I am 20F.

Negged

Well, there may be several reasons, but it’s not usually about the person they bring down. It’s typically because they are either jealous, insecure, or trying to impress others (which is usually due to being insecure). Keep in mind, if a person is doing this to you, they feel you have something they wish they have, so don’t take it too serious. I would guess that this person is actually jealous of you. My first suggestion would be to distance yourself from a person like this. If you can’t, then try to remember, it’s because you are making it in this world..and that’s awesome!!!

I am 20F. Please bear with me. These past 2 years I had a huge drop in self confidence and it rly destroys me inside. I try to get validation several times a day from strangers online and from my mom. I would go out with tinder guys often to get validation from them (even when i dont like them that much). Anyways recent months, I started going to the gym (5x/week... love it! huge confidence boost!), bettering my relationship with my parents and siblings, focusing more on myself, drinking less often. And tbh my confidence is great!

BUT then at work (im a hostel receptionist): i have this colleague (21F) who ALWAYS makes this remark ("oh you look tired today"). I know she doesnt mean wrong but i feel like its an insult. I already called her out on it to stop. And then I have this other colleague (34F) who is quite insecure who always points out little makeup I put and she also often copies me and always compares herself to others. I dont find her particularly attractive but its annoying how insecure she is (cuz she shows it and thats not cool. i dont tell everyone how insecure i am, no one has to know). But thing is we often have guests confusing us and telling us we look very alike and asking us if we are siblings or smthg. She loves mentioning that to me. And I hate it because i dont see the resemblance and it ****s with my confidence. But if other ppl see it then it must be true i guess... But then in the same time, I get hit on the most among my colleagues but then how come we look alike? Its just idk.

<b>Idk its like I do so much to better myself and then I have ppl bringing me down.. or maybe im just too vulnerable. WHAT TO DO?</b>

<i>Ps. its good to mention that my colleagues are good friends as well.</i>

Well, there may be several reasons, but it’s not usually about the person they bring down. It’s typically because they are either jealous, insecure, or trying to impress others (which is usually due to being insecure). Keep in mind, if a person is doing this to you, they feel you have something they wish they have, so don’t take it too serious. I would guess that this person is actually jealous of you. My first suggestion would be to distance yourself from a person like this. If you can’t, then try to remember, it’s because you are making it in this world..and that’s awesome!!!

Yes, people try this all the time. There are two parts to this answer of mine.

1. Why people do it, the smaller part.
2. How to not let them win, the bigger and probably the most important part.

Let us pluck the low hanging fruit first. People constantly try to make you feel worthless to massage their own insecurities. If a person does this to you, he/she clearly thinks you are much better than him/her, rightfully so. They cannot win you over in any straight way and hence tactfully adopt the shorter route, to bring you down. They are toxic, overflow with negativity and 99 percent of the time disguised as friends and sometimes even extended family. They will never grow and cannot bear growth happening to anybody they know. Their biggest strength is our belief that they are our well-wishers. Their effort to bring you down all the time comes dressed up as advice. Jealousy is the most common trait of this large powerless group. Can you relate to this? Can you think of a couple of people by now? Then read further….

So now is the bigger topic of how to deal with them. The first step towards dealing with toxic people (I would royally call them this way), is to identify that they are toxic. You can never lose friends, you just identify who the real ones are. Never ever hesitate to weed out these people from your life. People often struggle in this first step. I can tell you an easy trick for the real naïve ones. If you do not feel good at the end of a conversation, do not talk to the person the next time. You just immersed yourself in negativity. Some personalities can tell people at face and some cannot. If you are the one that cannot, discretely stay away from the negative people and they will find a different target (mark this, I am not saying they will change).

Once you have identified this, it is a breeze. All you have to do is snub them and ask things boldly like "What is your intention in talking to me like this?" or "What makes you think your opinion will deter my efforts?" and they will get a chill in their spine. Do this if the person really means to you and you see them in your future, if not gladly ignore and walk off. The moment you set the boundaries right, they will never behave the same way. If they are so dumb and continue, I think you should not continue the relationship. End it in a nice or not so nice way, doesn't matter, you probably cut ties by this stage.

When you have done this a couple of times to a couple of people, you become strong. Negative people have the eerie ability to find easy targets. You are not one of them anymore. Trust me, when you put that brave face, your personality grows multifold and you will not have to deal with crap from anyone anymore. Spread the positivity, grow and let grow!!!!