For about a week or so, I've heard a couple rumblings from my mother that my brother was planning on stopping in to town from out of state, to then end up driving to see another relative of ours on a day trip. My mother asked me to plan on joining them. Okay, nice enough.

However, the planning for it was non-existent (it always is with anything pertaining to my brother). The most I ever heard about it from my mother was that they might be doing that day trip ordeal sometime today. My brother never said chit to me, except vaguely saying the same thing one time when I asked him about it like 5 or 6 days ago. He never once expressed an interest in having me involved in it. Then after 9am today, my mom texts me saying to "be ready to get picked up around 12:30pm to head out" for this out of town family thing. Never heard from the other relative, either.

All that along with the piss poor planning makes me not want to go. Not out of pissiness, but because by this point, I had already structured my day around the assumption that it wasn't going to happen. My mind is already set on other chit for the day. Am I an assshole if I tell them I made other plans and won't be able to make it since I was left mostly in the dark until the fkn day of?

Don't worry it seems like your brother doesnt wants You around

idk brah i go for the people not really what we're doing.

you never know how long your family will be around for and all.

No...

Honestly it's kind of female to need a detailed itinerary and check in daily to confirm plans. If I'm asked to do something and I say sure, I consider it a plan without any further details being discussed. You also.didnt make any effort to plan.


With that said, if you don't want to go, don't.

I think it’s fair to tell your mom that you would have liked to come, but you already made other plans. Next to time give you more concrete plans so you can keep the day open for her.

P.S. I don’t really believe you made other plans, you clearly just want to send a message to not waste your time which is fine, but be direct, don’t be passive aggressive.

Yeah, that's another aspect of me not wanting to go. Honestly, I really don't get along with my brother. I think the guy is generally a prick. He has a tendancy to hold grudges over some really weird chit, basically forever. The type of chit you'd expect a mean spirited female to do, really. And he never shows any interest in having me involved in anything... even when I ask. Dude never even calls or sends cards to acknowledge my daughter's birthday, so that kinda indicates how much of a chit he gives lol.

No, not if you're not feeling it. No shame in not letting people walk all over you.

think your family is just being polite by inviting you

Well of course I didn't make other super concrete plans. My brother kinda made that impossible by refusing to make a firm plan for this thing until a few damn hours before they decided they wanted to leave. It wouldn't surprise me if he's known his own specific plans for it several days in advance, but just doesn't have the courtesy/doesn't think it's important to keep me in the loop slightly better than that. He himself STILL hasn't said anything to me about it.

Besides, why does it matter what other specific plans I did or did not make for the day? I need some sort of notice to do chit like day trips. My mind needs to prepare for it. Now my mind was already set on assumung it wasn't going to happen, so why should I have to pivot and change my whole day around over it? imo, my specific plans of what to do with my day are fairly irrelevant.

Please point to where I said "daily check-ins" were needed to confirm plans? All I said was that it would have been nice if they/he would have at least given me one or two day's notice of what they actually wanted to do, instead of saying "be ready to go" about 3 hours beforehand. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation for something that was going to take up basically a full day.

Also, did you not read the post, or what? I clearly said I tried asking my brother about it almost a week ago, as well as my mother too. His response was to say very little about it other than vague bs, expressed no enthusiasm about me going along, and has ghosted me since then. All my mom has had to say is that "that's just the way he is, so we'll have to do things his way". Pretty sure I did my part in making an effort to set something up.

The way you wrote it makes it sound like your mom flat out told you you were going. Or did she ask if you were free and wanted to go?

To answer your question don’t make a mountain out of a molehill as the saying goes. Go, don’t go, just be an adult about it. Not everyone has to go to every event

It is irrelevant if you have other plans or not. I just said that because you wrote the following:

“ Not out of pissiness, but because by this point, I had already structured my day around the assumption that it wasn't going to happen. My mind is already set on other chit for the day.”

Which isn’t the whole truth. The truth is, you don’t feel welcomed by your brother and you don’t feel like they are respectful of your time.

Family is tough man. I know I’m not perfect with my family either, but try to be direct, especially in the moment while these things are happening. It seems like this is a pattern. To me it sounds like your mom is caught in the middle of this unspoken little battle between you and your brother. I’m sure she feels the tension, but it trying to make it work for the sake her relationship with her two sons. I’m sure you can appreciate that.

I would suggest that if something like this comes up again, contact your brother directly and ask him what’s going on and if he would like to have you involved, and if he does, tell you him you would be more comfortable if he could give you concrete plans so you can schedule accordingly.

But try to not keep your mom in the middle of everything between you and your brother, that’s not good for anyone.

Life would be perfect if it wasn’t for people.

A date or time would have been helpful, sheit.

My old lady's parents were like this. *We're gonna stop over at 10 am on Saturday," fuk you I get off work at 4 am....but ok I'll do it. Saturday comes, text at 10 "we'll be there at 12," 2 hours later, "uh we're on our way." Finally show up at 4 pm. People who can't make a simple plan, communicate it, and follow through are just fukking retarded and not worth wasting time over.

yes and no
depends on
your status bastard

I once left a message saying I wont attend a familys bbq because they dont serve bison and serve ****ty 80/20 meat. They text'd me back and said they didnt want to invite me anyway kek

If you've already made plans, then they can deal with it. People who just expect you to keep your schedule open for them without actually confirming plans are not worth your time.

Sounds like a drag. I'd bounce. Do something you really want to do with the day.

I always hear the "but they're family" guilt trip.

A$$holes are a$$holes. Some are genetically related.






Cliffs on 80/20 meat?
Dat some soy chit?

Bro it's obvious you don't want to go and have a huge amount of resentment towards your brother.

I even read your paragraphs that you deleted. You can act like he hasn't let it go, but neither have you.