My father is a 6.7ft guy, truely a terror to behold if you stand in front of him. Used to storm upstairs and beat me and my bro for fighting in our room. Pushed my mother to the floor once. Kicked my sister in the stomach once. Was an alcoholic who came home drunk at least two or three times a week.
I remember I strayed too far from home once with my bycicle, when my cousin was over. He came and looked for me and when he found me, he beat the **** out of me right there on the street. My cousin was with me and was just staring incredulously at what was happening. Gave me a black eye because I wouldn't go to school. These are just a few examples of what kind of a piece of work my father was. My mother was kind of a mean alcoholic too, and she dragged me with my hair across the floor once because I wouldn't get into the car. But she wasn't as bad as my father.

When I hit teen age I threatened him if he beat me once more, I'd call the cops on him. He was still scary as **** to live with under the same roof, but he didn't touch me again after that. I was also bullied in high school so pretty much had a **** youth all things combined.

Anyway, after that I stayed at home until I was 25 to save money so I could buy a house. That was the only reason I stayed. Never really talked to my parents, just did my job and went to my room, rotted and played games there. They didn't kick me out, so I'm kinda grateful for that. By the time I was 25 I had near €100k euro saved up from working my job and investing. So that's when I met my GF and I split. Barely had contact with them anymore, but still had the regular family get togethers now and then, ignoring everything that happened in the past. They won't acknowledge it too.

So now I'm 34 and I have a son of my own. When he was born all that **** that happened in the past came to the forefront of my mind again. I couldn't fathom ever beating such a beatiful innocent creature such as my son, much less giving him a **** youth. I'll do anything in my power to give him a great youth and I'll never lay a finger on him.

Anyway, after my son was born I decided to cut contact with my father because of what he did. Do you guys think I'm justified in doing that? All I want is an apology for what he did and he won't give it, much less acknowledge it. He thinks he did everything right, providing for us and allowing me to stay home for that long. He said I was probably misbehaving and deserved those beatings. But I still can't live with the fact he laid his hands on me, was an alcoholic in front of me without so much of any remorse or punishment. So I'm denying him his grandson until he at least gives me an apology. But he won't do it cuz he's a narcist ****. His words: "I can't believe you won't see me anymore, everyone likes me". It's one of those guys who wraps anyone around his fingers and never admits he's wrong.

sounds pretty toxic op. sorry your dad was a dbag.

Did it 35 years ago

Still don't answer the phone

That u daddy?

i'd say you are definitely justified in making that choice but i feel as if you do actually want your father to be in you and your sons lives.

perhaps, let him know everything you've wrote here and maybe he'll come around and see his wrong doings while you were growing up and apologize to you


but that kind of personality you described your father as having doesn't always come around

Yes, you did the right thing.

I see my father almost everyday, but holy fukk he is annoying. I had to block him from calling or texting me, or he'll call me 20+ times a day for no reason. (Ded fkn Srs)

I don't actually want him in my life, but he has the rest of the family wrapped around his fingers. Truth be told he's a very socially adept guy (he's a retired cop) with a lot of stories to tell. So that makes him a likeable guy.
So that's my problem, I'd like to keep in touch with my bro, my sis and my mother but all the family gatherings are always at my parent's house of course. I can't be in that picture if he's around. He has all of them wrapped around his fingers. My sis also cut contact with them in the past, but during an unfortunate event in her life they (and especially my father) were there for her. So that's why she let them back in.

He could eat dirt for all I care, I know he doesn't give a **** about me and never has. You don't beat your own son if you do give a **** about him. It's the rest of my family I'd still like to keep in touch with.

Sounds stressful. I would guess this works like those addiction recovery things. You need to relearn the relationship against his abuse literally every time and regularly so it does not get to you.

He was a cop so he knew the consequences probably. And he really did stop after that.
I lived with them for years after 18 and to be honest it wasn't that bad. I had food, didn't have to pay them anything and I could keep my wage 100%.

But I still can't process the fact he laid his hands on me and got away with it without any remorse. I just can't. It nullifies anything else they did for me in my eyes...

I picked up a brick and threatened my dad after he hit me at 14. He never hit me again after that, he beat me for years before that with belts, hangers, sticks and more.

You may be able to salvage the relationship if you no longer fear him and if he's changed. My father doesn't drink much anymore and as he got older he got softer. He also now relies on me to handle his money.No.

You don't beat a child. You may have to "hit" them back if they are violent towards you, but that should be rare. You do not beat children.

My dad was a deadbeat, in and out of my life and always staying out of state because he couldn’t come to Michigan or he’d get pinched for not paying child support. He’d lie and say he’d come to one of my sporting events and I’d be so nervous before, of course he’d never show. At 16 my idolization of him turned to resentment and I never looked back. Haven’t spoken to him in 24 years.

I don’t ever tell people they need to make contact with chit parents they are estranged from. You don’t owe him forgiveness to lift the burden on his conscience. Like you, everything I experienced became so much more egregious when I had kids of my own.

/diary

Forgiveness is fake and ghey, I agree.

My new perspective is to do things the right way and let whatever happens downstream from this happen, which probably sucks for those trying abuse

No.

“Some kids don’t learn unless they’re beaten”


Wtf dude seriously that’s a messed up thing to say

sounds kind of like it's 50/50....he might have been abusive but they do say spare the rod and spoil the child. maybe he went too far at times but was he drinking during most of those times? if I thought he was abusive because he was an alcoholic I would like to think I would be able to forgive him.

Tough position, maybe your dad's father beat him so that's all he knew? I would talk with him and tell him how you feel about it all and see if he feels remorse.

I personally know of several people around my age whose parents beat them and they turned out fine. It was just a different time.

You were abused. It would definitely justify cutting contact if you chose as much.

Adults who hit kids are Neanderthals. It shows you lack the ability to communicate effectively, shows a lack of self control, and teaches kids that physical assault is an acceptable response to a situation that displeases you. The punishment never ever fits the crime, it’s just a frustrated parent who can’t harness their emotions

Sorry about the story of your father, as a man, you gotta do what you gotta do.

The important thing is you learned a lesson from him, not to become like him as the bad example of your future life.

Good luck, brother. *bow*

One of my problems is how do you actually cut someone off 100%?

If you're a player at all, you can't ignore potential enemies.

Stop trying to normalize beating children.

I'm normally the one advocating for murder and mass death but even I don't agree with beating an innocent child.

There's something wrong with you.

Abusive alcoholic parents are just the worst. I had to cut contact with my mom for similar reasons, I mean luckily she couldn't beat me up but she was still just a phucked up abusive alcoholic, and still is kinda phucked up.

Once you are an adult and have your own means you have the freedom to have whatever relationship you want with your parents, or even no relationship at all. I'm not a fan of "let bygones be bygones" so I would agree with OP that cutting off contact with your dad is acceptable if he has no desire to apologize or make amends with you. He clearly doesn't see anything wrong with how he acted so having a healthy relationship with his son is obviously not a priority for him. The only thing I'd say you really owe them is maybe assistance in their feeble elderly years when they need someone to tend to them. Even then a lot of people just shove them off to nursing homes. It's your call OP.

One thing I absolutely will recommend OP is you should air out all your grievances with your dad and possibly your mom as soon as possible. Don't let that chit fester in you for the rest of your life. For what it's worth I have a few family members who had pent up issues from their childhood and they never opened up to them. The person ended up dying and that set off a downward spiral for them. tl;dr now they are slowly killing themselves with self-medication.

sounds like a real piece of chit

no sense in keeping contact just cuz muh blood