last year was tough at my company (i'm in sales). most sales people in my segment / vertical were missing quota. i missed quota as well, but not by a wide margin, doing 85% to my annual quota. this was better than ~80% of my peers



i was in the office yesterday unfortunately, as my company has mandated that all sales people need to be in the office 4x a week unless they're visiting a customer, no exceptions. this is pretty fkn annoying bc when i accepted this role in 2021, it was implied that this role would be remote in perpetuity, because it's a mid to senior level sales role selling to large companies (Enterprise segment), not SMB. Typically these roles are WFH, and have been even prior to the pandemic.

I digress - I wwas in our NYC office yesterday when my boss's boss (AVP) throws a 15 minute 1:1 on my calendar unexpectedly. The company has been doing a lot of layoffs lately, and my performance last fiscal year wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either, so I'm thinking this potentially is me being placed on a PIP (performance improvement plan) or something.


3pm finally rolls around, and I take the elevator up to the 60th floor where he's setup shop in a conference room / office for the day.



i take a deep breath and walk in, feeling my cortisol spike and heartrate begin to bump.



"Mr RLA, take a seat sir" he tells me, motioning to the chair opposite his across the small table.




I'm trying to read the guy, scanning for any tells.



His face is more or less blank. He's not smiling, but he looks pretty comfortable, which I guess is good because I feel like if he was about to have a negative conversation with me he'd perhaps look troubled, or stern, or anxious.


"Listen man, this conversation is about your performance, and the expectations rolling into this fiscal for all of our sales people".


My heart sank. Not off to a good start.



The pen I was twiddling between my nervous fingers below the desk drops onto the floor and rolls towards the AVP's Ferragamo loafer.



"I'll grab that" I anxiously blurt out, bending over out of my seat to quickly retrieve the pen.



As I bend over to grab the pen, I see that the fly on his trousers is open, his flaccid but ample black cock slouching lazily out of the fly against his thigh



"Oh" I almost laughingly exclaim, brushing it with the back of my hand, feigning accidental contact



While still being soft, this thing is thick and mahogany, with strong chubby veins running across it.



We both stand up, staring at each other intensely.



He grabs strongly me by the throat, and forces his mouth onto mine. I'm thinking "Holy ****, this is my AVP"



Before you know it I'm on my knees, and he's just pumping away on my mouth -- deep, generous thrusts. He explodes into my mouth after a few minutes of veracious pumping, squirting a generous load into my mouth as he bellows aloud "the white man is a cuck!"





As we collected ourselves, he shared that I would be joining a new strategic team dedicated to supporting our largest customers in the Technology vertical - a pretty coveted spot.

I'm so pumped misc --- feels ****ing good boyos! (ded fkn Srs)

Wonderfully constructed post

Would typically not read a wall of text unless it was from a poster like u

Congrats

So you were promoted to head?

Sr Account Executive in the Enterprise Tech vertical (ded fkn Srs)

No not married yet - probably in July or August (super small wedding, just family)

we're looking @ houses and hopefully moving in together in the next few months. mortgage rates obviously suck but whatever, we both do well enough not to sweat it too much, and we can always refi down the line


camping chad and his GF broke up on CHRISTMAS because she basically acted like a huge bitch to his family. his family doesn't have a lot of money, and they celebrated xmas day at his parents house. his GF opened the present they got her, and she handed it back to them saying "thats ok I don't want it, i am just going to return it anyway".

they were obviously offended, and so he pulled her aside and is like "wtf is wrong with you" - and she went off on him and said there is no way i want to be a part of your family, i cant marry you and deal with your family, im moving back to Czech Republic (ded fkn Srs)

For a minute there I was worried thiswasn'tgoing to be a gay BBC thread.

Fukin ded breh.

I was upset for possibly not getting any “work view” pics and bam!! You redeem it with a weird boner story.

k bye.


Edit: on r/c

bahahaha on r/c my bro (ded fkn Srs)

You are so negged for that.

wait, your boss calls you Mr Real Life Alpha??

ded fkn srs??

damn would love to see pics of those veins

This was the response I was looking for in my “what do people in sales do” thread the other day

LOL

you ever think about writing novels? you have good writing style. very engaging.

thx for the chuckle.

"this thing is thick and mahogany"




congrats boyo! and thanks for the lulz

Boyos I feel like leadership / culture here is so inclusive (ded fkn Srs)

Lmao that's actually really good story telling you had me at first lol.


After the deed was done did he come up behind you and whisper in your ear "Repped.?" As you were leaving his office?

Congrats RLA! We're all gonna make it

yes i haven't given anyone at my job my real name bc I don't want them to dox me (ded fkn Srs)PM me kinghehehelove u broheheh on r/c bro
We really are all gonna make it boyo!! Hope you are doing well my friend (ded fkn Srs)