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Forum » My GF father passed away this morning. I need SRS advice.
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Thread: My GF father passed away this morning. I need SRS advice.

post 1566251071 11-14-2018, 06:49 PM
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My GF father passed away this morning. I need SRS advice.

Please only SRS responses and no pics not in the mood.

So my GF of 1.3 years father passed away early this morning. Unfortunately alcohol finally took his life. He was drinking from his teens and turned into a functioning alcoholic about seven years ago. Pretty much from 7am until he went to bed he would drink everyday until it finally caught up to him. Needed a liver transplant, but he threw up and inhaled his vomit by accident and that's why he passed. Was actually doing good prior to that too.

Here is my issue. So my girlfriend is beating herself up because she wasn't there with him when he passed. We live in a totally different state and live four hours away by flight. She left today to be with her family. I stayed back for two reasons. I have school and work. She understands why I stayed back, but says she really wishes I was there. If I went I'd miss an additional three classes and then three days of work too. For work I'm in the Guard and preparing for an exercise we are having in Italy we are leaving for a week from Saturday (she is coming with me as well). A lot needs to be done and then for school my instructor is actually letting me miss the last two weeks of class so three more would be added on to that.

I honestly feel selfish not being there; however, from my perspective I'm trying to set myself up for my future as well. Yes, I plan on adding the service if they choose to have one.

So is me deciding to stay back is that wrong of me? If I had nothing going on I'd be there in a heartbeat.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566251321 11-14-2018, 06:52 PM
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Maybe you've already done this, but I think you'd gain clarity for yourself, and perhaps help her feel better about your decision, if you at least asked your professors, your boss, etc. If you could leave. Even if you know they will say no, at least you asked, right? That's a good gesture, and whatever reason they give for you not being able to be absent is the reason you giver her, because otherwise you would be there.
Entire NYPD should go on strike. You'll see then how quickly the mayor changes his tone.

"Dig with your hands, not with your mouths"

Entire NYPD should go on strike. You'll see then how quickly the mayor changes his tone.
post 1566251521 11-14-2018, 06:56 PM
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Thought he inhaled his own liver, confusing read OP. Bro you gotta do whats best for you, we all have responsibilities. If you can't miss things- then you can't do it. It's tough but it is what it is. Life goes on, if you're right for each other she'd understand that eventually.
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post 1566251541 11-14-2018, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted By Smegmalion⏩
Maybe you've already done this, but I think you'd gain clarity for yourself, and perhaps help her feel better about your decision, if you at least asked your professors, your boss, etc. If you could leave. Even if you know they will say no, at least you asked, right? That's a good gesture, and whatever reason they give for you not being able to be absent is the reason you giver her, because otherwise you would be there.
And in turn look bad to your boss/professors.

Here's my modified version

I think you'd gain clarity for yourself, and perhaps help her feel better about your decision, if you lied & told her you asked your professors, your boss, etc. If you could leave. This way she thinks you at least asked, right? That's a good gesture. Come up with some bull chit excuse about why they said you couldn't be there.

edit:

