A joke would get you black listed?

I don't know her well enough to joke in that manner. I want to be respectful to her and not make her think I'm going to send her a nude.

That’s the joke. You are clearly an autistic so I guess I’ll explain it:

- she thinks you mean penor and gets wound up

- cock also means rooster

- you send a pic of a rooster aka your cock

2005 join date..you must be late 30’s/early 40’s OP..is this really how you interact with females at this stage in your life?

I completely understand the joke. I think it's certainly one way of going about it, but I'd rather not do it.I'm 33. I'm trying to do better, as I've stated several times now. I realize my second text could have been short and sweet, as the first one is.

It's been almost 2.5 days since I sent the text and still no reply. It saysDeliveredand she has/had read receipts on.

I will likely see her at the gym on Monday or Wednesday. She usually meets her friends at the gym. If I see her, I'll approach and introduce myself to her friends and ask her how she's been then ask her out (likely in front of her friends) to dinner at the Korean BBQ place near the gym.

As of now, I believe this to be the best course of action.

Haven't heard back from her yet. I've slightly changed my approach. I researched restaurants nearby and am eyeing an Asian American restaurant. It's fancy, yet still appropriate for a first date.

The plan to ask her out is the same, except if I don't see her at the gym then I'll text her Wednesday night with the intention of meeting on Friday evening.

Don't introduce and ask in front of her friends whatever you do.

What should I do if I see her and she's with her friends? My preference is to ask her out in person rather than through text.

I think the assertiveness I had when asking her for her number is the same assertiveness I need when asking her out.

Edit: After thinking it through, I see what you mean. I could ask her if I may speak with her alone for a second or wait until she's alone.

Here's what I plan to say:
Hey [her name], would you like to join me for dinner this Friday at 7 at [restaurant name]?

It's short and direct. I may say something else, either before or after, related to how I've enjoyed talking to her and/or how I think she'd enjoy the restaurant.

Dear diary

Didn't see her at the gym today. I've been practicing what I'm going to say to her. I think it's clear and direct.

I'll go to the gym tomorrow as well, even though I typically don't. I should see her tomorrow or Wednesday. The urge to text her again is really strong, but I think it's best to wait for an in-person talk.

Biked to the gym, got in there, and combed my hair. I did some stretches then saw her with her 2 female friends. I approached them and it ended up being awkward as she seemed to not want to talk to me. I remember her saying, "I'm working out with my friends." I was introduced to her two friends then I asked if I could talk to her alone. She agreed and I asked her if she has any plans for this weekend. She told me she's going to a girlfriend's party in another city. I was then alluding to how I want to go to dinner with her. She then told me she's into girls and when I asked if she'sonlyinto girls she said she's bi. I was confused at this point and said a few more words, including saying we should stay in touch. She said she'd say hi to me around the gym. Pretty devastated by this. I don't get why they seemed annoyed that I wanted to talk to her. I've had a crush on her for months...

I don't understand why she gave me her number in the first place. I hope this gives me some sort of closure because I've been having so much trouble concentrating in my daily life and trouble sleeping because I've been thinking about her constantly, even reciting what lines I want to say to her.

I will keep trying of course, including with other women at the gym. I also realize I need to try to go out and meet people organically, not trying to force it, as one would with a cold approach.

With women u need to always play it chill. A lot of guys have a problem where they are projecting their high level of interest onto her, when for her she really doesn’t even know you yet. This is a huge turnoff to them

I think what really messed me up was how she never responded to my second text to her. It made me so eager to know whether she's truly into me or not that I felt obligated to find out as soon as possible. I hate what happens to me when I obsess over someone I really like because it consumes me and ruins other aspects of my life. I know what you mean about playing it cool and I definitely wasn't that cool guy in this scenario, although I guess I never could be because she decided to ignore me anyway. It's hard to build rapport at the gym if she's never going to talk to me unless it's the perfect scenario, once in a blue moon where her friends leave early and she's there alone. I wasn't going for a "hello" every week or two from her when I see her in the gym, so I took a risk and it clearly didn't pay off.

You put her on a pedestal, admittedly came on super strong and scared her off. Obsessing over a girl that you just met and texted once is weird behavior; she picked up on it.

"trouble concentrating in my daily life and trouble sleeping because I've been thinking about her constantly"

Next time a girl doesn't text you back, assume she isn't interested. No need to confirm it.

I assume you're in therapy? Your social awareness is very low, you're overly calculated and robotic. Signs of autism/aspergers.

"...someone I really like...." You can't "really like" someone you don't even know. You introduced yourself and exchanged a couple of texts. You shouldn't be having trouble concentrating in your daily life because of a very brief exchange with a random girl from the gym.

Girls will sometimes give you their number because they don't want to seem rude, don't want things to possibly turn awkwardly confrontational, and assume they can just put in minimal effort via text until you (hopefully) get the hint.

When you saw her working out with a couple of friends, you should have most likely just left her alone and possibly smiled or given her a quick wave if she did so first. Once she told you, "I'm working out with my friends," it was a very clear indication that you were intruding, so asking to speak to her alone was a weird thing to do (as you may now realize). If her friends were annoyed you asked to speak to her alone, it is pretty much guaranteed that they completely killed any chance you could possibly have had as soon as you were out of earshot.

Especially with people you see at the gym or similar places on a regular basis, it can pay to remain cool and build some meaningful rapport before you ask a girl to dinner. I've certainly made the mistake of showing too much interest too fast and spooking girls away, so I'm not mocking you, but you should probably examine why a girl who is essentially a stranger has such a firm hold on your mind throughout the day.

Meanwhile, in their panties.......

