You're welcome brah I'm enjoying the convo.

If she goes to friends and gets bad advice, she's rooted enough in her friend group of low social/emotional intelligence that you don't want to be the one to "save" her and be in a constant struggle with said friends.
For the most part we are the average of our 5 closest confidants.

I agree it's not necessary to tell them before deleting them but I wouldn't mind if she did. If anything how they react would be a good way to gauge the sincerity of the friendship.

Agreed about the friends and I don’t want that environment where I’d be up against it with their opinions. Hopefully they aren’t the types to be immature and point the finger at me. I’m not feeling as optimistic now though, just a feeling. I kind of doubt people will side with me but oh well, I’ll stand by what I said.

That’s a fair point about the exes.

I don’t know if I should wait until she reaches out. I’m not sure she will. I guess that speaks volumes.

She posted another story on ig. I was thinking I won’t look at it. I don’t want her thinking I’m constantly caring what she’s doing. However it’s tough because it’s free info..

Round five of trying to exchane clothes with the ex:
Get
Text her "ummm did you defriend me on snapchat? And are you still coming by to get your stuff today?" Get back a I forgot to tell you earlier I can't today (yeah right you didn't forget) and I didn't mean to do that and readds me....

I haven't seen much from Luc1fer?

Are you still seeing the same woman?

I sincerely hope whether or not you watch her story is a deciding factor in how she responds to your last convo.

In to know the outcome once she does reach out though.Deleting eachothers socials might not be a bad thing to move on.
She almost assuredly did it on purpose and you should just let her if that's what she wants.

Hey bro, here’s an honest concern I have. What if she doesn’t reach out because she feels I’m pressuring her to get rid of friends. And what if she’s waiting to see if I’ll still pursue her. I tried to articulate that it’s her decision and I didn’t give her an ultimatum, and I honestly wouldn’t want her to feel that way yet since we only had 5 dates. I do think it was fair to bring up because eventually it would be a big issue if she didn’t take them down. And it does look weird having the pics up since she says she’s looking for a relationship.

Things were going well on all of our dates (before this last one when I brought up exes), and I don’t want to self sabotage here. Honestly not sure she’ll reach out. I’d hate to ruin a potentially good thing by overreacting if she did indeed have no feelings for them. Also the one slightly defensive thing she did near the end of the date, she said she understood and she can be more thoughtful etc, but subtly mentioned the word ‘insecurity’ on my end..I quickly said it’s not insecurity I’m just being honest about what it looks like etc.. overall she was mature but that was one subtle jab.

To sum up my concern: I still want her to know we can hangout and date, and she could have time to take care of that issue as long as she’s honest. I feel like we were getting closer and now there’s this awkward roadblock.

Pressuring her to get rid of her friends or exes?
Are you comfortable if she stays legit friends with these guys and are you willing to discuss where the boundary will lie?
Deleting those posts is obviously one line you've drawn but there may be more.

I'd give it like 2 weeks (because it's a lot to process on her end) at which point say something like "Hey I know we had a bit of a serious convo last time we saw each other. Just following up to see where your head is at following that?"

Mentioning insecurities could be viewed as gaslighting but in her defense, it's tough to take all that in at once and natural to be a little defensive so we'll see how things pan out next time you two speak.
I agree it's a healthy boundary and not an insecurity but at the same time if someone thought I had an insecurity I'd want to talk about it and help eachother understand our points of view. Doesn't bother me if someone thinks on the surface level I have an insecurity. Having the odd insecurity isn't the end of the world and make us sissies or w/e.

Thanks bro. Yes I meant pressuring her to get rid of the 2 exes who she says are friends. She basically told me she has zero feelings for them But also mentioned (just recalled this) that they would get back with her if she wanted (now that I think on that, that’s a total tell that they aren’t just friends, which I knew anyway bc those two guys likely wouldn’t be liking her recent ig pics still if they didn’t want her). So no, I don’t want them around on social media if I’m with her. She does seem genuinely anti cheating and strikes me as someone who would be loyal if she’s in a relationship.

