Gotta give one at my bros wedding. I want to keep it short. I know the maid of honor is planning a huge speech that will bore everyone to death so I want to spare our family and friends.

inb4:

I dont have any friends so dont have to worry about this


If I buy a wife from SE asia I will prob have to hire an actor to be my best friend so her family thinks Im normal

I skipped one of my friends weddings because he expected us to travel 5 hours away. I don't have the time for that chit. If I got married (which I wouldn't dare) I wouldn't bother interrupting people's lives. I'd just sign the paper work and get on with life.

This one is my actual brother's so I can't fook it off.

its completely terrifying and the odds are very high that you will muck it up completely and not be able to show your face in public for years.

hope that helps

Piss easy really. I always feared writing a speech as the groom, but it's pretty stock, and best man is no different.



Give some thanks and compliments to the bride and groom.

Say how lovely it is to all be together and celebrating in such a lovely venue.

Introduce how the groom knows you.

Tell a couple of embarrassing stories from years back (Not hurtful, not bullying, just something they'd go red about and laugh about it)

Round it off with a nice story about how he's grown as a person, how his wife is so great for him, they're a lovely couple.

Done.

I like this. It's my brother and a pretty small wedding (50 people)

repped.

just share some heartfelt/funny stories growing up, talk about how you've seen him and his fiancé grow & flourish together, how you're happy to have her be a part of the family, etc


idk man just crush a few shots and wing it

talk about how you know the bride inside and out

yeah, gonna keep it short and basic. Thanks man.

I haven't drank in like 10 years. It'll be tempting though.

Honestly a bit worried for him getting married in this day and age. You can't trust these hoes.

Definitely be this guy.

Because there is a 100% chance you're right about this...
Happens every single time. It's like it's built into their DNA. Just another example of how most females are insufferable attention whores.
"It's Jenny's big day but allow me to drone on for 4hrs with anecdotes that nobody wants to hear to demonstrate just how close of besties we were... why?... so everybody knows I'm a VIP at this event."

I've been to almost a dozen weddings in my life, given a handful of best man speeches, and this is always the case. Best man speeches are key to giving the audience a sigh of relief. Don't muck this up. Too easy. Keep it short and simple. Stick to a couple key talking points and don't try to be funny unless you KNOW you are. Get in, get out, sit down and enjoy a beverage and watch the absolute disaster that will be the maid of honors speech. Also, $10 says she alludes to an inside joke that only like 3 people in the room will understand with a flaccid-penis level soft punchline.

lol generally speaking, I do not find her attractive in the slightest.

To each their own I guess.

the maid of honor is a very annoying individual. I know her, she's loud, liberal, controlling, etc. I hope I can give my speech first because I'm sure everyone will have had it after sitting through what she is planning. srs.

it's a small wedding too, like 50 people. 25 or so are our closet friends and family. Her side, the other 25ish, I don't give a chit about. We're European (balkan) and they're just plain white so the dynamics just differ tremendously.

tell an endearing story about you and your brother growing up together and how you bonded, watched him, and brought you both to this day. also say something nice about the bride and your parents/family and her family.

Ask Rog for some speech ideas

Tell the story about him giving you a brojob. This works 100% of the time 46% of the time.

"Character assassination mandate"

Do a light roast that will make everyone laugh.

Make it funny ded fkn srs.

People said I had the best best man speech ever because I roasted my buddy the whole time and added in a couple sentimental stories/how we met.

The kind of speech you give depends on the groom/family etc. I know a guy who revealed that the bride pegged the groom - I can't imagine ever dropping a bombshell like that for the friend who I was a best man for. Other times it can just be light jabbing at something stupid they did or said, in my case I didn't go overboard but got compliments on my speech.

Advice would be to print it in large font though - you WILL lose track at points and if its in normal size it'll fck with you.

From the speech guy who kills it errytime. Here's some advice.

Don't be a dick. Family is around. Poke fun at how he was all in love with her in the beginning of their relationship and how that is beautiful. Don't mention your relationship or your parents. It's about your bro and his lady.

Express how grateful and happy you are to be able to see your bro getting married to someone special that you know will take good care of him. Don't be corny or weird and joke like you don't trust the girl. It's a vulnerable moment for their marriage and I find it weird when people try to joke like "but if she doesn't then you know..." It's like wtf? Keep it all positive. You can even say something like "in this current climate with so much going on in the world... its an honor to" Doesn't give away your beliefs on Rona, vaccines, political, socio-political views and you know that stuff is on some people's minds.

Mention how you're happy that your families just got bigger and how you look forward to making more beautiful memories with them. Cheers and applaud and then you can be the cool guy and say it's time for the fun part or time to eat. Whatever to bring y'all to home base. I suggest going last.

Have a few drinks before to relax. Don't get drunk and embarrass yourself or your brother. it's his day as much as it's his ladies. This is your chance to express your love and happiness for him. Very rare occasion and before you know it, you're both old. You can even add in stuff to one up the other speech person and talk about how you look up to him or some chit LOL if you gotta cry, go ahead, but laugh it off and joke a little. Be lighthearted man. Have fun. Idk how the other misc bros see this stuff but I see it as an honor to be asked to do speeches and I always do my best to speak from the heart and be respectful and mindful of everyone that is listening.

I was best man for my brother a few years back. My speech was about how I saw him change due to being with his wife. We were basically growing apart but thanks to her he started to become more relaxed and was more willing to stay in contact. All of it was true but when I look back at it, I shouldnt have said anything so serious. Not good to reveal really deep stuff like that. Probably just shouldve said some BS and trolled more. Hopefully never wind up in that situation again.

repped

She was the best man


Give a speech about Indian recipes OP

Four weeks before my wedding I had appendicitis, and had my appendix removed whilst my wife was on her hen do.

At the wedding, my best man brought this up, and then told the story of how when I was a child, I had crippling stomach pains, and the GP was ready to book me in for a suspected appendicitis, then he pressed my stomach again, I farted and the pain was gone.

It was a perfect combination of bringing together an embarrassing moment in my past that we can all laugh at, and the current day.

Really nicely done, and confirmed I definitely picked the right friend. The bastard.

I mean the best thing you can do is go on a fifteen minute diatribe describing the situations that are highest risk in terms of his wife returning home with a loaded colon and ultimately clogging the toilet with a monster chocolate anaconda like two for one burrito bowls at chipotle or all you can eat shrimp week at red lobster then going for the tried and true crowd favorite finisher of ten to twelve minutes on optimal plungering technique and a top ten list of the best plungers that can be used for multiple hours with his shirt pulled up over his nose without developing calluses or passing out due to the combined oxygen restriction and dense cloud of chit particles

not indian. I fukkin hate indian food.

my people eat feta crew checking in. srs

lol can always count on you in my threads.

on spread, I tried to get you in the come at me bro thread where you described the over tanned guido clogging the toilet.

Jeez Christ guests will be offing themselves out of boredom with that approach.