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Forum » Steps to Take Prior to Marriage?....
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Thread: Steps to Take Prior to Marriage?....

post 1616898611 09-18-2020, 11:33 AM
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Steps to Take Prior to Marriage?....

Don’t get married. So we got that out of the way. We don’t have to dwell on that anymore. It’s over.

If I were to take my gf/fiancée/ONS to a pastor and ask him to marry us, he would require we take certain steps. Of course these would mostly involve the context of the religious sacrament of marriage. But that is not all marriage is.

For some reason, we have decided to involve the government in our personal relationships, and this is a huge part of marriage.

So, outside of the religious realm, if you were going to marry someone, what things would you do in order to reach that goal?

Things like ensure financial security (as that is part of the government involvement), outline individual and collective goals you wish to achieve, etc.

I mean, you could just go to a court and get married. But I feel like there should be more preparation.

So what do you do prior to getting married? Short term/long term, etc. anything
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post 1616898961 09-18-2020, 11:37 AM
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My wife moved in when after we got engaged, we set a date and a budget, and buckled down and put all our extra cash (besides what went into savings/investments) into a joint account to cover the wedding expenses 100%. Both of us refuse to go into CC debt, especially for something as frivolous as what amounts to a big party.

I would say just make sure you are both on the same page with major financial/life goals and the rest all kind of falls into place. At least that has been my experience.
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post 1616899041 09-18-2020, 11:38 AM
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Step 1: Don't get married
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post 1616899541 09-18-2020, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted By 78novacaine⏩
My wife moved in when after we got engaged, we set a date and a budget, and buckled down and put all our extra cash (besides what went into savings/investments) into a joint account to cover the wedding expenses 100%. Both of us refuse to go into CC debt, especially for something as frivolous as what amounts to a big party.

I would say just make sure you are both on the same page with major financial/life goals and the rest all kind of falls into place. At least that has been my experience.
That makes sense. I appreciate the thoughtful response. I wasn’t really asking about the ceremony itself, but I guess that is a big part of it. I mean, for the girl, right? That is hers. Not ours.

You and your wife talk about things like kids before hand?

I envision a very detailed plan (only to deviate from lol). Almost like a strategy, but with room for flexibility.

You talk about things like dealing with obnoxious in laws before hand?
“The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.“

PS: Don't eat poop, just don't let the idea of it stop you from living life to its fullest.
post 1616899691 09-18-2020, 11:44 AM
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I didn't get married till I was 38 and I'm glad.

We got married through the church and to your point, NO, it's not just about the religious sacrament of marriage that the pastor will cover.

We had to answer questionnaires regarding finances, how much money we wanted to spend on the wedding, kids.... I mean it went into extreme depth.

Few days later we were called back and basically told our compatibility factor. Luckily for me no red flags but he told us finances and money spent on weddings are the biggest blunders. Make sure you are on the same page for finances!

Regarding our wedding, we kept a strict 75 guest limit. We had expensive catering and premium open bar all night. I didn't want a bunch of relatives that we don't care bout showing up (srs). We both agreed and had close friends and family only. We both had family "inviting" themselves and we put our foot down.

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post 1616901231 09-18-2020, 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted By Preban_AR15⏩
I didn't get married till I was 38 and I'm glad.

We got married through the church and to your point, NO, it's not just about the religious sacrament of marriage that the pastor will cover.

We had to answer questionnaires regarding finances, how much money we wanted to spend on the wedding, kids.... I mean it went into extreme depth.

Few days later we were called back and basically told our compatibility factor. Luckily for me no red flags but he told us finances and money spent on weddings are the biggest blunders. Make sure you are on the same page for finances!

Regarding our wedding, we kept a strict 75 guest limit. We had expensive catering and premium open bar all night. I didn't want a bunch of relatives that we don't care bout showing up (srs). We both agreed and had close friends and family only. We both had family "inviting" themselves and we put our foot down.

EDIT strong join date *******
So what about my join date? Lol.

I have never talked to a pastor about preparing for marriage, so that was an ignorant assumption. I’m glad you pointed that out to me
“The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.“

PS: Don't eat poop, just don't let the idea of it stop you from living life to its fullest.
post 1616901471 09-18-2020, 12:01 PM
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Moving in definitely seems to be something to get out of the way first. Chit have a couple kids first too, make sure she's not a psychotic bitch after having a kid.
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post 1616901631 09-18-2020, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted By Ironmanlet⏩
So what about my join date? Lol.

I have never talked to a pastor about preparing for marriage, so that was an ignorant assumption. I’m glad you pointed that out to me
Negged - I was just joking about having the same join date as me.
Oh and yea, move in together first. We lived together about 1.5 years before we got engaged.
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post 1616902401 09-18-2020, 12:09 PM
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You could speak with a CPA about your current assets/liabilities, portfolio, and employment to better align your decisions as a couple?
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post 1616903551 09-18-2020, 12:21 PM
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if a gal wants to get married, just tell her you want a religious-only ceremony under the watchful gaze of God, but that you are opposed to having the state meddle in any more of your life than they already are, so there won't be a marriage certificate

her response will tell you everything you need to know about her
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post 1616903931 09-18-2020, 12:24 PM
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Find out if she's down to take it up the booty
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post 1616903971 09-18-2020, 12:25 PM
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post 1616905381 09-18-2020, 12:39 PM
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Pre marriage counseling...i would take a course that is the most detailed and lengthy.
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post 1616905741 09-18-2020, 12:42 PM
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+1 on no state marriage license. A promise before God is all you need, depending on what your beliefs are.
post 1616906911 09-18-2020, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted By Ironmanlet⏩
That makes sense. I appreciate the thoughtful response. I wasn’t really asking about the ceremony itself, but I guess that is a big part of it. I mean, for the girl, right? That is hers. Not ours.

We got married at a church my family established >150 years ago, and had the reception on my family property a few miles down the road, so it was actually pretty much exactly as I wanted it TBH. I handled all the major logistics, she took care of all the detail work.

You and your wife talk about things like kids before hand?

Absolutely, and imo that is the only thing finances fall second place to in terms of compatibility. We both want 1-2 kids, and both 100% agree on a timeline for that. As far as finances go we have minor disagreements like anyone but never on anything major.

I envision a very detailed plan (only to deviate from lol). Almost like a strategy, but with room for flexibility.

More like a general outline/rough draft, but the big topics certainly must line up prior to marriage.

You talk about things like dealing with obnoxious in laws before hand?

Well my dad lives 3 hours away with his wife, but we all get along great, and her mom pretty much keeps to herself and lets us live our lives. Neither of us really has any immediate family besides those two that we interact with on a more than occasional basis, so in-laws are basically a non-factor in our marriage.
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post 1616942991 09-18-2020, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted By jeshelton⏩
You could speak with a CPA about your current assets/liabilities, portfolio, and employment to better align your decisions as a couple?
This seems a little extreme, but I could see how it could be beneficial.
“The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.“

PS: Don't eat poop, just don't let the idea of it stop you from living life to its fullest.
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