Completely serious. Sometimes lying is the best way, people don't always need to hear the truth.
post 1566251571 11-14-2018, 06:56 PM
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Do you see a future with this girl? I mean, a real future through thick and thin. If so, see if there is a way to be there. If you aren't there and she's the type to throw back stuff at you in arguments years later, this could be something she'll throw back at you (i.e., not being there when she needed you).
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post 1566251581 11-14-2018, 06:56 PM
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Post deleted by user
Original Ruckus
post 1566251601 11-14-2018, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted By Smegmalion⏩
Maybe you've already done this, but I think you'd gain clarity for yourself, and perhaps help her feel better about your decision, if you at least asked your professors, your boss, etc. If you could leave. Even if you know they will say no, at least you asked, right? That's a good gesture, and whatever reason they give for you not being able to be absent is the reason you giver her, because otherwise you would be there.
I know they wouldn't care, but I haven't actually asked.
Originally Posted By MiscMathematician⏩
No, it's not wrong. You can't gamble with your school, work, future on just a "GF" IMO. If she was your wife or something, I'd put her first though.
And I hate to sound like an arse, but I agree. My mom even said this too this morning.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566251611 11-14-2018, 06:57 PM
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She is being selfish for expecting you to be there. You have commitments that you just cant miss
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post 1566251811 11-14-2018, 07:00 PM
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Tell her she still got one daddy left.
post 1566252101 11-14-2018, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩
Do you see a future with this girl? I mean, a real future through thick and thin. If so, see if there is a way to be there. If you aren't there and she's the type to throw back stuff at you in arguments years later, this could be something she'll throw back at you (i.e., not being there when she needed you).
I honestly do and I understand the risk of not going. There is a whole backstory to all of this as well. He has been doing this to himself for the past seven years. There have been multiple times she would come crying to me about his drinking as he refused to get help or stop. He is an awesome guy don't get me wrong, but like the poster below I can't feel bad for someone who actively hurt himself. This really shouldn't have happened. And my concern is with my GF as well as her family is that I'll be labeled as selfish for not going. When in reality, he shouldn't have put himself in that situation, put his family through that situation and someone there should have intervened IMO.
Originally Posted By dabbmw2002⏩
What you do is directly related to whether or not your future is with her. The fact that her father did himself in would be a small factor as well. But then again I lack compassion for people like him.
Yeah I agree with the compassion part. He did a lot financially for her, but just wouldn't get help.
Originally Posted By bobthebuilder7⏩
She is being selfish for expecting you to be there. You have commitments that you just cant miss
In her defense, she did state she understands why I'm not there. She has said she needs me there which is a normal response in this situation. So she didn't expect me to go, but it is difficult being put in the situation and saying yeah I can't go cause of work and school.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566252271 11-14-2018, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted By PastaBiceps⏩
And in turn look bad to your boss/professors.

Here's my modified version

I think you'd gain clarity for yourself, and perhaps help her feel better about your decision, if you lied & told her you asked your professors, your boss, etc. If you could leave. This way she thinks you at least asked, right? That's a good gesture. Come up with some bull chit excuse about why they said you couldn't be there.

edit:

Completely serious. Sometimes lying is the best way, people don't always need to hear the truth.
I used to always worry about asking for time off, etc. But give them the truth of the situation to reduce the possibility of them looking down on you for it. If it's important to you, and then don't like it, fuk them srs. Don't be beholden to others. Be bold, live your life, don't be a fearful lying b:tch
Entire NYPD should go on strike. You'll see then how quickly the mayor changes his tone.

"Dig with your hands, not with your mouths"

Entire NYPD should go on strike. You'll see then how quickly the mayor changes his tone.
post 1566252401 11-14-2018, 07:09 PM
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Give her the support she needs when she gets home. She's with her family right now.
post 1566252621 11-14-2018, 07:12 PM
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If you really believe this woman is the one, then ask your prof's and boss for time off. Remember, the person who is dead has no idea who is there or not. You would be going for her and her family. If you're kicking yourself for not at least asking for time off, then there is your answer. Ask and go, if it's possible. You can even schedule your flight to leave after class to lesson the amount of class time off.


Edit...someone already said you're working on your future if, you see her in you're future, you owe to her to be there. If you do decide to marry her, her dad will not there and I'm sure she'll remember that you weren't there for her.
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post 1566252671 11-14-2018, 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩
Please only SRS responses and no pics not in the mood.

So my GF of 1.3 years father passed away early this morning. Unfortunately alcohol finally took his life. He was drinking from his teens and turned into a functioning alcoholic about seven years ago. Pretty much from 7am until he went to bed he would drink everyday until it finally caught up to him. Needed a liver transplant, but he threw up and inhaled his vomit by accident and that's why he passed. Was actually doing good prior to that too.

Here is my issue. So my girlfriend is beating herself up because she wasn't there with him when he passed. We live in a totally different state and live four hours away by flight. She left today to be with her family. I stayed back for two reasons. I have school and work. She understands why I stayed back, but says she really wishes I was there. If I went I'd miss an additional three classes and then three days of work too. For work I'm in the Guard and preparing for an exercise we are having in Italy we are leaving for a week from Saturday (she is coming with me as well). A lot needs to be done and then for school my instructor is actually letting me miss the last two weeks of class so three more would be added on to that.

I honestly feel selfish not being there; however, from my perspective I'm trying to set myself up for my future as well. Yes, I plan on adding the service if they choose to have one.

