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BREADWINNERS: how to you handle finances with your s/o? (Srs) (FA stay out)
BREADWINNERS: how to you handle finances with your s/o? (Srs) (FA stay out)
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04-06-2022, 12:04 PM
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#1
- BuckNakedinBama
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- BuckNakedinBama
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BREADWINNERS: how to you handle finances with your s/o? (Srs) (FA stay out)
Getting to the stage in my relationship where she’s gonna be moving in soon. I make about 3x what she does, and bought my house solo. The money issue needs to be addressed, and that convo isn’t goin mg well so far. So I have some questions:
1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
We’re not gonna intertwine finances until married (assuming that happens), just trying to get a feel for how miscers handle this.
Would love to be able to have an individual account of “play money” after marriage. She’s really traditional and doesn’t understand this and, of course, gets emotional and upset when the topic comes up.
*edit* it’s worth mentioning that I save/invest/plan a LOT. She doesn’t have the same money planning maturity but she’s not stupid either, she saves and invests, just not like I do. She thinks I’m too concerned about money and I don’t think she’s concerned enough.
1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
We’re not gonna intertwine finances until married (assuming that happens), just trying to get a feel for how miscers handle this.
Would love to be able to have an individual account of “play money” after marriage. She’s really traditional and doesn’t understand this and, of course, gets emotional and upset when the topic comes up.
*edit* it’s worth mentioning that I save/invest/plan a LOT. She doesn’t have the same money planning maturity but she’s not stupid either, she saves and invests, just not like I do. She thinks I’m too concerned about money and I don’t think she’s concerned enough.
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04-06-2022, 12:11 PM
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#2
- scooterbrah
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- scooterbrah
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we each put in an equal agreed upon amount into a joint account that pays the household/joint bills. all other finances are separate. its not that hard.
MinisterOfLust: scooterbrah and Mcfreoko are the two worst posters here.
04-06-2022, 12:13 PM
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#3
- memcop
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- memcop
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I think people look at it wrong. It should be about budget.
X amount of dollars are for throwing away amd stays in a pool between the two partners. If there is an issues with communication on how to spend or even discontent on how much that is, there needs to be a reckoning in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
X amount of dollars are for throwing away amd stays in a pool between the two partners. If there is an issues with communication on how to spend or even discontent on how much that is, there needs to be a reckoning in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
Homerotic Modulator, Envious of Idiocy
04-06-2022, 12:13 PM
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#4
- Silencespeaks
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- Silencespeaks
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Post deleted by user
04-06-2022, 12:15 PM
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#5
- DuracellBunny
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- DuracellBunny
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Married now, but in your situation I would do this: set up a "house account".
All of the bills come out of the house account and you both contribute whatever you agreed to contribute to it (50/50 is easiest, but if there is a large income disparity you need to agree whatever works for you).
The rest of your finances are your own affair, as you have your own accounts.
All of the bills come out of the house account and you both contribute whatever you agreed to contribute to it (50/50 is easiest, but if there is a large income disparity you need to agree whatever works for you).
The rest of your finances are your own affair, as you have your own accounts.
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04-06-2022, 12:16 PM
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#6
04-06-2022, 12:18 PM
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#7
- shmobin
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- shmobin
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Originally Posted By BuckNakedinBama⏩
I am in a very similar situation. Married for over 10 years. We never merged accounts. There is legitimately no point. I was doing just fine on my own before she arrived. I pay all the bills still, and she can do what ever she wants with her money. She chooses to spend it on our groceries, throws some my way each paycheck because she wants to feel like she is contributing, and the rest is saved (I had to teach her the concept of saving money) for what ever she wants to do with it.Getting to the stage in my relationship where she’s gonna be moving in soon. I make about 3x what she does, and bought my house solo. The money issue needs to be addressed, and that convo isn’t goin mg well so far. So I have some questions:
1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
We’re not gonna intertwine finances until married (assuming that happens), just trying to get a feel for how miscers handle this.
Would love to be able to have an individual account of “play money” after marriage. She’s really traditional and doesn’t understand this and, of course, gets emotional and upset when the topic comes up.
*edit* it’s worth mentioning that I save/invest/plan a LOT. She doesn’t have the same money planning maturity but she’s not stupid either, she saves and invests, just not like I do. She thinks I’m too concerned about money and I don’t think she’s concerned enough.
