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Forum » Dealing with NPD gf (now ex) nearly broke me
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Thread: Dealing with NPD gf (now ex) nearly broke me

post 1671980353 11-29-2022, 03:40 PM
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OP trust me, don't bother trying to make her jealous, it's not gonna work - learn the lesson and be careful about why you find somebody attractive.
Originally Posted By Caldef⏩
Going from ops original story, she did like him initially, but didn't by the end..

It's op who wants to get back together with her, despite not liking her very much. Which as you say, is not something that normal or healthy people do.
You don't just lose the love you feel for somebody over night - you're crazy if you think so.
Originally Posted By Mike1991⏩
Dealt with this for 7 years. And have 3 kids with her

She was BPD and NPD

Gas lighting
Love bombing
Trying to manipulate me
Never taking blame for anything
Rampant mood swings

I was clued in to what was happening after about the first 2 years but it still fuks with you

Like others have said the best thing you can do is just cut all contact and not give a single fuk. They only have power over you if you play into their game

On the plus side I’m ultra aware of all the red flags now

The reason she dumped you is because she already broke you. Narcs feed off the challenge of breaking someone
This guy knows what's up, down the the fact that they enjoy breaking other people like the devil in disguise.
Originally Posted By Kev1972⏩
Yes women never use sex or charm to get things they want from men.

NEVER!
Well of course that's what you think, you have a toxic personality hence why each and every single relationship you have had failed - i feel sorry for you, because your point of reference is so perverted that you don't know any different.
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post 1671980423 11-29-2022, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
A normal and healthy women does not enter a relationship with another person who they don't like - there must be something wrong with her.

You're probably just like her and suffer from NPD, so you don't understand how your mind works and why you 'lose feelings' all of the sudden and then go chasing 'the next thrill' leaving your partner heartbroken.

Like I said, a normal and healthy person, especially a women DOES NOT ENTER A RELATIONSHIP with somebody they do not like and then dump him a few weeks later - they simply would not entertain the idea in the first place.

That is the nuanced detail that many people miss in these relationship dynamics.
Projection much, I don't do any of that chit. Also , nice false attributed quote.

Sometimes people just don't like each other. It happens. Move on..
post 1671980663 11-29-2022, 03:43 PM
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Originally Posted By Caldef⏩
Projection much, I don't do any of that chit. Also , nice false attributed quote.

Sometimes people just don't like each other. It happens. Move on..
You don't just get into a relationship with somebody and move on when YOU want you loser - you're obviously very entitled if you think that's the case.

You're like those mothers who are sick of being mothers because it's hard work, so they leave their kids - or the dads, likewise.

If you are so prone to be that way, you AVOID relationships completely and don't damage people - but like most narcs, they can't be alone, so they move on to the next.

That's what i mean, you can be a narc or psychopath and have good intentions towards life in general, not just people or humans.
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post 1671981023 11-29-2022, 03:47 PM
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Well of course that's what you think, you have a toxic personality hence why each and every single relationship you have had failed - i feel sorry for you, because your point of reference is so perverted that you don't know any different.
I'm not really sure what your idea of a failed relationship is.

If I'm seeing 5 women and one of them drops off is that a failed relationship? Not from my perspective. While I may miss her company temporarily there's always a new one around the corner. I haven't taken a relationship seriously in over a decade.

Yes there are some I like more than others but even then I won't suffer any type of disagreements or hostility. I live a very comfortable life and will never invest anything into a woman that I don't plan on losing.
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post 1671981403 11-29-2022, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted By Kev1972⏩
I'm not really sure what your idea of a failed relationship is.

If I'm seeing 5 women and one of them drops off is that a failed relationship? Not from my perspective. While I may miss her company temporarily there's always a new one around the corner. I haven't taken a relationship seriously in over a decade.

Yes there are some I like more than others but even then I won't suffer any type of disagreements or hostility. I live a very comfortable life and will never invest anything into a woman that I don't plan on losing.
Have you heard of the dunning kruger effect? It's not about what you know, it's about what you don't know.

What you don't know is that it's entirely possible to act non-compulsively and not use people for sex or whatever - but obviously you think you're special so you can, hence why every relationship you've ever had has failed.

You're missing the fact that a person who 'good' or 'non compulsive' wouldn't need to 'have a roster', they'd be happy alone or would naturally stick to one person they love.