So is me deciding to stay back is that wrong of me? If I had nothing going on I'd be there in a heartbeat.
In her eyes pretty much,

women expect this emotionalshit, huge red flag for them if you don't cater to this (bullshit I know)
post 1566252811 11-14-2018, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩
I honestly do and I understand the risk of not going. There is a whole backstory to all of this as well. He has been doing this to himself for the past seven years. There have been multiple times she would come crying to me about his drinking as he refused to get help or stop. He is an awesome guy don't get me wrong, but like the poster below I can't feel bad for someone who actively hurt himself. This really shouldn't have happened. And my concern is with my GF as well as her family is that I'll be labeled as selfish for not going. When in reality, he shouldn't have put himself in that situation, put his family through that situation and someone there should have intervened IMO.



Yeah I agree with the compassion part. He did a lot financially for her, but just wouldn't get help.



In her defense, she did state she understands why I'm not there. She has said she needs me there which is a normal response in this situation. So she didn't expect me to go, but it is difficult being put in the situation and saying yeah I can't go cause of work and school.
Don't dig your heels in on that. Alcoholics can't help themselves. No matter what you personally think, most people accept that an alcoholic has no control over their lives once they get to the point of being an alcoholic. Differing with this view is just going to make you a pariah and since he's the father of a woman you might some day marry (and possibly the grandfather of the kids you will one day have), best to tread lightly in that minefield.

Some alcoholics can stop cold turkey. Some cannot. There are people who literally drink themselves to death knowing what's happening and still not being able to stop. If that's what happened to him, have some compassion. Think of all he missed out on because of it.
"Buy a man eat fish, the day, teach man, to lifetime." - Joe Biden

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post 1566252871 11-14-2018, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted By Devils⏩
In her eyes pretty much,

women expect this emotional ****, huge red flag for them if you don't cater to this (bull**** I know)
This.

The sane decision is to not go - but you need to prepare for her to emotionally rip cord you.
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post 1566252891 11-14-2018, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted By icetrauma⏩
If you really believe this woman is the one, then ask your prof's and boss for time off. Remember, the person who is dead has no idea who is there or not. You would be going for her and her family. If you're kicking yourself for not at least asking for time off, then there is your answer. Ask and go, if it's possible. You can even schedule your flight to leave after class to lesson the amount of class time off.
The problem is I'm taking a home inspection course and this Saturday is where we inspect one of the houses for hands on experience.

Adding on for you and the other poster I was there for her when no one else was (including her family) when she was depressed and suicidal. And I pulled her out of that srs. This was before we were even serious. So the concern of me not being there would be like wtf now.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566252961 11-14-2018, 07:17 PM
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Support her as much as you can, you’re building your life right now with work and school. If she understands make her your wife one day, if not, her loss.
I loe e.
post 1566253241 11-14-2018, 07:20 PM
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Go. Everything you listed is recoverable. My GF of 3 years wasn't there when my grandmother passed because it was a long drive and I never looked at her the same again.
post 1566253341 11-14-2018, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩
The problem is I'm taking a home inspection course and this Saturday is where we inspect one of the houses for hands on experience.

Adding on for you and the other poster I was there for her when no one else was (including her family) when she was depressed and suicidal. And I pulled her out of that srs. This was before we were even serious. So the concern of me not being there would be like wtf now.
It will not hurt to ask your instructor for time off. Throw it by him, you would like to see if you can follow an inspector around one day to make up for the live inspection you'll miss. You sound like a good man with a solid head on your shoulders. You'll make the right decision with which ever one you choose. As I stated above, if you choose to marry her, her dad will not be able to hand her off to you.
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post 1566253401 11-14-2018, 07:22 PM
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If there's still time, say you had lapse in judgement and are now going to support her 100%,

Usually workplaces and uni's will give you time off for a death of a family member.

I know it's cucking out but sometimes you just have to suck some of it up
post 1566253411 11-14-2018, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩
Don't dig your heels in on that. Alcoholics can't help themselves. No matter what you personally think, most people accept that an alcoholic has no control over their lives once they get to the point of being an alcoholic. Differing with this view is just going to make you a pariah and since he's the father of a woman you might some day marry (and possibly the grandfather of the kids you will one day have), best to tread lightly in that minefield.

