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Drifting apart from my brother (srs)
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10-16-2023, 05:20 PM
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#1
Drifting apart from my brother (srs)
He was my best friend growing up through college (we went to same school) but since I started grad school a couple of years ago, I feel like we're just drifting apart.
Sht man, makes me want to tear up. Doesn't help that every time family (including him) comes by, I'm always busy/stressed af with school/work. I call my parents once a week to check in but rarely call him.
I used to play league of legends with him in my gap year after college during covid and it was a lot of fun but I don't have time to play anymore. He used to cut my hair too and I'd cut his at times as well.
Any suggestions on how to get closer with him? We've never been the type to talk about girls or anything (or feelings or whatever) either but I seen tinder on his phone a few mos ago and I think people told him about my hookups at a party.
Sht man, makes me want to tear up. Doesn't help that every time family (including him) comes by, I'm always busy/stressed af with school/work. I call my parents once a week to check in but rarely call him.
I used to play league of legends with him in my gap year after college during covid and it was a lot of fun but I don't have time to play anymore. He used to cut my hair too and I'd cut his at times as well.
Any suggestions on how to get closer with him? We've never been the type to talk about girls or anything (or feelings or whatever) either but I seen tinder on his phone a few mos ago and I think people told him about my hookups at a party.
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10-16-2023, 05:26 PM
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#2
- AlexxVann
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How far away do you live? It's just making the effort to catch up/have a relationship.
My brother lives 25-30 mins away and I go visit him and my 2 nieces every Sunday, then swing by and have a coffee with my parents.
My brother lives 25-30 mins away and I go visit him and my 2 nieces every Sunday, then swing by and have a coffee with my parents.
10-16-2023, 05:39 PM
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#3
- GaryRidgway
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I'm best friends with my brother but there was one point where I started to dislike him because this motherfukker would sleep in until 3pm everyday. Thankfully he cut that chit out.
10-16-2023, 05:42 PM
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#4
- KBurn
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Things like this are inevitable. Most are after high school, so you're blessed to have it happen after college.
Then things like jobs will happen. Then families. Soon, a lot of your friends.
Life happens, and we all walk alone.
Then things like jobs will happen. Then families. Soon, a lot of your friends.
Life happens, and we all walk alone.
10-16-2023, 05:52 PM
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#5
- jtaylor2010
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Damn bro…that’s a tough question.
If only there were methods which allowed people to communicate with each other over long distances.
But srsly, the first step is to stop making bullsh!t excuses about how busy you are. Every single day you make time to do things you want to do. Call him more often. That will lead to planning to do things together. Also, growing apart from people is a natural part of life. Cherish the times you had, and work to make new moments in the future, but also accept the life is a journey with lots of twists and turns with various characters being more and less prevalent in different sections.
If only there were methods which allowed people to communicate with each other over long distances.
But srsly, the first step is to stop making bullsh!t excuses about how busy you are. Every single day you make time to do things you want to do. Call him more often. That will lead to planning to do things together. Also, growing apart from people is a natural part of life. Cherish the times you had, and work to make new moments in the future, but also accept the life is a journey with lots of twists and turns with various characters being more and less prevalent in different sections.
10-16-2023, 05:56 PM
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#6
- 7empest
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Originally Posted By JuicePro⏩
sorry to hear it man, you'll work it out, keep working at it and set out with the best intentions (to re connect with him) and itwillhappen.He was my best friend growing up through college (we went to same school) but since I started grad school a couple of years ago, I feel like we're just drifting apart.
Sht man, makes me want to tear up. Doesn't help that every time family (including him) comes by, I'm always busy/stressed af with school/work. I call my parents once a week to check in but rarely call him.
I used to play league of legends with him in my gap year after college during covid and it was a lot of fun but I don't have time to play anymore. He used to cut my hair too and I'd cut his at times as well.
Any suggestions on how to get closer with him? We've never been the type to talk about girls or anything (or feelings or whatever) either but I seen tinder on his phone a few mos ago and I think people told him about my hookups at a party.