Good point about the insecurity comment she sort of snuck in.. I’m only human. I felt I was confident and mature our whole convo and very honest, so I won’t be ashamed of it. Overall she was a bit hard for me to read in the sense that part of the time she kept qualifying herself to me, and also hinting she could hangout this weekend (but said nothing directly), and then the other time she gets very casual for example commenting like surprised I drove an hour to see her even though we haven’t seen each other in 2.5 weeks (for context there really no where to meet in the middle where we live, and she visited me last time). In that instance I said I thought it would be good to meet since we haven’t seen each other in a while, which she did agree. A good thing was I felt a good connection when talking about what we’re really looking for, good eye contact and lots in common, but that was before I brought up the exes.

I do admit I feel some insecurity thinking about her on the apps, even though I’m on a couple now too.

Will wait probably a couple weeks and see if she reaches out. Going to really try to keep working on myself in the meantime and try to connect with friends as well.

oh my. You do overthink a lot from the couple of posts I read from you. You are going to give yourself a headache and you are not even a couple yet. if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. It would be funny if both of you guys are waiting for each other to reach out but never did. If you catch yourself overthinking again, just follow your peter-tingle. Okay. Bad Spiderman joke. Good luck.

I get the overthinking thing as I'm a horrible over thinker. But InsanePain it sounds like you may sabotage yourself. Do you like her? Do you want to see her? If yes, contact her and set up a date.

Appreciate the post and different perspective, but I’m not sure you are following everything and have read all my posts, and about our recent talk and the concerns with it. I don’t blame you since I wrote a lot. We just met Tuesday night..and it would seem to make sense to give it a few days before reach out and to also let her think about what she’s really looking for. Maybe she just has the mindset that I’m going to reach out every time, I don’t know.

I like to add all the details to give a clear picture of what’s going on so I can get real responses, that’s why I write it all. But I’m sure it seems like a lot for some. This thread has slowed so much I figure nbd if anyone wants to follow this they can.

Yea of course I like her and want to see her, but I don’t like all of her actions. And I think it’s fair to give a few days to think about our talk because it was significant.

I did read your posts for the last two pages (50 per page) and sorry if I missed any details. I did read about your Tuesday date. I know that you like her but you don't like some of her actions such as keeping the exes pics, reading too much into her ig stories and her implying insecurity. I know that she came out of a long relationship and maybe still hurting a little bit inside? So all of these details seems to me that you are thinking a lot. I apologize if I am wrong. Post # 6169 you said that you will wait for a couple of weeks to see if she reaches out. I was just picturing what if she does not reach out and you decided to not to reach out either.

Did I miss any other details?

I overthink sometimes too and have to tell myself to relax and let it happen naturally.

I may reach out to her sooner. She had hinted being free this weekend and we have off Monday. More I think on it, I don’t believe it would benefit me waiting too long to reach out, and she was respectful and I believe trying to understand my point of view. She already told me her thoughts and I don't expect her to delete anything yet, which is ok for now since we’re not official.

Possible I’ll see if she’s free Sun night.

Skinnyfat I know that’s a 180 on my previous thought, but she kind of already told me where her heads at. And I don’t have any ultimatum or demand in the pics yet, so I don’t see a problem with reaching out sooner. If we continue to build connection I think she’d then be open to deleting the stuff at a later date. (She mentioned on our date she didn’t want to do it just bc I asked, which is fine and I don’t want her to feel that at this point)

Ok guys I’m taking a break from this and will check back later. I agree I’m overthinking too much!

Ps- thank you swimliftrungrl it sounds like you’ve been following the recent stuff. I appreciate the thoughts.

Alright guys. Honestly I did reach out because my gut told me find out what’s up, and don’t wait.

I’m feeling medium to low interest now. Don’t think she appreciates me and is ready for anything serious. Unless I’m in the moment and not thinking clear. Hoping to get your takes.

