Best friend's brother died. Sent me a message about what happened. Didn't want a call and doesn't do well with this type of thing, so I type him back, told em I love em and to let me know if he needs anything. Feel like I should drag him out to a bar or have a smoke sesh soon.

Anyone got experience with this kinda thing?

Send flowers or thoughtful gift with a sorry note stating that you thinking a lot about him and feel sorry for his loss. If you go over to visit, bring some nice food he could need (he might not have been in the mood for grocery shopping). Listen a lot if he opens up to you, without trying to « lighten the mood » or « cheer him up ». It’s too soon for that. Be grave and ask when it was the last time he saw him. Ask when the funeral is and if he would like you to be there.

It’s honorable for you to be there for your friend. Good luck in this difficult times.

Thanks bro. His brother was younger than us too.

When you lose a sibling you're losing someone with whom you had an unbreakable bond and history with. So do the most as a best friend to honor his sibling and be there to support in all ways, a beer or joint just IMO isn't that. I'm sure he'd appreciate some reminiscing about his sibling but may also need some space to grieve because again it's a unique bond. Maybe make or do something sentimental for your friend about the deceased. I've seen people make scrap books or picture montages.

My brother nearly died from a fall on a work site 2 years ago so this immediately took me back. Nothing worse than getting news like that out of the blue.

take an active role in support

send him your
condolences
and try to attend the funeral.
hard moments, death is the road to another journey.

My friends took me out to some arcade thing and bubble tea about a month after my sister passed and it really helped me just getting out and being around people. If you can, try to bring him out to hang out with a few boys in a few weeks. Also just asking how he's doing every few months, especially on the anniversary date next year, really helps

What I found personally even more helpful for me, was people sending me credits for Uber Eats or whatever other food delivery platform there is. Guilt-free ordering in has been a huge relief for me.

What does "doesn't do too well with this type of thing" mean? Like he doesn't like to talk about it, he starting drinking heavily, or something else?

My buddy's dad died of depression-fueled alcoholism 2 years ago. Known my buddy so long that I have so many memories of his dad myself. Me and my other friends just made sure to be around to hang with my buddy if he wanted. Tried to hang out and invite him out more, though we certainly tried to give him his space when he needed it and didn't try to push anything. We brought food over to his place (was still living with mom). We asked a bit about what happened, but we obviously couldn't and shouldn't have pried too much.

The other thing was we made sure to keep a closer eye on him afterward. He had walked in on his high school sweetheart turned fiance cheating on him 6 months prior and had just gotten out of a chitty job, so he was already in a pretty rough place. Tried to push him to chill about work, organized more non-drinking events, checked up on him, etc.

Was

I was in the other side in that scenario, and i guess it depends on the person but in my case i simply wanted to be by myself for a good few months. It takes even weeks to realize what the hell happened and realize that you just lost forever a person that you loved (thats really a HARD pill to swallow), exit the "shock" stage and after that the grieving phase starts.


Dont try to take him out unless he asks, nor try to shower him with attention and texts/calls. Just check up on him every couple of days to ask him whats up and to let him know that you are there for him no matter what and to just let you know ASAP if he needs anything or wants to talk.

He's not the type that likes to talk about things a lot. Probably just wants time alone to process this chit.

Definitely not gonna try to push him to talk if he doesn't want to. I just have this feeling like I should be doing something, but don't know what that is. Maybe I'm already doing it right, just the thought of what he's going through is just bothering me.

I think this is what I'll do. A text every few days just to check up. If I had someone that close pass, I'd probably build a wall around myself for quite some time. Wouldn't want to talk to anyone about it.

I think that's the hard part of it though - you want to do something, but really, what can you do other than be around for him and help with small things like food?

I could see making something sentimental like CaliSuperSport said depending on how well you knew the brother, how your friend/his family would feel, etc.

I'll say I was somewhat surprised to see this thread coming from you since generally have a good head about these things. I think you don't have an answer because there is no easy answer. Just sucks and you have to do the little that you can.

Goto the funeral and/or wake. When you wrap up talking to him, ask him if he wants to hang soon.