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Forum » How to stop holding resentment to those who did you wrong
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Thread: How to stop holding resentment to those who did you wrong

post 1612023281 07-29-2020, 04:00 PM
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How to stop holding resentment to those who did you wrong

How do you let this chit go?

I really want to let it go but I just can't.

it's like my subconscious mind is holding this hostage and engraved it into my brain.




How do you let go and forgive those who hurt you?
post 1612023721 07-29-2020, 04:06 PM
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I know this isn’t the answer you’re looking for, but best way to get over resentment is to either avoid or completely cut off the people who did you wrong. If that’s possible then do it, because it’s not worth the headache or burden.

Also try not to get emotional about it, be logical. If those people did you wrong, it means they’re worse people than you are. Since you’re better than them, they don’t deserve to associate with you. There’s nothing wrong or arrogant about that, it will give you peace of mind.
post 1612023761 07-29-2020, 04:06 PM
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Are you still in contact with them? If so, why? If you can't forgive them then unless they're family, move on.
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post 1612023781 07-29-2020, 04:07 PM
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Stop crying and fist yourself.
post 1612023991 07-29-2020, 04:10 PM
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Once the grass regrows I tend to forget everything they did.

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post 1612024101 07-29-2020, 04:11 PM
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It’s easy once you know how brah.

You need to have a few intellectual realizations as well as emotional breakthroughs. Only one or the other and it won’t work.

Intellectually: Really dig into your empathy and look at your situation from the outside. This person that did you wrong, is only doing exactly what they know. If you were born in their brain with their exact life circumstances up until that moment, you would have done the SAME thing. Also realize that holding on to the resentment is doing nothing for you but keeping your mood lower. It does not bring about revenge, or justice. It only poisons you more.

Emotionally: Really feel deeply why what they did hurt you. Think deeply and let yourself feel the emotions that rise up when you feel it, don’t push them down and don’t shame the feelings. Just let the raw sensation flow over your body. Then as you feel it, make a conscious effort to just “let go” of the feeling. Let it flow away like a leaf in the wind. The more you do this process, the less and less that negative feeling will exist in you.

I have been doing this for years and I hold 0 resentment towards anyone bro, even people who have done me insanely wrong.
post 1612024191 07-29-2020, 04:13 PM
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There was just a thread on this
post 1612024281 07-29-2020, 04:14 PM
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If a memory is bothering you years after it happened, it usually means you still have something to learn from it and subconsciously you're not happy that you have extracted the knowledge necessary to avoid it happening again.

Voluntarily facing these memories, digging into them and understanding them, and learning what actions you can take to avoid them happening again is usually the way to get over them, at least that's what psychology says. Even if they're traumatic... actually this is especially important to do if they are traumatic.
post 1612024561 07-29-2020, 04:18 PM
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this video might help you


those who wronged you might not be aware they did anything wrong (rationalizing it away in various directions), get their ego threatened and start to argue with you and gaslight you (most people have very fragile egos, mixed with low self esteem and usually low EQ)
post 1612024601 07-29-2020, 04:18 PM
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What if the person who did you wrong was you?

We have to forgive ourselves, and then we can forgive others.

We are fellow humans.
post 1612024651 07-29-2020, 04:18 PM
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i dont let it go. i do other things though
post 1612024851 07-29-2020, 04:20 PM
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this video actually helped me, and some others like it. Just a reasonable voice you should hear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIKFEkO3Qss

OP, I can definitely relate, and i've made this thread before.

I 100% work on this EVERYDAY. It's not easy and you have to deal with these thoughts and not brush them away.
post 1612024861 07-29-2020, 04:20 PM
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I just tell myself let it got anytime it bothers me
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post 1612051121 07-29-2020, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted By Sevenlionz⏩
Intellectually: Really dig into your empathy and look at your situation from the outside. This person that did you wrong, is only doing exactly what they know. If you were born in their brain with their exact life circumstances up until that moment, you would have done the SAME thing.
Strongly disagree. What a retarded (and useless!) statement to make!

This sentence alone validates every evil, wrongdoings, and abuse as "pre-determined" and thus not accountable to individuals. Saying "you would have done the same!" is ignoring that people can make choices. Are some people more inclined to hurt others and do evil? Yes. But they also have CONTROL over their own actions.

Let me guess, you read "How to win friends and influence people" by that Carnegie dude and think you are smart and edgy and understand people, right? LMFAO. People are incredibly complex beings, and you can't understand jack chit about people by "reading a book".
Originally Posted By Sevenlionz⏩
I have been doing this for years and I hold 0 resentment towards anyone bro, even people who have done me insanely wrong.
Ya you definitely sound delusional. How unaware do you have to be to claim that you have 0 resent toward ANYONE? strong lols
post 1612051351 07-29-2020, 10:38 PM
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I’d hate them forever.
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post 1612051551 07-29-2020, 10:41 PM
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I don't think forgiveness comes naturally to most people.

That is one of the virtues of some religion, particularly Christianity. I'm not religious, but the Bible teaches forgiveness which is handy because we don't learn about it in school.

