this can also apply to family members.....



I can certainly relate to this. Currently in the process of getting divorced from my ex who I am 99% confident has what's referred to as "covert" NPD. Characterized by things like (i) very high sensitivity to criticism, (ii) passive aggressiveness, (iii) making self-deprecating comments to bait others into boosting their self-esteem with praise, (iv) shy/withdrawn, (v) grandiose fantasies (which oftentimes is stuff about how they're the best employee at their job and everyone else sucks, but they don't get appreciated), (vi) depression/anxiety, (vii) holds grudges, (viii) envy, (ix) feelings of inadequacy, and (x) self-serving empathy.

she fkd another dude

he probably creampied her also

She just broke up after 6 years. like we've had plenty of fights but always made up and kept it going.

6 years of the most amazing times, some absolutely terrible times, and everything in-between. 6 years of riding the BPD rollercoaster.

We were perfect together. Codependent AF but we were just so fcuking good together. Neither of us went out with friends much or were social. We just went out and did so much fun shiet together. We were legit a great match. Toxic AF at times, but toxic together I guess. Neither of us were perfect.

After enough of her episodes I just had enough, I wished we would break up and have her leave me alone. I couldnt deal with it anymore and didnt want to have to deal with the same crazy shiet over and over for the rest of my life. This was like 1-4 years into the relationship. I tried to break up a couple of times but she was obsessed and always fought for me. I thought I was stuck, and there were bad fights where I wish she would find a new victim, there were times where I thought I should go full beta so she naturally loses attraction. We always got back together though and rode the rollercoaster back up.

We had a big fight like 2 years ago. She lets some srs bombs go when she's mad, so I shot back and told her I never wanted to get married and dont want to have kids. This fcuked her up big time and she never got over it.

I've been working 60+ hrs for the last year straight. I'm physically and mentally drained when I get out. I havent been a good BF the last year. Just super comfortable and was coasting. Over the last year, she's been complaining here and there that this relationship isn't progressing like it should. That she needs to have atleast 1 kid and be married. The last year has just been a blur to me, just so much work and stress. Looking back now I realize that I was a piece of shiet person.

A week or two ago I guess she had enough and said she's done for good now. She said she's tired of waiting for me. I was like OK, here we go again. We go through the fighting routine, packing all my shiet up, both of us sending paragraphs, no contact, etc. She sent me shiet about how she's not handling the breakup well. That she has barley eaten any food the last couple days cuz I used to mention her weight... that she feels fcuked up at work and can barley work, etc. Just so much building up inside of her.

No contact for a week. Then she calls me today asking me to drop off a couple of her things that I have. I start talking to her normally, she says "Do you think this breakup is a joke? I'm serious, I FCUKED somebody else yesterday"

Dropped that bomb. At first I didn't even care. Partially not surprised, partially pissed that couldn't just move on without telling me that shiet, partially relived that I don't have to think about possibly getting back with her anymore... dont have to think making things work like we always did. Finally got what I wanted, free from her. I stopped giving 100% in the relationship years ago due to the BPD ****, but at the same time was codependent and cared alot.

But now it's fcuking me up boyos. It's so frustrating because I actually cared so fcuking much about her (despite wishing I never met her when she had srs episodes. You guys would be shocked if I went in detail what those episodes were like.) I could see this legit pure, good person she was deep down inside... I could see that she wanted to be that person all the time. I wanted to help her be that person I saw inside. But sometimes the switch would flip and it's like a demon took over her. After the episode she would feel like absolute shiet, would be just so upset with herself. It ****ing killed me man, seeing her afterwards wishing so bad that she didnt lose it like that. Like I wanted to save her. I wanted to help her be the person I saw deep inside. I kinda learned how to ride the storm out and help her come back to her senses. She was 18 when we met, and she's matured alot over the last 6 years. The episodes became ALOT less frequent over the years, almost down to none the last year or so. But the trauma it put me through made me always think she could flip the switch at anytime. I know it's a serious diseases with no cure. It's brutal. I could see the episode boiling and waiting to surface during the break up. I couldnt do shiet this time though. I dropped off the stuff she wanted. I was just going to drop it off in front of her door, knock and leave. But she opened the door before I could knock and she said hello... in her post bpd episode tone and mood. I didnt say a word, I didnt even look at her. Just dropped her stuff turned around and left. I didnt want to drop her **** off but didnt want her making a scene at my place so whatever.

It legit kills me inside because we talked about BPD like 3 years go. She had no idea what it was. She ended up doing some research and had a little break down because she realized that's 100% what she has. I told her you cant self diagnose, that I cant diagnose her, and urged her to see a specialist but that didnt happen. I know they have treatments that can help out. Seeing her cry so much because she realized what she is destroyed me. Hearing her cry and say "I just want to be normal... I dont want to be like this" was brutal. I tried to save someone you cant save. Now it's fcuking me up because she was pretty chill the last year or so things were looking pretty smooth and stable in my mind, alot better than the first couple of years.

She's 8 years younger than me, has 38DDD tits, treated me like a king, did everything for me, and put up with a lot of my own shiet (she was getting fat though which really ruined my physical attraction to her). She was obsessed. I can admit that alot of the pain is knowing that I probably won't find anyone like here again. And that's in a good/bad way at the same time. Built up such a tolerance to this drug and feel like I'll be chasing the dragon now.

Now I feel fcuked up. IDK if I was fcuked up going into this relationship, or if I grew my own issues dealing with her. This bpd rollercoaster became my life, it's all I know now and I'm dealing with the shock / withdrawal. There hasnt been an episode in a while, so I got used to the smooth sailing. I keep bouncing back and forth between relief / withdrawal. Idk if I'm going to be able to have a normal relationship now. Idk how long it's going to take before I'm ready or capable of even dating again. She was my person, we did so much fcukign shiet together its crazy. I used to be social af back in the day but dont have friends now, no social media, etc. I'm motivated to get my **** together and bounce back, but at the same time feel like my tour is over. She liked me and put up with me to a fault, so much that I got way too complacent and got used to being a piece of shiet that would be updatable for any other girl.. It's going to take alot of work for me to get back to normal.

Idk if anyone is actually going to read this but I need to vent and let this out, dont have anyone I can really tell all of this to.

like attracts like. You're probably bpd too, my dear.

He's probably not borderline like she is but no doubt, something is wrong with someone when they can last that long with a BPD, and I'm one of them. Some f'd up things went on in my childhood which I can relate making me a people pleaser and being able to cater to the needs of a cluster B. There was a time where she was getting better it seemed, but then I noticed other things where in a lot of ways, she was getting worst.

I'm just going to invest zero effort into my relationship and hopefully it'll work out for me.....

if you're investing zero effort, you may as well end it, and invest more effort into a new relationship.

your stance is really stupid