I am building a new four bedroom house and i assumed the builders were not working last Saturday, so i went around for a look.

The house is mostly finished so i go in the back door and for no real reason start pretending i am James Bond and start clearing out room by room with a fake pistol which i have made with my clenched hands / fingers.

I go into the living room holding up my fake gun and pretending i am looking for bad guys only to turn around and see all of the builders sitting on the couch having lunch whilst looking at me like i am a complete *******.

I try to have some tradie banter with them, but miss the mark and one of them made some smart remarks about me having a small dong.

How do i assert my authority on these tradies and make them realise i am their boss?

Assert your dominance by sucking their dick. Trust me, it will work...especially for someone like you.

Misc tradies must all be at work.

Well you aren't really their boss. Their GC is their boss (Unless you are GCing the project yourself)

At this point you've outed yourself as a weak, inferior ******* by letting them get away with making comments about your small junk and grab assing around your house like a little kid

I'd just avoid them from now on tbh

Just buy them pizza/beer at the end of the day one day. Get a little shindig going crush a few down with them. Before they leave inform the police of drunk drivers in company trucks. Game over.

I did thinking about pouring beer / tea in their portable generator and then stand back and watch them try to work out what is wrong with it.

Your idea is better, although i think i will just put a big bag of coke in one of the tradies lunch bags and then call the Feds. Notsrs

I just want to assert my dominance, thats all.

Make them resepct me as a man.

wtf OP you got the drop on them with your finger gun and you just threw away that advantage? You should have ordered them all to strip to assert dominance (STRONG no homo).