Sht man, makes me want to tear up. Doesn't help that every time family (including him) comes by, I'm always busy/stressed af with school/work. I call my parents once a week to check in but rarely call him.
I used to play league of legends with him in my gap year after college during covid and it was a lot of fun but I don't have time to play anymore. He used to cut my hair too and I'd cut his at times as well.
Any suggestions on how to get closer with him? We've never been the type to talk about girls or anything (or feelings or whatever) either but I seen tinder on his phone a few mos ago and I think people told him about my hookups at a party.
that's making me sad reading some of that because that sounded like an awesome thing you had going - but you'll sort it
Overthinking, overanalysing separates the body from the mind
10-16-2023, 05:59 PM
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#7
- Islandboyo
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When i left my moms house at 18 that was basically the end of the relationship i had with my younger brother. Rarely did we ever see each other after that, and when we did we got into an argument about some of the life choices he was making.
Fast foward to 2023 i reached out to him and told him he can come live with me to change his life around, he agreed and moved in. Unfortunately he has deep seated resentment towards me and the vibes just aren’t the same between us. I told him some hard truths about why his life is so messed up and that he’s going to have to listen to me for this to work, and he up and flew back home to mom’s house.
Likely the last time we are ever going to see/talk to each other in a meaningful way. Sad, but for some people it’s to late to change.
Fast foward to 2023 i reached out to him and told him he can come live with me to change his life around, he agreed and moved in. Unfortunately he has deep seated resentment towards me and the vibes just aren’t the same between us. I told him some hard truths about why his life is so messed up and that he’s going to have to listen to me for this to work, and he up and flew back home to mom’s house.
Likely the last time we are ever going to see/talk to each other in a meaningful way. Sad, but for some people it’s to late to change.
10-16-2023, 06:02 PM
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#8
Is he younger or older? If younger, you be do every thing to become closer with him and watch over him.
If older, those guys tend to be more independent lol.
If older, those guys tend to be more independent lol.
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10-16-2023, 06:15 PM
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#9
- KBurn
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Originally Posted By Islandboyo⏩
LMAO you can't just pick up where you left off and ask a grown ass man to listen to you. You got to be more tactful bro.When i left my moms house at 18 that was basically the end of the relationship i had with my younger brother. Rarely did we ever see each other after that, and when we did we got into an argument about some of the life choices he was making.
Fast foward to 2023 i reached out to him and told him he can come live with me to change his life around, he agreed and moved in. Unfortunately he has deep seated resentment towards me and the vibes just aren’t the same between us. I told him some hard truths about why his life is so messed up and that he’s going to have to listen to me for this to work, and he up and flew back home to mom’s house.
Likely the last time we are ever going to see/talk to each other in a meaningful way. Sad, but for some people it’s to late to change.
Fast foward to 2023 i reached out to him and told him he can come live with me to change his life around, he agreed and moved in. Unfortunately he has deep seated resentment towards me and the vibes just aren’t the same between us. I told him some hard truths about why his life is so messed up and that he’s going to have to listen to me for this to work, and he up and flew back home to mom’s house.
Likely the last time we are ever going to see/talk to each other in a meaningful way. Sad, but for some people it’s to late to change.
People hate being told what to do.
10-16-2023, 06:19 PM
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#10
Originally Posted By theory816⏩
I'm older by only one year but he's basically a baby bro to me, which is why I think we don't talk about girls, parties, etc. He follows in my footsteps too for example I got a mustang and he got one, I sold mine for a motorcycle and he got his motorcycle license too, my music tastes get passed on to him, etc.Is he younger or older? If younger, you be do every thing to become closer with him and watch over him.
If older, those guys tend to be more independent lol.
If older, those guys tend to be more independent lol.
We had a rough childhood with a meth addict father and mother attempting suicide so I was always looking after him and made sure he stay on track. He started smoking weed in HS with a wrong crowd and I got upset and stopped talking to him for a week and he got really upset and started crying and asked me to forgive him.
