This forum has brought me a lot of laughs and entertainment over the years, and I have also learned some valuable perspective and even at times gained insight into serious topics. I am generally pretty stoic, and there have been times in my life that I thought I should be feeling "more" than I was. This is the opposite.

I recently lost a friend in a car crash. I had known her for a long time but recently become close. She was a passenger in a vehicle that was struck by another vehicle driving erratically. It has really shook me, to think someone so healthy and vibrant with so much still to live for has been taken in such a sudden and random fashion. I know it happens all the time, but I guess I never imagined it happening to someone I know personally.

I guess I just thought I'd ask if anyone else has experience with this sort of loss and/or suggestions on how to manage? Thank you.

Neighbors 7 year old died in a car crash this year. He was at my kids birthday party and were friends with their parents.

Idk mane sad af any time I look over there and see the little brother playing by himself now. I’m Christian so that helped me try and put it in perspective. Don’t really have any advice but life is full of tragedy. Pray.

Religious rituals capture a lot of the values around grief. Buying the arguments or not, they're one of the best established sources of support for these topics and talk about a lot of what you'd want.

Haven't dealt with a sudden death but one of my best friends died of cancer a few years ago. It took some years to finally kill him so I had a lot of time to cope before his actual death, but yeah.

That's just life, son. Everyone has their own way of mourning, and all it takes is time to get over it. You never really get over it, but it hurts less as time goes on.

Sorry for your loss.

Had a similar situation happen with someone who I didn't even know was sick. IT wasn't an accident but rather a medical issue of some sorts. Not really sure if there is a correct way in dealing with this but it's almost surreal going to the funeral and seeing a friend in a casket that you hung out with just a month prior. If anything, it gave me a newfound appreciation for life and pushed me to do things rather than sit at home and waste away. Hope you'll be alright bro!

Sorry for your loss, rip.

Inb4 didnotreadlol
Lost my mom April fools day 05 when I was 15. She’d dealt with arthritis my whole life but things were finally going well, kissed her goodbye (she was snoring) and when Meemaw came home from dropping me off she was gone. She was 32.
Definitely hit me hard and froze my development emotionally but it showed me how short life is. Being religious helps for sure, but I tell those who lose people these days that they’re in a better place whether they’re religious or not. Clown world has gotten strong af so at least they don’t have to deal with the BS anymore.
Flash forward to last December my best friend (best man in my wedding) died in a car accident. He was seriously religious and at this point in my life losing people didn’t reall affect me anymore (I’ve lot a lot of people) until his death. It rocked me for sure (he was 31) and I still miss him but I still focus on the positive. I whole heartedly believe he’s in a better place and seeing how things were going with the world was really troubling to him, now he doesn’t have to worry about it.
Kinda surreal I’m 32 this year and type this next to my sleeping 2mo son. If I make it to June I’ll have outlived my mother.
Also, don’t be afraid to feel this.
We’re all men here but bottling it up will screw you up. I left work early when I heard about my buddy and listened to sad songs to force myself to feel it and cry and I’m 100% glad I did.
Living 10 years and thinking you’re a sociopath isn’t healthy.

Definitely went down a rabbit hole there but the key is, focus on the positives bro. Be thankful for the time you had and know that she would be thankful for the time spent with you.
We’re all gonna make it, she just did a bit sooner than the rest of us.
God bless you and yours.

Sorry you're going through this.

I don't really have any advice. I've been through a couple sudden deaths but I didn't handle the trauma particularly well.

Thank you guys. I do appreciate the input. I know I am not unique or special in any way and arguably lucky to have made it this far in life without experiencing something like this. Hurts tho, a lot. So different than losing for example a grandparent that his lived a full rich life, not that that was easy or anything.

Thank you.

Some key points:



-Stoic is preferred; you are allowed to mourn but do understand you are a grown man with responsibilities to yourself & others(this part is very hard)

-Humans were never meant to drive around in 2 ton+ pieces of metal & definitely not as fast as we do

-You are not meant to understand why this person is now gone & you never will, random coincidences do not happen in this existence

-Our creator made our world, our world is a sandbox where free choice occurs(the only thing set in stone is that you will live & you will die there are no exceptions and never will be due to our physiology)

-Loss doesn't get "easier"; you learn to cope with the aforementioned above & remind yourself you will meet again




Source: had lost roughly 15 people close to me suddenly before turning 25 including both parents to auto accidents, drug OD's, suicides, military etc(veteran status)


Last one I lost was a girl I had known since we were about 8, small cell breast cancer had already metastasized; still losing sleep over it 6 months later

The misc lost SnailsRus at that time; it never ends

Thank you. I will it's just so strange. Surreal is the exact word! It's weird to be in physical spaces and think "we were just here together and she will never be here again", stuff like that. Still doesn't quite seem real. I wake up and for a second things feel normal then it hits me. I even found myself checking my phone to see if she messaged. I am (usually) a rational, logical person.

I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I know you guys are right, passage of time is the only real "solution."

It has definitely given me an appreciation for how fragile life is; none of us knows when it is our last day.

I talked to my 80 year old Dad about this very subject about 10 years ago and he told me to get used to it. The older you get the quicker you see people you care about go away. He said that almost everyone they knew was dead and they barely had any friends left.

And as I got older I saw people start dropping like flies and it has only gotten worse with time. Then him and my step mother died within 6 months of each other in 2020. They were 88, so I kind of expected it. But damn it was rough for about 6 months. Like Carlin said, "we're all going away"....