1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
We’re not gonna intertwine finances until married (assuming that happens), just trying to get a feel for how miscers handle this.
Would love to be able to have an individual account of “play money” after marriage. She’s really traditional and doesn’t understand this and, of course, gets emotional and upset when the topic comes up.
*edit* it’s worth mentioning that I save/invest/plan a LOT. She doesn’t have the same money planning maturity but she’s not stupid either, she saves and invests, just not like I do. She thinks I’m too concerned about money and I don’t think she’s concerned enough.
04-06-2022, 12:19 PM
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#8
- bigcat3655
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- bigcat3655
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My sister in law and her long time boyfriend each pay for half the mortgage, each handle their own car payment and insurance. They pay their own cell phone bills.
Then they split up the rest of the bills in an agreement they made. One of them pays for electric, the other one the natural gas. One pays for cable, the other one the water, etc.
My wife and I put our money into one account. But we got married when I was 20 and she had just graduated high school. I started out at a $30k job. Everything we've grown into we got together so it wasn't ever a thing for us to have separate accounts other than our own little savings accounts that we throw a couple hundred in a month to pay for things we want.
Then they split up the rest of the bills in an agreement they made. One of them pays for electric, the other one the natural gas. One pays for cable, the other one the water, etc.
My wife and I put our money into one account. But we got married when I was 20 and she had just graduated high school. I started out at a $30k job. Everything we've grown into we got together so it wasn't ever a thing for us to have separate accounts other than our own little savings accounts that we throw a couple hundred in a month to pay for things we want.
04-06-2022, 12:20 PM
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#9
- MikeLowrrrey
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I think the best way is for you to handle most the bills, let her buy all groceries, pay the utilities, and put money into savings. You should also let her keep money in her own pocket. I'm a FA Incel btw and that's how I'd go about it.
04-06-2022, 12:21 PM
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#10
- Destor
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- Destor
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Been together for 16 years, I currently make over 4x her previous salary. Everything is combined, we're both pretty closely matched in frugality these days and she would never make big purchases without lots of discussion and mulling over
Basically all of our assets have been accumulated after we became common law, so everything would be split regardless. Investments are in my account but truly everything is combined and I manage the entirety of our finances.
Basically all of our assets have been accumulated after we became common law, so everything would be split regardless. Investments are in my account but truly everything is combined and I manage the entirety of our finances.
04-06-2022, 12:31 PM
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#11
- wrassler45
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- wrassler45
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Accounts have always been combined. Now, my wife stays home and takes care of my children. She is an amazing mom, and I'm quite sure I could pay a million dollars and still not get the same care she provides for my kids. There has never been a point in our relationship where our finances have not been "our" finances. I'm an outlier though. We've been together since high school, so it doesn't seem to apply here.
Don't recall the exact figure, but a large percentage of relationship fighting stem from finances, so definitely get everything ironed out. My parents never kept their finances separate, and you will not meet two people with a better marriage. Same with my wife and I. We never have any problems with finances or arguments, but I constantly here our friends fighting over "my account" or "joint bills".
Always remember Sloots gonna sloot and it can very quickly be hers
Don't recall the exact figure, but a large percentage of relationship fighting stem from finances, so definitely get everything ironed out. My parents never kept their finances separate, and you will not meet two people with a better marriage. Same with my wife and I. We never have any problems with finances or arguments, but I constantly here our friends fighting over "my account" or "joint bills".
Always remember Sloots gonna sloot and it can very quickly be hers
04-06-2022, 12:33 PM
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#12
- leoslayer1
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- leoslayer1
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Originally Posted By BuckNakedinBama⏩
Half the utilities and food until you are married.Getting to the stage in my relationship where she’s gonna be moving in soon. I make about 3x what she does, and bought my house solo. The money issue needs to be addressed, and that convo isn’t goin mg well so far. So I have some questions:
1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
We’re not gonna intertwine finances until married (assuming that happens), just trying to get a feel for how miscers handle this.
Would love to be able to have an individual account of “play money” after marriage. She’s really traditional and doesn’t understand this and, of course, gets emotional and upset when the topic comes up.
*edit* it’s worth mentioning that I save/invest/plan a LOT. She doesn’t have the same money planning maturity but she’s not stupid either, she saves and invests, just not like I do. She thinks I’m too concerned about money and I don’t think she’s concerned enough.
