute hell.

Most theft is employee theft, OP.

yeah it doesnt always work out

worse if you're a push over all the time until one day you've 'had enough'. people will think you're over reacting. What you need to do is show you're not a push over initially so people won't take advantage of you. Doesnt work in all circumstances and sometimes its better to just let things lie as the fallout might be worse. Especially if you can just wipe your hands clean and leave. Sometimes its the best course of action

That's a bad combination, boyo... looking intimidating but being non-threatening will backfire on you even worse than being a guy that looks unintimidating but whose personality is also unintimidating..... this is because people will think they are justified in bullying a guy who looks like he's capable of standing up for himself, no one will hold these passive-aggressive bullies accountable because "hey, he's a big boy, he can stand up for himself".... to add to the problem, if you get too assertive or aggressive in standing up for yourself, they'll twist the situation and claim YOU'RE the bully...

A lot of people are scumbags who get some sort of weird gratification in trying to walk over other people when they know there won't be ramifications.

It's a difficult situation to navigate.

Like most aspects of life, the situation isn't black and white, and there is no blanket answer.


While I do agree that you must always be consistent in setting boundaries, the degree of intensity to which you stand your ground should vary. In some situations, politely letting others know that you don't appreciate their actions is the appropriate action. In other situations, escalating to the next level is warranted - I call this turning up the heat. The idea is that you slowly turn up the heat until they get the message that they're behavior needs to stop.

And if they don't stop the behavior, it's time to look for other job options.

In my personal life, I actually have been in a situation where I called out a superior for inappropriate behavior, but HR didn't do squat. So I proceeded to the next phase which was to spread rumors about his incompetence, I called him out in mass emails where corporate directors were copied on the email... basically I straight up clowned him publicly....

I did get laid off from that job, but that's what I was fully anticipating. I saw no future there and I was ready to go full scorched earth... I left with my dignity, no way in hell was I gonna just sit back and tolerate unwarranted disrespect. I was satisfied that I made his life a living hell and found out that 2 weeks later he was fired. No, he wasn't laid off, it was an actual firing. The division director personally made the decision to fire him because I brought into light how incompetent he was.

One of the hardest lessons that men have to learn in life is that if you choose to stand your ground, be prepared for all possible consequences and be prepared for scorched earth.

Yea man my mentality was so fukked up at 19-20 years old. I basically thought like an idiot that being really jacked would work as a deterrent to other males so they wouldn’t disrespect me. That’s not the only reason I was juiced to the gills, just a side effect I thought could serve me well. Turns out these hardened felons I worked with could spot the prep school nice guy in me within minutes and probably saw it as an even bigger “win” for them to bring the big guy down, using just words and berating me.

Your assessment was so spot on. Fuk.

Power is not easy.

More than half of the market some places is dedicated to law enforcement, security, etc. This is hard for everyone.

Epic thread. (serious)

I think I'm the type to 'take it' (no homo) but end up blowing up and then people think "that was over dramatic" - Need to re-evaluate for sure.

This matches with what I've heard about actors who always play tough guys in movies (Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, etc) having all sorts of mentally-ill jerks trying to pick fights with them IRL.

Boyo, keeping things bottled up and exploding when it reaches a breaking point is not healthy.

It will hinder your professional goals and hurt personal relationships.

Always be consistent in setting boundaries, but master the art of "slowly turning up the heat."

Yeah mate... You couldn't have described me better. I will take that on board. I read all the posts and literally loving this thread because I can relate and it's cool to see people's stories / perspectives etc

Yeah I definitely need to do that. Thanks mate.

Yeah dude i'd done that before as well, then got another wayy better job and lol'd at the people i used to work with who tried to take me down.Dude those hardened felons are often times just junkies who can't abstain from drugs, alcohol, gambling, prostitutes, etc - you think they're hardened but really they just don't know how to deal with their emotions or behave in society, hence why they are felons. I've worked with people like this and the only way to solve this issue is to not work with these domineering type people.Yeah dude maintaing power is a hard game to balance.Maybe i can be an actor? I always have mentally ill people trying to start me (SRS).

