Conventional modern advice is to not place your happiness in other people... but this seems contrary to our evolution.

Most of history people lived in tribes or small communities and worked together. They weren't pursuing hobbies or careermaxing or travelling to be happy. There are stories of numerous Europeans colonists who ditched settlements to go live with native tribes.

Why is this advice parroted so much? Because people can be unreliable? Doesn't make it wrong though.

Discuss

makes me happy seeing you happy fetabrah dfs.

oh and...

Spoiler!

The ease of survival in modern society doesn't make it not incongruous with our biology in other ways


Hope the August cut and sobriety goes well, stay hard boyo
still looking for my tribe of people to be happy srs but your gifs make me happy

There's nothing wrong with finding happiness in other people, but that doesn't mean it's an excuse to not seek happiness within yourself either.

A lot of people put their happiness in other people and get burned. It might be overwhelming for the receiving partner, or they might just decide to move on. Either way, it’s the definition of a co-dependent personality disorder

On the flip side, many people put up a wall and don’t rely on other people hardly at all. But they often end up miserable while longing for meaningful connection

Few people get it right where they have loving relationships with a healthy degree of independence

Valid. Both are importantAgree with you and guilty too

Other people are basically the only thing that makes life worth livings. Why else would people have friends, marry, have kids, a family etc? Why do people buy pets?

It’s horrible being alone, we aren’t equipped to deal with it for the most part.

I saw something about that today- humans living in a style that we aren't really suited for. And he concluded that is why humans need drugs in order to have civilization- so that our basic hunter-gatherer selves can deal with the stress and weirdness of how we are presently living. Drugs included beer, wine, coffee, and sugar, BTW- not just what we call "hard" drugs.

I hope you find your tribe.It can be a tough thing to navigate if you didn't have a childhood experience that set you up for success. We tend to either overextend ourselves [co-dependent], or wall ourselves off [independent/loner] or alternate between the two, when what we really have to try for isinterdependence.

co-dependent: I really need you to like me so maybe if I do just the right thing you will

independent/loner: I don't want to get hurt so I will just avoid relationships

I've realized I've been on this ride and I want something better. So guess I haven't reached my final form yet. Trying to find that balance of letting people in while still keeping good boundaries.



Related:

The idea that you have to "love yourself" BEFORE getting into any relationships has been fairly widespread. Also may not be right. I think it was Brene Brown who I heard pushing back on that one, but might have been someone else. Said we grow in relationships, not by avoiding relationships.

fuark I oscillate hard between those two sets.

and makes sense humans need all that stuff to cope. Although I'm not sure about sugar, that's more survival imo. Thx

Putting your “happiness” inside of other people, is that what you kids are calling it these days?