1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
We’re not gonna intertwine finances until married (assuming that happens), just trying to get a feel for how miscers handle this.
Would love to be able to have an individual account of “play money” after marriage. She’s really traditional and doesn’t understand this and, of course, gets emotional and upset when the topic comes up.
*edit* it’s worth mentioning that I save/invest/plan a LOT. She doesn’t have the same money planning maturity but she’s not stupid either, she saves and invests, just not like I do. She thinks I’m too concerned about money and I don’t think she’s concerned enough.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
U
04-06-2022, 12:35 PM
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#13
- SaviorSelfJT
- clownslayer
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- SaviorSelfJT
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That’s a rough spot to be in and most of the other answers don’t resolve this
If you already own your home outright, and then split monthly expenses, your subsidizing her housing with your former years income. That’s not very fair to you considering you aren’t married
If you already own your home outright, and then split monthly expenses, your subsidizing her housing with your former years income. That’s not very fair to you considering you aren’t married
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04-06-2022, 12:41 PM
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#14
- redraider86
- Christina Hansen
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- redraider86
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
This was my experience as well. OP, strongly recommend a pre-marital counselor instead of the misc for topics like this. The issue isn't your budget, its values, and good for her for being a traditionalist.I don’t think you should move in together or combine finances until marriage.
Keep separate homes and separate finances until you get married.
Keep separate homes and separate finances until you get married.
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04-06-2022, 12:45 PM
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#15
- metroins
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- metroins
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Me multiple individual
Her one individual
One joint
I can access all of her bank accounts, she can't access any of mine and doesn't know how to access the joint. I pay all bills except she pays for the gas, electric and water bills.
She has my credit cards to pay for everything but she can't access them online. So technically I pay those bills.
I used to make 10-20x her income but she no longer works. I keep 50k in joint just in case she needs to go to the bank for an emergency. She has around 200k of her own money in her individual.
--
We moved in 3 months after dating. Married 4 years later.
Her one individual
One joint
I can access all of her bank accounts, she can't access any of mine and doesn't know how to access the joint. I pay all bills except she pays for the gas, electric and water bills.
She has my credit cards to pay for everything but she can't access them online. So technically I pay those bills.
I used to make 10-20x her income but she no longer works. I keep 50k in joint just in case she needs to go to the bank for an emergency. She has around 200k of her own money in her individual.
--
We moved in 3 months after dating. Married 4 years later.
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04-06-2022, 12:52 PM
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#16
- FlexLex
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- FlexLex
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Originally Posted By leoslayer1⏩
Probably fairest post here.Half the utilities and food until you are married.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
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04-06-2022, 12:54 PM
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#17
- 0rders
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- 0rders
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Originally Posted By leoslayer1⏩
this is the way. will rep on r/cHalf the utilities and food until you are married.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
Good luck op
"You think this is a f**king game?"
04-06-2022, 12:55 PM
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#18
- nrowles
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- nrowles
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We've never had a joint account and we've been together 18 years, 14 of them married. Before marriage shared household was split based on income. We rented before buying together. And paid for our cars separately. Back in the day I was always making more than her but not by a lot. Now I'm more than 3x. Basically she pays electric and for the chit that I couldn't be bothered to fuk with like household stuff and grocery. I pay all the big bills like mortgage, autos, tv, etc. We would probably be divorced if we had a joint account. I don't care what she spends her extra on and she doesn't with me either and I drop some big money sometimes. The big things get discussed like a $23k tractor I just bought but if I want to spend $1k I don't even mention it to her. She isn't high maintenance and barely spends on anything anyways. Really can't remember how we got to this point but here I am. As long as I take care of her and my daughter and provide she's happy.
Your comment about "play money" is concerning. She's probably gonna be looking at every $100 you spend.
Your comment about "play money" is concerning. She's probably gonna be looking at every $100 you spend.
04-06-2022, 12:59 PM
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#19
- 78novacaine
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- 78novacaine
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Originally Posted By BuckNakedinBama⏩
1) I make about 75% more than she does.1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
2) We each pay half of mortgage/insurance/household bills, she pays for her vehicle/gas/phone/etc, I pay for mine, and I cover most other day to day expenses (groceries, kid stuff, etc)
3) We have a joint account that most of the bills and major expenditures come out of, and that is where we keep our emergency cash cushion as well. We also maintain individual accounts, and once our share of the monthly expenses is covered what's left is ours to do as we please.