Some alcoholics can stop cold turkey. Some cannot. There are people who literally drink themselves to death knowing what's happening and still not being able to stop. If that's what happened to him, have some compassion. Think of all he missed out on because of it.
I understand it's a minefield bringing it up hence why I don't plan on doing it. However according to her grandmother he wanted to get better about six hours prior to passing away. IMO you have to call an ace an ace and a spade a spade. Humans tend to want something when it's already too late. He would get extremely pissed if someone talked about his drinking to him or he would totally shut the conversation out. He did have control over it he just didn't want to do anything about it until it was too late. All just my opinion.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566253511 11-14-2018, 07:24 PM
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩
I understand it's a minefield bringing it up hence why I don't plan on doing it. However according to her grandmother he wanted to get better about six hours prior to passing away. IMO you have to call an ace an ace and a spade a spade. Humans tend to want something when it's already too late. He would get extremely pissed if someone talked about his drinking to him or he would totally shut the conversation out. He did have control over it he just didn't want to do anything about it until it was too late. All just my opinion.
reality hurts to admit for most people and will spend their whole lives (literally) Ignoring it
post 1566253531 11-14-2018, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted By bunchacrunch⏩
Go. Everything you listed is recoverable. My GF of 3 years wasn't there when my grandmother passed because it was a long drive and I never looked at her the same again.
How long was the drive?
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566253601 11-14-2018, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩
The problem is I'm taking a home inspection course and this Saturday is where we inspect one of the houses for hands on experience.

Adding on for you and the other poster I was there for her when no one else was (including her family) when she was depressed and suicidal. And I pulled her out of that srs. This was before we were even serious. So the concern of me not being there would be like wtf now.
Women don't think that way. She's not keeping a tally of all of the times you earned points with her in the past, so that when a time comes you can't be there, she'll give you a mulligan. All those times in the past are forgotten. What matters to women is the present. It's all driven by emotion.

If you told her you'd found a way to make up most of what you would miss by going and that all she needed to do was tell to come be with her now and you would, what do you think she would say? That's your answer.
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post 1566253791 11-14-2018, 07:28 PM
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Originally Posted By Devils⏩
If there's still time, say you had lapse in judgement and are now going to support her 100%,

Usually workplaces and uni's will give you time off for a death of a family member.

I know it's cucking out but sometimes you just have to suck some of it up
Yeah I totally understand and I definitely have to think about this. Everyone is different. As stated before if there is going to be a funeral service I'm going to attend. This is more of me being there and saying I'm sorry for what happened. I understand the risks of both sides, but IMO it's scenario based. This chit literally happened out of no where. He wanted to go to the hospital and then five days later passed away.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
post 1566253801 11-14-2018, 07:28 PM
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as others have said, if are you serious with this girl and see a future. be there. these "important" things aren't so important 20 years in future when you weren't there for the passing of her father. you can work around them im sure.
Tottenham Hotspur
post 1566253911 11-14-2018, 07:29 PM
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You should go.

At the very least, bare minimum, you should check and see if you can make up what you are missing/get that experience another time. 3 classes and 3 days of work ain't sht.

This is her father FFS, don't be a fuking moron.

Unless this is a casual relationship - then w/e, but it doesn't sound casual.
post 1566254041 11-14-2018, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted By bunchacrunch⏩
Go. Everything you listed is recoverable. My GF of 3 years wasn't there when my grandmother passed because it was a long drive and I never looked at her the same again.
That's way different than having to miss important school and work stuff.

OP, Can you compromise and just go for the funeral?
~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
post 1566254111 11-14-2018, 07:32 PM
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#30
  1. billclintonnn
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  1. billclintonnn
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Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩
Women don't think that way. She's not keeping a tally of all of the times you earned points with her in the past, so that when a time comes you can't be there, she'll give you a mulligan. All those times in the past are forgotten. What matters to women is the present. It's all driven by emotion.

If you told her you'd found a way to make up most of what you would miss by going and that all she needed to do was tell to come be with her now and you would, what do you think she would say? That's your answer.
I actually did ask her if she wanted me to go and she said I have school and stuff so it's fine. Which I get is a cue to go. Just as others have stated I don't want to put my future in jeopardy. Which I understand whatever decision I make has consequences.

Because my father made my mom leave her father to go home in order to spend "family" time and then my moms father passed away when she wasn't there. She told me she still remembers that to this day. But IMO I didn't do that.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
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