I texted her 6:30 saying something like hey I know our last talk was more serious. Im glad we were able to discuss it. Said she can have time and make decision later on the topic. Invited her over Sunday mentioning I know it’s short notice but let’s hangout.

She posted an ig story of something dumb on Dr phil, and then grooming her cool dog.

Obviously I’m feeling low-medium interest from her since she didn’t reply til late at night when I’m sure she’d see the text.

She replied something like “that’s definitely a possibility I’ll let you know as soon as I can. I have tentative plans but they may not work out. Im also glad we had the convo”

My take is that’s a low interest and taking me for granted kind of reply. To be fair I only asked her to hangout short notice but still.

Please feel free to let me know your thoughts.I would appreciate it. Unfortunately I’m feeling like I can’t take her too serious but may be overreacting because I’m drinking. But she’s not acting like she wants something serious with me. Im not sure what I’ll think when I wake up tomorrow (not gonna reply tonight)

Hmmmm....... not sure what to think. Does she usually reply quickly? I wouldn't get too ate up about her saying she has tentative plans already since it was short notice. However, didn't you say the other day on your date that you wanted to see her this weekend?

have a date with an overweight girl wearing a freaking t-shirt in her pics. Face is a 5. She better let me smash. I'm not looking forward to be seen in public with this girl at all. Looking for a low volume restaurant atm.

No I never told her on the date I wanted to see her this weekend. She had hinted she was free and gave me an avenue, but I was focused on the talk and I didn’t try to make plans.

She doesn’t always reply quick, like half the time I guess. At this point since I invited her I’ll tel her ‘sounds good let me know’. I just got a weird vibe that she was posting stories before replying, but I could also see her not wanting to act eager. Can’t really take too much from it I suppose. I do need to stop putting so much on this.

I think at this stage I’m just going to table any talk about exclusivity. There’s too many question marks right now, and I don’t think it’s make sense to bring it up right after that other talk. I’ll probably continue to date others for now and I’m sure she’s doing the same. She can bring it up if she wants but for whatever reason I don’t see her doing it. Probably because of mixed signals from her.

whorebag ghosted me

this is the beggining of my super villain saga

Oh gotcha. I thought you had brought up this weekend. It's hard to tell from your descriptions of her if she's playing games or genuine. Unfortunately at this point there's nothing except time that will give you more insight into her intentions. I hope she comes through for today!

coffee meets bagel tried to set me up with my coworker. deleted that **** instantly lmao

even tho she's cute af

I made a post on one of these threads about 10-11 months ago about meeting a girl at the gym, younger than I ever thought I'd date at my age, but everyone basically said I'd be an idiot to miss out (friends/family). ****'s going real well, I'm a lucky dude.

Would have never even talked to her as I don't approach or usually conversate with people at the gym. Owe my best friend the world for introducing me to her (he's the gym bro type who talks and gets along with everyone). **** online dating, lol. Glad I didn't have to go back to it.

Making small talk and going to a gym regularly is a great way to introduce yourself to new friends/girls (although my best friend does all that for me), if y'all are sick of the online world of flakes/ghosting/1000s of options.

I always say this but it just isn't who I am lol

From my experience when I invite someone on a short notice, there is a higher probability that the person would not make it. In turn, you feel medium to low interest is because you expected her to say yes but her reply is just "meh". I think you did the right thing when you replied back to her to say to let you know and just leave it at that.

Any more response from her since your last post here? Is she meeting you today?

Agree with you about the short notice. It could also make her not want her to come across too available if she just says yes. I kind of put myself in This scenario where I need to wait for the answer.

She didn’t text me yesterday and haven’t heard yet. Thinking if she doesn’t text me by early afternoon I may just have to say something like ‘hey I hadn’t heard from you and I know it was a short notice invite. Let’s just plan another time’

I would think she’d text me in the next couple hours though, leaving me waiting longer would be kind of rude I think.

Maybe just text and say good morning or Happy Sunday or something, ask how her weekend is so far and get a convo going? Then get around to asking about today?