For an ex: bury resentment down and one day it just goes away.
For family: consider therapy, reparenting, cognitive behaviour therapy.
For a friend: talking about it directly can help and if the friendship is strong enough, it will survive.
For a partner: therapy, therapy, therapy
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post 1612051561 07-29-2020, 10:41 PM
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Only vaginally induced beta males "let things go" when someone has clearly wronged you

Forgiveness is God's job, yours is to provide the ticket to see Him.
*Tolerance is the lube that slides the dildo of dysfunction into the ass of civilized society*

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As always: not medical advice but medical opinion crew
post 1612051581 07-29-2020, 10:42 PM
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that is something I have hard time with too.
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post 1612051611 07-29-2020, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted By blissful88⏩
Only vaginally induced beta males "let things go" when someone has clearly wronged you

Forgiveness is God's job, yours is to provide the ticket to see Him.
out of all the troll posts from you,

this one i agree with. repped.
post 1612051651 07-29-2020, 10:44 PM
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post 1612052051 07-29-2020, 10:52 PM
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post 1612052081 07-29-2020, 10:52 PM
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Originally Posted By epidox01⏩
out of all the troll posts from you,

this one i agree with. repped.



















































Idk why people keep saying I'm trolling, I'm 99.99% srs. Especially about your turbosloot daughters
*Tolerance is the lube that slides the dildo of dysfunction into the ass of civilized society*

*We didn't deserve snailsrus*

As always: not medical advice but medical opinion crew
post 1612052381 07-29-2020, 11:00 PM
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Originally Posted By epidox01⏩
Strongly disagree. What a retarded (and useless!) statement to make!

This sentence alone validates every evil, wrongdoings, and abuse as "pre-determined" and thus not accountable to individuals. Saying "you would have done the same!" is ignoring that people can make choices. Are some people more inclined to hurt others and do evil? Yes. But they also have CONTROL over their own actions.

Let me guess, you read "How to win friends and influence people" by that Carnegie dude and think you are smart and edgy and understand people, right? LMFAO. People are incredibly complex beings, and you can't understand jack chit about people by "reading a book".



Ya you definitely sound delusional. How unaware do you have to be to claim that you have 0 resent toward ANYONE? strong lols
How could it be any different? How could they have done any different? It IS all predetermined to an extent that you cannot even comprehend. Just like your idiotic & emotionally fueled response to me. But I'm not upset because I understand that if I was you, I would've responded to my post the same exact way.

And yes I said what I said, even people who have done me very wrong I am friends with now, lots of love towards them. You are viewing things from a very low level, proven by your inability to get over resentment in the first place
post 1612052481 07-29-2020, 11:04 PM
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phuck those mf's the reason they preyed on you was because they saw you as weak. never forget...never let it happen again.
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post 1612053011 07-29-2020, 11:19 PM
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Cut them out of your life as much as possible, i.e. remove them from social media, delete phone numbers, etc..

Also, to add to the other advice in this thread look into EMDR, it's a treatment normally used for dealing with PTSD and trauma. Something that a lot of people don't realize is that PTSD/trauma isn't something that only happens to veterans or people that go through difficult single events like car crashes. It also happens to people that go through prolonged trauma, like abusive relationships (which sounds similar to your case)

Logically, you can acknowledge all you want that staying angry isn't going to help, but EMDR helps alleviate these feelings on an emotional level
post 1612054441 07-29-2020, 11:57 PM
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Originally Posted By Sevenlionz⏩
How could it be any different? How could they have done any different? It IS all predetermined to an extent that you cannot even comprehend. Just like your idiotic & emotionally fueled response to me. But I'm not upset because I understand that if I was you, I would've responded to my post the same exact way.

And yes I said what I said, even people who have done me very wrong I am friends with now, lots of love towards them. You are viewing things from a very low level, proven by your inability to get over resentment in the first place
Ok, so let's assume some dude beats your mom to death, or a ped0 molests your daughter. Do you forgive them because "you would have done the same if you were them"? Strong lol.

They had a desire, and they CHOSE to act on that desire. You have a CHOICE. When you let go of that responsibility as "it is what it is", it's a dangerous territory that you're entering.

But I don't think you'd understand.
I guess living in delusion and naivety that people are robots who have no free will has its benefits.
post 1612054501 07-29-2020, 11:58 PM
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I just neg them back when I get butthurt about a neg.

No srs, I have had plenty. I tend to hold grunges. I found that it does me more harm to let them live in my head rent free. People get what they deserve. In the long run, what goes around comes around.
post 1612054601 07-30-2020, 12:00 AM
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Depends if you still want them in your life or not.
No need to do some revenge chit if you don't, just be the bigger person and move on.
If you still value their friendship after knowing they made a choice to fk you over, you also need to forget about what they did, and accept them as a new person.

A good quote is, "I don't hold grudges, you just become irrelevant".

edit: im not talking bout some killed my mom or repped my daughter chit lol. smaller things that can be forgiven.
post 1612055111 07-30-2020, 12:16 AM
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Originally Posted By Sevenlionz⏩
How could it be any different? How could they have done any different? It IS all predetermined to an extent that you cannot even comprehend. Just like your idiotic & emotionally fueled response to me. But I'm not upset because I understand that if I was you, I would've responded to my post the same exact way.

And yes I said what I said, even people who have done me very wrong I am friends with now, lots of love towards them. You are viewing things from a very low level, proven by your inability to get over resentment in the first place
I think he means in some systems, you need to hold people accountable. I can let go someone cutting me off in traffic. Someone stealing from your home, you need to address it.
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