My dad is laying down and rotting since retirement, advice?

12-31-2022, 10:34 AM

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#1

kengriffeyjr24
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My dad is laying down and rotting since retirement, advice?

Retired last year. He literally wakes up, sits on the couch and watches network TV all day while playing candy crush and sudoku on his tablet. Same shows every day(all extremely low quality like price is right and dancing with the stars etc).

He's 69.

He's done this for one year straight. Only gets up to take occasional trips to the grocery store and one quick 10 min walk in evening.

Does this on weekends too. He has no hobbies anymore.

I asked if he had any retirement plans and he got all defensive. He has plenty of money (1.8mm dollar home paid off and plenty in the bank to live off of).

Part of me wants to set up a family intervention to stop this(but im hesitant to ruin my relationship with him for his remaining years). Part of me also thinks....perhaps he's earned the right to lay down and rot and I should just let him watch price is right and people's court in peace. Maybe he just took the Livia soprano pill?

Anyone seen this with family. 100% ded fkn srs thread.

12-31-2022, 10:36 AM

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#2

desslok
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Originally Posted By kengriffeyjr24⏩

Retired last year. He literally wakes up, sits on the couch and watches network TV all day while playing candy crush and sudoku on his tablet. Same shows every day(all extremely low quality like price is right and dancing with the stars etc).

He's 69.

He's done this for one year straight. Only gets up to take occasional trips to the grocery store and one quick 10 min walk in evening.

Does this on weekends too. He has no hobbies anymore.

I asked if he had any retirement plans and he got all defensive. He has plenty of money (1.8mm dollar home paid off and plenty in the bank to live off of).

Part of me wants to set up a family intervention to stop this(but im hesitant to ruin my relationship with him for his remaining years). Part of me also thinks....perhaps he's earned the right to lay down and rot and I should just let him watch price is right and people's court in peace. Maybe he just took the Livia soprano pill?

Anyone seen this with family. 100% ded fkn srs thread.

Living the misc dream. My dad did similar for a couple years. Then we took him to the casino and he kind of got hooked and started going to th le casino almost everyday.

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12-31-2022, 10:38 AM

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#3

BalognaNbeans
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Take him golfing or something

12-31-2022, 10:38 AM

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#4

macrocrunch
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I've seen it too. The choice is really to either set a schedule and find things to be involved in or else he will continue to rot.

On the other hand, I see working that long as having earned the right to do whatever you damn well please, so if that's the way he wants to go out, it may suck but I mean damn, at least he planned for it and he's not being a drain on society.

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12-31-2022, 10:39 AM

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#5

Legz422

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Maybe bring up the topic of hobbies? Did he have hobbies while he worked? I can't imagine doing nothing like that for an entire year. I think if I didn't have to work anymore I'd take a month to really rot then I'd start volunteering and incorporating other hobbies/activities into my day.

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12-31-2022, 10:39 AM

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#6

koreannoodles77
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Get him a dog

12-31-2022, 10:39 AM

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#7

kengriffeyjr24
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Originally Posted By BalognaNbeans⏩

Take him golfing or something

He doesn't want to. I go places all the time and ask him and he's not interested. My mom always is down(just to get out and about etc).

He doesn't want to eat out either.

12-31-2022, 10:39 AM

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#8

GaryRidgway

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My dad retired a few years ago and now spends his time listening to conservative radio and watching fox news. He also whistles nonstop.

12-31-2022, 10:40 AM

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#9

legbroke

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Have you tried small steps? I think your described attempt is indeed a bit accusatory and not helpful.

What about planning joint activities with him? Or somehow nudging him along in his old hobbies?

12-31-2022, 10:41 AM

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#10

poolshark472
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get him a dog srs

all my dad does is watch sports and take the dog for 15 walks a day and give her millions of treats+his leftovers

12-31-2022, 10:41 AM

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#11

kengriffeyjr24
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Originally Posted By koreannoodles77⏩

Get him a dog

He loves dogs and watches mine, but makes excuses as to why he can't get one. I bring it up all the time.

We had a dog growing up.

12-31-2022, 10:42 AM

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#12

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Waste your peak years working hard so when you retire you can enjoy counting the clock until death

12-31-2022, 10:43 AM

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#13

DomMJr
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I'd just see if you can invite him wherever he'd like.

12-31-2022, 10:43 AM

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#14

kengriffeyjr24
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Originally Posted By legbroke⏩

Have you tried small steps? I think your described attempt is indeed a bit accusatory and not helpful.

What about planning joint activities with him? Or somehow nudging him along in his old hobbies?

I lived with my parents for a year during covid(not out of necessity, just to be closer to them) and he refused all efforts to get out and do things.

12-31-2022, 10:44 AM

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#15

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Leave him alone lol. Just mind your business man. A man will do what a man wants. IF he chooses to get a hobby then he will. Some people just want to rot.

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12-31-2022, 10:46 AM

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#16

DeadlyStriker
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My dad did the same but he's only 63. He retired last year, and rotted for like 8 months. Now he is busier than ever. He has type 2 diabetes so he's always walking and ends up talking to everyone in the neighborhood. He's going on motorcycle and four wheeler trips with neighbors, going to family events in WV, going with friends and their kids to monster truck rallies, and tons of other chit.

