Do you ever find your self ruminating on thoughts for longer than you should after you have an interaction with someone that doesn't go the way you'd like?

I had a minor disagreement with someone the other day, just difference of opinions, however that person decided to escalate the emotional charge of the conversation to attempt to make it into a full blown argument. I could hear it in their tone that they were getting revved up, they started to sound more heated/ aggressive with the way they were speaking to me; not aggressive enough for me to tell them to calm down but aggressive enough for me to notice where this discussion would be heading if I wasn't mindful of how I approached it.

Luckily I know this person is quite sensitive and is a chit talker behind the scenes, so I did my best to be somewhat diplomatic on the topic and tried to meet them half way however they made no effort to understand my opinion even though I was being completely reasonable.

Anyway, I am still kind of haunted by this disagreement even 4 days later. My brain will think about all the points I could have touched on and won points in this discussion. It's a weird feeling, it's definitely symptomatic of having an ego that is bruised. I get a fight/flight response in those kinds of discussions and will take me a while to recover from.

I'm still kind of milling over what I could've/should've said, even though I would say I ultimately kept my composure, I do recall weak points I could've improved.

My question is, what is a fast/proficient way to digest these feelings? I can say 'well that person is an idiot, so why should I care about that' and attempt to move on, but that doesn't help me because that is intellectualizing an emotional response. The issue lays with my emotional response to this, me thinking about it more than I should.

Probably the feeling of disrespect is the trigger. I feel that person wouldn't attempt to escalate the discussion into an argument if it was with someone they respected I'm 99% sure. Disrespect is a big trigger for that spiral of rumination for me. I guess that sheds light on needing more self acceptance huh. Thx brah

I do this

Without knowing exactly what was said and assuming you portrayed the conversation accurately, it's hardly worth worrying about. It seems your friend was so emotionally charged that anything you could have said may not have even got through to him.


I often have interactions with my boss that I ruminate for a while afterwards. I never really come to any conclusions unfortunately, other than we both rely on each other heavily and that he is an emotional bitch a lot of the time. I request tidbits of knowledge and he acts stressed and hints that he thinks I'm trying to get him to do my job which is obviously false if I'm asking him to draw from his experience so i can be pointed in the right direction. He cools off and then the process repeats itself eventually.

Yeah, sometimes unknowingly I will fall into confirmation bias when it comes to disrespect. So I'll filter chit that will make me feel like that person is tryina talk down on me or w/e, when in reality it's just my perception being narrowed to only see what I'm looking for. I know that person is nuts so for me to take it so personally is a me problem forsure, but I catch my self trying to blame them for being so rude. But in actuality it's their job to be rude, it's my job to not take it to heart and observe them more than buying into their frame.

I can't be mad at a dog for chitting all over the place when it's untrained, so why am I taking it to heart what this person is saying/how they're saying it.

I feel like it's peoples jobs to be annoying/test you and it's our job to learn how to not buy into it.

Smh brah, I feel like my brain is like a knot that I'm trying to untie.

I've also noticed my self people don't usually want advice unless they're really asking you for it. I have tried giving unsolicited advice and they end up resenting me for it, as if I'm trying to tell them how to live their lives. I finally understand why they feel that way, because when I'm on the receiving end of it, it really does irk me too. So I've stopped even attempting to help advise people unless they ask for it, otherwise it blows up in my face 9 times out of 10. That dude you're talking about sounds like he has deep rooted issues that probably go a bit beyond some advice from you or a therapist. It takes an exceptional person to dig them selves out of a rut I think. It's such an easy rut to fall into because it's so addictive and habitual, you get into the state of not knowing anything else. So when you're so far deep into it, that becomes your view of reality. That may be what he's in, idk him but knowing his history with you he may be doomed to be stuck that way?

Why was he attracted to spending time with you? can you share? Is he that guy stuck with the 18 year old mindset you were talking about in the other thread, who is now 29-30?Yeah, it really sounds like your boss is insecure and has a complex about helping people. Pretty lose-lose situation since he's your superior and you're forced to enter into those discussions no matter what.

Yes. Even when it's extremely minor and no one probably even noticed anything but me.

Actually mostly then.

I think a good thing that I have realized is that these feelings are fleeting and will pass. I know it's easier said than done and especially for me personally when I'm ruminating it's hard to switch off my feelings. I do it alot too, so I guess the best attitude is to accept that you do it?

Yeah I think you're right actually. Just accepting it and not trying to fight it. Trying to fight it, covering it up or explaining it away to my self seems to only prolong it's cessation.