Thank you for the feedback. No, I gave therapy a one month trial last year (online therapy fromTalkspace) because a girl I was dating said I needed it. Outside of that, I've never done therapy. I feel I am typically good in social situations, but have my weaknesses. I don't know about autism or aspergers. No one has ever hinted at that in real life. I know that doesn't necessarily mean it isn't true. I feel as though a lot of people just don't care or are afraid of repercussions so they don't speak their mind. Perhaps that's why I've never heard that comment before IRL. You're right. If I like someone, I'll text them back. So it is fairly safe to assume the opposite reaction for the opposite action. I suppose I can try online therapy again.I get how it seems crazy to be so obsessive over someone I don't know. It was the months of seeing her every week or two at the gym that built up and I kept wondering why I hadn't introduced myself to her. Life is very empty without someone to love and care for. I saw her as someone who could save me from living a life that has no meaning. I don't get many opportunities to meet quality women. I work remotely and theonly time I see people is at the gym or the occasional visit from a family member.

I agree. I should have left her alone and simply waved back at her instead of standing next to them awkwardly and waiting for my chance to chime in. I guess I was being selfish and wanted the response that I wasn't getting from our text "conversation."

Is there some reason you don't engage in social activities, go to the bar, etc., and give yourself opportunities to meet people other than people at the gym and your own family?

I don't have a group of friends to go out with. I'd have to go out by myself. I had some new friends in early '22 when I was dating a girl I was really into, but they weren't really good for me so I decided to not hang out with them anymore.

I talk to some people at the gym. I am a pretty friendly individual. It's helped, especially when requesting to work in with someone. I'm typically saying hi or waving to between 2-5 people throughout each gym session.

The only woman there I've had a conversation with is the woman I have a crush on. I've seen a few other women I'd go on a date with, so I intend to speak with them as well at some point.

Also, I haven't had a car for over a year. I'm debating whether I should get one again or not. I don't need to rush into it, but it would certainly help with going out. I can rent a car if the situation needed it. I would have rented a car if I were going on a date with my crush this Friday. I realize I can also Uber to and from a bar. Perhaps I can try that, but it seems impossible to make any kind of headway if I go to a bar by myself.

People at the bar are probably more often going to be in the mindset where they are interested in meeting people vs. people at the gym who are oftentimes going to be focused on doing what they went to the gym to do (working out, probably while listening to music with earbuds or whatever). I'd give it a shot.

I see what you mean. A few guys I've met at the gym are exactly like that - don't seem to want to talk to anyone at all. I should mention I only drink in rare scenarios when there are women involved, hah. I will consider trying a bar...really would have to think through what the heck I'd be doing there.

Look, nobody on here can diagnose you. All I can do is interpret what you're saying and the actions you're claiming to take.

There are multiple signals in this thread that you have some issues with social cues and behaviors. These are natural things that come to most people, but some struggle with it. When the girl said "I'm working out with my friends" that's an OBVIOUS social cue; it means "leave me alone". You seemed to recognize it was awkward, but continued with your script.

When you sent that long second text it was also obvious to everyone ITT that was too long, but you didn't think so until it was clearly pointed out and explained logically.

This doesn't mean you're a bad guy. Doesn't mean you can't have friends and be social. But to have success with women, romantically, it will limit you significantly.

I'm curious why did the girl you dated recommend therapy?

For the record the actions I took are all real, even if they sometimes aren't the actions I wish I'd taken. I see your point. I'm beyond tired of being alone and frustrated with life, so I'm willing to do the work. I'm working very hard in the gym and in the kitchen (including tracking everything I've eaten for the past 4 months and counting), with the goal of improving both my appearance and confidence.

I think more experience would help me improve in scenarios that I'm currently not great in. This thread has helped me.

I don't recall exactly why she recommended therapy. My guess is I would frequently bring up how depressed I was. My depression at that time was a result of me having strong feelings for a different woman I had been dating. I was dating both of them at the same time for a month or two, and they both hung out with each other a few times in a group setting with other people/couples. The girl who recommended I seek therapy knew I was attracted to the other woman and I suppose she was tired of hearing about me being depressed. I used to cry in front of her and had confessed I was in love with someone else. She found someone else to date and stopped wanting to hang out. The woman I used to have really strong feelings for, well her and I are still in touch (we texted today, in fact) but she's pregnant with someone else's kid and I haven't seen her IRL in over a year. I haven't been interested in either of them romantically for a while, so I know I've gotten over previous women before.

OP if you're above 5'6 you don't have to think this hard about it

Okay, that situation sounds bizarre. I don't do open relationships, and don't recommend it. Keep at the gym and diet, but don't neglect the soft skills.No idea what this means, maybe supposed to be a funny height comment.

I'm a legit 5'11" (i.e., with no shoes on). I may say 6'0" if a woman asks or if it's a dating profile...Yeah, the woman I had feelings for was on/off for 5 months. It wasn't an intended thing. I want one woman. I really want a girlfriend who will eventually be my wife.

Thanks. I'm looking forward to posting some progress pictures as things continue on.

I took this a few days ago. I'm up ~30 lbs since I started at 145 lbs at the end of March. I'm trying to keep my caloric surplus a bit smaller since I've noticed a fatter face and stomach. Fat gain is obviously something I can't avoid when bulking, but I feel as though the smaller surplus will lead to a slower weight gain that has relatively lower fat gain.

[QUOTE=Ratfish post_id=1687205003][img]https://i.imgur.com/STO0M9M.gif[img][/QUOTE][img]https://media.tenor.com/PS6medrGxqwAAAAd/cat-kiss.gif[/img]

Try slowly increasing calories from strictly protein and healthy carb sources, and only slightly. This will keep fat gain absolutely minimal and although progress may seem tedious it will make you look better in the process srs