I'm honestly so sick of talking about this and telling the same
story again and again, I just badly need some real genuine support.
About 10 months ago when I was 23 I had just overcome an all consuming
bout of rumination that had lasted several months, and in doing so
really bucked my anxiety and depression that I'd had most my life in a
way I never had before, and it has stayed at bay virtually since. I
immediately got to work on a project very important to me that I'd been
putting off for over a year at that point and was rushing to meet a
deadline. I had finally gotten it completely finished after a couple
days of basically no sleep, including an all-nighter, but realized one
person's name was missing from the credits. My mother knew this persons
family and made a huge deal about this to me, and my editor was a
complete nightmare to deal with even though he was someone that I should
have never let bother me, he had said he wouldn't do any more work on
this project at all and all of this coupled with the no sleep, I was
very stressed out. So my solution to resolve this stress was to
masturbate, as it often was. I was laying on my bed in jeans (for what
reason I don't remember), and loaded up a video in my right hand on my
phone. I became erect and pulled my pants off with my left. My boner had
caught in the jeans, but I did not stop as I liked to let it fling out.
I guess due to just how tired I was I didn't realize at what a bad
angle it was caught and with my jarring movements I kept pulling them
down, and boom, my penis bent. Like complete 90 degree angle bent. I
couldn't even believe it. I knew immediately what had happened.

In the following weeks my penis was so sensitive that I would
orgasm within seconds of getting an erection. A DRASTIC change from how I
was before as I used to be able to last as long as I wanted, by myself
or with women, something I REALLY prided myself on and loved about
myself. It stayed this way for at least 2 months or so. I hooked up with
about two women in this time and when I say I finished embarrassingly
fast I mean I finished EMBARRASSINGLY fast, like had to pull out in
under 8 seconds to keep from finishing. The first girl kept demanding I
go harder and faster - before the injury I would have loved to have,
trust me, but I was just straight up not capable. Needless to say I
never heard from those girls again after that and the sex was pretty
horrible. This took a horrible shot at my mental. I began to question
wtf I was even doing, or what the point of life is without sex.

What I have is called peyroines disease. It's a horrible, awful,
soul crushing "disease" brought on by trauma where you develop scar
tissue in your penis and as a result it shortens, thins, and many people
develop ED. PD (peyroines) is considered widely by essentially all
medical communities to have no cure. Because scar tissue is believed to
be incurable. This is essentially considered to be a lifelong disease
that very few men develop, the majority of whom are in their 70s. I was
fucking 23 when this happened to me. I've also never had a girlfriend.
The longest I've ever been with a girl was 2 weeks, then the semester
ended and she moved away. I hate to think now that that may be the best
sex I have or may ever have in my life now, especially because it was
with a girl who's treated me horribly since moving away, treated me like
I don't matter at all.

So here's another real kicker. I knew this would be PD as soon as
it happened. I had a run in with it back when I was 18. I had pain in my
dick for about a year, maybe a slight curve, but it went away and I was
totally fine. I was blessed and fortunate to have a large wiener,
easily one of my two favorite things physically about myself, I'd always
said God gave me two things, and though it is shorter and thinner now,
it's not by an extreme amount, it's still above average size, which I've
learned to become more okay with over all this time even though it was
initially devastating, but what really crushes me is the fact it just
straight up barely works now. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So I had
heard online from the reddit and the discord for PD that cialis was
capable of stopping PD, which is considered incurable (scar tissue
"can't" be healed) before it forms - preventing it rather than trying to
heal it. So I knew how incredibly vital to my life and my health
getting cialis ASAP would be. I had an appointment with my doctor coming
up soon. The night before the morning apt came and I had stayed up all
night nervously researching PD because I wanted to know exactly the
right things to tell the doc, overthinking as usual. I had also just
gotten on a nocturnal schedule idiotically just before this, largely
from making videos talking about my horrible condition to post on
private stories which no one watches, but it's just an outlet for me to
vent to because I had absolutely nothing else. So the morning of the apt
my alarm wakes me up and I'm so absolutely dead, I had only slept about
2 hours, that the thought of getting up caused me pain, and I
remembered how I waited an hour to see my PCP (my doc) the last 2 times
I'd been there, so I thought what's 10 minutes (foolish, irresponsible,
and not well thought out at all) and I hit snooze for 10 minutes. Well I
did not sleep at all those 10 minutes and they did nothing for me. Then
I got ready, got in the car, and headed there. About half way there I
thought I'd call to say I'd be a bit late, as that was something my mom
always told me to do. They said because I'd be more than 10 minutes late
they'd have to cancel - the exact amount I snoozed my alarm by. My
heart sank with terror. But then they said they could reschedule me the
next day. I legitimately thought oh thank the lord, God clearly wants me
to get the cialis and prevent this, it is what is meant to happen for
me. I looked at those sad sad people with PD online talking about how
their lives had been ruined, many for years or decades, and I thought
that WILL NOT be me. Well then I stayed up very late again, and the next
day came and went and I somehow woke up an hour after the appointment. I
don't know if I slept through my alarm or didn't set it (I imagine I
slept through it). And that was that. I once again was absolute
DISBELIEF with myself. I'd told myself I was done doing idiotic
unbelievable fuck ups of things that fucking simple, as simple as
getting out of bed, no matter how tired, and going 15 min across town to
the doc, FOR THE SAKE OF MY PENIS!! A PRETTY DAMN IMPORTANT THING!