That's why I can tell that there's something toxic about you - you probably think that your greed and desire for sex is a 'good trait', but really it's selfish.
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post 1671981493 11-29-2022, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted By Mike1991⏩
Dealt with this for 7 years. And have 3 kids with her

She was BPD and NPD

Gas lighting
Love bombing
Trying to manipulate me
Never taking blame for anything
Rampant mood swings

I was clued in to what was happening after about the first 2 years but it still fuks with you

Like others have said the best thing you can do is just cut all contact and not give a single fuk. They only have power over you if you play into their game

On the plus side I’m ultra aware of all the red flags now

The reason she dumped you is because she already broke you. Narcs feed off the challenge of breaking someone
Yes to all of those traits, and some more. luckily my relationship didnt last 7 years, but at least you seem to have your sht together. ive been no contact for about a month now.

And I was broken? I dont know about that. I was angry, and just wanted the person I initially met back. contrary to what people ITT said, I never cried, begged, acted submissively, or showered her with praise and acknowledgment during the relationship. I actually corrected her alot, and she'd get so ****ing serious lmao. she was silently seething when I told her she had made a complete 180 from the person I initially met.
post 1671981603 11-29-2022, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted By Caldef⏩
Cliffs,

- op met girl and at first she was really into him

- over time, they argued and made up multiple times

- girl eventually dumped him

- op can't get over it

- op now thinks he's qualified to give psychiatric evaluations, and labels girl npd

- op is desperate for girl to come back so he can start it all over again
looks like OPie's ex is a miscress
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post 1671981633 11-29-2022, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Yes to all of those traits, and some more. luckily my relationship didnt last 7 years, but at least you seem to have your sht together. ive been no contact for about a month now.

And I was broken? I dont know about that. I was angry, and just wanted the person I initially met back. contrary to what people ITT said, I never cried, begged, acted submissively, or showered her with praise and acknowledgment during the relationship. I actually corrected her alot, and she'd get so ****ing serious lmao. she was silently seething when I told her she had made a complete 180 from the person I initially met.
Well now you know how she had a five and two year relationship in the past - imagine how insanely hot she was back for those 7 years?
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post 1671981663 11-29-2022, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted By Ratfish⏩
looks like OPie's ex is a miscress
i actually had to pull up the picture to verify it wasnt her lmao.
post 1671981833 11-29-2022, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Well now you know how she had a five and two year relationship in the past - imagine how insanely hot she was back for those 7 years?
she's still insanely hot today. I saw pics of her in the past, and honestly she's better looking now.

you think those poor saps just put up with it for that long? became yes men, showered her with praise and compliments, forgave everything she said and did, never argued back? jessu ****.
post 1671982053 11-29-2022, 04:02 PM
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Get therapy
post 1671982173 11-29-2022, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
she's still insanely hot today. I saw pics of her in the past, and honestly she's better looking now.

you think those poor saps just put up with it for that long? became yes men, showered her with praise and compliments, forgave everything she said and did, never argued back? jessu ****.
I dunno i guess? I mean what attracted you to her in the first place? I know that I learned my lesson about being attracted to people who are good looking and it was my own fault people took advantage of my desire to be 'seen' as one of the cool kids, orr as above others, really - So I got what I deserve for discriminating against certain people, looking back on it.

I had an ex do the same sh*t who dumped me aafter a few months because i made her jealous, and then she's dating some bb.com guy - and the only thing I can think is that he just puts up with her because she feeds into his own narcissism.

She's got the fake lips and cheekbones now plus tattoos and tones phyquise, and he has the ripped physique and tattoos, so I guess they fit in where they belong - they both probably just think that they are 'doing what they love', but i know for a fact that you only do superficial stuff when you're not complete on the inside.

Looking back on it in all honesty i too was a superficial peice of shyt when we were dating, but i would NEVER let that back into my life - most people would say that i got what I deserve, and now i am so much better and able to love people for who they are on the inside, not just on the out.

That's what I mean though, like a normal person does not nitpick or criticise everything to feel good about themselves, only the crazies do - and they find aaa million reason for why, but never a reason to change.
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post 1671982483 11-29-2022, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
i actually had to pull up the picture to verify it wasnt her lmao.
fuark lmao
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post 1671983413 11-29-2022, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted By Ratfish⏩
fuark lmao
What you'll notice IRL is that sloots like these congregate in groups and form bands or gangs of sorts - that's why in sydney we call em 'gangas'.