I remember in college he did a tough major and I always asked him how it was going and he was failing a class and lied to me until I made him show me his grades and then he started crying in shame. Sht was so fckn sad that my own brother felt he had to lie to me because he was ashamed.
Fck boyos I'm gonna call him tonight to see if he's doing ok. He's on a career job so we're on different trajectories, but he's only about an hour from me.
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10-16-2023, 06:32 PM
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#11
- andrepmeet
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I dunno man.
You can try but it takes two to tango. I've tried that route of hanging out with some relatives and they never called me or told me about anything outside of the time I actually made the effort to go to their houses. So no matter what you do it might not give you the intended result.
Like never even a phone call.
You can try but it takes two to tango. I've tried that route of hanging out with some relatives and they never called me or told me about anything outside of the time I actually made the effort to go to their houses. So no matter what you do it might not give you the intended result.
Like never even a phone call.
10-16-2023, 06:34 PM
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#12
Originally Posted By JuicePro⏩
I think its ok drift apart from your brother because we all have differences in interests and friends. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you guys still talk from time to time, hang out from time to time, and know that you have each others backs. Just don't drift so far away. But most importantly, if youre the older bro, you gotta make sacrafices for the younger bro lol.I'm older by only one year but he's basically a baby bro to me, which is why I think we don't talk about girls, parties, etc. He follows in my footsteps too for example I got a mustang and he got one, I sold mine for a motorcycle and he got his M1 too, my music tastes get passed on to him, etc.
We had a rough childhood with a meth addict father and mother attempting suicide so I was always looking after him and made sure he stay on track. He started smoking weed in HS with a wrong crowd and I got upset and stopped talking to him for a week and he got really upset and started crying and asked me to forgive him.
I remember in college he did a tough major and I always asked him how it was going and he was failing a class and lied to me until I made him show me his grades and then he started crying in shame. Sht was so fckn sad that my own brother felt he had to lie to me because he was ashamed.
Fck boyos I'm gonna call him tonight to see if he's doing ok. He's on a career job so we're on different trajectories, but he's only about an hour from me.
We had a rough childhood with a meth addict father and mother attempting suicide so I was always looking after him and made sure he stay on track. He started smoking weed in HS with a wrong crowd and I got upset and stopped talking to him for a week and he got really upset and started crying and asked me to forgive him.
I remember in college he did a tough major and I always asked him how it was going and he was failing a class and lied to me until I made him show me his grades and then he started crying in shame. Sht was so fckn sad that my own brother felt he had to lie to me because he was ashamed.
Fck boyos I'm gonna call him tonight to see if he's doing ok. He's on a career job so we're on different trajectories, but he's only about an hour from me.
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10-16-2023, 06:36 PM
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#13
- InVentive44
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You guys do each others nails aswell ? Ask him to go shooting or outdoor chit you *******
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10-16-2023, 06:38 PM
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#14
- ChristmasFnatic
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Originally Posted By KBurn⏩
This.Things like this are inevitable. Most are after high school, so you're blessed to have it happen after college.
Then things like jobs will happen. Then families. Soon, a lot of your friends.
Life happens, and we all walk alone.
Then things like jobs will happen. Then families. Soon, a lot of your friends.
Life happens, and we all walk alone.
Im in the same boat OP. Life gets in the way, esp sloots.
10-16-2023, 06:48 PM
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#15
- OliverHeldens
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Did you really think you'd see your family every day for the rest of your life?
I see my dad regularly, and I wish I saw him like 3 times per year tops. It's a good thing to eventually break free from family. The people who stay within their close family grasp never seem to grow.
I see my dad regularly, and I wish I saw him like 3 times per year tops. It's a good thing to eventually break free from family. The people who stay within their close family grasp never seem to grow.
10-16-2023, 07:03 PM
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#16
I’m black, we are really family oriented. My youngest brother has been traveling the world with the navy for the last few years and still calls to check in. My other brother lives in another state but we work together (remotely).