I called back. They said they couldn't get me back in for several
weeks. I couldn't believe it. In those several weeks my penis hurt
pretty much nonstop. I wondered if the pain was the feeling of the
deformity forming. I believe I was probably right. I tried calling Hims
and scheduled an otp consultation but they rejected me because I said I
had pain, even though that's exactly what I needed. The lady said I
could try messaging my doc online, which I hadn't thought of doing at
all, but I was too afraid he would be mad at me or say no and I'd ruin
my chances (which is ridiculous because he seemed to not care or even
remember at all later when I saw him). So I go to see the doc, get
prescribed cialis, and get it a few days later. At this point about 20
days or so had passed. Upon taking the cialis I realized my dick had
very much deformed in those 20 or so days it seemed. It now twisted very
much left from the base, was a different shape (thicker in the middle),
the head didn't fill up nearly as much, and the left side had
shortened. It has been about 8 months or so since then and it has
remained exactly like that. Hasn't changed a bit. Once I got on the
cialis the deformity and pain seemed to halt right then and there,
seemingly proven I could've possibly prevented this entirely. This has
been INSANELY difficult to cope with and I have so much direct blame on
myself. I've obsessed over this for months. A 10 minute snooze may have
caused me a sexless, unhappy, unconfident, and lonely life.

I struggle to get a firm enough erection for sex now, I do not get
them naturally anymore it takes a lot of work to get one, and it
doesn't feel nearly as good as it used to. Every girl I hooked up with I
could not go nearly as hard or fast as I wanted to with sex, which
hooking up at college age and early 20s is a great way to never hear
from them again, which I don't, and the girls I'd hooked up with before
the injury wanted to hook up again. So coupled with how incredibly
lonely I've been it has been devastating. Many of the girls I finished
instantly with and then went for a round two which I could not stay hard
for. I'd do all this work of getting a girl to sleep with me just for
it to be hardly even enjoyable, and through the fact that I'm actually
just physically incapable of performing now.

There's a huge scar tissue under the skin on the left side,
described as a dent. Every time I see I think of how I could've
prevented it. It's a deformity. I see it every time I piss. Also the
pain has come back recently so it hurts almost constantly. I really fell
so far into despair over this, especially at first. I've been unable to
even motivate myself to get a job the last 10 months because I've
questioned what is even the point of a happy life if I can't have sex,
which might sound vein or small minded but imagine actually being in
this position. I'm surrounded by the talk of sex also. Never realized
how much it is what everything is about, as it's the core driver of
life. Nearly every song, every tv show, every joke. I often find myself
skpping songs because they talk about sex and I can't even get an
erection on my own so they just make me sad. Hell, it happened
yesterday. This shit has fucked with my head so much. People say focus
on the other things in life but it's literally inescapable. I've come to
feel I can't do something intrinsic that everyone else can (at my age)
and it's made me feel worthless. I've started thinking I'll never have a
gf or spouse and have been trying to make myself okay with that idea.
Most partners cheat for sex and better sex and it's made me so worried
now that I will not be able to keep a woman or that this could cause a
lot of those issues for me, which is crushing because I was genuinely
GREAT at sex before this, making my partners finish, and prided myself
so much on it, it felt so great and made me so confident.

This is legitimately my life now. I cannot escape it. Every
morning I wake up and can't get morning wood like I always had before so
it's literally impossible not to wake up thinking about it every single
morning. I buried myself into researching this for months on end. I
bought over 40 different types of antioxidants. I was teaching myself
biology and reading studies.

What's really crushing for me is realizing so often that this is
my life. I've spent the last year all consumed by this, failing most my
sexual encounters, too in despair to even get a job or be able to see a
point in moving on without feeling so hollow and useless and robbed of
one of the best things in life, meanwhile I see so many other people my
age or around my age care free, happy, having the best years of their
lives, dating, and surely having some of the best sex of their lives.
And this is my fucking life. Whining online again and again about having
a broken penis at 24 years old. I kept asking why I was so lucky. Why
my life was so shit. And I can't tell anyone about this because what it
is so I just complain vaguely about my injuries (I also got in a car
wreck shortly after this causing my limbs to go numb and weak often,
amongst other injuries all in the last year really impairing my young
body pretty badly and sucking so much joy out of life). It really sucks.
I see how beautiful life is, I just want to be able to enjoy it. I saw a
urologist and he told me there's no getting better. That was so
crushing. Having great sex is such an essential part of happiness and
life. Just listen to anyone talk, any movie or show, any song, any
story, advertising, talk to someone you know, it doesn't matter.

Oh also, the guy who's name was missing from the credits of my
project didn't even show up to the screening, the editor fixed it after
little convincing, my doctor wasn't mad at me, and I might've been able
to spare myself of this absolute torment and sexual ruining as suggested
by a medical study, so yeah, I pretty much did fucking ALL of this to
myself and it's been incredibly hard to not just outright blame myself
for it and all feel so fuckin dumb. Such small foolish fuckin mistakes,
such a massive consequence. I envy so much everyone who is healthy and
not dealing with this. I wish so much I could be so care free and not
constantly burdened by the thought of sex, which I still very much
desire. Even porn just very much makes me sad now as I think of how my
dick can't get that hard and is just painful and sensitive. My most
immediate goal, like most guys in their 20s, was getting laid, and
finding relationships in the process of lots of great random sex,
something I'd been waiting most my life to do and am finally good enough
with women to do, just for this to be my situation. I fixed my lifelong
mental issues just to immediately (literally days later) fall into a
physical one (which could also be lifelong). The despair has been
unreal. The robbing of what I want. I don't even ask girls I match on
dating apps out anymore.

Anyway thanks for reading. I could really use some great and
specific advise, a longform response would be nice. Thanks guys.

Inb4 “did not read “

Dennis rodman broke his dick 3 times


And breaking your dick isn't the same.thing as peyroines disease

Negged