They do ganga sh*t liek cheat on their hubbys or boyfriends, exploit people, especially nice men, and then their ganga mates will have their backs.

The funny thing about gangas is that there's always 'in fighting' about who controls the group's dynamic or gets to be with the male version of the 'main ganga', which is funnily enough a gangsta or leader of some gang.

The caliber of gangster is a direct reflection of the caliber of a ganga - although the gangsta will play the ganga and her friends most often, due to male nature, etc.
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post 1671983573 11-29-2022, 04:25 PM
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You should be happy that an evil vampire is out of your life
The only reason you think of her is due to a trauma bond / addiction

Go no contact.
Don't look at pictures nothing
Go to therapy
Detox from dopamine activities
And you'll be good in 5 months time
post 1671985703 11-29-2022, 04:58 PM
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post 1671992553 11-29-2022, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Never dealt with someone with true narcissism. Truly talented at her craft, a modern day mythological siren of the sea. Made me feel amazing, worthy, loved, handsome, attractive, heard, sexually pleased, and valued at first. She was perfect, and everything she offered me was perfect. Only to be gradually degraded, devalued, criticized, wrong about everything i said or did, made to apologize, wrong, wrong, wrong. After some bite and bark from me, my apology, then more bite and bark, and even more apologies from me, she discarded me. I genuinely thought it was me. I felt I had zero worth, zero things to offer to myself or to literally anyone else. So I kept searching. searching for answers because I instinctly knew something was wrong, but I still thought it was me. Even from the start of the relationship I instinctly knew something was wrong, but I was made to ignore that. It's uncanny the first time I discovered NPD, their cycles, and all the red flags. It was her. Literally, figuratively her. Everything I read on forums, reddit, the people I spoke to, even a therapist I met in publix and unloaded all my problems onto. Everything indicated this person could and is labeled under N.P.D.


I'm at the point now where I acknowledge and understand none of what went wrong was my fault. The only wrong I committed was why did I subject myself to all this? Am I a codependent? Low self esteem? Insecure? Lonely? Do I secretly hate myself?

I'm also at the anger stage. I'm looking for an avenue for her to come crawling back to me, so I can have a psychological crack and flip the tables on her. She still sees my whatsapp status, and she sees that i'm close to a couple of females (friends, but she doesnt know that). Oh I long for that text back from her, so I could systematically and deceptively get back in.
Lol

She's not NPD.

You're a bitch for constantly apologizing to her.

You always have to be willing to leave a woman. She gives you an ultimatum and says you need to apologize? tell her to leave if she's not happy. You have to be serious about it and willing to go through with it. That's the alpha mindset. She's in your world as a guest as long as she behaves.
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post 1671992883 11-29-2022, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted By swoleyo⏩
Lol

She's not NPD.

You're a bitch for constantly apologizing to her.

You always have to be willing to leave a woman. She gives you an ultimatum and says you need to apologize? tell her to leave if she's not happy. You have to be serious about it and willing to go through with it. That's the alpha mindset. She's in your world as a guest as long as she behaves.
Yeaah so what's it called when the person you love does not behave, you dump him or her, and spend the next 3 years wishing things would 'go back to normal'.

This dumping stuff is only dumping if you break up and actually make your own life better, in terms of quality of life, not getting drunk every Saturday, Sunday, and cheeky Thursday, only to wake up at 35 and realize you hate life or worse yet, find a new partner, and just have the repeating and same pattern over and over again.

If you 'dump' somebody and then go back to being miserable unless you find a way to 'numb the pain', you performed a discard and tried to avoid a 'karmic lesson'.

Dumping is getting cheated on and dumping that person, not finding something that somebody said about the way your nose look to him or her as annoying, getting caught out in a lie that exposes a flaw, or better yet you meet a 'hot stranger to f*ck' so you 'get rid of them' - that's what narcs do.
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post 1671993353 11-29-2022, 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Yeaah so what's it called when the person you love does not behave, you dump him or her, and spend the next 3 years wishing things would 'go back to normal'.

This dumping stuff is only dumping if you break up and actually make your own life better, in terms of quality of life, not getting drunk every Saturday, Sunday, and cheeky Thursday, only to wake up at 35 and realize you hate life or worse yet, find a new partner, and just have the repeating and same pattern over and over again.

If you 'dump' somebody and then go back to being miserable unless you find a way to 'numb the pain', you performed a discard and tried to avoid a 'karmic lesson'.

Dumping is getting cheated on and dumping that person, not finding something that somebody said about the way your nose look to him or her as annoying, getting caught out in a lie that exposes a flaw, or better yet you meet a 'hot stranger to f*ck' so you 'get rid of them' - that's what narcs do.
So, you'd just let her cuck you until she has no respect for you because you love her and would be miserable without her.

That's your entire problem. Learn to love yourself and not need a woman
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post 1671993663 11-29-2022, 07:23 PM
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Move on.
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post 1671994183 11-29-2022, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted By swoleyo⏩
So, you'd just let her cuck you until she has no respect for you because you love her and would be miserable without her.

That's your entire problem. Learn to love yourself and not need a woman
Well actually when you say learn to love yourself, you mean to say that you should neither like nor dislike anything in life, especially at a subconscious level - then you will naturally be in that state called 'love', where you feel the bliss near your heart.

This takes many years of 'inner work' or what is referred to in the yogic traditions as 'sadhana', so the last thing you'd be doing is living in a duality where there exists the possibility of one being what you refer to as a 'cuck', when to do what you refer to as 'loving oneself' you would actually be loving indiscriminately..

Otherwise you will always be manifesting the same thing in life, be it in a woman's or man's body - the karma is the same.

What's funny is that the only real way to 'not need a women' as you put it, is to live a life that you would think is asinine - closer to that of a monk or yogi than anything else on this earth.
Originally Posted By HayZues
Move on.
Yeah agreed
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post 1671998113 11-29-2022, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted By HayZues
Move on.
No longer sad. Just a bit lonely, angry, and jumbled. I will though.
post 1671998643 11-29-2022, 09:06 PM
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Just know that she's slobbering and bouncin on some other guys cawk right now.
post 1671999143 11-29-2022, 09:13 PM
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Never dealt with someone with true narcissism. Truly talented at her craft, a modern day mythological siren of the sea. Made me feel amazing, worthy, loved, handsome, attractive, heard, sexually pleased, and valued at first. She was perfect, and everything she offered me was perfect. Only to be gradually degraded, devalued, criticized, wrong about everything i said or did, made to apologize, wrong, wrong, wrong. After some bite and bark from me, my apology, then more bite and bark, and even more apologies from me, she discarded me. I genuinely thought it was me. I felt I had zero worth, zero things to offer to myself or to literally anyone else. So I kept searching. searching for answers because I instinctly knew something was wrong, but I still thought it was me. Even from the start of the relationship I instinctly knew something was wrong, but I was made to ignore that. It's uncanny the first time I discovered NPD, their cycles, and all the red flags. It was her. Literally, figuratively her. Everything I read on forums, reddit, the people I spoke to, even a therapist I met in publix and unloaded all my problems onto. Everything indicated this person could and is labeled under N.P.D.


I'm at the point now where I acknowledge and understand none of what went wrong was my fault. The only wrong I committed was why did I subject myself to all this? Am I a codependent? Low self esteem? Insecure? Lonely? Do I secretly hate myself?

I'm also at the anger stage. I'm looking for an avenue for her to come crawling back to me, so I can have a psychological crack and flip the tables on her. She still sees my whatsapp status, and she sees that i'm close to a couple of females (friends, but she doesnt know that). Oh I long for that text back from her, so I could systematically and deceptively get back in.
I dealt with this exact same chit during 2021. It literally took me an entire year to get over it. I'm finally at a point now where I don't give a single fuk about her and have zero interest in even getting a text back. If she did text me tomorrow, I likely wouldn't even respond. If I did, it wouldn't mean anything.

NPD is a fuking trip. You don't understand it unless you've lived it, but the first couple weeks were legitimately some of the best days I've ever had in my life. And the experience made me a lot better person overall.