Dont deal with him directly. See a lawyer or stage a mass quitting

Fuk this thread is hitting hard on a personal level.

In my 20's I was a pushover despite my size (6'4" 270 on average, linebacker build) and people took advantage of that. There were two jobs that were real tough to deal with. I worked in a retail company where the manager was an overweight, miserable feminist bish and I was hired by the regional manager and another store manager who I worked with at a competitor's store. She didn't like that at all, and obviously just being her she made my job very difficult. Unfortunately I was only working part time before that, so I really needed the money. Shortly after this the regional manager left, and unfortunately I didn't have any juice in the company. I left because I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

Then my next job was working for family. Which was probably worse for me. My uncle (who ran the company turned out to be incompetent) and these two brothers worked there. One was a fly by night Christian who was arrogant and insecure (very argumentative, always had to be right, thought he was the smartest guy in the room, deeply religious ironically) and his brother was an ex-marine, but probably suffered from PTSD (overweight, drank a lot, dudes life peaked). Unfortunately since it was a small company, there was no management to report to, and these guys were just miserable and saw me as a target since I was related to the owner. I didn't want to risk an argument or a fight, since they're the type to sue and make matters worse for my family (my grandparents owned the company outright, and have another location out of state). I ended up working at a garage, and got experience and ASE's in the automotive field. I'm doing FAR better now lol.



I dealt with some bad chit. However I learned from these, and took it to heart. I put myself in a better position financially, so that should I ever get put into a position like this again, I can leave at or within a 2 weeks notice even without something else lined up. I also learned how to identify red flags much easier, and gained ways to better retort and stand up for myself. There are some people out there that are just so miserable and disappointed with themselves, that they have no problem tearing others down to make themselves feel better. Especially out of jealously or insecurities.

To those who posted, and even those who didn't but can relate, I hope you guys can find a way to better your situation, or are already in a better position. It sucks, I know. Just find a way to get into a better position, or at least be able to leave before it gets worse and move on to something else. "Just working through it" sometimes doesn't work out. Be safe boyos, and I sincerely hope you make it.

Accept what is brothers and don't let the world change you or make you reactive.

One of my managers once borrowed a total of $30 off of me ($15 on 2 occasions) for lunch and never gave it back - in her head she thought she was alpha and wanted to see what i was made of, but in my head that's the most embarrassing thing you can do interpersonally (borrow money and not give it back).

The assertive thing to do would be to 'ask for it' and i did, to which she would delay, and i just forgot about it - that's the thing about these situations, you just take the L and move on.

I've come to realise that lots of these people who bully and berate those underneath them were actually bullied and made to feel inferior them selves, so they over compensate and do it to others so 'get back' at the former bullies.

So i just had another sign from the universe on my afternoon LISS cardio.

I was just walking and there was police sirens going off and some cop car pulls up and they greet me and ask for my ID to check if i was 'somebody they're looking for'.

So instead of arguing like some yahoo and refusing, etc - i just showed them my digital ID and went about my way.

However if i wanted to prove that i was alpha like the typical arabs where i live, i could have wasted a bunch of time arguing ad nauseam.

As soon as the bullying starts, the retaliation should start, if you're not strong enough, there're people that are stronger / more powerful than you and willing to help you, don't let people walk over you, respect them and yourself too.

Story : one of my managers (new job) has been bullying me lately, snapped and told him to stop and he apologized, never bullied me again, sometimes, you just have to do it.

Practical martial arts knowledge, even at the lowest levels, helps by a ton, I'm refering to BJJ, MMA, Judo etc. any art when you fight lightly against a resisting opponent, any MA miscer here will tell you that, 6 months of a grappling art especially will completely change your outlook on social interactions.

Give them the crazy eye so they know not to fuk with you mang