4) When she first moved in we split everything 50/50, my income has grown significantly compared to hers so it's more like a 60/40 total split now.
5) Individual + joint accounts is the way to go IME. That way the household bills are covered but each partner has freedom to do as they please with whatever they have left after that point, and there is no resentment towards one partner using "our" money on "your" hobbies/going out/getting nails did/whatever.
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04-06-2022, 01:00 PM
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#20
- Lefticle
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- Lefticle
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I made about $225k and she made about $85k last year. We each have our own checking accounts, but we're on each other's account as well so we can see it.
She pays for:
- Food, clothes, car insurance, gas, utility bills, HOA
I pay for:
- Mortgate, most major expenses, fun, going out to eat, responsible for investing as well.
Works great so far.
She pays for:
- Food, clothes, car insurance, gas, utility bills, HOA
I pay for:
- Mortgate, most major expenses, fun, going out to eat, responsible for investing as well.
Works great so far.
Always Neg Back Crew.
04-06-2022, 01:11 PM
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#21
- EagleOfWar
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- EagleOfWar
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The first several years we put into a joint bill account and had separate accounts for what’s left.
We decided later that we’d just share everything because we’ve been married for so long.
We have 4.
1. Savings #1 (never touch this)
2. Savings #2 (mostly for kids or surprise expenses)
3. Bill expense
4. Disposable $ for entertainment and everything else like clothes etc.
We decided later that we’d just share everything because we’ve been married for so long.
We have 4.
1. Savings #1 (never touch this)
2. Savings #2 (mostly for kids or surprise expenses)
3. Bill expense
4. Disposable $ for entertainment and everything else like clothes etc.
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04-06-2022, 01:55 PM
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#22
- guest89
- Forever aBOARD
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- guest89
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Originally Posted By leoslayer1⏩
Agree strongly and this is how me and my girlfriend roll for dating. She maintains a small apartment because of a long term lease. But we often bounce place to place as hers is down-town. And sometimes we spend nights apart as I like to chill on my own sometimes.Half the utilities and food until you are married.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
Half of any trips.
She pays her car payment and any bills she had before moving in.
You pay the mortgage as you will be the only one benefit from appreciation especially if you never get married.
When it comes to marriage we both agree this is the best way to operate:
- We keep our own investment accounts separate.
- We keep our own checking accounts separate for discretionary/'fun' spending.
- We have a joint account for all living expenses.
- We have a joint account for travel/fun/home upgrades.
We 'fund' the above accounts based on a percentage of our income. In the event of a divorce whatever assets we had prior to the marriage we keep to ourselves. Whatever assets we build together we split 50/50.
I know some people disagree with holding personal accounts in a marriage but we have different values for what we spend our 'fun' money on. I'm the kind of guy that will save up 10-20k then go trade in my motorcycle or boat for a newer/better model and drop that cash on the spot to cover it (debt free crew). Then just resume saving. She's the type of person that will go finance a badass 100K car and then after four or five years decide she wants to upgrade to a new car. Etc. So while I'm more likely to go spend 10-20k at one place in one time. She's more likely to spend $1000-1500 per month on a routine basis.
I know guys that get a lot of crap from their wives for what they buy. Or guys that have an agreement with their wife that any purchase over $100 they discuss. (lol). Sounds like a miserable way to live to me. If I want to buy something and I can afford it. I don't ask permission and I'm absolutely not going to hear schit about it. (Regardless of the price)
04-06-2022, 02:10 PM
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#23
- BeanGainClovis
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- BeanGainClovis
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I work in finance so it kinda makes sense that I make more money and manage finances
Right now I pay every single expense and make enough to pay many many months of bills for one month pay
Life is so simple and beautiful now that I made it and got my heart right with God
Have gotten into a weird habit of giving all my money away instead of investing it after reading this
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"Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed."
