Boyos, fairly new to the forum but you guys don't hold back so gonna lay it out for some advice.

Missus and I have been in a rough spot for phukking ages now. It's gotten to the point where I actively think about leaving her but I'd be the biggest chitkunt in the seven kingdoms as our son means everything to me, little fella's two.
We talk to each other like absolute trash, make up, repeat every few days - same talking points so nothing changes.

Don't want to leave her in the lurch tbh although it chits me off that if we split, she'll get half the chit that I worked my fuarking cooter off for - house etc. Biggest thing is I'd at least hope for a fair share of time with our son. I want to guide him to be a better man that I could ever be.

Couple of options from my point of view:

- Put up with being in the same house as the missus for the foreseeable future so I can at least be around our son until he's old enough to make his own decisions.
- Divorce and hope I don't get fisted by the court system. Reality is chit will probably work out in her favour even though I've been our sole income for more than two years now, and even before we became parents, I earnt far more than she did.

I just want my boy to grow up as a MAN and I don't see that happening if my wife has him most of the time. She's all over Harry Styles wearing a dress and that short of chit.

Need some honest advice, will swallow my pride if need be then leave her anyway in the future.
Ready for the neg howitzers of peace and justice.

What he said

Divorce should be the legit last option.

Try different things and see if you can find the spark again

Counselling, going out on dates, freaky bdsm buttsex, etc

Having a kid really tests relationships and its usually the point where most people divorce, once the kid gets older things will get easier and settle down. Might be worth it to stick it out till then

You need to be the man in the relationship and sit her down and talk. Not argue...talk. Lay out everything that is bothering one another. No secrets. Tell her to both go into this 100% with the intent on smoothing things over.

The fact married couples can't iron out issues and be adults trying to work together in attacking this world is astounding to me.

Edit: If you want real advice, lay out exactly what has happened between you two to cause this strife. What bothers you and what bothers her.

Even though this is the misc there are some brahs in here with some good words of wisdom, who probably went through something similar, and can maybe say what did and didn't work.

I'll sit her down and give it another go.
We've gone through family counselling with some positive outcomes then reverted to where we are now. I'll get us booked in to see a therapist.

First few months after we became parents was bliss. Lack of sleep didn't matter as we still shared a common goal of taking care of our boy.
From memory the fights started after we started feeding him solids. The missus self-admittedly likes things to be done a certain way (even the dishwasher needs to be stacked a certain way) so would lay out a schedule of when to feed him, what exactly to feed him. She'd write out these lists of things to choose from for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc, get me to to choose whatever three things (but most importantly, don't deviate from the list) then let the little fella go to town with his food. He's always been a fussy eater and one morning, I'd picked him the three things but he didn't eat much and I'd just left it at that. Cleaned him up and as soon as the missus woke up, she was phukking pissed as she wasn't happy with the amount that he'd eaten (I should've picked more things from the list that she told me not to deviate from).

I don't have a problem taking instruction but being DIRECTED is not something that I'll tolerate. I let the missus know; woman, I followed your instructions to the letter. She went on and on about me not listening and chit. From that moment onwards, there'd be a fight every few days maybe a week if we were lucky about something that she wasn't happy with.

There's a lot more chit but I honestly feel a bit ghey writing this all out. Cliffs are she says I don't listen and I'm sick of the way she talks down to me if I don't do something exactly the way she wants or read her mind in the first place.

What are you guys arguing about? This will help. If the only issue is you talk trash then bite your tongue, if you can speak professionally to your work colleagues or customers you can make the effort with your wife.

if your wife is a cûnt why would you leave him alone with her? The reality once you get divorced this is what is going to happen. don't put your son through that.


If she is a good mother revert to shutting the fk up, most women are useless when it comes to raising kids these days. They offload them to the grandparents, childcare or nannies. If she is a great mum, stay quiet.

Since your son means so much to you, I think you guys should try marriage counseling to ensure that he lives in a better household with both parents.

I outlined our arguments in one of the replies above but the common response from all you posters as been to try and work it out. I've let my pride get the best of me so will try and do a better job of picking my battles.
Honestly she's a great mum but I know our boy will grow up soft. Thanks boyos, I'll do what needs to be done

You can't have an argument with only one person.

Tell her you aren't going to argue with her. If she starts chit, ask her if it's worth arguing about. 99% of things aren't worth the time and stress.

People get real tripped up when you're calm/kind and they are not.

What really matters though... is she hot? Because if she isn't, then dump the bithc.

Srs. Not srs. Kinda srs.

Just saw this, your wife is mental. Tell her you love your son so you will do what you think is right, she may not agree but you will listen to her criticisms and adjust if they make sense. Or if she wants to be the boss bitch then be the employee that doesn't care, smile and say the dumb corporate sh*t that you would say to your boss. "Thanks for clearing that up, I'll make sure to follow that process" etc..

Some people won't agree with me and say it's beta but who cares, you want to be around your son. Best thing about the boss bitch relationship is you can throw it back in her face. "Not sure what happened, I followed your instructions" then go hang out with the boys and laugh.

Many level headed responses advising me to remain level-headed. Much appreciated srs

She sounds like a control freak. Unless your son has some type of food allergy or something, get rid of the food list. The amount of food a baby and or toddler eats will vary all depending on the day.

Set her straight now or you're in for a long, miserable road ahead.

This. Also, definitely seek therapy to learn how to communicate.

Definitely sounds like you need some help. It’s often best to disengage rather than argue, then revisit it after people have had time to cool off. whenever my wife and I argue, we do that and inevitably one or both of us admits we were wrong and we usually remind each other that we are supposed to be a team and work together. Corny or not it’s a good reminder.

Also, don’t sweat the small stuff, there will always be annoyances, try not to blow them out of proportion. Not saying you are but it’s easy to do

This seems like something that could probably be resolved with some couples therapy and better communication (unlike my situation where it turned out my wife just had a serious personality disorder and couldn't reason). Maybe you need to communicate in a different way that doesn't escalate situations, but she also needs to understand that you are both parents of your son and that she can't be a dictator just because she's the mom. Her hyperfocus on these strict processes might indicate some anxiety issues she needs to address.

When you guys make up after fighting, does she take some ownership and apologize for her part in it, or is it you apologizing and her just moving on for the time being?

Honestly, she'll apologise some of the time. Also I'm the one that sits us down, there's been one occasion in the past where she's sat us down. It sticks out as it's the single occurrence.
I'll be talking to her shortly before things get worse

The fact that she at least apologizes some of the time is encouraging based on my experience where it never happened in 11 years (maybe half-heartedly two or three times).

Some of the issue is likely communication, but it sounds like a lot of it might be about coming to a more balanced understanding of your roles/value so that she isn't operating as your superior and coming down on you for breaking somewhat arbitrary rules.

This. OP this is a woman saying this as well.

You need to take control brah. She'll probably freak out a bit but don't yell or scream. Just lay down the rules and be the man of the house. Good luck brah.

Thanks everyone. Means a lot, cheers

keep working through it brah

Yikes
Women like this destroy your soul