Mine was many years ago on a cruise. I signed up for a "hydrotherapy massage", not really knowing what it was. What I got was a prison style shower hose down.

The lady had me put on disposable underwear and gave me a decent, but too brief massage using a lot of oils. Then she told me to follow her to the shower room. It was just a medium sized, tiled room. She then told me to go to the other side of the room, back turned to her and then proceeded to hose down my back with what felt like a 290 psi firehose. Eventually I had to turn around and stick my hand out telling her to stop.

This was Celebrity Cruiseline and never again.

I used to live in this Chinese/Korean city and went to this massage parlor. Was like peak misc circa 2014 so I was looking pretty joocy. Home girl had me laying on my stomach and then climbed up on the table and got on top of my back on all fours and walked around for a bit. Bish asked me if I was ok, came instantly.

Went to a Thai massage place because I thought it'd be like this...



...but after ten minutes of a very chitty massage she poked me real hard in the balls and pointed at her mouth. After that I got ten more minutes of chit massaging and left.

When I first started getting massages I had one that inadvertently kept scratching my back with their nails. Looking back it was probably a newbie masseuse but it was so painful, I was wtfing the whole time. I made sure to remember their name so I could never request them again.

Another one I wanted to do neck work as usual and they ran their fingers down my side neck muscles while pressing way too hard. Felt like legit torture.

This 6 foot Asian chick with the thickest calves I've ever seen. Built like a bowling pin. Told her I had a frozen should. She jerked and ripped at that thing. I was in pain the entire time, and my shoulder was so much worse following. I've honestly never has a professional massage since and it's been years

I paid like $250 (including tip) for some 50-year-old Asian lady to give me a 15 minute back and ass-massage and a 3-minute tug on my dick while saying “oh baby, oh baby” and I didn’t even cum. She was like “no cum?” as I gazed up into her face which had a fuking shield on it.

The massage part felt good I wish she would have gone longer, my muscles were actually tight.

Also she was wearing a face shield and a gown and gloves so I felt like I was at the Doctor’s office.

It was SO intimate feeling like I was ET being dispassionately examined by a government scientist, although the calming music, scented candles, and overall ambiance was probably just there to make me comply.

Plus I was drunk at the time, but I was well-bathed and very nice and I over-tipped the nice old Asian lady. I didn’t go there without anything but respect.

She could have passed as 35, she was in good shape and she was very cute but the face shield and mask and gown somehow muted the experience.

Would I do it again? Yes, probably.

And did she need to use two hands on my dink? Yes she did. (She had small hands, JK I have a nice dink)

Hate the nails. There should never be long nails.

chick with disgusting fake teds and ass and lip injections just rubbed my back with oil for a little bit and then turned me over and finished with handy. she wouldnt get on top or get totally naked and didnt put a lot of effort in the back rub either. i dont even wanna say how much i spent for the session.

Went to a male massage therapist on accident. The name was "Kasey" and I thought that was a sloot's name.

Anyway, this guy had hands of the gods, and when he got to my inner thigh, I popped the biggest bonrar.

The tent I pitched was unbelievable.

Dude was gay so I thought he would like it and want to play ball.

Unfortunately he walked out of the room and on the way out he said "I'll come back in 5 to give you a chance to calm yourself"

The whole thing was uncomfortable. I wasn't sure why a guy got me hard and was even more confused that he didn't want to bob for apples.

I’m not gay but if the massage was good I’d just be like “nah brah keep going and make sure you get my quads, also use more lemon tea menthol lotion”

Also if I were a deeply closeted gay, I would say the same thing, as I wouldn’t be considered gay.

That was unprofessional of him. He should have just worked around it instead he made you feel uncomfortable. He was just being a little bitch.

I think the temptation might have been getting to him and he was trying to not take any chances.

I'm not even gay but if such a clean magnificent piece was in front of me and ready, I would have slobbed on that knob. srs.

how'd you know he was gay, do they put that chit in their sales pitch?

He had a lisp, a tight baby-t style shirt on, had his hair highlighted, and smelled like a flower.

I'm not even gay and would have banged the dude. I'm convinced his butthole smelled like baby powder. srs.

I don't do drugs, but I'll toot that line of blow.

I once had a fwb from Taiwan. One day she asks if I want a traditional massage and I say fuk yeh
She starts, most of it was good until she pulls out this paddle/scraper thing and starts raking it all over my back
It hurt like a mofo but I am too manly to complain. Checked my back later it was full of broken blood vessels
I think I remembered her saying it was a way to eliminate toxins in the body or some chit.

Prolly just wanted to dabble in a little s&m w/you and thought you'd say no.

Doubt it, she knew I was up for anything lol

Did a couples massage in Jamaica and the woman stood so close to my head that I could smell the mustiness of her vagene

That was an enhancement they usually charge more for, to get you in the mood.

Have had only good massages. Srs. Besides gf's attempting to. All professional ones were quite amazing.

You know the one's that are going to rub your dick when they are kind of secluded and you walk in and it's dark and it's not all that clean, kind of smells bad and the room is really isolated and dark. Girls know almost no English. Then they give you a crappy massage like they have no clue what they are doing but keep rubbing your ass and touching your balls.

So I walk into this one place right, it has ALL of the qualifiers. I really wasn't in the mood to get something I could just DIY and save some money but that's what I always say. I'm like "damn I'm really tense/sore I need a real massage". Well damn she's rubbing me down and she sucks. She finally flips me over and doesn't even cover me but never touches me dick at all even after she got me semi hard. I kind of wanted a HJ at that point just so I would get some tension released somewhere but then stated realizing she probably wasn't any good at that either.

On the flip side, went to a place that was in a nice area. It was clean, bright, smelled great inside. Chick was young and good looking, but asian. I knew it was legit and I was fine with that. She gave me a 9/10 massage. Even had the rails above and she stood on my back massaging me with her feet while adding pressure and no lie that felt good. She flips me over covering me, and started doing this round thing on my stomach and triggered a massive hardon. I was a bit embarrassed because I was at a legit place and I didn't want her to think she was one of those slee..... oh wait, what's this, She lifts the towel and just brushes her fingers over it and gives me this look. Massages me balls and that felt amazing even in a non sexual way, just felt good, but then she started teasing and rubbing my dick. After a minute of edging me she went for the kill and did this milking thing I kid you not felt more like a BJ than a HJ, even put her finger in the back door a little which I normally don't like but I came a quart. I tipped her good because honestly, she should charge a lot more for her magical hands.

only ever had chit-tier GF ones

fkn sloots

Lmao that was me yesterday, did a couples massage for fiance’s bday. I was laying face down and the lady had her vagina on the back of my head and kept moving up and down riding the back of my head. My fiance saw it and was like wtf.