Proverbs 19:17
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Have a really high paying job so can always just get more money, it's not really a problem if I work hard
Best investment I ever made dead srs, investing in my community, feels so phucking good
It's very shameful for me to share this and not keep it secret, I keep it a secret from my girl lol
I keep telling my girl I can just pay everything now, but she keeps working, I can respect that, extra spending money
I don't think she realizes the kinda money that's on the line now, we don't gotta struggle no more, she took me in when I was homeless
Man it's so phucking beautiful how chit just comes around like this, I love her so phucking much
God is great
Right now I pay every single expense and make enough to pay many many months of bills for one month pay
Life is so simple and beautiful now that I made it and got my heart right with God
Have gotten into a weird habit of giving all my money away instead of investing it after reading this
---
"Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed."
Proverbs 19:17
---
Have a really high paying job so can always just get more money, it's not really a problem if I work hard
Best investment I ever made dead srs, investing in my community, feels so phucking good
It's very shameful for me to share this and not keep it secret, I keep it a secret from my girl lol
I keep telling my girl I can just pay everything now, but she keeps working, I can respect that, extra spending money
I don't think she realizes the kinda money that's on the line now, we don't gotta struggle no more, she took me in when I was homeless
Man it's so phucking beautiful how chit just comes around like this, I love her so phucking much
God is great
Beans. Cleans. Gasoline.
04-06-2022, 02:18 PM
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#24
04-06-2022, 02:39 PM
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#25
- Jms89
- Oh, i like that
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- Jms89
- Oh, i like that
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Always LOL at people who keep separate finances being married...like if you don't trust your spouse with finances what are you doing married to them? I keep a budget on an app, and a spreadsheet as a backup that shows the entire net worth we have combined. We track it weekly and have a meeting monthly about the status of the budget. If you are married to a good person who you can trust, everything should be combined, tracked, and spent together. People treating their marriage as a roomate proposition aren't going to be successful.
My girl makes a pittance compared to me, but that's the way its supposed to be. My job is to make money for the family. My girls job is to cook, clean, look pretty, and take care of our kids. Yes i have a 1950's relationship, and i am throughly convinced that it's why we work so well. We both know our roles and take pride in them.
My girl makes a pittance compared to me, but that's the way its supposed to be. My job is to make money for the family. My girls job is to cook, clean, look pretty, and take care of our kids. Yes i have a 1950's relationship, and i am throughly convinced that it's why we work so well. We both know our roles and take pride in them.
This fool's running a Honda 2000
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04-06-2022, 02:40 PM
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#26
- BuckNakedinBama
- hell yeah brother
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- BuckNakedinBama
- hell yeah brother
- Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted By AWillis⏩
Because I have a mortgage payment. Also because a buddy has been renting a room but he’s gonna move out when she moves in, so if she pays nothing then basically I’m subsidizing her saving a ton from not having to rent an apt while I’m losing about $1k/mo because of the change.why would she pay if she is moving into your place?
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04-06-2022, 02:40 PM
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#27
- manmore350
- Registered User
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- manmore350
- Registered User
- Join Date: Jun 2013
- Age: 40
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1) What’s the income differential between you and your S/O?
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
I make around 250K and my GF makes around 70K
Rent is 4K - I charge my GF $1,400 per month
Individual accounts
Before she moved in with me, she was paying around $1200 per month - so I thought it was fare that she would contribute around the same that she had been paying before me.
I pay for most dinners out, travel activities and fun and leisure. I have her contribute around 30% to the groceries (I eat more then her) and she also sometimes splits the tab if it gets very expensive, and treats me to things every once in a while. If she is in desperate need of a loan or cash I typically give it to her and she pays me back.
So far it has been working for us, but I hate the fact that she is always broke and that I have to support her a lot especially when we do expensive vacations / trips
2) What’s your bill/expenses splitting agreement?
3) Do you maintain a joint AND individual accounts, and if so, what percentage of your income do you keep in your individual account?
4) How did you reach this agreement?
5) Anything else your wanna share.
I make around 250K and my GF makes around 70K
Rent is 4K - I charge my GF $1,400 per month
Individual accounts
Before she moved in with me, she was paying around $1200 per month - so I thought it was fare that she would contribute around the same that she had been paying before me.
I pay for most dinners out, travel activities and fun and leisure. I have her contribute around 30% to the groceries (I eat more then her) and she also sometimes splits the tab if it gets very expensive, and treats me to things every once in a while. If she is in desperate need of a loan or cash I typically give it to her and she pays me back.
So far it has been working for us, but I hate the fact that she is always broke and that I have to support her a lot especially when we do expensive vacations / trips
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