I think this type of thing depends on your culture.
I think this type of thing depends on your culture.
10-16-2023, 07:05 PM
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#17
- Tuksonrider
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Sucks.
My little bro and I are close. I know how it goes OP.
I'm currently staying at his place for a bit. Blessed to have my little bro.
My little bro and I are close. I know how it goes OP.
I'm currently staying at his place for a bit. Blessed to have my little bro.
I'm not blessed with riches, but I am rich with blessings.
Thank you, LORD, my God.
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10-16-2023, 07:09 PM
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#18
- Adam16121
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It’s not a good feeling, but it’s a common occurrence. With people who you are close to like that, you can lose communication for a long time and pick up right where you left off. It’s happened between me and my brother, as well as me and my best friend. Real deal relationships are always there, even if you aren’t talking to one another for extended periods of time.
10-16-2023, 09:37 PM
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#19
Originally Posted By OliverHeldens⏩
Not every day, but I think it's good to touch base like once a week. There's a balance between 'growing' and staying true to your roots. Having a stable family connection helps in staying focused and goal-directed, and not falling into the wrong crowds, drug use, degeneracy etc.Did you really think you'd see your family every day for the rest of your life?
I see my dad regularly, and I wish I saw him like 3 times per year tops. It's a good thing to eventually break free from family. The people who stay within their close family grasp never seem to grow.
I see my dad regularly, and I wish I saw him like 3 times per year tops. It's a good thing to eventually break free from family. The people who stay within their close family grasp never seem to grow.
Originally Posted By MetroBrah⏩
Yeah, my culture is family-oriented too, although I've always been on the more individualistic side.I’m black, we are really family oriented. My youngest brother has been traveling the world with the navy for the last few years and still calls to check in. My other brother lives in another state but we work together (remotely).
I think this type of thing depends on your culture.
I think this type of thing depends on your culture.
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10-16-2023, 09:51 PM
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#20
- Godfrd824
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You could try calling him once a week.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.
10-16-2023, 10:12 PM
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#21
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Originally Posted By JuicePro⏩
Did you call him? Read the thread and it's hours later. If you haven't called him, call him.I'm older by only one year but he's basically a baby bro to me, which is why I think we don't talk about girls, parties, etc. He follows in my footsteps too for example I got a mustang and he got one, I sold mine for a motorcycle and he got his motorcycle license too, my music tastes get passed on to him, etc.
We had a rough childhood with a meth addict father and mother attempting suicide so I was always looking after him and made sure he stay on track. He started smoking weed in HS with a wrong crowd and I got upset and stopped talking to him for a week and he got really upset and started crying and asked me to forgive him.
I remember in college he did a tough major and I always asked him how it was going and he was failing a class and lied to me until I made him show me his grades and then he started crying in shame. Sht was so fckn sad that my own brother felt he had to lie to me because he was ashamed.
Fck boyos I'm gonna call him tonight to see if he's doing ok. He's on a career job so we're on different trajectories, but he's only about an hour from me.
We had a rough childhood with a meth addict father and mother attempting suicide so I was always looking after him and made sure he stay on track. He started smoking weed in HS with a wrong crowd and I got upset and stopped talking to him for a week and he got really upset and started crying and asked me to forgive him.
I remember in college he did a tough major and I always asked him how it was going and he was failing a class and lied to me until I made him show me his grades and then he started crying in shame. Sht was so fckn sad that my own brother felt he had to lie to me because he was ashamed.
Fck boyos I'm gonna call him tonight to see if he's doing ok. He's on a career job so we're on different trajectories, but he's only about an hour from me.
And, with all the kindness in the world, sack up and be there for your younger brother. Take a day off and do something together, srs, since he's only an hour from you. Come on man, especially considering your tough childhood.
10-16-2023, 10:40 PM
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#22
Originally Posted By LogicalLifts⏩
I called twice and sent a message and no response srs.Did you call him? Read the thread and it's hours later. If you haven't called him, call him.
