Can you even love someone but not respect them?

I broke up with my ex three months ago as it was a gut wrenching decision. I felt like she loved and was borderline obsessed with me, meaning she would always make time for me, wanted to get married, non stop talking/texting with each other, posted pictures of me, surprised me with gifts, always complimented me, did things with me etc.

However I felt like she just didn't respect me. And by respect I mean things like, she wouldn't listen to me whenever I would tell her something she's doing that made me unhappy for example posting quotes on social media whenever we were having trouble or an argument in our relationship so that the whole world could see. I told her about this for the whole 2 years I was with her and she would brush it off then do it again a week later or whenever the next argument happened. Also she would so easily threaten the relationship whenever a little argument occurred and I was never happy about that yet she continued doing so.

She also rarely apologized, especially during arguments and would shift the blame on me and act like the victim. She had a very bad temper and at times got violent to the point where she would throw things, break things, scream, yell, spaz out.

I'm just confused because I felt like she loved me but just did not respect me as a man. It's not like I wanted respect given to me also, I earned it throughout the relationship by committing to her (suppose to get married in less then a year). I guess my question is being in a relationship where you feel loved but not respected justified to breaking up as it became toxic?


Long story short, I was at her house chilling with her sister. Her sister was making super rude remarks about my body physically and just giving me a negative vibe in general (this isn't the first time she's acted like this towards me)

"your waist is very skinny"
"You need to work out your waist"
"Your neck is so small"
"Your upper body is bigger then your lower body"

The first time a while back I approached her about about this and it just caused tension between me and her sisters, which I didn't even get a sincere apology for. So I brushed it off

However this time, I chose not to speak to her about it rather tell my ex about it. So we went for a drive shortly after, and I calmy tell her that I don't like the way her sister talks to me and the overall negative somewhat hating vibe I get from her. Mind you I always try to approach conversations like this in a calm tone bc in the past my ex would get mad quickly and blame me for expressing my feelings in a assertive tone.

So after I tell her how I took it, she let's out a big sigh and looks the other way towards the window and doesn't speak at all; visibly looks upset. Five minutes later of pure silence, I tell her "you know not speaking nor approaching this issue isn't going to help us move forward"

She then says is it bothering you and I said yeah its annoying me bc this is the second or third time she's acted this way. My ex then says "I feel like she said nothing wrong" and then I reply by saying "how would you feel if you were hanging out with my sister and I and she started making rude comments about your body saying your too fat or that you need to work on this and that and the third..also if my sister or anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable i would be so quick to defend you.

She explodes in my face, shouting non stop

"I F****G HATE YOU"
"YOU RUINED OUR DAY"
"WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS A PROBLEM BETWEEN YOU AND I"

I tell her again in a polite calm tone I don't care if I ruined the day, if something is bothering me deep down I'm going to express how I feel to my partner as you should be the same way. She brushes it off and continues to make a scene, yelling shouting etc for the next 10 min. She spazzes out and tries to grab my phone to make me call her sister which i told her I don't want to make another scene and cause tension as it'll let other people into our relationship. I just was expecting you to speak to her or atleast defend me. She brushes that off and continues to make a scene for another 1-2 hours

Under my breath, I say "your ****ed", (mistake on my end) and then that obv triggers her even more and she grabs her engagement ring and throws it in my car and says "**** this" (she's done this before and I told her not to ever do that again or I'm walking away) I then say it's over and she quickly grabs the ring.

20 min later I decide to drop by and buy her food for the ride to see if she will calm down and listen to me. After eating she seems more at ease, and i politely tell her "you know I'm not trying to make you pick between me or your sister, I get it that she's your sister but I was expecting you to defend me or atleast talk to her knowing this keeps happening"

Slowly but surely she becomes angry all over again, this time even worse and she grabs her phone and starts smashing it on my car dash, push comes to shove so I decide to call her sister, and her sister pretty much mirrors her behaviour over the phone and starts screaming at me saying "I ALWAYS HAVE TO WALK ON STONES WHEN IM AROUND YOU" and pretty much gives a week ass apology. The part I don't get is that my ex always use to admit that her sisters would treat her like **** and be jealous of her.

Later on I drop her off back at home after going physco on me for 2 hours straight, she cries and tells me to call her on my way home, as I'm driving home her and her sister sense that im mentally checked out as this to me was the final straw pushed off the camels back, and they are begging me saying how do we fix this. Meanwhile I just wanted no part of this relationship anymore, I end up telling her I can't do this anymore and block her and her sister. And it's been over a month of no contact and she's tried reaching out once like three weeks ago but I have no desire anymore as I'm moving on as friends and family are telling me not to look back.

Am I justified?

You're 110% justified.

The only reason you need to breakup with someone is that you no longer want to be in a relationship with them.
Sure, if you have kids et al maybe you should think about your decision more than if you don't but if your friends and family are telling you to move on and don't look back, they're probably saying so with your best interest at heart.

“I ALWAYS HAVE TO WALK ON STONES WHEN IM AROUND YOU”




“I'm mentally checked out as this to me was the final straw pushed off the camels back”




How could they possibly respect someone who repeatedly butchers such common sayings?













But srs, you dodged a bullet. If this was her as a fiancé I can’t even imagine what she would become as a wife. Not saying she can’t do some work to get better about how she approaches life and people, but no need for you to sit around and wait for her to do it when she’s shown no signs that she intended to do so. Yeah I’m sure it sucks, but it’s probably for the best.

In relationships, women want love, men want respect.

If either doesn't get what they want, it leads to unhappiness and resentment. You're 100% justified.

She sounds insane. You had every right to break it off.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.


Colossians 3:18 ESV
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


1 Peter 3:1 ESV
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,


Ephesians 5:28 ESV
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.



Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ...