11-30-2022, 01:53 AM
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#61
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Like I said, she DID feel that love for you and she did 'love you' as you call it, but because she's damaged she started feeling like sh*t about her self and could no longer love you the way that you needed to be loved.No one, besides the people who have experienced it, believes me when I say this. Idk how she figured it out, or maybe she is/tries to be that person, but for the first two weeks she was exactly what I wanted in a partner. Everything. Unique and fun conversations, amazing sex, affectionate, offered to buy and make me food, compliment galore, listened to what I said and would circle back to it eventually (told her my favorite bourbon was buffalo trace while crossing a busy road once, and she bought it for me a few days later), called me, wanted to know how my day was, told me I should value myself more, etc etc. Then boom, the very next day, aggression, snark, total loss of attention. Just tired of having to think about it. There are times where I still think it was me.
I've learned a few lessons as well. Mainly to value myself more, listen to my gut and instincts, to protect my heart, and that you can't grow something good where it is bad and stagnant.
ngl the thought of hearing her voice and seeing that stupid ****ing smirk while she tilts her head is extremely unnerving. she said something along the lines of maybe giving me a chance in two months. wtf is even that.
anyways, i have her blocked everywhere except whatsapp, where she still views my statuses. I had asked if i could pick some of my stuff like thrice, but she never told me when so i might as well just block her there as well.
I've learned a few lessons as well. Mainly to value myself more, listen to my gut and instincts, to protect my heart, and that you can't grow something good where it is bad and stagnant.
ngl the thought of hearing her voice and seeing that stupid ****ing smirk while she tilts her head is extremely unnerving. she said something along the lines of maybe giving me a chance in two months. wtf is even that.
anyways, i have her blocked everywhere except whatsapp, where she still views my statuses. I had asked if i could pick some of my stuff like thrice, but she never told me when so i might as well just block her there as well.
That might be hard to understand since you're not as crazy as she is, but she's probably suffering more than you realize.
The first guy put up with it for 7 years and the second guy for 2 and you only had to endure a few months?
Do you not realize that you got lucky?
The way that these people work is they are normal and then all of the sudden they feel nothing but hatred and disgust towards you and even though they try to feel good, they can't.
The reason is because they are so incredibly insecure that as soon as they pick up a slight hint of you presenting any possible danger to their image, they start to devalue you and explain to themselves how they are superior - so you might have actually just been too good for her and she couldn't cop it so she 'got rid of you'..
People who are cluster B tend to suffer from a need to be in control because they have a really really nasty shadow which stops them loving people, so they need to be dominant and what other way to be dominant than to be 'better' than you?
Trust me, as soon as she sensed that you had something she didn't, it was on - hope that this helps you understand what NPD/BPD is.
Originally Posted By northernlights7⏩
The only thing that could be worse.Try being divorced from a narcissistic broad you have kids with.
At least you were able to get that whore out of your life permanently instead of being tied to her for life on some level despite the fallout
At least you were able to get that whore out of your life permanently instead of being tied to her for life on some level despite the fallout
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11-30-2022, 02:03 AM
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#62
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Basically NPDs HATE themselves and life in general - so they have to make other people like them and it works.. for a bit... and as soon as the mirror cracks and they start to see their flaws which they detest, again, they will turn dark.
This is what you'd noticed, but because we are all energetic beings inside of bodies, we all love each other very much at another level, it's just that the mind can obstruct this love and it's where the devalue and discard stage enter the picture.
This is what you'd noticed, but because we are all energetic beings inside of bodies, we all love each other very much at another level, it's just that the mind can obstruct this love and it's where the devalue and discard stage enter the picture.
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11-30-2022, 02:07 AM
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#63
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Ah I thought you were talking to the other miscer. I'm a naturally curious person, but I really don't want to know what goes on in their head. I wasn't the one that damaged them nor am I the one that will fix them. I just want to get over it, understand the red flags so it doesnt happen to me. I am extremely fortunate that i didnt get her pregnant, because we never used a single condom and we ****ed for hours each day. i cant imagine being stuck to this. holy sht i lucked out.Like I said, she DID feel that love for you and she did 'love you' as you call it, but because she's damaged she started feeling like sh*t about her self and could no longer love you the way that you needed to be loved.
That might be hard to understand since you're not as crazy as she is, but she's probably suffering more than you realize.
The first guy put up with it for 7 years and the second guy for 2 and you only had to endure a few months?
Do you not realize that you got lucky?
The way that these people work is they are normal and then all of the sudden they feel nothing but hatred and disgust towards you and even though they try to feel good, they can't.
The reason is because they are so incredibly insecure that as soon as they pick up a slight hint of you presenting any possible danger to their image, they start to devalue you and explain to themselves how they are superior - so you might have actually just been too good for her and she couldn't cop it so she 'got rid of you'..
People who are cluster B tend to suffer from a need to be in control because they have a really really nasty shadow which stops them loving people, so they need to be dominant and what other way to be dominant than to be 'better' than you?
Trust me, as soon as she sensed that you had something she didn't, it was on - hope that this helps you understand what NPD/BPD is.
The only thing that could be worse.
That might be hard to understand since you're not as crazy as she is, but she's probably suffering more than you realize.
The first guy put up with it for 7 years and the second guy for 2 and you only had to endure a few months?
Do you not realize that you got lucky?
The way that these people work is they are normal and then all of the sudden they feel nothing but hatred and disgust towards you and even though they try to feel good, they can't.
The reason is because they are so incredibly insecure that as soon as they pick up a slight hint of you presenting any possible danger to their image, they start to devalue you and explain to themselves how they are superior - so you might have actually just been too good for her and she couldn't cop it so she 'got rid of you'..
People who are cluster B tend to suffer from a need to be in control because they have a really really nasty shadow which stops them loving people, so they need to be dominant and what other way to be dominant than to be 'better' than you?
Trust me, as soon as she sensed that you had something she didn't, it was on - hope that this helps you understand what NPD/BPD is.
The only thing that could be worse.
I have my baggage, triggers, and defects too. I mention this because the first complain she had about me was that I was pessimistic at times, and that irritated her to no end. Well, i told her i'd fix it, and I did. She even pointed it out herself. that reminds me, lmao, she tried telling me that I had to wait for my RPMs to be at 0 before moving to drive or reverse, and i corrected her ass on the spot lmao. she got SO serious, then later on gave me **** towards me driving (0 accidents and 0 tickets here, im a great ****ing driver)
hmm. now that you mention it, apparently her dad was deported and didnt have a good relationship with him. i told her i didnt either, but that week i made a successful attempt to rekindle my relationship with my my father. then next day she dumped me. idk just overthinking sht now.
but I want to be done with his.
11-30-2022, 02:19 AM
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#64
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
So what you're saying is that you want her back for sex? You obviously didn't think about understanding her point of view, nor do I blame you, you shouldn't NEED to understand somebody's dysfunction, they should make sure that they are not dysfunctional - your job however it to fix your own dysfunction and this is a perfect opportunity.Ah I thought you were talking to the other miscer. I'm a naturally curious person, but I really don't want to know what goes on in their head. I wasn't the one that damaged them nor am I the one that will fix them. I just want to get over it, understand the red flags so it doesnt happen to me. I am extremely fortunate that i didnt get her pregnant, because we never used a single condom and we ****ed for hours each day. i cant imagine being stuck to this. holy sht i lucked out.
I have my baggage, triggers, and defects too. I mention this because the first complain she had about me was that I was pessimistic at times, and that irritated her to no end. Well, i told her i'd fix it, and I did. She even pointed it out herself. that reminds me, lmao, she tried telling me that I had to wait for my RPMs to be at 0 before moving to drive or reverse, and i corrected her ass on the spot lmao. she got SO serious, then later on gave me **** towards me driving (0 accidents and 0 tickets here, im a great ****ing driver)
hmm. now that you mention it, apparently her dad was deported and didnt have a good relationship with him. i told her i didnt either, but that week i made a successful attempt to rekindle my relationship with my my father. then next day she dumped me. idk just overthinking sht now.
but I want to be done with his.
I have my baggage, triggers, and defects too. I mention this because the first complain she had about me was that I was pessimistic at times, and that irritated her to no end. Well, i told her i'd fix it, and I did. She even pointed it out herself. that reminds me, lmao, she tried telling me that I had to wait for my RPMs to be at 0 before moving to drive or reverse, and i corrected her ass on the spot lmao. she got SO serious, then later on gave me **** towards me driving (0 accidents and 0 tickets here, im a great ****ing driver)
hmm. now that you mention it, apparently her dad was deported and didnt have a good relationship with him. i told her i didnt either, but that week i made a successful attempt to rekindle my relationship with my my father. then next day she dumped me. idk just overthinking sht now.
but I want to be done with his.
I'll explain it to you like you're 5 - she loved her dad very much but at some point she could no longer love him, and that's a very hard thing to do for somebody. So she shut her love down not just for him, but everybody, and it went from there.. as in reasons to hate people. I don't know if I can make it any simpler to understand, but here goes - if she can use her mind to feel nothing for her own dad, where do you think that you stand?
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11-30-2022, 02:24 AM
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#65
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11-30-2022, 02:32 AM
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#66
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
At this point in time? Yes, because the sex was that great. 10/10. But back then? I wanted 120% of her entire personality and being, at least initial her. also, I didn't realize it was NPD until after the relationship ended. I spoke to some people when we were together and they mentioned bpd/npd, but i didnt want to believe them. i dont want to subject anyone even a small amount of this sht, so yes I will fix my dysfunctions.So what you're saying is that you want her back for sex? You obviously didn't think about understanding her point of view, nor do I blame you, you shouldn't NEED to understand somebody's dysfunction, they should make sure that they are not dysfunctional - your job however it to fix your own dysfunction and this is a perfect opportunity.
I'll explain it to you like you're 5 - she loved her dad very much but at some point she could no longer love him, and that's a very hard thing to do for somebody. So she shut her love down not just for him, but everybody, and it went from there.. as in reasons to hate people. I don't know if I can make it any simpler to understand, but here goes - if she can use her mind to feel nothing for her own dad, where do you think that you stand?
I'll explain it to you like you're 5 - she loved her dad very much but at some point she could no longer love him, and that's a very hard thing to do for somebody. So she shut her love down not just for him, but everybody, and it went from there.. as in reasons to hate people. I don't know if I can make it any simpler to understand, but here goes - if she can use her mind to feel nothing for her own dad, where do you think that you stand?
I get that part. I really do. its just an overall fukced up person and i rather not dive into her mind any further, its just sad.
the more i think about our relationship, the more red flags, and npd traits i find. everytime. I remember setting boundaries in the beginning before sex: 1. I didnt like butt stuff 2. I don't like threesomes, or watching my partner get ****ed by others, i'm not a cuck. She eventually asked me to eat her butt hole out AND she kept talking about how her boyfriend had her participate in foursomes. then she got upset when i was visibly upset. this was near the end and i was already thinking of leaving.
11-30-2022, 02:45 AM
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#67
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this forum is full of them
gaslighting in the first reply.
Must have a rough life to want to be tough and impress a bunch of ghey bbers
gaslighting in the first reply.
Must have a rough life to want to be tough and impress a bunch of ghey bbers
11-30-2022, 02:49 AM
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#68
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
What do you mean you don't want to know what goes on through her mind? You're perplexed about 'how she could do this to you', meanwhile you don't care to know how the NPD mind works.At this point in time? Yes, because the sex was that great. 10/10. But back then? I wanted 120% of her entire personality and being, at least initial her. also, I didn't realize it was NPD until after the relationship ended. I spoke to some people when we were together and they mentioned bpd/npd, but i didnt want to believe them. i dont want to subject anyone even a small amount of this sht, so yes I will fix my dysfunctions.
I get that part. I really do. its just an overall fukced up person and i rather not dive into her mind any further, its just sad.
the more i think about our relationship, the more red flags, and npd traits i find. everytime. I remember setting boundaries in the beginning before sex: 1. I didnt like butt stuff 2. I don't like threesomes, or watching my partner get ****ed by others, i'm not a cuck. She eventually asked me to eat her butt hole out AND she kept talking about how her boyfriend had her participate in foursomes. then she got upset when i was visibly upset. this was near the end and i was already thinking of leaving.
I get that part. I really do. its just an overall fukced up person and i rather not dive into her mind any further, its just sad.
the more i think about our relationship, the more red flags, and npd traits i find. everytime. I remember setting boundaries in the beginning before sex: 1. I didnt like butt stuff 2. I don't like threesomes, or watching my partner get ****ed by others, i'm not a cuck. She eventually asked me to eat her butt hole out AND she kept talking about how her boyfriend had her participate in foursomes. then she got upset when i was visibly upset. this was near the end and i was already thinking of leaving.
It's just about control..
Originally Posted By Evolutionary1⏩
LOL yeah that guy and the other female posting in this thread are both narcs with toxic personalities.this forum is full of them
gaslighting in the first reply.
Must have a rough life to want to be tough and impress a bunch of ghey bbers
gaslighting in the first reply.
Must have a rough life to want to be tough and impress a bunch of ghey bbers
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11-30-2022, 03:06 AM
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#69
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
I get all of it. She felt it for moment, then it didnt exist. After that it was a challenge for control. she's not capable of love because its all insecurity and hate. i didnt matter, nor did my feelings or any of my attempts. It just sucks. No matter what happened, I still had strong emotions for her at some point, and the thanos snap in personality still sucks even if i know the reason. it also didn't help that those two fukcers itt made me doubt myself again.What do you mean you don't want to know what goes on through her mind? You're perplexed about 'how she could do this to you', meanwhile you don't care to know how the NPD mind works.
It's just about control..
LOL yeah that guy and the other female posting in this thread are both narcs with toxic personalities.
It's just about control..
LOL yeah that guy and the other female posting in this thread are both narcs with toxic personalities.
11-30-2022, 03:35 AM
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#70
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
That does not mean that she does not love you, it just means that her awareness is being clouded by her memory and intellect and is stopping her from experiencing the love and bliss associated with romantic relationships..I get all of it. She felt it for moment, then it didnt exist. After that it was a challenge for control. she's not capable of love because its all insecurity and hate. i didnt matter, nor did my feelings or any of my attempts. It just sucks. No matter what happened, I still had strong emotions for her at some point, and the thanos snap in personality still sucks even if i know the reason. it also didn't help that those two fukcers itt made me doubt myself again.
I'm not sure how to explain this except that we live in a field of love and that the only thing stopping us from accessing this love is our mind.
Want proof? How much thinking was done when you were having hours of sex and loving each other?
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11-30-2022, 03:44 AM
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#71
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
zero. we just wanted to wholeheartedly please each other.That does not mean that she does not love you, it just means that her awareness is being clouded by her memory and intellect and is stopping her from experiencing the love and bliss associated with romantic relationships..
I'm not sure how to explain this except that we live in a field of love and that the only thing stopping us from accessing this love is our mind.
Want proof? How much thinking was done when you were having hours of sex and loving each other?
I'm not sure how to explain this except that we live in a field of love and that the only thing stopping us from accessing this love is our mind.
Want proof? How much thinking was done when you were having hours of sex and loving each other?
11-30-2022, 03:48 AM
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#72
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Well obviously she started thinking more and more until she gave you a smirk and said 'maybe' after 'getting rid of you'.zero. we just wanted to wholeheartedly please each other.
How many other people do you think she's done this to? Honestly, think about it and you'll realize that her life must not be easy.
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11-30-2022, 04:46 AM
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#73
people with npd are fuking awful
run away as fast as you can
I had a gaming "friend" aka frenemy with npd, and the friendship only lasted as long as I was useful to him, which was around a decade or so...
And it ended at the drop of a hat in the most bizarre way imaginable...he did this to a few other mutual friends as well, just instantly cut them out of his life. We had one friend die on us, and he didn't even care at all. Pretty fuking weird man. I've never seen anyone so arrogantly and brazenly insult people to build himself up. His behavior was beyond fuked up. I also have it on good authority that he legit murdered cats as well. So yeah. Real class act.
What sucks is he was an exceptionally reliable gaming bro and very effective in games so people were forced to put up with his garbage.
I haven't talked to him in several months and it is honestly like a huge cloud has been removed.
run away as fast as you can
I had a gaming "friend" aka frenemy with npd, and the friendship only lasted as long as I was useful to him, which was around a decade or so...
And it ended at the drop of a hat in the most bizarre way imaginable...he did this to a few other mutual friends as well, just instantly cut them out of his life. We had one friend die on us, and he didn't even care at all. Pretty fuking weird man. I've never seen anyone so arrogantly and brazenly insult people to build himself up. His behavior was beyond fuked up. I also have it on good authority that he legit murdered cats as well. So yeah. Real class act.
What sucks is he was an exceptionally reliable gaming bro and very effective in games so people were forced to put up with his garbage.
I haven't talked to him in several months and it is honestly like a huge cloud has been removed.
11-30-2022, 04:53 AM
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#74
Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
npd are incapable of loveThat does not mean that she does not love you, it just means that her awareness is being clouded by her memory and intellect and is stopping her from experiencing the love and bliss associated with romantic relationships..
I'm not sure how to explain this except that we live in a field of love and that the only thing stopping us from accessing this love is our mind.
Want proof? How much thinking was done when you were having hours of sex and loving each other?
I'm not sure how to explain this except that we live in a field of love and that the only thing stopping us from accessing this love is our mind.
Want proof? How much thinking was done when you were having hours of sex and loving each other?
srs
11-30-2022, 05:08 AM
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#75
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Originally Posted By Overthrow⏩
Of course they are capable of feeling love when everything is going their way and their ego is being fed - it's when things don't go the way they want it that things break down and the love is no more.npd are incapable of love
srs
srs
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11-30-2022, 11:45 AM
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#76
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Feels for you.I get all of it. She felt it for moment, then it didnt exist. After that it was a challenge for control. she's not capable of love because its all insecurity and hate. i didnt matter, nor did my feelings or any of my attempts. It just sucks. No matter what happened, I still had strong emotions for her at some point, and the thanos snap in personality still sucks even if i know the reason. it also didn't help that those two fukcers itt made me doubt myself again.
Sounds like lovebombing in the initial stages, then when her made up ideal version of you conflicted with reality, she got mad and her perspective of you flipped into the villian. She then robably started gaslightning you to break your sense of reality for control and for you to take the blame for you not being her ideal version.
I was with someone for 5 years, and when I finally opened up about what I was struggling with a lot of my friends told me they noticed narcissistic tendencies. When I finally left, my family even told me they never really liked him and thought he was very controlling at first but didn't want to say anything.
Your friends that hinted at NPD/Bpd are true friends for trying to tell you hard truths, they were looking out for you.
It'll be hard to get over something like that--after the 5 years, I felt very numb, anxious, and trapped--but you'll be fine if you focus on yourself and realize you'll be better off in the end. Plus you have good people that look out for you.
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11-30-2022, 02:54 PM
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#77
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Well, she was immediately back on dating apps after our break up, and she was going on multiple first dates a week looking for someone like me according to her, so I imagine it's quite a few people.Well obviously she started thinking more and more until she gave you a smirk and said 'maybe' after 'getting rid of you'.
How many other people do you think she's done this to? Honestly, think about it and you'll realize that her life must not be easy.
How many other people do you think she's done this to? Honestly, think about it and you'll realize that her life must not be easy.
Originally Posted By Overthrow⏩
so pretty much avoid everyone with npd. wonder how many of these people ive met and interacted, but I just brushed off as a run of the mill *******.people with npd are fuking awful
run away as fast as you can
I had a gaming "friend" aka frenemy with npd, and the friendship only lasted as long as I was useful to him, which was around a decade or so...
And it ended at the drop of a hat in the most bizarre way imaginable...he did this to a few other mutual friends as well, just instantly cut them out of his life. We had one friend die on us, and he didn't even care at all. Pretty fuking weird man. I've never seen anyone so arrogantly and brazenly insult people to build himself up. His behavior was beyond fuked up. I also have it on good authority that he legit murdered cats as well. So yeah. Real class act.
What sucks is he was an exceptionally reliable gaming bro and very effective in games so people were forced to put up with his garbage.
I haven't talked to him in several months and it is honestly like a huge cloud has been removed.
run away as fast as you can
I had a gaming "friend" aka frenemy with npd, and the friendship only lasted as long as I was useful to him, which was around a decade or so...
And it ended at the drop of a hat in the most bizarre way imaginable...he did this to a few other mutual friends as well, just instantly cut them out of his life. We had one friend die on us, and he didn't even care at all. Pretty fuking weird man. I've never seen anyone so arrogantly and brazenly insult people to build himself up. His behavior was beyond fuked up. I also have it on good authority that he legit murdered cats as well. So yeah. Real class act.
What sucks is he was an exceptionally reliable gaming bro and very effective in games so people were forced to put up with his garbage.
I haven't talked to him in several months and it is honestly like a huge cloud has been removed.
Originally Posted By Eggiesinabasket⏩
yeah. That was one of the worst feelings. Being admired for exactly who you are, then eventually resented and attacked because you do not fit their mold. It felt like she was looking for a specific person, probably someone who already existed in her past. Gave me a plethora of reasons why she had "zero feelings" for me at the end. anger, arrogance, conceit, pessimism, stiff, boring, not enough compliments, stubborn, I would repeat myself/overexplain (?), I would state the time during our phone conversations (?), low emotional intelligence, i "couldn't handle her". It was brutal listening to that.Feels for you.
Sounds like lovebombing in the initial stages, then when her made up ideal version of you conflicted with reality, she got mad and her perspective of you flipped into the villian. She then robably started gaslightning you to break your sense of reality for control and for you to take the blame for you not being her ideal version.
I was with someone for 5 years, and when I finally opened up about what I was struggling with a lot of my friends told me they noticed narcissistic tendencies. When I finally left, my family even told me they never really liked him and thought he was very controlling at first but didn't want to say anything.
Your friends that hinted at NPD/Bpd are true friends for trying to tell you hard truths, they were looking out for you.
It'll be hard to get over something like that--after the 5 years, I felt very numb, anxious, and trapped--but you'll be fine if you focus on yourself and realize you'll be better off in the end. Plus you have good people that look out for you.
Sounds like lovebombing in the initial stages, then when her made up ideal version of you conflicted with reality, she got mad and her perspective of you flipped into the villian. She then robably started gaslightning you to break your sense of reality for control and for you to take the blame for you not being her ideal version.
I was with someone for 5 years, and when I finally opened up about what I was struggling with a lot of my friends told me they noticed narcissistic tendencies. When I finally left, my family even told me they never really liked him and thought he was very controlling at first but didn't want to say anything.
Your friends that hinted at NPD/Bpd are true friends for trying to tell you hard truths, they were looking out for you.
It'll be hard to get over something like that--after the 5 years, I felt very numb, anxious, and trapped--but you'll be fine if you focus on yourself and realize you'll be better off in the end. Plus you have good people that look out for you.
Sometimes I still ponder the thought of it being my fault, and not hers.
Can I ask why you stayed in that relationship for 5 years? I just can't imagine it. It was a month in when I started feeling indifferent, but I still wanted to make it work. can't imagine 1+ years. i'm glad you're doing better, if you are that is.
11-30-2022, 03:14 PM
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#78
- bradlehman
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
I am in much the same situation and am just getting out of a long-term relationship with a girl I am 99% convinced has what's referred to as "Covert" NPD. Things played out much the same way - great at first and then gradually mentally abused and degraded for years and was programmed to believe it was all my fault. I ignored and rationalized major red flags for years because I was trying to avoid conflict and was gradually being convinced that I was to blame and was the crazy one.Never dealt with someone with true narcissism. Truly talented at her craft, a modern day mythological siren of the sea. Made me feel amazing, worthy, loved, handsome, attractive, heard, sexually pleased, and valued at first. She was perfect, and everything she offered me was perfect. Only to be gradually degraded, devalued, criticized, wrong about everything i said or did, made to apologize, wrong, wrong, wrong. After some bite and bark from me, my apology, then more bite and bark, and even more apologies from me, she discarded me. I genuinely thought it was me. I felt I had zero worth, zero things to offer to myself or to literally anyone else. So I kept searching. searching for answers because I instinctly knew something was wrong, but I still thought it was me. Even from the start of the relationship I instinctly knew something was wrong, but I was made to ignore that. It's uncanny the first time I discovered NPD, their cycles, and all the red flags. It was her. Literally, figuratively her. Everything I read on forums, reddit, the people I spoke to, even a therapist I met in publix and unloaded all my problems onto. Everything indicated this person could and is labeled under N.P.D.
I'm at the point now where I acknowledge and understand none of what went wrong was my fault. The only wrong I committed was why did I subject myself to all this? Am I a codependent? Low self esteem? Insecure? Lonely? Do I secretly hate myself?
I'm also at the anger stage. I'm looking for an avenue for her to come crawling back to me, so I can have a psychological crack and flip the tables on her. She still sees my whatsapp status, and she sees that i'm close to a couple of females (friends, but she doesnt know that). Oh I long for that text back from her, so I could systematically and deceptively get back in.
I'm at the point now where I acknowledge and understand none of what went wrong was my fault. The only wrong I committed was why did I subject myself to all this? Am I a codependent? Low self esteem? Insecure? Lonely? Do I secretly hate myself?
I'm also at the anger stage. I'm looking for an avenue for her to come crawling back to me, so I can have a psychological crack and flip the tables on her. She still sees my whatsapp status, and she sees that i'm close to a couple of females (friends, but she doesnt know that). Oh I long for that text back from her, so I could systematically and deceptively get back in.
In a kind of funny twist, she kept telling me I was so fuked up that I really needed therapy in order to stop causing all the problems in our relationship, so I eventually agreed to go early this year (and have been going since). It didn't take very long for the therapist (a woman) to see what was actually going on and let me know that my ex has a serious personality disorder and, in all likelihood, will never get any better. I eventually made the very tough decision to get out of the relationship. That programming over the course of years is very strong though. It was so hard not to say, "Never mind. Let's keep working on things. I'm sorry." Glad I held it together. Feel free to PM me if you need to commiserate. I was going through the anger stage over the past couple weeks off and on, but I have no desire to lure her back or anything. I love her but recognize her hardware is faulty and likely can't be fixed.
11-30-2022, 04:02 PM
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#79
- OliverHeldens
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
What nationality is she? Mine was a Brazilian.Ah I thought you were talking to the other miscer. I'm a naturally curious person, but I really don't want to know what goes on in their head. I wasn't the one that damaged them nor am I the one that will fix them. I just want to get over it, understand the red flags so it doesnt happen to me. I am extremely fortunate that i didnt get her pregnant, because we never used a single condom and we ****ed for hours each day. i cant imagine being stuck to this. holy sht i lucked out.
I have my baggage, triggers, and defects too. I mention this because the first complain she had about me was that I was pessimistic at times, and that irritated her to no end. Well, i told her i'd fix it, and I did. She even pointed it out herself. that reminds me, lmao, she tried telling me that I had to wait for my RPMs to be at 0 before moving to drive or reverse, and i corrected her ass on the spot lmao. she got SO serious, then later on gave me **** towards me driving (0 accidents and 0 tickets here, im a great ****ing driver)
hmm. now that you mention it, apparently her dad was deported and didnt have a good relationship with him. i told her i didnt either, but that week i made a successful attempt to rekindle my relationship with my my father. then next day she dumped me. idk just overthinking sht now.
but I want to be done with his.
I have my baggage, triggers, and defects too. I mention this because the first complain she had about me was that I was pessimistic at times, and that irritated her to no end. Well, i told her i'd fix it, and I did. She even pointed it out herself. that reminds me, lmao, she tried telling me that I had to wait for my RPMs to be at 0 before moving to drive or reverse, and i corrected her ass on the spot lmao. she got SO serious, then later on gave me **** towards me driving (0 accidents and 0 tickets here, im a great ****ing driver)
hmm. now that you mention it, apparently her dad was deported and didnt have a good relationship with him. i told her i didnt either, but that week i made a successful attempt to rekindle my relationship with my my father. then next day she dumped me. idk just overthinking sht now.
but I want to be done with his.
11-30-2022, 04:18 PM
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#80
- HarryfromCali
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- HarryfromCali
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She's not an NPD, she just got tired of your **** and thought you're a complete ***got.
Sloots gonna sloot
RIP ZYZZ, Greg Plitt
Say no to lefty snowflakes crew
Meat-eating crew, leaf eaters GTFO
Pureblood Crew
11-30-2022, 04:21 PM
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#81
- drvillain
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i dealt with this. Perhaps I did have low self esteem looking back. She WILL most likely reach out to you again down the line, mine did, and it felt heavenly to not respond because I no longer gave a fuk.
Good luck OP. Just dont make the same mistake twice, and youll be ok
Good luck OP. Just dont make the same mistake twice, and youll be ok
11-30-2022, 04:37 PM
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#82
- Voidgaze
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- Voidgaze
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Don't waste your energy doing this, SRS.I'm also at the anger stage. I'm looking for an avenue for her to come crawling back to me, so I can have a psychological crack and flip the tables on her. She still sees my whatsapp status, and she sees that i'm close to a couple of females (friends, but she doesnt know that). Oh I long for that text back from her, so I could systematically and deceptively get back in.
Take it as a lesson and learn to set stronger boundaries in relationships. That might require you to spend some time actually being single so you can properly heal.
11-30-2022, 05:51 PM
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#83
- brbgoingindry
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- brbgoingindry
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Originally Posted By bradlehman⏩
That sounds freaking horrible. I think I would've been in your exact shoes if she didn't end things. I snapped and called her gaslighting out once, and god damn she turned it around and convinced me it was my fault. I was "defensive, off the rails, 0-100", I was "yelling". What a nightmare. I'll definitely PM you man, thanks.I am in much the same situation and am just getting out of a long-term relationship with a girl I am 99% convinced has what's referred to as "Covert" NPD. Things played out much the same way - great at first and then gradually mentally abused and degraded for years and was programmed to believe it was all my fault. I ignored and rationalized major red flags for years because I was trying to avoid conflict and was gradually being convinced that I was to blame and was the crazy one.
In a kind of funny twist, she kept telling me I was so fuked up that I really needed therapy in order to stop causing all the problems in our relationship, so I eventually agreed to go early this year (and have been going since). It didn't take very long for the therapist (a woman) to see what was actually going on and let me know that my ex has a serious personality disorder and, in all likelihood, will never get any better. I eventually made the very tough decision to get out of the relationship. That programming over the course of years is very strong though. It was so hard not to say, "Never mind. Let's keep working on things. I'm sorry." Glad I held it together. Feel free to PM me if you need to commiserate. I was going through the anger stage over the past couple weeks off and on, but I have no desire to lure her back or anything. I love her but recognize her hardware is faulty and likely can't be fixed.
In a kind of funny twist, she kept telling me I was so fuked up that I really needed therapy in order to stop causing all the problems in our relationship, so I eventually agreed to go early this year (and have been going since). It didn't take very long for the therapist (a woman) to see what was actually going on and let me know that my ex has a serious personality disorder and, in all likelihood, will never get any better. I eventually made the very tough decision to get out of the relationship. That programming over the course of years is very strong though. It was so hard not to say, "Never mind. Let's keep working on things. I'm sorry." Glad I held it together. Feel free to PM me if you need to commiserate. I was going through the anger stage over the past couple weeks off and on, but I have no desire to lure her back or anything. I love her but recognize her hardware is faulty and likely can't be fixed.
Originally Posted By OliverHeldens⏩
Central American, but educated and perfect english.What nationality is she? Mine was a Brazilian.
Originally Posted By HarryfromCali⏩
Yeah man, true.She's not an NPD, she just got tired of your **** and thought you're a complete ***got.
Originally Posted By drvillain⏩
thanks for this man. Did you ever fix your low self esteem?i dealt with this. Perhaps I did have low self esteem looking back. She WILL most likely reach out to you again down the line, mine did, and it felt heavenly to not respond because I no longer gave a fuk.
Good luck OP. Just dont make the same mistake twice, and youll be ok
Good luck OP. Just dont make the same mistake twice, and youll be ok
I long to not give a **** anymore. I was doing OK before her.
Originally Posted By Voidgaze⏩
God knows I tried, but she just broke down all defenses I had. Definitely staying single, I don't want to waste any woman's time with this sht.Don't waste your energy doing this, SRS.
Take it as a lesson and learn to set stronger boundaries in relationships. That might require you to spend some time actually being single so you can properly heal.
Take it as a lesson and learn to set stronger boundaries in relationships. That might require you to spend some time actually being single so you can properly heal.
12-01-2022, 02:01 AM
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#84
- WiseOldApe
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- WiseOldApe
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Yeah sometimes people with cluster Bs realise and accept that they are not normal and end up self destructing on their own, but they NEVER and I mean NEVER give you any sort of control in the relationship and where it goes.. they would rather die than do that.Well, she was immediately back on dating apps after our break up, and she was going on multiple first dates a week looking for someone like me according to her, so I imagine it's quite a few people.
"It's hard to be yourself in a world filled with haters" - WiseOldApe.
"Why be anything when you can be an influencer?" - WiseOldApe.
"It's not about what is said - it's about who it is said by" - WiseOldApe.
12-01-2022, 05:24 AM
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#85
- brbgoingindry
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- brbgoingindry
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Yeah I think she has some sort of idea.Yeah sometimes people with cluster Bs realise and accept that they are not normal and end up self destructing on their own, but they NEVER and I mean NEVER give you any sort of control in the relationship and where it goes.. they would rather die than do that.
Thanks for helping me make sense of all this crazy **** and taking the time to formulate advice and explanations. I usually don't take long to recover from emotional situations, but this one is atypical and has been kicking my ass and heart. A rollercoaster ride during a category 5 hurricane. Also thanks for being on my side of the ring vs those kunts itt.
Now to move on. I think i'll look into therapy. Will also try to stop thinking and talking about it as much.
12-01-2022, 05:39 AM
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#86
- WiseOldApe
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- WiseOldApe
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
Like I said, that feeling of love comes from the heart and it's real, even though she can't access it anymore - don't you think she would if she could?Yeah I think she has some sort of idea.
Thanks for helping me make sense of all this crazy **** and taking the time to formulate advice and explanations. I usually don't take long to recover from emotional situations, but this one is atypical and has been kicking my ass and heart. A rollercoaster ride during a category 5 hurricane. Also thanks for being on my side of the ring vs those kunts itt.
Now to move on. I think i'll look into therapy. Will also try to stop thinking and talking about it as much.
Thanks for helping me make sense of all this crazy **** and taking the time to formulate advice and explanations. I usually don't take long to recover from emotional situations, but this one is atypical and has been kicking my ass and heart. A rollercoaster ride during a category 5 hurricane. Also thanks for being on my side of the ring vs those kunts itt.
Now to move on. I think i'll look into therapy. Will also try to stop thinking and talking about it as much.
Just trust me on this, it will take some time for you to recover, but what I need you to do is go FULL monk mode - no drugs, alcohol, weed, going out, etc... train every day and do cardio or at least mild cardio/walking.. eat healthy food, no junk.. no sex/hook ups.. trusts me on this... meditation and conscious control of your thoughts, mind, and body.