And, with all the kindness in the world, sack up and be there for your younger brother. Take a day off and do something together, srs, since he's only an hour from you. Come on man, especially considering your tough childhood.
And, with all the kindness in the world, sack up and be there for your younger brother. Take a day off and do something together, srs, since he's only an hour from you. Come on man, especially considering your tough childhood.
Hope it's not too late. I haven't always been the best brother. I have very high expectations for him and anyone I care about and sometimes I get mad when he gets lazy and there are times in our past I shouted at him making him very upset and even break down (calling him useless POS, verbal abuse, etc) and I feel fckn awful about it. We have opposite personalities, I am high-energy confrontational goal-directed and he's a more low-energy chill team player type.
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10-16-2023, 10:54 PM
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#23
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Originally Posted By JuicePro⏩
Relax man. It's not 'too late' for blood. But ease up a bit - you feel awful about it because he's your blood, so there's no real need to call him a 'useless POS' or 'verbally abuse' him, right?I called twice and sent a message and no response srs.
Hope it's not too late. I haven't always been the best brother. I have very high expectations for him and anyone I care about and sometimes I get mad when he gets lazy and there are times in our past I shouted at him making him very upset and even break down (calling him useless POS, verbal abuse, etc) and I feel fckn awful about it. We have opposite personalities, I am high-energy confrontational goal-directed and he's a more low-energy chill team player type.
Hope it's not too late. I haven't always been the best brother. I have very high expectations for him and anyone I care about and sometimes I get mad when he gets lazy and there are times in our past I shouted at him making him very upset and even break down (calling him useless POS, verbal abuse, etc) and I feel fckn awful about it. We have opposite personalities, I am high-energy confrontational goal-directed and he's a more low-energy chill team player type.
Not saying "go soft", saying treat him like family.
10-17-2023, 12:04 AM
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#24
- ChinkWithDink
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How about showering together?
10-17-2023, 12:10 AM
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#25
- Islandboyo
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Originally Posted By KBurn⏩
People hate being told what to do but if you want to change your life you have to change the way you do things. I told him that if he is living under my roof then he will do as I say, simple as that.LMAO you can't just pick up where you left off and ask a grown ass man to listen to you. You got to be more tactful bro.
People hate being told what to do.
People hate being told what to do.
I was attempting to play the father role that he never had.
10-17-2023, 12:16 AM
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#26
- Godfrd824
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Originally Posted By JuicePro⏩
Lol he sounds like a pussy. But give it a few days and try calling again if he doesn't call you first.I called twice and sent a message and no response srs.
Hope it's not too late. I haven't always been the best brother. I have very high expectations for him and anyone I care about and sometimes I get mad when he gets lazy and there are times in our past I shouted at him making him very upset and even break down (calling him useless POS, verbal abuse, etc) and I feel fckn awful about it. We have opposite personalities, I am high-energy confrontational goal-directed and he's a more low-energy chill team player type.
Hope it's not too late. I haven't always been the best brother. I have very high expectations for him and anyone I care about and sometimes I get mad when he gets lazy and there are times in our past I shouted at him making him very upset and even break down (calling him useless POS, verbal abuse, etc) and I feel fckn awful about it. We have opposite personalities, I am high-energy confrontational goal-directed and he's a more low-energy chill team player type.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.
10-18-2023, 09:46 PM
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#27
Originally Posted By Godfrd824⏩
Sometimes he fckn pisses me off. ****** lets his phone die and never picks up his calls. Taking everything in my power not to cuss him tf out for being a retardLol he sounds like a pussy. But give it a few days and try calling again if he doesn't call you first.
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10-19-2023, 10:22 PM
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#28
Had a 1.5 hr talk with my brother mangs, felt good. We talked about Mustangs, life discussions, goals, lifting, etc.
Gonna try calling once a week. Posting here to keep myself accountable
Gonna try calling once a week. Posting here to keep myself accountable
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