Heal from it, keep no contact. But you should come out the other side a much better person. She only exploited you because you let her. My NPD ex turned me into a man, although I'm still immature. I'm emotionally mature now.
post 1671999373 11-29-2022, 09:17 PM
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Originally Posted By mixednutz⏩
Just know that she's slobbering and bouncin on some other guys cawk right now.
And the poor man will have his soul sacked dry as well
.rip
post 1671999413 11-29-2022, 09:17 PM
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#56
  1. mike.hunt
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Like others have said the best thing you can do is just cut all contact and not give a single fuk. They only have power over you if you play into their game
this is the answer
post 1672005303 11-29-2022, 11:02 PM
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#57
  1. DustinTheHuss
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NPDs usually come back to you once they discard their latest love interest.
post 1672009683 11-30-2022, 01:23 AM
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#58
  1. WiseOldApe
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Originally Posted By OliverHeldens⏩
I dealt with this exact same chit during 2021. It literally took me an entire year to get over it. I'm finally at a point now where I don't give a single fuk about her and have zero interest in even getting a text back. If she did text me tomorrow, I likely wouldn't even respond. If I did, it wouldn't mean anything.

NPD is a fuking trip. You don't understand it unless you've lived it, but the first couple weeks were legitimately some of the best days I've ever had in my life. And the experience made me a lot better person overall.

Heal from it, keep no contact. But you should come out the other side a much better person. She only exploited you because you let her. My NPD ex turned me into a man, although I'm still immature. I'm emotionally mature now.
I dealt with this from 2019 til end of 2021 - it was just brutal.

I don't even feel anger towards her anymore because I think she has something seriously wrong with her like all these people do.

Like something probably got triggered inside of her and I thought she forgot she liked me - it took my a while to realise that she felt no love for anybody during that time and only focused on 'looking cool', because it was quite possibly the only thing she was capable of after the triggering event.

Same thing probably happened to that girl of yours man - she probably did love you and then something in her subconscious got triggered nad she no longer loved anybody or anything, including life it self.
Originally Posted By mike.hunt⏩
this is the answer
Yuhp.
Originally Posted By DustinTheHuss⏩
NPDs usually come back to you once they discard their latest love interest.
Hah yeah, and what do you think her relationship with the last person before OP was like?
"It's hard to be yourself in a world filled with haters" - WiseOldApe.

"Why be anything when you can be an influencer?" - WiseOldApe.

"It's not about what is said - it's about who it is said by" - WiseOldApe.
post 1672010053 11-30-2022, 01:42 AM
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#59
  1. brbgoingindry
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Originally Posted By OliverHeldens⏩
NPD is a fuking trip. You don't understand it unless you've lived it, but the first couple weeks were legitimately some of the best days I've ever had in my life. And the experience made me a lot better person overall.

Heal from it, keep no contact. But you should come out the other side a much better person. She only exploited you because you let her. My NPD ex turned me into a man, although I'm still immature. I'm emotionally mature now.
No one, besides the people who have experienced it, believes me when I say this. Idk how she figured it out, or maybe she is/tries to be that person, but for the first two weeks she was exactly what I wanted in a partner. Everything. Unique and fun conversations, amazing sex, affectionate, offered to buy and make me food, compliment galore, listened to what I said and would circle back to it eventually (told her my favorite bourbon was buffalo trace while crossing a busy road once, and she bought it for me a few days later), called me, wanted to know how my day was, told me I should value myself more, etc etc. Then boom, the very next day, aggression, snark, total loss of attention. Just tired of having to think about it. There are times where I still think it was me.

I've learned a few lessons as well. Mainly to value myself more, listen to my gut and instincts, to protect my heart, and that you can't grow something good where it is bad and stagnant.


Originally Posted By DustinTheHuss⏩
NPDs usually come back to you once they discard their latest love interest.
ngl the thought of hearing her voice and seeing that stupid ****ing smirk while she tilts her head is extremely unnerving. she said something along the lines of maybe giving me a chance in two months. wtf is even that.
anyways, i have her blocked everywhere except whatsapp, where she still views my statuses. I had asked if i could pick some of my stuff like thrice, but she never told me when so i might as well just block her there as well.
post 1672010073 11-30-2022, 01:44 AM
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#60
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Try being divorced from a narcissistic broad you have kids with.


At least you were able to get that whore out of your life permanently instead of being tied to her for life on some level despite the fallout
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