Literally after 8 months of pure rotting it was like he just flipped a switch and decided not to be lazy and depressed anymore not knowing what to do every day and he's the busiest man in the world.

Start doing stuff with your dad OP. An intervention will probably just piss him off, but strategically placed bread crumbs would help a lot more. Seems like he has no purpose anymore so rotting is the best alternative.

12-31-2022, 10:46 AM

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#17

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Happens to the majority of people, which is why I plan to keep doing something until I cannot anymore.

My dad is 77 and keeps active running several companies and teaching occasionally at universities. You would never guess he is closing in on 80.

My mother is the same age and has done literally nothing for years and she's basically feeble and it's hard to visit her.

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12-31-2022, 10:46 AM

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#18

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My girlfriends dad was the exact same way. We helped him adopt a dog around the same time we did, it helped alot. It helps him with the loneliness and gives him some small tasks and things to do to take care of the dog and walk him and stuff. I don't think he ever had a dog in his life so it has really brought some wonderous youth back to his life as well as given him a companion.

That was like 2 years ago I think. Now when I go there he's up preparing the dog home-cooked dog meals, Lil fukker eating better then most people.

12-31-2022, 10:47 AM

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#19

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how has no one suggested booze and drugs yet?

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12-31-2022, 10:50 AM

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#20

crupiea
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he just hasnt found anything that interests him right now.

easy to fall into that pattern of rotting.

Maybe ask him if he want to participate in some hobby or something you are doing. Basically he just needs a change of scenery in a way to get him enthused about doing stuff.

Maybe even see if he is interested in working out or leaning to cook or stuff like that. Secretly planting the seed that will lead him to better health.

If yo try to force him wont do it and it will just drive a wedge between you two.

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12-31-2022, 10:50 AM

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#21

kengriffeyjr24
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Health wise he's ok. A little overweight but not obese. Looks decent. Has a nw1 hairline of white hair.

He has 10 grandchildren. He doesn't really play with them or take them places. Just rots watching NCIS while they play.

12-31-2022, 10:50 AM

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#22

jimbob007
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Dude has worked hard, let him do as he wishes. Most likely at some point next year he will find a hobby or meet somebody-assuming he isn't married or living with somebody. Likely he is just adjusting to not having to get up at the same time every day, having to go to the office etc.

12-31-2022, 10:50 AM

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#23

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Don't be pushy just throw ideas at him once in awhile. car show , tool expo, new place to eat . something nostalgic old fishing spot. Maybe he can link up with old friends, look them up and see what they're up to. look up events near you or join a local hike club from REI. Or let him eventually get bored he'll come around and start looking for things that excites him.

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12-31-2022, 10:51 AM

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#24

katya422

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Originally Posted By macrocrunch⏩

I've seen it too.The choice is really to either set a schedule and find things to be involved in or else he will continue to rot.

On the other hand, I see working that long as having earned the right to do whatever you damn well please, so if that's the way he wants to go out, it may suck but I mean damn, at least he planned for it and he's not being a drain on society.

Having a schedule is no joke. With no set schedule days can just melt together.

Originally Posted By koreannoodles77⏩

Get him a dog

Originally Posted By poolshark472⏩

get him a dog srs

all my dad does is watch sports and take the dog for 15 walks a day and give her millions of treats+his leftovers

^^^
Worth a shot since you say he has had dogs in the past. Taking a dog for regular walks and maybe getting into some kind of training could get up and moving without requiring that he leave home.

That said I believe that it is common for people to want to give back in some way when we are older. Maybe he would be interested in having a "therapy dog" that he could take to visit people who need some animal companionship in hospitals or retirement homes? Might even get a schedule visiting 2 days a week or something.

Or alternately he might get into "fostering" animals that are waiting for adoption. Could even do both. Have a dog that is his and take on visitors for brief times.

Originally Posted By -

My mother is the same age and has done literally nothing for years and she's basically feeble and it's hard to visit her.

That's how it goes. Seen it too many times. People retire and just sit...

That person who was active then you see them a year or two after they retire and they seem to have aged at least 3X that amount.

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12-31-2022, 10:51 AM

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#25

Fang2

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Take him to the casino. Tons of seniors find hobbies gambling.

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12-31-2022, 10:56 AM

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#26

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People who don't work in some fashion die earlier. He needs a hobby, something to keep his brain from turning to mush. See if you can get him into gaming. My father retired at 53 and took up cycling, now he cycles 50-70 km a week, he's 63.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

12-31-2022, 11:01 AM

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#27

kengriffeyjr24
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Originally Posted By Godfrd824⏩

People who don't work in some fashion die earlier. He needs a hobby, something to keep his brain from turning to mush. See if you can get him into gaming. My father retired at 53 and took up cycling, now he cycles 50-70 km a week, he's 63.

Part of me thinks he's ok with that. He has tons of money, a ton of grandchildren, but he's doing nothing. On paper he should be having a 10/10 retirement of eating out, traveling, taking grandkids to park.....but he's rotting.

He lives with my mom(still married). They don't sit in same room often and don't really eat together.

Makes me sad boyos. 😔