Way too toxic. They literally leech money from my brother and me, since they went bankrupt years ago and my father hasn't earned a penny to save his sorry ass. Constantly braging about what big hit he will make and the money will come, rather than him and my mother go find a job. Worst part is they feel entitled that we should look after them financially - brother can't go on with his life and I cannot save a damn penny to invest in anything and nobody seems to care and they act like we own them something.

Feels like crap when you can't count on your parents. Always thought they should be the one doing everything to push us towards success or at least don't hinder us. It is hitting my moods, releationships and motivation in life when I have to deal with this crap. Haven't bought anything for myself in years and probably 100k have gone down the drain in hope that they would do something about their situation

do it. parents are just regular people too. some of them are pathetic rotters unfortunately.

Sounds like your parents need Dave Ramsey

Raised by my grandparents who were stellar people to say the least. I'll probably never be able to match them. However, my parents? I don't know my father, know who he is, but he wasn't in the picture. My mother however, lets just say she was a mess. Although she never really asked me for anything financially. You don't pick your parents and you don't have a responsibility to them like they did to you. I wouldn't turn my back on them, just limit yourself.

This
Can only help someone so much

Parents are the ones that brought me to life. I truly feel like they care about us - had a happy childhood, but they pretty much lost their mindset when they went poor.

as a man, don't be obligated to anyone, including bxches or parents. Freedom boyo. Without it, you're simply a slave.

But would they die though? If you didn't keep giving them money would they actually be on the streets dying from starvation and exposure?

IDK your personal history with them, if they were good to you when you were a child, if there are any real reasons behind why they seem to be stuck in reduced circumstances.

But as far as any requests that you give them money you can choose to call an end to that.

Harsh, not the first response I would suggest, but $100K and preventing you and your brother from having lives of your own is too much.

Maybe you and your brother should meet with your parents in some neutral place and put it to them like that?I know it is very hard to do.

Was going to suggest this. Buy them a copy of Total Money Makeover, leave it in the dining room and go N/C for a few months. Hopefully they’ll learn.

I have tried speaking to them but they act like I own them and treat me disrepectfuly and say I haven't done anything, which is the thing that really grinds my gears. We come to a deal where they never keep their part and gaslight me everytime I call them off. Literally coming up with things I have never said and always try to counter argument my facts with some bull**** like ''we raised you - you owe us financialy''

wait so let me get this

- theyre toxic *******s

- theyre broke with no inheritance to leave you


dont understand why you havent gone NC

Remember, your family is all you got at the end

Just going off your statement you may need to at least limit your contact. Yes there is something to be said for taking care of your parents in their old age, but that is at your discretion and to the level that you are comfortable with.

You might begin by not speaking to them and only communicating via text as that gives you time to consider your response and to halt the conversation if needed by simply not replying.

If you and your brother live outside of their home then they really have no leverage over you other than what you let them have via emotional manipulation.

If the two of you maintain a united front and don't let them divide you/use you against each other they should eventually get the point that they are wasting their time by asking.

You may also want to search "gray rock" for strategies to handle narcissistic people which seems implied by your reference to them gaslighting and shaming you.

ETA: This article refers to repeating the same message as the "broken record" technique.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articl...s-with-parents

don't listen to any of these lunatics who are anti family

they are sick and want to spread their sickness to others masked as passive aggressive "advice"

they literally say the same condescending brittle bitch type advice every time

don't listen to them

don't take advice from anyone with a failed family, about how to treat your family

I'm not a huge fan of Dave Ramsey but in this case he's right. You are not supposed to support your parents' financial disbehaviour. It's also not helping them.

Can you not help them with whatever they need but not giving them liquid funds to "blow" on dumb exenditures?

"Look mom, Im very appreciative of everything you have done for me. Im happy to help with the groceries, utilities, mortgage or whatever you need but I cant continue to give you cash to spend on XYZ"

If they say "No" you tell them this it wasnt a negotiation.

Problem solved?

My advice would be, develop and establish a stronger line of communication.

This might involve yelling or an argument of love.

Like no young person in the internet era should be dumber at convincing people at stuff than someone from the old generation.

Where are you wits? your ability to charm, influence, sell them on it. How hard is it to dominate your own parents to convince them of something.

it bogles my mind that they can "gaslight" you and guilt you but you don't mention what you said back to that.

SAY something. DO something. Fix them. Change their mind. Dramatically dominate the dialogue and convince them.

If you can't "manipulate" your own parents, what do you even control as a man.

Talk back to them and get it thought their heads what you need to tell them.

I always find it odd when young people can't dominate even their own parents when it comes to important maters.

First rule of family ties is you can argue and then forgive each other. You have to teach them that its ok if you are dominating them for their own good. And to be ok with getting yelled at.

Open up the lines of communications how ever you have to. Trusting that the genetic bond between family is stronger than mere words.

if you don't have that bond its the same as being born with a disability or can't walk or speak and are just dealt a bad card in life.

while you still have your parents, help them, fix them. Unless you're so weak that you are a failure of a man.