Don't try and 'get over her', it will NOT work - let the pain come and it will go, since it's just 'weakness leaving the body'.
Don't ever feed in to some lower desire that asks you to get drunk or hook up - this is the most important thing, that is to not mix your energy with other people or drink/party to escape..
I guarantee you that whatever pain does not leave your body now, will only duplicate and multiply until you meet THE NEXT girl/guy/person who is even worse than this one.
If you ever have the intent of 'i don't feel so good, let me do this' you're fuggin up 110% trust me.. all those positive emotions should come from your own heart.
Trust me on this stuff brah, I've been at it my whole life and this is the formula to success - over the past 4 years my life has completely transformed to the point that I don't need anybody or anything to feel good.
Also I know what you're thinking and don't take her back or hope to reconcile the relationship - if you do your 'inner work' properly you won't want her back and you'll just meet a new person who will be a reflection of you at that time, so be careful.
"It's hard to be yourself in a world filled with haters" - WiseOldApe.
"Why be anything when you can be an influencer?" - WiseOldApe.
"It's not about what is said - it's about who it is said by" - WiseOldApe.
12-01-2022, 01:59 PM
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#87
- bradlehman
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- bradlehman
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Originally Posted By brbgoingindry⏩
If you would have asked me about it before I started going, I probably would have said it was lame, but I can honestly say that attending a therapy session for an hour every couple of weeks throughout most of this year was really helpful as I tried to understand the situation, then decide what to do, then deal with the fallout after I made the decision to end my long-term relationship. Plus, part of being in a relationship with this sort of person is being subconsciously programmed to have self-doubt, to blame yourself, to lower your self-esteem, etc., so having a professional help you break free of that and reprogram yourself to be positive and optimistic can be a big deal.Now to move on. I think i'll look into therapy. Will also try to stop thinking and talking about it as much.
Luckily, I built a great rapport with the female therapist I have been seeing pretty quickly. However, if you go and aren't really feeling it, try someone else until you feel like it's the right fit. No sense wasting time and money for sessions with someone who doesn't "get" you. Also, check on your health insurance - mine covers that sort of thing so that I only pay a $40 copay for a visit.
12-01-2022, 02:06 PM
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#88
- bradlehman
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- bradlehman
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Originally Posted By WiseOldApe⏩
Also, this, although a guy I know who does personal coaching, among other things, refers to it as Mandalorian Mode. His reasoning is that monks may achieve a high degree of self-mastery but don't typically go out into the world and do big things, "succeed," etc. In other words, achieve self-mastery but then apply it in business and your personal relationships in order to win.Like I said, that feeling of love comes from the heart and it's real, even though she can't access it anymore - don't you think she would if she could?
Just trust me on this, it will take some time for you to recover, but what I need you to do is go FULL monk mode - no drugs, alcohol, weed, going out, etc... train every day and do cardio or at least mild cardio/walking.. eat healthy food, no junk.. no sex/hook ups.. trusts me on this... meditation and conscious control of your thoughts, mind, and body.
Don't try and 'get over her', it will NOT work - let the pain come and it will go, since it's just 'weakness leaving the body'.
Don't ever feed in to some lower desire that asks you to get drunk or hook up - this is the most important thing, that is to not mix your energy with other people or drink/party to escape..
I guarantee you that whatever pain does not leave your body now, will only duplicate and multiply until you meet THE NEXT girl/guy/person who is even worse than this one.
If you ever have the intent of 'i don't feel so good, let me do this' you're fuggin up 110% trust me.. all those positive emotions should come from your own heart.
Trust me on this stuff brah, I've been at it my whole life and this is the formula to success - over the past 4 years my life has completely transformed to the point that I don't need anybody or anything to feel good.
Also I know what you're thinking and don't take her back or hope to reconcile the relationship - if you do your 'inner work' properly you won't want her back and you'll just meet a new person who will be a reflection of you at that time, so be careful.
Just trust me on this, it will take some time for you to recover, but what I need you to do is go FULL monk mode - no drugs, alcohol, weed, going out, etc... train every day and do cardio or at least mild cardio/walking.. eat healthy food, no junk.. no sex/hook ups.. trusts me on this... meditation and conscious control of your thoughts, mind, and body.
Don't try and 'get over her', it will NOT work - let the pain come and it will go, since it's just 'weakness leaving the body'.
Don't ever feed in to some lower desire that asks you to get drunk or hook up - this is the most important thing, that is to not mix your energy with other people or drink/party to escape..
I guarantee you that whatever pain does not leave your body now, will only duplicate and multiply until you meet THE NEXT girl/guy/person who is even worse than this one.
If you ever have the intent of 'i don't feel so good, let me do this' you're fuggin up 110% trust me.. all those positive emotions should come from your own heart.
Trust me on this stuff brah, I've been at it my whole life and this is the formula to success - over the past 4 years my life has completely transformed to the point that I don't need anybody or anything to feel good.
Also I know what you're thinking and don't take her back or hope to reconcile the relationship - if you do your 'inner work' properly you won't want her back and you'll just meet a new person who will be a reflection of you at that time, so be careful.
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